The day of Jason's funeral came much quicker than any one off them would have like. Maura was the first to wake up, quietly climbing out off bed, she went to her closet. She knew what she wanted to wear, her Armani suit. Taking the suit she hung it on her closet door with Jane's police uniform. Turning around she saw Jane was still sleeping so she decided to go and have a quick shower. When she emerged from her en suite forty-five minutes later, she saw Jane sitting on the edge of the bed looking at her uniform. "Morning, the shower's free." Maura told Jane walking to her closet to get her suit.

"I'm not wearing that." Jane said, pointing to her uniform.

"Why?" Maura asked. "I'm sorry. I just thought that you would want to wear it."

Jane stood up. "Why would I want to wear that?" Jane shouted, "I was a cop, Maura. I was meant to protect people against bastards like Robert. I couldn't even protect my own son from him."

Maura was shocked. "None of this was you're fault. You still are a cop, Jane." Maura moved closer to Jane, "you're an excellent detective."

"Maybe not for long," Jane muttered under her breath, hoping Maura wouldn't hear. "I never deserve to wear that uniform ever again." Before Maura had the chance to say anything, Jane walked into the en suite and slammed the door behind her. Leaving Maura stood in the middle of her bedroom, in complete shock. She had heard Jane mutter "maybe not for long." For the first time Maura knew Jane was thinking about leaving the force.

…

When Jane came out of the en suite thirty minute later, Maura had just finished drying her hair. Maura looked back into the mirror to see Jane watching her from the doorway off the en suite. Their eyes locked through the mirror. "Jane..." Maura turned in her seat to face Jane properly, "...you can't leave the force."

Jane walked over to Maura and pulled her up, "we aren't going to talk about this today. Same as the other thing you refused to talk about, this can wait too." She didn't mean for her words to sound so harsh.

Maura walked over to the closet and took her suit from the door. "You can wear what you want to. You know where everything is. I'm going to get dressed."

Jane stamped her foot on the floor, "SHIT," she shouted. Why the hell did you have to say that Jane? Of all the other things you could have said, you picked that one. Nice one, Rizzoli. Opening Maura's closet Jane walked inside, she was looking for the suit she wore the day she left the hospital. She jumped when she heard Maura's voice.

"Are you looking for this?" Maura asked taking the suit off of the rail and handing it to Jane.

"Thanks...you sure you don't mind letting me wear this again?" Jane asked.

"Not at all, Jane." Maura smiled. "I said you could wear whatever you wanted to."

"Thank you." Jane mumbled. "Maura, I am sor..."

Jane was cut off by the doorbell ringing. With Maura being the only one ready she walked out off the closet before Jane could finish her sentence, "I'll get it." She called over her shoulder.

…

"Where's Janie?" Angela asked, once she had made some coffee for everyone. They had been at Maura's house for thirty minutes already and the hadn't seen Jane once.

"I'll just go and see if she's okay." Maura replied. Walking towards her bedroom. She couldn't think what was taking Jane so long. Opening her bedroom door, she saw Jane sat on the edge of the bed with a folded piece of paper in her hands. Sitting at the side of her, Jane handed Maura the paper. What is telling me now? Slowly unfolding the letter, it only took a second for Maura to realise what it was. Quickly she turned to face Jane, but words were failing her. She didn't know what to say.

"I found it in my uniform. He gave it to me the last time I wore it, told me to put it in my inside pocket and not open it until the next time I had to wear it." Jane turned to face Maura. "I completely forgot about it until a few minute ago." Jane gave a weak small smile. She knew Maura knew she was fighting against her emotions, just like she had been doing for the past few weeks. She was strong, she never had to ask for help. This was killing her. She had never felt so weak before. But most of all, she hated herself for letting Maura she her like this.

"I love you, Ma." Maura read off the paper. It was from Jason. It was written at the bottom off the drawing of Jane in her uniform. Jason stood in the middle of her and Maura. They were only them three on the paper. Handing it back to Jane, Maura whispered, "are you okay?"

Jane nodded. "Maura...why did he draw us three and not me, him and Robert?"

Maura smiled. "Look at the date on the back." She had only just seen it after handing it back to Jane, as soon as she saw it the whole drawing fell into place. She found herself smiling. She watched as Jane slowly turned the paper over to reveal the date Maura was on about.

"Oh, that's the date we all went to the park after that award ceremony." Jane mumbled.

Maura nodded. "We went to the school to pick him up early. You told the teachers he had a doctor's appointment. It wasn't until you looked at me that I knew you were lying. 'I just want to hold him, and for the three off us to spend a day together in the park' you whispered to me, when the teacher turned her back to us."

"You rolled you're eyes at me and told me we could do that after school." Jane smiled. Suddenly Jane didn't care about being weak in front off Maura. After last night she knew Maura would always be there for her. "I can't do this, Maura."

"Yes you can, Jane." Maura reached up and cupped Jane's cheek, "yes you can."

"I'm scared."

"I know you are Jane. We are all here for you. You aren't alone." Maura took Jane's hand in hers.

"Jane, I won't leave you on you're own today. I'll be by you're side all day."

"I can't go, Maura. I can't say goodbye to him." Jane choked out.

"If you don't go Jane, you'll never forgive yourself."

"Well then it will make no difference 'cause I'll never be able to forgive myself for not protecting him anyway."

Maura stood up and pulled Jane up with her. "You have to stop blaming yourself. What happened wasn't you're fault." Maura looked down at the floor for a few minutes. Taking a deep breath she met Jane's gaze, "he would want you to be there, Jane. You know that. He would want you to carry on."

"Stop, Maura." Jane pleaded.

"He wouldn't want you to blame yourself for what happened. You know that is true. And he definitely wouldn't want you to leave the force. He thought you was a terrific detective Jane." Maura rested her forehead against Jane's. "I love you, Jane. Please don't do this to yourself."

Jane wrapped her arms around Maura waist and pulled her closer. "You won't leave?" She mumbled as she started crying again.

"Never." Maura whispered as she she kissed Jane's cheek, before leaning her forehead against Jane's again.

Jane smiled, eyes locked with Maura's. She really didn't want to go through today, she didn't think she would be strong enough to hold it all together, but she knew with Maura by her side she didn't have to be. I really want to kiss her. Stop. She said she would talk to you about it, it must be a good sign. Right? After a few minutes Jane dropped her gaze to Maura's lips before meeting Maura's gaze again. Looking back at Maura's lips, Jane leaned in a little bit closer, just as she was about to meet Maura's lip in their first kiss, Jane dropped her head to Maura's shoulder.

From where Frankie was standing it looked like Jane was crying not about to kiss her best friend.

Maura was confused. She was excepting Jane to kiss her, instead Jane place her head on Maura's shoulder and sighed. It wasn't until she heard Frankie voice that she understand. Turning to face Frankie in her doorway, she smiled.

"You guys ready? We should get going." Frankie asked, smiling weakly back at Maura.

"Sure. Can you give us a minute?" Maura replied, rubbing soft circles over Jane's back.

Frankie nodded, closing the door behind him.

"So, what do you want to do?" Maura asked. "I'll be with you either way."

Kiss you. I really want to kiss you. But Jane couldn't bring herself to say it. Instead she settled for, "I'll go. Just promise you won't leave me alone. Not with anyone."

Maura smiled. "I'll keep that promise. Come on, we need to go." Maura started away until Jane leant forward and grabbed Maura's wrist.

"Maura. If Frankie..." Jane looked at the door, then back to Maura. "It doesn't matter. Let's go."

Maura smiled. She knew what Jane was trying to say. "I wouldn't have stopped you, Jane."

"I was going to..." Jane started, then looked away shyly.

"Kiss me." Maura smiled. "I know." Maura placed her hand on Jane's arm, "we really should get going."

…

Jane had sat all the way through the funeral with her left hand balled into a fist and her right hand was placed on top of Maura's hand, fingers entwined, gently tracing Maura's palm. Well they sat that way until Maura snaked her free arm around Jane's waist, her head resting on Jane's shoulder, silently crying. Jane hadn't said anything to anyone since they left Maura's apartment including Maura.

Now as they were leaving the church, Jane walked in the opposite direction of everyone else. She needed to get away from everyone and everything. She hoped she could get away without anyone noticing her. She was just about to go around a corner when she heard Maura shouting out her name.

Maura had to run to catch up with Jane. Slowing down she started to walk at the side of Jane. After a few minutes of silence, Maura finally asked, "where are we going, Jane?"

Jane stopped and turned to face her best friend. "I'm going to a pub to get absolutely fucked. I don't know why you are going though." Jane started walking again. It wasn't long until she felt Maura grip her wrist. Spinning around she pulled her hand out off Maura's grip. "Don't." She screamed.

Maura jumped back, scared. Jane had never shouted at her like that. She had never seen Jane like this. She watched as Jane started to walk away again. Stop her. She'll end up doing something she'll regret if you don't. She needs you. Maura jumped in front Jane to stop her from walking away any more.

"Move, Maura." Jane said through gritted teeth. "Now."

"No," Maura whispered. "I can't...No, I won't leave you on you're own."

"For fucks sake Maura. Move." Jane shouted. She saw Maura flinch. She never shouted at her friend like this before, and she had to admit she hated getting like this. "I can't do this, okay. I can't handle everyone telling me how sorry they are, and how much they thought he was a great kid. I already know he is a great kid." Jane stopped and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, she opened them again. "He was a great kid," Jane sighed. "I can't handle all the looks from the other parents who are here. The looks that are saying 'I'm so sorry. But I'm also glad it's you having to go through this and not me." She held up her hand to stop Maura from interrupting. "This isn't right, Maura. All these people should not be here for Jason. He isn't the one who was meant to die. I should be the one dead. This should be a cop funeral. You all should be saying goodbye to me. Jason should be here, snuggling up to you, crying on you're shoulder. Not me. You should be telling him, that I loved him. Not the other way around. You..."

Again Maura found herself begging Jane to stop. "Stop, Jane. I can't listen to this. Please, Jane. Stop. Please." Again her pleads went unanswered, as Jane continued.

"You should be taking care of him today. I was meant to die that day. He wanted me dead. A few times he nearly made that happen. Always at the last second, he would take me to the hospital. He tortured me, Maura. Not they way Hoyt did. This was different. This..." Jane stopped as a red hot pain went searing through her left cheek. Raising her hand up to the pain, it took a few seconds for Jane to realise Maura had slapped her. "Ouch. Fuck Maura, what was that for?" Jane asked finally looking at Maura.

Maura was crying hard, backing herself up against the wall, so she had something to lean against. She couldn't believe she had just smacked Jane. She wouldn't stop. Finally reaching the wall, Maura slumped against it. "I...I'm sor...sorry." She stammered.

"Well?" Jane rubbed her cheek. She didn't think Maura would have so much force behind her slap. She wasn't at all surprised by it though. "What was that for?"

Maura was trying to calm herself down. Closing her eyes she leant her head back against the brick wall. "You wouldn't stop." Maura whispered.

"So you hit me?" Jane was surprised she wasn't angry at Maura for hitting her.

"I asked you to stop."

"You couldn't find another way to shut me up?" Jane asked.

"At that moment in time...No, nothing else came to mind." Maura said, meeting Jane's gaze. "Don't shut me out again Jane, please."

"I'm not shutting you out, Maura."

"Yes, Jane. You are. You're telling me things that you don't want to tell me. You're leaving out all the details. You're trying to hurt me so I leave you alone. It won't work. I won't allow it too." Maura pushed herself away from the wall and walked over to Jane, as she reached her hand out to touch Jane, she saw Jane move away, again. "See..." Maura gestured between them both. "...You won't even let me touch you."

"It's not because I'm pushing you away." Jane signed. "It's because I know if I let you comfort me, I'll fall apart." Jane held Maura's gaze. "I'm not strong enough to pull myself back together after."

"Jane, you are. You're the strongest person I know." Maura held Jane's hand.

"I'm not, Maura. I'm not strong enough to do that."

"Jane, you need to grieve. You can't keep everything bottled up." Maura said. "Come here," Maura held her arms open for Jane.

"No," Jane whispered, backing away.

"Don't make me slap you again." Maura warned. "I'm doing this because I love you. But I can't push you on this. You need to grieve on you're own terms. But Jane, you do need to grieve." Maura stood in front of Jane and traced her thumb down Jane's cheek.

"This isn't a dream is it? I'm not going to wake up and everything is going to be alright, am I?" Jane whispered, more to herself than to Maura.

"He's gone, Jane." Maura smoothed.

That was all it took for Jane's knees to give way. She fell forward. She felt Maura's arms wrap around her and heard Maura whisper, "I've got you."

Maura didn't know how long they had been stood there. She was still holding Jane up, rubbing soft circles on Jane's lower back. "Jane, sweetheart. We should go home."

Jane sniffled a few times before lifting her head to look at Maura. "Fenway?" She mumbled.

"Whichever you want?"

"Home," Jane mumbled, without having to think about it.

"Home it is." Maura kept her arm around Jane's lower back, ready to catch Jane if her legs failed her again. "I'll call you're mother when we get back to the house. No doubt she'll be worried about you." Maura didn't get a respond.

…

"Maura, dear. Is that you?" Angela asked. She had phoned both Jane and Maura's phone, but got no answer. As a last resort she had phoned Maura's house phone. Not expecting anyone to pick up. She was a bit surprised when someone did.

"Hello, Angela." Maura replied.

"What are you doing at home? Is Janie with you? Please tell me is. I haven't seen her since we left the church." Angela asked, worried.

"She's here. Angela, I have to go. I'll get Jane to phone you when she's ready."

"Okay. Maura...honey, take care of my Janie for me."

"I will do. Goodbye." She watched Jane walk into the kitchen, so she decided to listen to her phone messages which were flashing. She pressed play.

'Hello, Dr Maura Isles. This is Rebecca calling from Trump SoHo hotel in New York City. I'm just phoning to confirm you're reservation for Monday 11th until Sunday 17th. The conferences have been confirmed. I will put you down as confirmed. Is there is any problems please do not hesitate to contact us. We look forward to having you stay with us Doctor.'

Maura had completely forgot about the conferences what she got invited to attend a few month ago. She knew she could leave Jane. I'll cancel as...Maura was pulled out off her thoughts when she heard Jane's voice.

"You're going to New York?" Jane asked, handing Maura a glass of wine.

Maura shook her head, taking a sip of her wine. "Thank you. I'm cancelling the trip tomorrow. Right now you haven't eaten all day so I'm going to make us something to eat." Maura smiled, walking past Jane she felt Jane's fingers wrap loosely around her wrist.

They stood shoulder to shoulder, both facing different directions until Maura turned to look at Jane. Jane trailed her thumb up and down Maura's wrist. "I'm not hungry." Jane whispered. "But I am tired. Come and lay with me?"

"Okay." Maura nodded. "Just let me grab the bottle of wine you opened. We could both do with something to drink."

Jane walked into Maura's bedroom and sat down on the edge off the bed. Why didn't she tell me about going to New York? She watched Maura walk into the bedroom a few minute later. A small smile spread across her face.

"Jane, you are uncharacteristically calm about learning I was going to New York." Maura commented.

Jane took the beer Maura had just offered her. "What am I supposed to say? That I don't want you to go? Okay I don't want you to go." She took a sip of her beer and looked at Maura.

"I'm not going. I'm cancelling tomorrow."

"Why didn't you tell me about going?" Jane asked, as she laid down.

"I did. When I first got the invitation. With everything that has happened I completely forgot about it, if I hadn't received that message it wouldn't have crossed my mind ever again." Maura walked over to her side off the bed, after putting the wine on her bedside table she laid down next to Jane. "I'm not going."

"You should go. You like that kind of thing. You'll enjoy it."

"I'm confused." Maura confessed. "You just told me you didn't want me to go now you're telling me I should go." Maura turned on her side so she was facing Jane. "I wouldn't enjoy it. Not knowing you were here on you're own. I wouldn't be able to concentrate. Plus I really don't want to leave you."

Jane turned on her side so they were facing each other. "We'll talk about this later. What time is it?" She mumbled, closing her eyes.

"Nearly six. You won't win, Jane. I'm not going." Maura firmly stated before she closed her eyes. She smiled when she felt Jane's arm snake around her and Jane cuddle up to her. "You need to have something to eat."

Jane pulled back a bit so she could look at Maura. "I'm tired, not hungry. I just want to sleep." Jane whispered before she kissed Maura's cheek and cuddle up to her again. "You won't win, Maura. Sleep."

Maura turned them both so she was laying on her back with Jane cuddled up at the side off her. Pretty much how they spent every night.

"Safe." Jane mumbled, before sleep over took.

"Goodnight gorgeous," Maura whispered. Maura didn't want to sleep. She loved the feeling of having Jane in her arms. She closed her eyes as she rubbed smoothing circles on Jane's lower back. She started thinking what it would be like if she admitted to Jane that she had the same feelings. She smiled at the thought. Tightening her grip around the detective, Maura soon fell asleep.