"You ready to go?" Jane asked, walking into the lounge to find Maura laid out on the couch, eyes closed. "You mediating or are you actually asleep?" She asked, voice low. When Maura didn't reply Jane walked to the kitchen table with Maura's laptop. Jason... Jane knew she better start planning for the funeral and decided now was a good a time as any. She didn't want to wake Maura, after last night she knew Maura hadn't slept much. She felt guilty for keeping her away. After getting a glass of water and grabbing the phone she switched on the laptop.
…
Maura woke up panicking, her first thought was that she had let Jane go to the house on her own. Jumping up she calmed down the second she heard Jane's voice. Who is she talking to? Reaching over to get the half empty glass of water from the table she strained to hear what Jane was saying. A few seconds later she gave it up as a bad job, all she she make out was muffles. Standing up she stretched and headed in the direction of Jane's voice. Walking into the kitchen she saw Jane pacing near the sink, she was talking to someone on the phone. Sitting at the table she noticed Jane didn't know she was there. Reaching over she pulled the laptop back to her so she could check her email while Jane was on the phone.
Jane stopped pacing when she heard someone typing on the computer. She turned to find Maura staring at the screen, she hadn't noticed Jane had stopped pacing. "Thank you for everything," Jane said into the phone, not really knowing if it was for the person on the phone or if it was directed at Maura, who had now looked up to face Jane. "Alright, thank you for you're help...yes see you on Friday. Goodbye." Jane grabbed a glass out of the cupboard, filled it with water and gave it to Maura. "Hey."
"Thank you," Maura said, taking the glass of water from Jane. "How long have I been asleep for?"
Jane looked at the clock on the wall, while sitting down across from Maura, "Nearly five hours." Jane smiled at Maura's shocked expression. "I hope you don't mind, but I used you're phone."
"Not course not, Jane. Anything important?" Maura asked, taking a sip of water.
"Planning Jason's funeral. It's on Friday. I thought I would start planning it while you were asleep. It's all sorted, I just need to find somewhere for us all to go afterwards. I would much prefer to curl up in a ball in bed. But I know Jason would've wanted something...more." Jane buried her head in her hands.
Maura reached across the table and took both of Jane's hands in hers. "I think I might know a place,"
"Where?" Jane looked at her, eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"Let me get ready and I'll take you there, if you're feeling up to it?"
"Okay," Jane said, curiously.
Maura stood up and walked over to Jane, placing a kiss on her forehead, she whispered, "I'll be ready in five minutes."
Jane laughed at the words that had just left her best friends mouth. She can never get ready in five minutes, I'll still be sat here in thirty.
…
Ten minutes later Jane was surprised when Maura walked back into the kitchen wearing Jeans and and Jane's BPD t-shirt. "Where did you get that?" Jane asked, pointing to the shirt Maura was wearing.
"You left it here after you're last Homicide baseball game. I washed it for you and forgot to give it back. I did tell you though that you would find something comfortable, it you looked." Maura saw Jane's eyes look her up and down, she was starting to fidget. "You ready to go?" Maura asked, sounding a little unsure of herself.
Jane stood up, carefully. She walked over to Maura and they held each others gaze for a few minute longer than necessary. "Yes," Jane muttered, heading for the door.
Maura got Jane seated in the passenger seat of her car. The drive wasn't far and Maura knew Jane would work it out the closer she got to her destination.
The drive was made in complete silence. Maura pulled up in the car park and turned to face to Jane. "Well...what do you think?" Maura wasn't sure what Jane would think to this idea, she was really hoping it would go down well. When Jane didn't say anything Maura decided to continue, "I know this place might not... I don't know, but I know one thing, this is one of the places that meant the world to him."
Jane finally turned to face Maura, pulling her eyes away from the entrance she knew like the back of her hand. Maura had driven straight to Fenway Park, Boston's Red Sox home ground. "I think he would have loved it, but it can't happen. I can't afford to get them to open the grounds for a day. They wouldn't go for it, they aren't even playing a game that day. I'll find somewhere else." Jane reached across for Maura's hand. "Thank you though."
"Jane, stop. Do you really think he would love it?"
"Yes, I do. But..." Jane stopped when Maura gave her a stern look.
"Then that settles it. I have more than enough money. I'll pay."
Jane pulled her hand away, "wow, Dr. Isles, that hurt more than I thought it would." She unbuckled her seat belt and climbed out of the car, ignoring the pain in her stomach. She started walking, heading in the direction where they had just come from.
Maura didn't move for a few minute, she didn't know what she had done wrong. Coming to her senses,"Jane, stop." Maura yelled, climbing out of the car, jogging she caught up with Jane a few seconds later. Maura reached out and grabbed Jane's arm. "Please, Jane. Stop." Pulling back she forced Jane to stop. "What's wrong?"
"Really Maura, you don't know?" Jane yelled.
Maura shook her head. "No, I don't know, Jane."
"That was the first and only ever time that you have flaunted you're money over my head. I didn't...no I don't want you're money, Maura. I have never asked you for a penny. And I won't start now."
"I didn't mean it like that Jane."
Again Jane pulled her hand out off Maura's and started walking away, shaking her head.
"STOP," Maura yelled.
Something in Maura's voice made Jane stop in her tracks and slowly turned to face the doctor. "What?" Jane snapped.
"I didn't bring you here to, as you say, flaunt my money over you're head. I brought you here because I know Jason would have loved it...because I know you would love it." Maura said, not making any attempt to move towards Jane. She didn't want her to walk away.
"He would. I do, but Maura it's not you're place to pay for any of this." Jane said.
"Jane I want to help out. This has nothing to do with money, this is all about Jason. You know as well as I do, that he was at his happiest when he was here." Maura told Jane, walking towards her. She had noticed Jane had gone a bit pale. Wrapping an arm around Jane's waist to hold her up, "Let's get you back to the car."
Once Maura got Jane seated in the car, with the door still open, Maura leant back against the car next to the open passenger door. "You okay?" Maura asked.
"Yea, I just needed to sit down. I just felt a bit weak that's all."
Maura shut the passenger door and walked around to the drivers, climbing in she turned to face Jane, "let's get you back home. You need to rest."
"Maura, I..."
"Don't, okay. We can continue this conversation later." Maura started the engine, putting the car into first gear. She glanced another look at Jane and started to drive.
"Maura, the house. I need to go back. I need to get my stuff." Jane said. She watched Maura grip the steering wheel so tight her knuckles turned pure white. "Maura pull over for a second."
"Why? Are you okay?" Maura rushed out, panicked.
"I'm fine, I just need to...it doesn't matter." She didn't know what she needed to do, she just knew she needed to hold Maura. To make everything go back to how it was before...everything.
Maura continued driving. She headed for the house Jane had shared with Robert and Jason. She couldn't get the image of Jane leaning against the cupboard door bleeding to death out of her mind. She didn't want to go back to that house. She never wanted to see it again. She just wanted to go home, curl up in bed and cry. I just need to get through the next few hours. You can do this. You'll be okay.
Thirty minutes later and Maura pulled up in the driveway of the Jane's house. Jane got out of the car first, walking to the door she realized Maura wasn't behind her. Turning back to the car she saw Maura still sat in the drivers seat, staring into thin air. Walking back over to the car Jane opened the drivers door. She couldn't bend down to get the doctor to look at her, so she placed her hand under Maura's chin and turned her head to face the detective. Jane backed away slightly so she could see Maura properly. "Get out of the car, Maura. I can't talk to you like this. It hurts."
Maura got out the car and looked at Jane, well aware she had tears in her eyes. She couldn't help it. Being there brought that day back. "Jane..." Maura pulled her in for a hug.
Jane didn't complain, "I'm here, Maura." Jane pulled away a few seconds later. "Stay here, I will be back in five minute. I'll just grab some clothes." Jane kissed Maura on the forehead and went to walk away, she had no choice but to stop when Maura wouldn't let her hand go.
"How can you be so...fearless? How can you want to go back in that house after...everything?"
"I don't want to Maura. Look at me," Jane said, pulling Maura's attention back to her. "I am scared, okay. I'm terrified about what I will see when I walk through that door. I'm utterly terrified about all the memory's that will come back to haunt me. Ones that I forced myself to forget. I'm scared, Maura." Jane took a deep breath then added, "more than you will ever know."
"We don't have to do this Jane. We can just get back in the car and go home." Maura was well aware she was pleading with Jane, but she was hoping Jane wouldn't notice.
"Maura, get back in the car. I'll be back in five minutes, ten at the most." Jane said, pulling her hand from Maura's death grip. Walking up to the door, she pulled her keys out of Maura's jacket she was wearing. Standing on the porch, she couldn't bring herself to unlock the door. She was fumbling with the keys when she dropped them. Sighing, she went to pick them up, hoping Maura hadn't noticed. She stood up straight when a very sharp twinge shot through her stomach. Placing a hand over the wound she fell back to lean against the brick wall, keeping her gaze away from looking over at Maura.
Maura had been watching Jane from the second she started to walk towards the front door. Seeing her lean back against the wall in pain, Maura ran forward. "You okay honey?" When Jane nodded, she bent down to pick the keys up off the floor. "You really want to do to this?" Again when Jane nodded, Maura placed the key in the door and unlocked it. Before pushing it open she turned to face Jane, smiling the best could, "then we'll do together. I told you I'm not leaving you." Pushing the door open she walked inside, holding it open for Jane.
Maura closed the door behind Jane. Taking a look around Jane noticed everything was in the exact same place as it was when she last walked in. Maura had made sure she got the clean up guys in here before Jane left the hospital. Watching Jane at the minute she knew Jane was looking for any signs to what had happened. She was really hoping they weren't going to find any. Maura saw the place where she had knelt down at the side of Jason a few weeks ago. She took a deep breath, fighting her emotions. "We should get you're stuff." Maura whispered.
"I'll check down here for things I will need." Jane looked at Maura, "can you grab me some clothes and throw them in a bag for me. Just grab whatever. Maura...Maura...are you listening to me?" Jane said waving her hand in front of Maura's face.
"I'm...I'm sorry." Maura mumbled. "What did you say?"
Jane smiled, "I said you get my clothes and I'll check down here for things I might need. Okay?" Jane didn't want to leave Maura down stairs on her own.
"Jane, I have no idea what clothes you will need, so you take upstairs and I'll look down here." Maura held her hand up between them when Jane opened her mouth to speak. "Where was the charger for you're phone kept? Both of us trying to use one phone between us isn't very suitable and it's quite annoying swapping the sim cards every five minutes."
Jane had to laugh. She hated not having her own phone, but Maura didn't have another one for her to use. "Maura, seriously. I can do down here. I don't mind."
Maura tilted her head to the side slightly, "Jane, I will do down here." Maura firmly stated. "If I get you're clothes, you will moan because I didn't get the ones you wanted. And don't say you won't because I know you Jane." Maura had to smile at Jane's expression. "Go get you're clothes, Jane. I don't want to be here for long."
Squeezing Maura's hand, Jane walked past Maura and started climbing the stairs. She turned back around once she got to the top and saw Maura take a few deeps breath with her eyes closed. Holding her breath she watched Maura slowly open her eyes again and set of in the direction of the lounge. I shouldn't have brought her here. I was dumb. She hated seeing Maura like this. She felt it was all her fault. I'll just grab my clothes and I'll get her out of here. Get us both out of here. Walking down the hallway she slowly opened her bedroom door. Walking in, she felt like she was on autopilot, heading straight for the wardrobe, pulling out a duffel bag, she threw all her clothes in it, then moved to the drawers, grabbing the rest of the things she needed.
Walking back towards the top of the stairs, Jane stopped outside Jason's bedroom door. Walking in, she felt overwhelmed with emotion. Sitting on the bed, she looked around, taking in all the Red Sox memorabilia, she saw a picture of her and Jason laying on the grass. She remembered the day Maura took it, like it all happened yesterday.
It was a warm summers day. Jason aged seven at the time, had woke up that morning wanting to go to the park. Jane had made plans a few days before to spend that day with Maura. It didn't take long for Jane to phone up Maura to cancel their plans. "Change of plan," Jane had told Maura, the second she answered her phone. "I'm taking Jason to the park for the day, then to grab something to eat. If you're not to busy, would you like to join us?" Jane asked.
"I'd love too, Jane." Maura replied.
"Great. We'll pick you up in..." Jane glanced at the clock. "Twenty minutes?"
"Okay, I'll see you both in twenty minutes." Maura said, hanging up the phone, a huge smile on her face.
A few hours later, Jane and Maura was sat on a bench watching Jason play baseball with some other children. "Thank you for today, Jane. I really appreciate you letting me join you both today. I've had a great time." Maura smiled, turning to face Jane.
"You're welcome, Maura. Thank you for coming. I'm sorry for ruining our day though."
"Jane..." Maura placed her hand on Jane's leg. "You didn't ruin our day. The spa will always be there, you're not getting out of going that easily." Maura laughed as she watched Jane's face fall. "You promised you would go with me, remember? Just because we came here instead doesn't mean I will forget you promised."
"I remember, Maura. I just thought you would want to spend you're days relaxing in the park from now on. Not dragging me along to a spa. But I promised, and you know I will keep it." Jane placed her hand on top of Maura's and gave it a gentle squeeze. They smiled at each other, then both turned to watch Jason.
After Jason had finished the baseball game, they went to get a late lunch. Jason ordered a pizza and some fries, Jane ordered a cheeseburger and two sets of fries, Maura ordered a salad. "Jane... why did you order two lots of fries?" Maura asked.
Jane laughed, "because one lot is for you. I knew you would order a salad, then pinch half of my fries. Now you don't have to. You can just eat yours." Jane said, smiling her famous Rizzoli grin.
It was four in the afternoon, when they walked back through the park. Jason was running up ahead when he sat on the grass on laid on his back. "Come and look at this?" Jason had shouted at them both. When both Jane and Maura was stood over him, "you have to lay down to see it." He laughed at them both. "I do at school. It's fun. We see what animal shapes we can make out of the clouds. Whoever finds the best one wins."
Jane laid down next to Jason. "I'm going to sit this game out." Maura told them, walking over to the bench a few feet away. She could Jane and Jason shouting different animals out, and she couldn't stop herself from looking up to try and spot them from where she was sat.
Fifteen minute later, Jane declared Jason as the winner. Walking back over to them, Maura stood above them both and told them to smile. Pulling her camera from behind her back, she laughed when she saw Jane pulling Jason nearer her and tickling his sides. Maura caught the exact moment they both started laughing, on camera. The rest of the day passed rather fast than anyone off them would have liked.
Jane was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard a scream coming from downstairs. Still clutching the picture in one hand, she ran out of the room, nearly tripping over her bag she had just packed. The scream she heard was coming from Maura, but it didn't sound like she was scared, it sounded more like she was angry.
Running down the stairs, she headed straight for the lounge. "Maura..." Jane shouted. Stopping in the lounge, Jane noticed a pile of broken glass, it was her coffee table what had smashed, in the middle of the broken table Jane noticed a picture of her and Robert on their wedding day. Then she saw the blood. SHIT! Maura! Running into the kitchen she ran straight into Maura, sending them down crashing down to the tile flooring. "Maura?" Jane noticed Maura's hand was bleeding, sitting up, she took the doctor's hand in hers.
Maura was crying uncontrollably, she had been stood in the exact same place she stood the day she found Jane in the kitchen. She was staring at the cupboard Jane was leaning against, when Jane ran straight into her.
"Maura, you're bleeding."
Maura just nodded. She didn't register what Jane had said to her. She couldn't stop thinking about Jane bleeding to death a few feet from where she was sat.
"Maur...honey. Look at me." Jane begged. "Please...Maura. Look at me. Please."
Maura finally registered Jane's words, and looked at her.
"It's okay, Maura. You're going to be okay. We both are." Pulling her friend in for hug, she kissed Maura's cheek. "We'll be okay." She whispered in Maura's ear.
After Jane had finally talked Maura into standing up, she dragged her over to the sink and placed Maura's hand under warm running water to rinse away the blood. "It's okay, Jane. It's not that bad. I just cut myself on the glass, when I sat on the floor."
"Maura...did you throw that picture?" Jane asked, she watched Maura bow her head but nod slightly.
"I'm sorry, but when I saw his face I couldn't control my anger, I did it without thinking. Jane, I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Maura. I would have done the same. We're going home, well back to your place. Come on." Jane said, taking Maura's hand from under the tap, turning of the water, she pulled Maura's hand so she would start to walk. "I just need to grab my bag, I left it at the top of the stairs when I heard you scream."
"I'll get it for you," Maura whispered. Removing her hand from Jane's, she ran up the stairs, grabbed the bag and walked back down, afraid her legs would give way from under her.
A few minute later, Maura was pulling out of the drive way. Both of them relieved to get away from that house. Maura noticed Jane was holding a picture in her hands. Jane saw her looking and turned the picture slightly so Maura could look at it. Seeing the picture, tears formed in Maura's eyes straight away. The journey back to Maura's was totally silence. A few tears escaped Maura's eyes, she made no attempt to wipe them away, afraid Jane would notice.