Jane was scared. She didn't know what Maura's reaction was going to be like to the letter when she handed it to her. Shit. I never should have wrote that damn letter. Why the hell couldn't you have just left it alone? Good work, Rizzoli. Looks like you've lost you're best friend. Doing the only thing she could think of, Jane ran. Quickly throwing on her Red Sox Jersey and and her sweat pants, Jane grabbed her phone and ran out off Maura's.
Maura wanted to shout for Jane to stop, she really did. But she couldn't get the words out. Before she knew it Jane was slamming her front door behind her. Stop. One single word and you couldn't say it.
…
"Ma'am, were here."
Jane looked around, and noticed she was outside her parents house, sat in a cab. She couldn't remember flagging down the cab, getting in or even giving the driver the address for her parents house. Shit. Jane realised she didn't have any money on her. "I'm just going to grab you some money. I'll be back in a minute." Jane said reaching for the car door. She saw the look on the drivers face and had to laugh. "Look, I'm a cop, I'm not going to rob you."
Climbing out of the cab, Jane walked over to the front door of her parents house. Knocking once, she let herself in. "Ma, it's me. Where are you?"
"Oh, Janie. What are you doing here?" Angela asked, walking into the hallway. Looking around she noticed her daughter was alone. "Where's Maura?"
Ignoring the question, Jane asked, "can I lend some money for the cab, I forgot to grab some when I left Maura's."
"Cab? Janie, what's going on? Where's Maura? Why is she not here with you?"
"MA," Jane yelled. "Money? He's going to think I've robbed him." At that second Jane heard someone knocking on the front door. Sighing, Jane opened the door. Pointing to Angela, Jane told the driver, "she'll settle up with you. Right, Ma?"
Angela didn't reply, walking over to the door, she grabbed her purse. Pulling out all the cash she had on her, she handed it to the driver. "Keep the change." She closed the door before the driver had a chance to say anything to her. Walking in to the lounge, Angela found Jane exactly where she thought she would be. On the couch with a beer.
"Should you really be drinking that?" Angela asked.
"Why the hell not?" Jane replied, leaning over to the coffee table, she picked up the TV remote and switched it on. She really wasn't interested in what was on, she just wanted it on to try and stop Angela from asking questions. It didn't work.
"How are you feeling?" Angela asked, concerned.
"Fine."
Angela sat in one of the empty chairs. "Where's Maura?"
"Home."
"Are you going to stop giving me one word answers?" When Jane didn't answer, Angela stood up and pulled the beer out of Jane's hand. "Enough. What is up with you? Does Maura know you are here?"
Jane reached out for the beer, but Angela pulled it further away from Jane. "Nothing and no. Now can I have my beer back?" Jane's phone started ringing. She didn't have to look who was calling, she knew it was Maura by the tune that was playing.
"It's Maura," Angela said, picking up the phone to pass it to Jane. When Jane didn't reach out for the phone, Angela asked, "are you going to answer it?"
Jane shook her head, no. Jane quickly reached forward and pulled her beer out of Angela's hand. "Thank you," she said, taking a sip.
Angela shook her head. "Fine, I'll talk to her." Quickly answering the phone before Jane pulled it from her hands. "Maura, dear, is that you?" Leaving Jane alone in the lounge, Angela walked through to the kitchen to talk to Maura.
…
Jane was getting really worried when Angela still hadn't come back in the room twenty-five minute after she picked up the phone to Maura. Getting up from the couch she was just going to walk into the kitchen when Angela came walking through the door. Walking past Angela, Jane walked into the kitchen and got a glass of water, she didn't want her Ma to know she was going to listen to what she was saying to Maura.
"She's worried about you." Angela stated. "She really wanted to talk to you." Handing Jane's phone back to Jane, "phone her. Let her know that you are okay. Sort whatever has happened between you two out."
Putting her phone on the counter, she turned to look out of the kitchen window. "You would have told her that I'm okay. And there's nothing to sort out. I don't need to phone her." Jane took a sip of her water.
"I didn't think you would phone her," Angela started. "So...I told her to come around."
Jane choked on her water. "You...you did what?"
Angela smiled sweetly, "I told her to come around. She should be here in about half an hour."
"I'm leaving." Jane said walking towards the door. She stopped when she felt he Ma grab her wrist. "Ma...I can't talk to her, not yet."
"What happened with you two?" Angela asked. Once she was confident Jane wasn't going to run she let her wrist go. "Talk to me, Janie." She pleaded.
Jane turned to face her Ma. She wasn't ready to tell mother anything yet. She wasn't going to tell her mother anything that had happened with Robert, she didn't want to upset her mother any more than she already was. "Nothing. I just left. I needed some time to think."
"Really?" Angela asked. When Jane nodded, Angela said, "well that isn't what Maura said." Jane looked shocked. "She said something about a letter that you wrote to her." She watched Jane look away. "She didn't say what you wrote in it."
"Ma, I can't do this. Jason's funeral is tomorrow." Jane looked back at her mother when she said the last part.
"I know it is, sweetie. You will get through it. We will all be here for you. So will Maura."
Jane was fighting to keep the tears out of her eyes. "I don't think she will, Ma. I've messed up." She was losing the battle with her emotions.
Angela had only ever seen her daughter cry once, the day Jane found out about Jason. She pulled her daughter in for a hug, and wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter.
That was all it took for Jane to burst out crying. Once she pulled herself together, she pulled out of her mothers arms. She saw the questioning look Angela was giving her. Without thinking, Jane told her mother, "I love her, Ma."
Angela smiled, "I know you do, sweetheart."
Jane shook her head. Walking back into the room, she sat on the couch with Angela sitting down next to her. Jane was fed up with lying about her feelings. "Don't freak out about what I'm about to tell you. Okay?"
"Okay."
Jane took a deep breath. "I wrote the letter to Maura, they day Robert shot me. In it I told her that I was sorry. I asked her to look after you. Told her not to let everything get to her, that we would see each other again some day." She saw Angela nod for her to continue. "In the letter, I told her that I loved her, more than best friends. That I had always loved her." She looked at her Ma, who was smiling. "Ma, I love Maura. I have always loved Maura."
"I know you do." Angela repeated.
Jane was getting angry. She couldn't put it any other way in words. She needed her mother to understand. She had a thought, it was going to brutal but if Angela got it, Jane thought it was worth it. "Ma, listen to me. Every time I see Maura, I feel like I have butterflies flying around in my stomach. All I want to do is kiss her, touch her. Jane stopped before she said more things to her mother. "I love her."
"When did this happen?" Angela asked. She wasn't angry, shocked maybe. But definitely not angry. If Jane loved Maura, Angela was going to stand by them. After all that had happened in the past few months, she knew if they were happy, that was all that mattered.
"I think I have always loved her. I was just too damn scared to tell her." Jane mumbled.
Neither off them heard someone opening the front door. Angela was the only one who facing the door to the lounge. She saw Maura stood there. "Does she know that all you want to do is kiss her?" It was easy for Angela to see both their reactions because she was facing them both.
"Well, I didn't tell her that in the letter." Jane said.
"Then what did you tell her? Apart from you love her." Angela questioned. She smiled at them both.
Maura was leaning against the door, just like Jane had done earlier this morning. Maura didn't want to interrupt. She was shocked that Jane was talking to this with her mother though. Glancing at the clock on the wall, Maura was shocked when she saw the time was already half past twelve. She really didn't know where the day had gone.
"I told her she was the one I wanted to spent my life with, that I would love it if she felt the same way." Tears started to fall down her cheeks. Closing her eyes, Jane took a deep breath.
"Does she feel the same way?" Angela asked, waving her hand for Maura to come in.
Slowly opening her eyes, Jane focused on Angela. "I don't know. I don't think so. I ran out this morning before she could say anything to me." Jane watched as Angela stood up.
"I'll leave you two to it." Angela said, heading for the kitchen.
"What, Ma. What..." Jane stopped talking and tensed up when she felt someone place their hands on her shoulder.
"It's just me, Jane." Maura said when she felt Jane tense up under her touch. Walking around to the front of the couch, Maura sat down and pulled Jane in for a hug. "I was worried about you. Why did you leave like that?"
Jane was shocked. She really wasn't expecting Maura to act like this. "I was scared you was going to kick me out, so I left on my own accord." Jane confessed.
"You ran, Jane." Maura stood up. "We need to talk." Maura started walking towards the door, but stopped when she knew Jane wasn't following her. Turning around, "I don't think you want to talk here. Do you?" Walking back towards Jane, "okay, fine, we'll talk here."
Jane practically jumped from the couch, "no, we'll talk. But please not here." When Maura nodded, Jane breathed a sigh of relief. She really didn't want to talk to Maura about this in her mothers house. "Ma." Jane shouted. When Angela walked into the room, Jane dragged her eyes off of Maura to face her mother. "We've got to go."
"But, I've just started making us all dinner. Frankie is coming over later after his shift. You can't leave not yet. You're staying for the day." Angela instructed.
"But, Ma..." Jane couldn't finish the end off her sentence because she heard Maura telling Angela that spending the day sounded like a great idea.
"Great, that's settled then. Frankie will be here about three. I've just made you both a sandwich for you're lunch. We'll have a proper family dinner later." Angela smiled at them both. Walking back into the kitchen, she re-entered the living room a few seconds later with two plates. Handing both Jane and Maura one each, "I'll just got to go out shopping. I won't be long. Oh and Jane..." She waited for Jane to look at her, "please be here when I get back. Both of you."
"Okay, Ma." Jane huffed. Once the door slammed, letting them both know that Angela had left, Jane turned to face Maura. "You wanted to talk and know you have just arranged for us both to spent the day here. Why?" Jane demanded.
"Because it Jason's funeral tomorrow. You're family want to see you. And I don't think today is the right time for us to talk. Let's just get through tomorrow first." Maura explained, taking a seat on the couch and taking a bite of her sandwich.
"So what?" Jane asked. "We just pretend you never read that letter until after tomorrow. Then what? Tomorrow goes and the next day you tell me that you don't feel the same, that we can't be friends any more." Jane stopped to take a deep breath, "I don't think so. You should just tell me know that we can't be friends any more. Don't put it off just because of the funeral tomorrow."
Maura slowly put her plate on the coffee table and stood up. "Jane," she waited for Jane to meet her gaze, "I'm not putting anything off. We will still be friends in a few days. I will never stop being you're friend over this." Taking hold off Jane's hands, Maura continued, "I just want us to get through tomorrow. When we talk about this I don't want anything to be in the way. And the closer tomorrow gets, the more we will think about it, and the more we think about it, the more than likely we are are not getting any further than we are now. Okay?"
"Okay," Jane mumbled. "So you aren't going to tell me that we should stop seeing each other?"
Maura smiled sweetly, "No Jane, I'm not." Seeing Jane smile, Maura pulled her in for a hug. "Don't ever run from me again though." Maura tightened her grip on Jane.
"So...Now what do we do?" Jane asked, her head resting on Maura's shoulder.
"Now we eat the sandwiches you're mother made for us, and spend the day with you're family." Maura told Jane walking backwards towards the couch, pulling Jane with her.
Jane laughed at Maura when she walked into the back off the couch. "So..." Jane looked away, shyly. "So we are going to pretend like nothings change between us."
Maura sat on the couch, pulling Jane with her. "Nothing has changed." Maura stated.
"It has Maura. Everything has changed."
"Jane look at me..." Only when Jane's eyes met Maura's did she continue. "When I read in that letter that you wished you told me ages ago that you loved me, you don't know how relieved I was that you didn't. If you did Jane, I can't honestly tell you whether I would have stayed or whether I would have ran. In fact I know I would have ran." Maura closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "You're right things have changed. But for me now, the things between us that have changed, have changed for the better."
Jane was confused, she didn't know what Maura was telling her. "Erm...Just tell me one thing, okay?"
"Sure."
"I need you tell me what I can and can't say or do, now?"
Maura looked into Jane's dark brown eyes, "same as before, Jane. Don't think about doing or saying anything that you normally wouldn't give a second thought too. Okay?"
"Okay," Jane sighed, placing a hand on Maura's leg. Quickly realising where her hand were, Jane went to pull it away, but stopped when she felt Maura's hand on top off hers.
"I said, DON'T give it a second thought." Maura stated.
…
After spending the day with her family and Maura, Jane really wanted to get back to Maura's and curl up in bed. She had hardly spoken to Maura all night in fear of saying something wrong. She had spent most of the day talking to Frankie and her dad about baseball. When they had talked all they could about baseball, Jane talked to Frankie about work. Luckily, she could always come up with something to talk about with work. She wasn't really paying attention to the conversation, she couldn't stop thinking about what Maura was going to say to her once they were in the car back to Maura's. Jane was pulled out off her thoughts when she heard Maura's voice.
"We should get going. Are you ready?" Maura asked.
Jane nodded. "Sure. What time is it?" The last time Jane checked the time it was 8pm. She didn't know how long had past but she knew she had been talking to Frankie for a while.
"10:35."
"Let me just say goodbye." Jane replied, standing up. Turning around she hugged Frankie, "I'll see you tomorrow."
Frankie nodded, "Janie..." He waited until they both pulled out of the hug, "...everything will be okay tomorrow. Get some sleep tonight. Love you sis." Kissing his sister on the cheek, Frankie turned and hugged Maura. "Look after Janie for me tonight. Goodnight Maura." He left the room a second later.
Angela and Frank were sat talking on the couch. "Ma...Pop, we're getting off. It's late." Jane said. Angela was the first to stand up, hugging her daughter and then Maura. Frank did the same a few seconds later. "We will come to Maura's in the morning." Angela said, turning to look at Maura, she asked, "if that's okay with you?"
Maura nodded, "of course it is. Can we say about 10:30? I don't know how much sleep we will be getting tonight."
"Okay." Walking both Jane and Maura to the front door, both Angela and Frank said "goodnight."
The car ride back to Maura's was made in complete silence.
…
Nothing was said between the two until Jane went in the opposite direction of Maura's bedroom. Maura knew Jane was going to the guest room. Quickly grabbing Jane wrist, Maura pulled her toward her bedroom. When Jane tired fighting her on it, Maura simply said, "You're not sleeping on you're own tonight." The truth was Jane hadn't spent one single night on her own since she started staying at Maura's.
After changing into her nightwear Jane climbed in bed, curling herself up into a ball on the very edge of the bed. Jane felt the bed dip when Maura climbed in.
"Jane..." Maura started then stopped herself. She didn't know what to say. Instead she closed her eyes and fell into a restless sleep. Sometime later she woke up when she heard Jane sobbing. "Jane...are you okay?" When Jane didn't answer Maura reached out to her.
Jane felt Maura place her hand on her arm. Shrugging Maura's hand away, Jane whispered, "Maura, no." The last thing Jane wanted was to be comforted by Maura.
Maura wrapped her arm around Jane and pulled her back so she was lying on her back. Jane was fighting her, but Maura had more strength than Jane thought she did.
"No, Maura. Please." Jane begged.
"Stop fighting me, Jane. I won't give up."
Somehow Maura had managed to wrap Jane in her arms, and was currently laying on her back with Jane laying at the side off her. Still struggling every few minute, hoping Maura had loosened her grip. She never did. Finally Jane stopped fighting, it felt good to be back in Maura's arms. Jane wrapped her fist in Maura's pyjama top and held on tightly, like she was somehow afraid Maura would try and leave her. Finally she was relaxing in Maura's arms.
"I'm scared..." Jane whispered before sleep took over.
Maura tightened her grip and closed her eyes. It wasn't long before she was asleep again.