Chapter 5

"I knew that you could help me, I knew that you were the one."

This statement hung in the air between us and for once in my life I was speechless. Was it fate that had brought this beautiful broken man into my life. The air seemed to crackle between us, as we both continued to just simple look at each other.

His eyes were mesmerising and I couldn't look away. Eventually it was Jasper who broke the stare, as he cast his eyes towards the floor once more.

"I'm sure I can help you," I finally said in a soft voice.

Jasper looked up once more and a beautiful smile spread across his face. This was the first time I had seen him smile, and I hoped to see him smile a lot more now that we was starting to relax in my presence.

"If you aren't too uncomfortable with the idea, I would like to introduce some hand touching this session!" I asked hopefully.

As I looked at him, his smile faded and a small frown appeared on his face, causing a crease to appear between his eyes.

"I thought we would just be talking today!" He stated.

"We can just talk if that is what you really want, but I think that it's important that we start to very slowly and gently break down some of the barriers that you have built. And I also think that it's vital that we start this from the very first session."

I paused so that he could think about what I had said, before adding.

"If at anytime you want to stop then just say so and we will immediately, I promise you this." He still looked unsure, so I continued to speak.

"Do you trust me Jasper?"

"Yes," he answered quietly.

"Then believe that I have your best interests in mind whenever I ask anything of you and trust that we will stop the moment you say so. Also believe that it won't be a failed exercise even if you stop immediately, you will have tried and you will have trusted and these will both be great achievements."

I saw the hint of a smile return to his face and I could see him physically relax again. So I took one of the large cushions that was on the sofa and placed it between us.

"I'll explain what I have planned and then you can take a minute to decide if you want to try the exercise or not!"

When he nodded, I carried on. "I'll ask you to place one of your hands, palm down, onto this cushion, then I will touch you on the top of your hand with just the tips of my fingers. I'll do this on both hands and then I'll gradually increase the amount of contact and hopefully work towards giving you a hand massage. But we will go at your pace and stop whenever you want, either to take a break or to stop the exercise altogether. I will also talk to you throughout and ask you how you feel."

Jasper nodded his head and tentatively placed his hand on the cushion.

"You can close your eyes, or keep them open, whichever feels best for you."

He nodded again, so I started the exercise.

"Okay Jasper, I'm going to touch your hand now with my fingers."

I slowly reached out my hand and touched the ends of my fingers onto his knuckles. Using a feather like touch I moved my fingers down his hand to the tips and back up again. I looked at him and saw that he had closed his eyes. I let my fingers rest on the top of his hand and asked, "is this okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay with this at the moment."

I continued to move my fingers lightly across his whole hand. His hands were rough in some places and surprisingly soft in others I mused. I did this for a few minutes and then asked, "Is this still okay?"

He answered with a simple "yes."

"Would you like to put your other hand on the cushion?"

He didn't answers, but simply placed his other hand on the cushion. I looked again at his face and he still had his eyes closed. I did the same movements on this hand and I could sense him relaxing more and more. I smiled to myself.

"You are doing great Jasper, I'm so proud of you."

In response he smiled and opened his eyes. I continued to look into his eyes as I ran my whole hand up and down his, and ignored the tingle that I was feeling throughout my whole myself that I was just feeling pride and achievement, nothing more.

In a shaky voice I asked, "would you be comfortable if I touched both hands at once?"

I saw his Adam's Apple bob up and down as he swallowed nervously, but then he nodded yes. I tentatively placed both hands fully on top of his and made small circles movements, while still staring into his eyes. I seemed incapable of breaking myself away from his gaze.

"Is this still alright?" I asked in a voice that was rather too hoarse.

"I'm feeling a little uncomfortable," he stated shyly.

"Do you know why that is?"

"Because I'm enjoying it too much!" he said in a pained voiced as he pulled his hands away from mine. "I need to stop now," he added.

His eyes were suddenly fixed firmly on the floor again and he began to squirm slightly in his seat and look very uncomfortable.

"That's fine Jasper, you did really well. I'm very proud of you," I smiled.

I paused, but when he didn't say anything, I asked, "do you think you can tell me why you needed to stop?"

"It was just too much."

"I don't want to put words in your mouth but you said you were enjoying it too much. Do you think that you're not allowed to enjoy a woman's touch?"

He looked up at me and the pained expression on his face broke my heart and made me even more determined to help him.

"It felt too, too," he paused before almost whispering the word sensual.

"Jasper I think that you are mixing up sexuality with intimacy. I think that your fear of sexuality has stopped you from enjoying any sort of intimacy and closeness with another person. I think your brain and your body has been trained to think that any form of physical closeness is sexual and therefore wrong."

I saw the crease between his eyes deepen at my words, before he said, "Fuck, I'm such a loser. My fucking father and his fucking church and their fucking high morals."

At this he bent his head and put his face in his arms and muttered," God Bella, I'm so fucked up aren't I?"

"You're not!" I answered.

He lifted his face from his hands and half shouted, "yeah, then why did you just touching my fucking hands give me a fucking hard on?"

I got the urge to take him in my arms and hug him until all his worries and problems disappeared.

I'd had lots of men in here that had similar problems to Jasper but I had never felt so protective of a client before. I wanted to go find his mother and slap her in the face for abandoning him and hunt his father down and tell him how wrong he is. The connection I felt towards Jasper was a little overwhelming but I knew that I couldn't stop now. I knew that I needed to see this through to the end, no matter what. I just feared for my poor fragile heart.

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