So here they were. In Maura's hotel room. Jane stood leaning against the door, blocking Maura from running. Maura was looking out of the window nervously playing with the ring on her index finger. They hadn't spoken since they stepped out of the elevator and they had been in the room for 15minutes now.

Maura was the first to break the silence, which was unusual. It was normally Jane who always broke it first. "You don't have to read it." Maura said, just loud enough for Jane to hear.

"I am going to. I just can't decide if..." Jane sighed.

Maura turned to face her, but didn't bother closing any of the distance between them. "If what?"

Jane shook her head. "Doesn't matter." Jane slid down the door so she was sitting on the floor, still leaning against the door. She couldn't take the chance that Maura might run while she was reading. Opening the envelope Jane pulled out the letter and took a deep breath. Taking one last look at Maura who was currently trying very hard not rip the letter out of Jane's hand and burn it, Jane started reading.

Dear Jane,

After reading the letter you wrote to me a while ago, I saw how much courage it took for you to tell me all of those things. I know we talk a lot Jane, about everything. But maybe some things are easier to write about then to talk about. So I'm going to give it go. But before I do, I need to tell you I don't know where this letter is going. I just picked up a pen and some paper and before I knew what I was doing I was writing this. So I might jump around a bit, but please, bare with me.

"Stop." Maura begged.

Jane looked up to see her best friend sat on the floor leant against the couch. "What's up?"

"I just need you to know something before you read the rest." Maura said, avoiding looking at Jane.

"What?" Jane asked, confused.

"I need you to know that what I wrote in there..." But Maura couldn't finish what she wanted to say. She had no idea what she would say to make up for breaking Jane's heart after she read the letter. Maura stood up, quite quickly and starting walking towards the bathroom. "I'm going to have a shower."

"Maura..." But Jane was too late. Maura had already closed and locked the door behind her. How the fuck can one letter do this to us? What the hell has she wrote in to make her act like this. Jane picked the letter up off the floor and sat on the couch. She continued reading.

I still remember that day in October like it happened a few hours ago. Tuesday 14th. I don't know what you remember from that day, we always seem to avoid the subject. Do you remember us going to lunch? You had to beg me to go with you, I wanted to get finish the autopsy. But you just wouldn't stop asking, so in the end I said yes. You acted like you had just won the lottery. I couldn't help but laugh at you. I was surprised when you pulled up outside of the restaurant, L'Espalier. That wasn't a place you would ever pick. I knew then that something was either very wrong or that you was going to be giving me some fantastic news. We sat all the way through lunch but neither came. I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong.

After a lovely dinner, which you paid for. You wouldn't acknowledge me wanting to pay. We set off back to work. You came back to Morgue with me, you stayed for a while. Which I was happy about. I hadn't seen you for a while. It was 2:05 when you said you had to get going. I was disappointed. You came over to me and thanked me for joining you. You hugged me. But before you pulled back you said 'Goodbye, M.' There was something very wrong about all this. I knew the second the words left you're mouth. The sounded so...so final. I was starting to get scared. You must have seen it in my eyes, because you kissed my cheek and whispered, 'I'm sorry.' But before I had the chance to say anything to you, you were gone. I had never seen you move so fast.

If I had been thinking clearly I would have ran after you. But something in you're voice begged me not to. I decided not to go after you. That I would pick up a bottle of wine on my way home and go straight over to yours. I had nothing planned after that. I just thought that if you spent a bit more time with me, like we used to do, that you would start to trust me again. Enough to tell me what was going on.

But you wouldn't have been there, would you Jane? No. I understand now, I really do. The lunch was to spend one last time with me, before you left. One last time out of work, just the two of us. The 'Goodbye, M.' It sounded so final because it was. You didn't plan on seeing me again. At least not for a long time. It's the 'I'm sorry' that you whispered, that I can't decide on. Was it an 'I'm sorry' for not telling you? Or was it an 'I'm sorry' for all the hurt you were about to cause me? Maybe a little bit of both. I can't decide on that one, Jane.

But my plans didn't work out the way I hoped they would. Instead I had to listen to Frost running into the morgue telling me we needed to get to you're place and fast. I grabbed my bag and ran to his car. The drive to yours was quiet. I couldn't ask Frost anything because I didn't want to hear the answer. Instead I watched the world go by, hoping you were okay. Hoping that I would be able to see you're smile and hear you're laugh again. I didn't want to live on the memories I had of you.

Korsak had to pull me back when we got out of the car. I just wanted to see you, I didn't care about me. But he stopped me, told me that you wouldn't want me running in there first. So I agreed to stay behind him and Frost. I opened the door with the key you gave me...

Jason. The first thing I saw when I pushed that door open, Jane...it was Jason. I'm sorry. You have no idea how much I wanted to be...

He was already dead, Jane. I couldn't help him. You have no idea how sorry I am that I couldn't save him. I remember looking at Korsak and Frost and telling them the news. Everything we were feeling in that moment changed. I would have done anything I could have to swap places with him. It would have made everything so much easier for you.

Then we heard another shot...

Korsak and Frost couldn't hold me back this time. I wanted to get...no, I needed to get to you. YOU. That was all that was running through my mind that the time. I came across Robert's body on the couch. I didn't check for a pulse. I couldn't have cared less if he was alive or dead. Only now have I come to terms with knowing that I didn't check for a pulse because I know if he was alive I would have killed him with my bare hands.

Then I found you. In the kitchen, leaning against the cupboard a towel pressed to you're stomach, already covered in blood. My legs nearly gave out then. But I managed to get by you're side before they did. You were alive. I don't know if you remember opening you're eyes for a second, before you fell unconscious, but I do. I will remember that look for the rest of my life. You're eyes were pleading for me to help you, but at the same time they were begging me to leave you. I never want to see that look ever again. The ambulance arrived not long after. I must admit it felt like hours.

You were rushed into surgery as soon as we arrived at the hospital. I phoned you're family. It was the worst phone call I have ever had to make. Then I sat and waited. Waiting was the worst part. When you came out of surgery you were in a medical induced coma. You're bodies best chance to make it through.

I wouldn't leave you're side. I hardly ate and when I did it was because you're mother had begged me too. You're family came and visited every day. You're mother begged me to go home and get some rest. You're mother said she would stay with you, but I just couldn't leave you. I slept in a chair next to bed every night, holding you're hand. I talked to you, but barely talked to anyone else. You're family was starting to get really worried about me.

After three days you finally woke up. I was so happy. But the happiness didn't last long. I knew I had to tell you about Jason. About what happened. I asked you're parents to let me tell you about Jason. I knew you would hold you're feeling in if they told you. You never have let you're family see you cry. I remember you telling me you never wanted them to see you weak. But I know they wouldn't see you as being weak, Jane. They would have seen you as their daughter, a mother who had just been told her son had died. They would never think of you as being weak. No one who knows you ever would think that. Especially me.

You wouldn't talk to me, Jane. Do you know how much that hurt? I couldn't get through to you. I had no idea what to do. The best I could come up with was to be there and hope it would be enough.

While you were in the hospital, unconscious or awake, I felt every emotion going. I was scared I would lose you. I was happy when you woke you. But in between them and after them, I felt angry, relieved, grateful, confused, mad, guilty. I felt them all. All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed with you there with me. Instead while you were asleep, I cried in that chair, holding you're hand. I was strong when you were awake. I was strong when you're family came to visit you. I only ever cried when I was alone. But I did cry in front of Korsak and Frost for the first time, when I went to ask them for help. After that you pretty much know everything that happened.

I wasn't surprised you started having nightmares. I knew you had them after everything that had happened with Hoyt. But you got over them once Jane, you will be able to do it again. I know you're terrified when you wake up from one. I honestly don't blame you. I would be too. But you need to stop worrying that you're going to hurt me as soon as you wake up. I know you never would, Jane. It only takes one word from me and I already know you're starting to relax, I can see it. I love how you can start to relax from just one word or one touch from me. I love how you can relax enough to go back to sleep after a nightmare, with me holding you. I will never get tired off being able to hold you, to be able to wrap my arms around you and pull you close.

I need you to know that when I read the letter you wrote to me, I never thought of running away from you. But when I turned around and saw you leaning against the door, I knew you thought I was going to run. I wouldn't have, Jane. I couldn't have. I will never want to run from you. From us. You see Jane, everything you wrote in the letter about how you felt for me, I feel the same.

I don't know when I fell in love with you. I don't know how it happened. I built so many walls are me when I was growing up. All of them to protect me. I never expected anyone to be able to break through. But one by one you managed to break through every single one I had built. And before I knew it, you were in my heart. There was nothing I could do. So, Jane...I know two things. The first is that I love you. The second is that I'm so glad it happened between us.

In you're letter you told me, and these are you're exact words:

'If you find the right person for you Maura, hold on to them and never let them go. I hope you find the one person that makes you're heart flutter, the one person who can make you feel like you have butterflies in you're stomach every time you look at them. But most of all, I hope that you find someone who treats you with love and respect. You deserve to be treated like a princess, don't settle for any less. You deserve the best.'

You're the right person for me, Jane. You're the one person that makes my heart flutter, the one person who makes me feel like I have butterflies in my stomach. You treat me with love and respect. I don't need to be treated like a princess, Jane. But without knowing it you treat me like one. I do deserve the best, and the best for me...Jane, its you. So if you had gone, I never would have found the right person for me. Because the right person for me wouldn't even have been in Boston any more. I don't blame you, Jane. I know you was going to do the only thing you thought you could do to escape safely. For you and Jason to escape safely.

Now here I am, sat in my hotel room in New York City, wishing more than anything that I was with you in Boston. God, Jane...you have no idea how much I wish I was with you, holding you. How much I miss you. Everything we have been through these past few months, its been hard, Jane. For both off us. If we can get through this, surely we can get through anything life throws at us. But I do need to know that we will always be best friends, no matter what happens between us romantically. I can't lose you, Jane. But surprisingly its not that that I'm worried about. I know we wouldn't survive without each other. It's that what really scares me, Jane. Never in my entire life have I needed someone to survive. But now I do. Now that Jane, that scares me more than anything.

I love you Jane Rizzoli.

I'll see you soon.

Love always,

Maura xx

Jane took an unsteady breath and wiped the tears off her cheeks. I really hurt her. Placing the letter on the table in front off her, Jane stood up. She told me she loves me. Surely that means I can fix this. Walking over to the bathroom door, Jane knocked. She didn't get an answer. Trying the door she remember Maura locked it after her. She desperately needed to see Maura. Doing the only think she could think off, Jane shouted, "Maura...come out...or let me in." She waited a few seconds then added, "Fine...I'll break the damn door." She waited a few seconds, she knew that would get Maura to unlock the door. Faintly she heard the door get unlocked but it didn't open. Taking a few deep breaths, Jane opened the door. She saw Maura leaning the bath tub, shaking. Jane knew she was crying. When she reached Maura, she bent down so she was level with her. "Hey, sweetie...we're going to be okay. We'll figure all this out later. Just please stop crying." Jane gently placed her hand on Maura's shoulder. "Look at me."

Slowly Maura looked up. Looking straight into the detective's eyes Maura saw nothing but love. This is going to break my heart as well. Not just Jane's.

"We'll be okay." Jane whispered, giving a small smile.

"Don't say that." Maura said. "We won't be."

Jane was confused. "We will be okay, Maura. We are okay."

Maura started to stand up. "Stop saying that, Jane. Don't make this any harder for me to do."

"For you to do what, Maura?" Jane stood up, so she was standing just a little bit taller than the M.E.

"Nothing can happen between us, Jane. Don't you get that?" Maura asked.

"Okay, Maura. I'm confused. Did I not just read that letter in there telling me you loved me? Or was this all some sort of test? 'let's see how Jane Rizzoli really feels about me?' Or worst, 'let's see if I can break Jane Rizzoli's heart?' Am I close, Maura? Come on, tell me." Jane shouted the last part. She was hurt. How can she do this?

"Jane..." Maura started, but was cut off.

"Let me tell you something Maura." Jane's voice lowered, so she was no lower shouting. "Do you know the last time I told anyone I loved them?" Jane didn't give Maura a chance to reply, instead she carried on. "No? It was the night before the abuse started. I told Robert I loved him, and the next day he hit me. I never said those three words to anyone after that. Not even my family." Taking a deep breath, Jane continued, "but once you read that letter, once you knew how I felt, I started telling you that I loved you, telling my family that I loved them. Once again I could finally say the words knowing no one would hurt me after I said it."

"Jane...listen to me..." Maura pleaded.

"You know how I feel about you, Maura. I love you. I told you because I knew you wouldn't hurt me afterwards. Yes I knew that there was a possibility that you wouldn't have the same feelings about me, I accepted that. I would be able to get past it."

"Jane...please."

"But this Maura. Telling me you love me, telling me you feel the same as I do, then telling me we can't do this...God, Maura...this hurts more than...more than Robert ever hurt me." Jane took a few steps back from Maura. I didn't just say that, did I? Seeing the hurt look on Maura's face she knew she had. But its the truth.

Before Maura could even think about what was happening she had Jane pressed up against the bathroom wall. Their mouths inches apart. "Don't say that." Maura pleaded. "Please."

"Maura..."

"This was never meant to happen. I never imagined we'd be doing this after you read that letter. I never imagined I'd have to say this to you. But I won't...no, I can't make you choose between me and you're family." Maura knew Jane was confused. "After what you told me last night about how you're mother tried to set you, after you told her you have feelings for me. I realised then that if we did this I would be asking you to choose. I can't do that, not to you. I know how much you're family means to you. I won't come between that. You're mother wouldn't be happy with us. I can't let you lose you're family." Maura rested her head on Jane's shoulder.

"But you'd let me lose you?" Jane asked, holding back the tears.

"But you won't lose me, Jane. I'm not going anywhere. We're best friends." Maura whispered.

"I won't lose my family either." Jane moved her shoulder so Maura had no choice but to look at her. "I won't choose because I won't need to. My family mean a lot to me, Maura you know that, but you should also know by now, that you mean a lot to my family." Jane wiped the tears that were falling down Maura's cheeks. "I can't lose you, Maur. Not now."

"But you're Mother...she obviously doesn't like the idea of us. I want you're mother to be happy for us, not trying to set you up with other people." Maura said, placing her head in the crook of Jane's neck. "I don't want us to do this. But I think its for the best. It will tear you're family apart if you're mother doesn't support us."

Jane pushed Maura back with her shoulders and held her in place. "Maura...look at me." Only when Maura met and held her gaze did Jane carry on. "Forget about my family for a second. Forget about out jobs and our work colleagues, okay?"

Maura nodded, slowly.

"Okay...so its just us. You and me. Whatever we do, its our business. No one else's. Maura we can't live our lives hoping everyone will be okay with us. We'll be happy, right?"

"Yes, I believe we would." Maura said.

"Good. Me too." Jane smiled. "That should be all that matters. Just us. As long as were happy, everyone else will be happy for us. All the people that we care about and love will be happy for us."

Maura took a deep breath. "But you're..."

"She'll be happy for us, Maura. I know she will be." Jane whispered. "She just needs time."

"How can you be so sure?" Maura questioned.

"Because she loves me, she loves you."

"But she doesn't have to be happy with us. We don't know she will be. I can't do this then ask you to choose. I can't do this knowing I might lose you. Jane...I can't." Maura whispered, the tears falling freely now.

"Maur...listen to me." Jane placed a finger under Maura's chin. Only when Jane held Maura's gaze did she continue. "I love you, okay? My mother can think what she wants. If she's happy for us then great. If not...well that's up to her. But I will not live my life the way she wants me too. I won't let her ruin what we could have. But you need to know if she isn't happy, it isn't us who is choosing. It's her. She'll have to choose Maura, 'cause I will not leave you."

"Jane..." Maura whispered.

Jane closed her eyes and sighed. What else can I say for this women to believe me. "Please, just think about it. Don't tell me this can't happen without thinking about it first."

Maura chuckled. "I was just going to say I love you too."

Jane pulled back, shocked. Wow. That I didn't expect. "Really?"

Maura smiled, "yes, really. But..."

"No...no buts. Please, just leave it like that." Jane rushed out. She didn't want to know what Maura was going to say after that. "Just answer me one question, then you can go back to the conference while I go back to bed."

"Okay, what?" She really didn't want Jane to stop her where she did, but Maura knew if she tried to get back on the subject Jane would shut her down without listening to anything she had to say. I'll bring it up again later.

"Earlier you said, 'you never imagined we'd be doing this after I read the letter,' what did you imagine we'd be doing?" Jane was really hoping this would go the way she planned. She knew Maura never lied and she was relying on that fact now. But she also knew Maura was very good at avoiding questions she didn't want to answer.

Maura's smile grew as she remembered just how things went in her imagination. This is perfect. Jane cut me off before I could finish, maybe I could tell her now. No...Maura, no. If you do this right there won't be any need for words. "Do you really want to know?" Maura asked.

"Yes," Jane replied, without any hesitation. She watched as Maura slowly nodded her head, then placed rested it on Jane's shoulder. "Tell me," Jane whispered.