Chapter 8
Frank pushed Jeremy to the cafeteria, and found a table in the back. He then parked Jeremy at the table and went and got sodas from the cafeteria line. He set the cup in front of Jeremy, and then grabbed his hand and put the cup in it. He had learned this technique from an old Army buddy that had lost his sight because of methyl alcohol. He had learned a lot of things from his buddy, on how to help and when not to.
Jeremy and Frank sat at the table in silence for several minutes until Frank broke the silence,
"You are going to get a lot of questioned asked of you about Iraq and the war. You do not have to answer them, or you can come up with something, but just know that people will be very curious. I also want you to know that if you ever want to talk about your experience over there in the sand, I will be here to talk. Believe me; I have seen things that no human should ever have to endure. I am pretty confident that you have similar experiences." Jeremy was a little surprised by his father's openness, as he had rarely ever spoken of his Army or combat experience.
"Dad, how do you get the pictures out of your head? I mean of the death and destruction, and how do you get rid of the feeling being so hated?" Frank was surprised as to how easy that Jeremy was willing to talk.
"It is very hard to get the pictures out of your head. The only thing that I have ever found that remotely helped is to think of someone or something that makes you happy and during those really low times allow your mind to escape to those things. In my case, I always think of your mother. I know that I have had many more experiences than you have, but that almost always helps." Frank had never told anyone that before.
Frank continued, "I can only imagine what a difficult day that this has been for you, but your mother and I want you to know that we will support you in what ever you decide to do."
"I had a feeling before the doctor took off the bandages that I would be blind. I cannot explain it; I was hoping and praying that I was wrong." Jeremy admitted.
Jeremy and Frank just sat there drinking the sodas, when out of the corner of his eye he saw Colonel Holden. Colonel Holden was in civilian clothes and as soon as he saw Frank and Jeremy sitting at the table he came over to them. Colonel Holden put out his hand to shake Frank's,
"Good Afternoon, gentlemen." He put his hand out to shake Jeremy's, but of course Jeremy did not know that it was there. Frank and Michael exchanged the same look, the look of acknowledgement for Jeremy's new disability.
"Good Afternoon to you sir." Jeremy and Frank exchanged the platitudes.
"Jeremy, how is your knee doing?" Colonel Holden was trying to start a conversation that did not revolve around Jeremy's sight, or rather lack of sight.
"Its getting better I think, but the doctor tells me it is going to take some time." Jeremy responded without emotion.
"Jeremy, I do not want to do this, but can I borrow your father for a moment?" Colonel Holden asked, wanting to talk to Frank about Jeremy's condition.
With that Frank got up from the table and said, "Jeremy I will be right back."
"Do not worry I won't go anywhere." Jeremy said coldly.
Frank and Michael walked out of ear shot of Jeremy. Frank knew that Michael wanted an update on Jeremy's condition.
"I see they took the bandages off of Jeremy's eyes. How much vision does Jeremy have?" Michael started the conversation.
"Jeremy says he sees nothing but pure darkness. And the doctor does not believe that this is temporary." Frank replied. Michael could see the strain on Frank's face, as this was the first time that Frank truly felt the gravity in his words.
"Frank I am so sorry. How is he taking it?" Michael was clearly concerned.
"I am not sure, when he first realized it, he was angry. He kicked the doctor and me out of the room. Denise stayed at his request, and now he has calmed down some. I thought that I would try to talk with, and try to do something… I am at a loss of what to do." Frank was truly at a loss.
"The reason that I came down here was because Amanda informed us this morning at breakfast that the bandages were coming off today. I wanted to see how Jeremy, Denise and you were doing, and offer my support in what ever way."
"Thank you, I am do not know what to do, or have you do. There are a lot choices and decisions to be made, but Denise and I have an agreement that Jeremy will need to make them as the time comes, and we will have to support those choices."
"Thank you for the update. Lets get back to Jeremy." Both men walked back to the table where Jeremy was sitting in the wheelchair. Michael and Frank sat across the table from Jeremy.
"Jeremy would you like a refill, because I would." Frank offered.
"Yeah, I mean yes." Frank took the cups and went got the refills.
"Jeremy…" Michael started.
"Sir…" Jeremy said straightening up his posture.
"You do not need to be so formal in when it is just you and me talking ok?" Michael was attempting to try to take the edge off of this awkward situation.
"Thank you sir." Jeremy replied still feeling the awkwardness.
"So I never did officially welcome you home." Jeremy wondered if this was how all the conversations were going to go from now on.
"Sir, I know that before I left, you did not want me to see Amanda, because you were afraid that I was going to hurt her. I am sorry, but I can tell you that I have changed, in more ways." Jeremy was trying to make amends for his ways in the past.
"Son, I know. If you need anything please let me know." By this point, Frank was back with the drinks.
"Michael, I bought you a diet coke, I did not want the new post commander to gain any weight, now that you are behind the desk." Frank was trying to lighten the mood at the table.
"Very funny, and yes thank you, the diet coke is appreciated."
"I did hear that you were the new post commander, congratulation, sir." Jeremy offered. And then he brushed his hand on the table, and completely knocked over the full glass of soda. The liquid ran all over. Frank and Michael jumped up and grabbed napkins to soak up the liquid. Jeremy felt so helpless, he had no clue where the napkins were… He could not see where they were.
"I am sorry, if someone could hand me some napkins I will help clean up." Jeremy was frustrated that he had accidentally knocked over the glass.
"Don't worry about it… its cleaned up. Do you want a refill?" Frank offered.
"No, thank you."
Frank and Michael continued the banter, and they did try to include Jeremy, but they realized that his mood had changed and it was time for Jeremy to go back to his room.
After they got back to the room Frank helped Jeremy to get back into bed, and said, "Jeremy is there anything you need from home?"
"No, I think I am ok. Would you mind leaving? I am kind of tired." Jeremy said with a yawn.
"Ok, you get some rest, and your mother and I will be back later. How about we pick up a pizza for dinner instead of the hospital food? And we can have dinner as a family." Frank offered.
"Yeah, whatever you and mom is fine." Jeremy said with sadness. He laid back in the bed and closed his eyes, and his last thought before drifting off to sleep was… it does not matter whether I close my eyes or open them…. It is the same thing: Darkness.