A/N: This episode is very similar to the original, hardly anything changes. I promise I will begin changing things as the story goes on. Enjoy!
Quick note: I thought that it would be pointless to write out the parts of the episode that don't change, so just because I haven't written it, doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Most of the bits that include cases won't be written because I'm keeping them the same.
Chapter 2: Pilot
The only explanation as to why no one at the prison knew she was a woman must have been Mozzie. He was an expert at hacking into things and keeping secrets and she knew without a doubt that he would be looking out for her even while she was trapped behind metal bars and they hadn't seen each other in a few years; he was still her older brother.
The first rule was to never trust anyone other than yourself, because if you relied on someone else then there was a chance that they could drop you in it and leave you behind. Much like she had done with Alex, but the one exception to that rule for her had always been Mozzie; she could trust him to have her back no matter what.
The prison doctor had tested her blood pressure and her pulse, but he hadn't done anything else, even though he should have done a full body exam. He hadn't said a word as he stamped the papers in front of him; declaring that he'd done a full search and found nothing. She changed into her orange jumpsuit in privacy and found a camera jammer in one of the pockets.
It was a completely new challenge for her to keep her disguise in prison; she didn't dare leave the jammer behind no matter where she went. She was lucky that she got to shower alone – no doubt Mozzie was behind that as well – and she jammed the cameras every time. The guards either never noticed or just never said anything about it.
She was counting down her days until she was released, it would have been easy enough to escape, but she didn't really see the point since four years was one of the shorter sentences she could have got. Five months before she would be released as a free woman, she got a visit from Kate that both confused and depressed her.
A month later and she was walking out of the prison in a guard uniform with the camera jammer switched on in her pocket. Arriving at her last address, she found that Kate had been serious about leaving her. She knew that she should run, it was sure that Agent Burke would be searching for her and this was one of the places he would look into, but she felt a bit numb that Kate had left after admitting that she loved her and she didn't want to be a fugitive.
Just like she'd thought, Peter Burke walked through the door and arrested her again. With a bit of quick thinking, Lizzy began to plan how she could get out of staying in jail for another four years without becoming a fugitive again. Arranging for Agent Burke to visit her in jail, she got in touch with Mozzie who sent her the necessary information she'd need to convince the Fed.
"How do you know anything about him?" Burke asked, clearly at a loss to how she would have any inside information about the case he was working on.
"You know my life," she replied with a smile, leaving out the fact that he didn't know the main thing about her life. "You don't think I know yours? Did you get the birthday cards?"
"Nice touch," he said, watching her. She smothered a grin, wondering what he'd say if he knew that she'd honestly considered signing them with kisses, just because she knew it would annoy him even more.
They spoke a little longer about the Dutchman and then she cut to the chase, attempting to convince him to let her out of prison and into his custody. He declined immediately and left the room, leaving her behind to start waiting another four years before she'd be released.
She thanked her lucky stars that he changed his mind. As much as she didn't want to become a fugitive, she would have escaped again rather than wait another four years. The guards explained to her what would happen, fastened the tracker around her left ankle and then grudgingly signed the release papers and let her walk out.
About an hour later, Peter is driving away and leaving her in what she's sure is the shabbiest motel he could find. It was the kind of place Mozzie and she would have thought twice about staying in when they first met and were broke. With a sigh, she left the motel and went to the thrift store that Peter had mentioned, dreading what she'd find.
Peter was very clearly shocked when he saw where she had managed to move to. His expression was tempered with disbelief when Cindy walked past, a girl that she was more than happy to help 'babysit'.
"You look like a cartoon," was the first comment she got when she walked downstairs in her suit and fedora. She'd been called a cartoon by a man before, only he'd been comparing her to Betty Boop; a comparison that didn't fit her since after hiding them for so long, her breasts were no way near as big as the cheeky cartoon girl. That's not to say that she didn't have a healthy rack, because she did and she didn't mind admitting her own beauty at all.
"This is a classic Rat Pack," she answered indignantly. "This is a Devore."
She purposely pretended to be ignorant of what he meant as he practically ranted about how it was unfair that she could get whatever she wanted without working. She hid a smile at the clear mix of jealousy and annoyance in his voice and followed him into the car instead.
"You are way out of your league," Peter told her as soon as Diana had left.
"Harmless flirting," she responded. "It's like a dance."
"No, there is no dance. You're not even on her dance card. No dancing for you," he added just in case she hadn't got the point. She amused herself counting how many times he said 'dance' before choosing her words. She had an idea about what he was alluding to be she wanted to be sure first.
"Um, she digs the hat," she announced, giving him a cocky smirk.
"Um, she'd rather be wearing the hat," he replied, leaving her to figure out what he meant.
She grinned at the fact that she was right and cursed the fact that she was forced to be Neal. Diana was incredibly attractive and it sounded like she'd have been perfect for a night of fun if they'd met when she was dressed up as Lizzy. Sighing away her second of regret, she moved to go find someone she knew.
When Peter came back, she was busy watching Diana flirt with a female customs agent. The other woman wasn't too bad looking either and it was nice to watch them, knowing that neither of them would be attracted to her as she looked at that moment. She was used to being able to attract anyone she wanted in either of her identities, but instead of being upset that she'd met a woman she couldn't charm as Neal, she was instead kind of relieved because it might mean she could be friends with Diana while still being Neal.
"No dance, huh?" She spoke up when it became clear Peter wasn't going to say anything.
"Not for you," he sounded a bit amused.
"I thought the FBI had a policy," she made it sound a bit like a question. It would be nice to know that if she flirted with a few guys when acting as Neal she wouldn't be sent back to jail for it.
"That's the military," he informed him, sounding distracted. "We don't ask. We don't care."
"That's good to know," she smiled at him, clearly startling him. He didn't get the chance to say anything though since Diana came over to join them and he was forced to ask her about a customs inspector instead.
They managed to get a break through, even though the guy was found dead. It was easy enough to discover that the bond was a forgery and from there they went back to the office to work out the details. She got the chance to amaze them with her math skills, a thing that Mozzie had been eager to help her improve when she was younger because of all the ways it could help her in a con.
"Big plans for the weekend?" She asked once they were back in the car. She'd thought about leaving it, but then decided that there was a chance he might have forgotten his anniversary that her sources told her he occasionally did. Maybe a hint or two wouldn't go amiss.
"Oh, you know, got to fix the sink, catch the game," he had clearly forgotten again. She resisted the temptation to sigh and instead decided to drop another hint.
"With Elizabeth?"
"Yeah, yeah, she's into it," he smiled. "How cool is that? She likes to watch the Giants."
Lizzy resisted the temptation to snort. It was highly doubtable that Elizabeth liked watching the Giants, it was more likely that she was too kind to tell him that she found it boring, something that she herself would have had no problems doing.
"Uh-huh," she said instead. Giving up on the subtle approach, she added. "Even on your anniversary?"
The car came to a halt in the middle of the street as he complained about always being surprised by it and how he had to make up for last year when he had forgotten again. She was sure that Elizabeth must have been a brilliant woman with the patience of a saint if she managed to put up with this every year.
"What makes her feel alive?" She questioned, wrinkling her nose at the thought of what Peter got up to in bed.
"I'm drawing a blank," he sighed.
She tried not to let her incredulous expression show on her face. "How could you not know? When you were chasing me you knew everything about me!" Except that I was a woman.
"That's the job," he protested. "It's very different."
"A relationship is meant to be work!" She exclaimed, honestly she could see why women had so many problems with men in relationships. She was beginning to think that she was lucky for never being in a relationship with a man before, if they were all like Peter.
"You don't get to lecture me on relationships!" He interrupted her thoughts. "My wife didn't change her identity and flee the country to get away from me."
"I can't believe you just said that," she winced. "Way to be sensitive."
"That was harsh," he admitted, looking kind of guilty. "I didn't mean that."
"She fled the country?" She repeated thoughtfully. "I bet she went to France. It seems like the sort of place she would go."
"I don't even know if she fled the country," Peter assured him in apology. "What am I going to do?"
"Try calling Dr Phil," she huffed, still a bit stung from his words. She paused briefly before shutting the car door, debating with herself whether to speak or not. "Try flowers," she finally suggested. "And chocolates."
Once inside the house, she stopped to grab a cane from the umbrella stand, hearing someone in the room ahead of her. She began to creep forwards and lifted the cane, only to lower it again when she heard the misquoted Ginsburg.
"Mozzie!" She grinned at him, walking forwards. He stood up as she approached and accepted the hug she gave him before she stepped back to look at him. "What are you doing sitting in the dark?"
"The light's how they find you," he told her breezily, causing her to smile. She was really glad to see him again and it was nice to know he hadn't changed.
"How did you get in?" She raised an eyebrow at him.
"I used this," he held up his fist. She knew immediately what he was going to say next; Mozzie was never one for violence and he would never have even thought of hurting June or Cindy. "I knocked, introduced myself to June, she's great. You get a load of the granddaughter?"
She couldn't have stopped the stupid grin if she wanted to. "Thanks for coming. I really missed you."
His face softened. "Of course I came, I missed you too. Can I see it?"
"Can you pick it?" She asked after putting her leg up onto a chair and revealed the tracker. She was doubtful that he could, but had to ask anyway.
"No way," he sighed, giving the anklet a last glare before she covered it again. "You flew too close to the sun and they burnt your wings."
"Any news on Kate?" She sighed, already expecting a negative answer.
"She's a ghost," Mozzie gave her the answer she'd expected. "You did an outstanding job of teaching her to melt away."
"Keep looking," she said anyway. "Check France."
She then asked him for help with the case and they said their goodbyes. She went to bed satisfied that she was doing everything she could to find Kate and that Mozzie wasn't angry at her for getting arrested. When she woke up she got the idea to go and see Peter at his house into her head and decided to go with it. It was mostly because she wanted to meet Elizabeth.
"Good morning honey," Elizabeth smiled at her husband the next morning, looking up from the forgery that she was examining with Lizzy.
"Peter," Lizzy greeted him, knowing that it would be a bad idea to tease him.
"You're on my couch," Peter sounded like he was about to start getting angry.
"Came to talk to you," she smiled at him before turning to look at his wife. "You have an amazing wife, I'm kind of surprised."
"I like her," he agreed. "Get off my couch."
"Honey," El – she'd insisted that Lizzy call her by her nickname – soothed. "We were just chatting."
"How did you get here?" He questioned, seeming to ignore his wife.
"Cab," she answered with a smirk.
"You activated your tracker," he told her. She resisted the temptation to say that since she was with him, it wasn't a breach of their agreement, but held her tongue since she knew he wouldn't like to hear something like that. "You're in my house, on my couch, with my wife," he paused and watched as she began to stroke Satchmo. "And now you're petting my dog."
"Did you really put Elizabeth under surveillance before asking her out?" She asked, mostly to annoy him. "I underestimated you."
"You told him," Peter accused, looking at his wife.
They soon began to go back to discussing the case and she explained how he'd signed the forgeries, even admitting that she'd signed the ones she'd made. They visited the church to see the others and Lizzy made sure to keep a straight face while telling the vicar that Peter was being tempted by Diana.
"This is your wife's visa bill," she said when she was handed the papers.
"I got it all," he announced proudly. "EBay bids, video rentals, library books."
"So, you're stalking your own wife," she raised an eyebrow at him. When she'd advised him to find out what Elizabeth liked, she hadn't expected him to find her electronic history.
"You want to compare notes?" He glared at her.
She raised her hands. "Okay, you figured out what she likes?"
"Yeah, it's all in the summary," Peter glanced down at the papers. "Pottery making, Nancy Drew mysteries, scented candles- Oleander. Old jazz. Anything Italian except anchovies…"
"You're not going to find the answer in her EBay bids," she sighed in exasperation. After all the years he'd been married to her, she would have thought that he'd know what his wife liked.
"Then help me out," he begged. "You're the romantic. What's the deal with the bottle?"
"It's an '82 Bordeaux that I got empty," she explained. "When Kate and I first met we used to fill it with cheap wine and pretend we were living in the Cote D'Azur while eating cold pizza."
"How'd that work for you?" He sounded genuinely curious.
"It didn't," she said flatly. "It was a promise of a better life that didn't work out. Have you made Elizabeth any promises? Or do you think all she wants is Oleander candles?"
She walked back into June's house at the end of the day and slid her hat over the top of the piano to where Mozzie was waiting. She gestured for him to follow her up to her flat and then walked into the bathroom while he was talking.
"You're late," he accused as he made himself comfortable on the couch.
"I'm a working woman now," she reminded him. "Give me a break."
"So?" He questioned when she came out of the bathroom in a pair of sweat pants and t-shirt. She'd unpinned her hair and gotten rid of the bandages around her chest. It was nice to know that she could be herself around Mozzie and know that he'd have her back if anyone tried to get into the room.
"We were right about Hagan," she admitted. "I have one week to link him to the bonds or I go back to jail."
"No," he denied immediately. "I had to pull too many strings last time. If you can't link Hagan to the bonds then we activate plan B: cut your tracker and run away using your real name." They both referred to her identity of Lizzy as her real name. Neal may be the one she used more often, but they were both aware that he was just a mask for her to use.
"Did you find anything about Kate?" She changed the subject, knowing that if it became a choice between going back to jail and living her life as herself then there wasn't a choice.
"Apparently, a tree falls in the forest, it does make a sound," he pushed a photo of Kate towards her.
"Couldn't you have just answered the question?" She teased before examining the photo. "I may lose her again, Moz."
"Lose her?" He repeated. "I just found her!"
"So did he," she tapped the photo. "So did he."
They found Hagan, with help from Mozzie, and the only thing they needed to do to catch him was open the warehouse door. Peter had probably been joking when he'd given her the book of Warrant Law, but she did read it and from it she began to get ideas on how to catch Hagan.
She couldn't introduce Peter to Mozzie like she'd said she would. She might trust Peter, but she still trusted Mozzie more and she wasn't willing to give up her family. Plus, Mozzie would never have forgiven her if she gave his name to the feds. In the end, she decided that the only way to avoid jail was to do one last reckless stunt.
"You know," Peter said as he sat on the desk next to her and watched as the agents arrested Hagan and his men. "You're really bad at this escape thing."
"What can I say?" She shrugged; it was gratifying to know that if she was really trying then they'd never find her.
"You know this makes me 3 and 0?" He tried to rub it in but the smile on his face gave away the fact that he was joking and knew she'd only let him catch her this time.
"Maybe I'm not trying hard enough," she admitted, being completely truthful.
Later, she got another piece of identification that proved she was Neal Caffrey, only this time it wasn't a forged one. It was probably the only identification she had that was official. Typical that it would be one that claimed her to be both Neal and a C.I. for the FBI.
A/N: Updates will be every Sunday.