Too Fast
He can feel his legs cramping up, but he ignores it and keeps running. Always running. He think that maybe if he keeps running, he can forget everything that happened. One foot in front of the other, going so fast, so fast.
They went too fast, he thinks. He and Juno. Too, too, too fast. Everything too fast.
Paulie shakes his head, trying to get these bothersome thoughts out of his head, but he can't. He hasn't stopped thinking about that night, and what happened, and how it felt, and how she felt, and everything about it. He wants to stop thinking about it, thinking about her. But he can't.
"C'mon, Bleeker!" his coach shouts from a million miles away. "Pick up the pace!"
He clenches his fists, and he wants to scream, but he keeps going, going, going. Like the Energizer Bunny, that's what Juno would say. His gold shorts don't look so golden anymore, and he feels like he's going to throw up. He's not perfect, he's not a good kid. He's a horrible person, actually. He hasn't even really talked to Juno about the baby...but how was he supposed to? Paulie was scared; he was trying to forget about it, trying to push it to the back of his mind. It wasn't like she was even keeping it...was it wrong to call the baby an 'it'? Wasn't that impersonal?
But this whole thing wasn't supposed to personal, was it? What they did...what he and Juno did, it wasn't supposed to mean anything. It meant something to him, but not to her. He wonders how someone could just play with another person's emotions like that without even feeling guilty. And then he shakes his head; this wasn't about him. Why did he keep making it about him?
Everything was just going too fast.