Chapter 34—
A/N: Thank you to all for your reviews. I am enjoying keeping everyone guessing. I hope that you all like the coming chapters, as they are about to get more interesting. Thanks.
Over the next few days very little progress was made; as Jeremy had few moments of consciousness. It had been discovered that much of the overdose had been metabolized, meaning that there had been significant damage done to Jeremy's internal organs, like his liver. The doctors were confident that Jeremy would recover and the internal organs would function, but they were not sure of what Jeremy's mental state would be. Since Jeremy was unconscious, Roland had little opportunity to talk to Jeremy; and talking would be the only hope to help Jeremy in the mental state that he was in.
When Jeremy was conscious, he almost did not know it. He would open his eyes, but he saw the same thing when they were closed: darkness. It was surreal to Jeremy, it was dark, and with a blink it was still dark. He was not fully aware of the surroundings, and it was difficult for him to talk as there were tubes going down his throat. He struggled against the wrist restraints that kept him confided to the bed. Jeremy would struggle to free himself, but would eventually tire himself back to sleep.
Denise spent as much time in his room as possible, but Roland urged Denise to leave the room frequently. Roland's fear was that Denise was too wrapped up in Jeremy's personal care that it made it difficult for the nurses to care for Jeremy. Denise had learned the hard way not to remove the restraints around Jeremy's wrists; as when she did Jeremy fought with her physically and almost hit her. Roland had confirmed that in his expert opinion that this was an involuntary movement, not any deliberate actions, however Roland had extended the order to keep Jeremy restrained, and warned Denise not to release him, because of the posed threat to her and the staff. On a personal note, Roland was fully aware of the heartache that Denise was experiencing, but his first concern was Jeremy, the patient. Roland had spent a lot of time over the past few days talking with and consoling Denise. Denise was very appreciative of Roland's professionalism and his friendship. Unfortunately for Denise, no one seemed to be able to get a hold of Frank, in Iraq.
Colonel Michael Holden had made every effort to communicate with Frank or for that matter any officer in the unit, but communications were down. Frankly, Michael wanted Frank to hear the news about Jeremy directly from him, not from another perhaps subordinate officer. Colonel Holden was fully willing to order Frank home, but he wanted to give the news to Frank personally.
Then there was Stephanie. She was at a lost of what to do; as she tried to be as supportive as she could to Denise, to which Denise appreciated. However, Stephanie sensed that Denise was upset that she had not told anyone of Jeremy's feelings of being over whelmed. As Stephanie explained it was not that she was hiding anything from Denise, it was just a matter of two friends talking, and Stephanie did not think anymore of it at the time. Denise's unhappiness did not stem from Stephanie's lack of communication; it was systemic that hindsight was 20/20.
After about a week of Jeremy being unconscious, and rarely lucid, he finally awoke from his slumber. As he awoke, his eyes opened and he saw a flash, or was it his imagination? He shut his eyes again, but nothing, so it was his imagination. He tried to rub his face, but his wrists were bound to the sides of the bed. He questioned as to why? But then the memories came flooding back to him. He remembered counting the pills… one, two, three, four, five, and etc. Jeremy recalled swallowing them, one by one; he recalled lying on the bed, and falling into sleep. Sleep that he was forced to wake up from… why did his mother have to come home early from the Hump Bar, Jeremy questioned. He had wanted to die, put him out of his self imposed misery; but now there was no one that would let him die, he was going to have to live through being blind, and his gimpy knee. He still did not want to leave through that kind of life, but again there was not going to be anyone that would allow that to happen. So he had some choices to make… the first choice was playing nice so that he could get rid of the restraints, and the feeding tube and the catheter, that had been keeping him alive for the last week or so.
Jeremy was aware that if he died that would change his mother, father, Stephanie, and everyone else for the rest of their lives. He had already hurt his mother emotionally, and for that he did regret. But how was he supposed to live being blind? What future did he have? How would he deal with never walking without a limp again? Jeremy had learned some of the basics for living blind, but they were just that the basics. He was tired of hearing Stephanie saying, 'cut yourself some slack and give your self time.' Unfortunately, it was easy for her to say… she could still have the future that she had planned; granted it would be from a sitting position, but she could still be a doctor. What could he be? These were all questions that Jeremy wanted to answer, but so far these were the questions that haunted his mind, and that is why that he had tried to commit suicide. He just did not literally see a future for himself.
All of a sudden he heard foot steps. It was not his mother, it certainly was not Stephanie, and it did not sound like a nurse with a pair of rubber soled tennis shoes. The footsteps were heavy, but not like steps that came from a pair of combat boots, there was a heel to them.
Roland walked into the room paging through Jeremy's chart, when he saw that Jeremy's eyes were opened. Jeremy quickly closed them, hoping that who ever in was in the room would not notice. Unfortunately, Roland did notice.
"Jeremy, are you awake? I know that you cannot talk right now… so here is the deal, blink once for yes, and twice for no." Roland said. Jeremy tried not to play along, but he sensed that the doctor was not in the mood to play games, especially with him, so he blinked once.
"Good, I will get someone in here to take the tube out of your mouth, and we can start talking. As you have a lot of explaining and talking to do." Roland was generally not this hard on suicide patients, but he had what Jeremy had put his friend Denise through over the past week.
Roland left the room. Jeremy thought, great I am going to have to admit my feelings, and I am sure that I am going to get a lecture, and a scolding. Also, he continued to think that this was going to be very unproductive, because it was going to be a lot of clichés; of 'you can do it, if you put your mind to it', or 'give it time' or better yet, 'I know that you have long road ahead of you, but you will be fine.' He had already heard all of that many times before.