"Are you really sure you want to hear this?" Maura asked, she still had Jane pressed up against the wall.
"Yes." Jane whispered. "What did you imagine we would have done?" She smiled as Maura rested her head against her shoulder again.
"Here or at our house?" Maura asked. She didn't know when she started calling it our house, she didn't really care. It feels right calling it our house.
"Here." Jane whispered, not really knowing where Maura was going with this.
Maura nodded. "After I gave it to you, I would have gone back to the conference leaving you to read it on alone." Maura started remembering everything she had imagined would have happened. "Once you read it you would have tried to phone me, hanging up after a few rings you decided it would be best to text me, telling me you needed to see me. Finally after waiting around for a reply from me you would have come to find me." Maura took a deep breath then continued, "you would have quite easily spotted me in the conference room, but you would have stood back and just watched me for a while." Maura snaked one of her hands around Jane's back trying to pull her closer. "I know the second you walk into any room I'm already in. God, Jane. I always love knowing you're watching me. Makes me feels safe."
"Maur..." Jane whispered. She wasn't surprised when Maura ignored her.
"After a while you would have come over to me, not caring that everyone was looking at you. You would have told me you needed to speak to me now, you wouldn't have given me any option but to leave. When I stood up you smiled at me, and oh my god Jane, it's that one smile that tells me I've made the right decision giving you that letter." Maura pulls back so she is no longer in Jane's arms, to see the exact smile she had just told Jane about currently on her face. Maura smiles back, "yes Jane, that smile."
For the next few seconds they just stood smiling each other. Maura was the first to break the silence. "You would have grabbed my hand and pulled me out the conference room. Neither of us would have spoke until we were in the elevator and then it would have only took me whispering you're name for you to pull me into you're arms." Maura squealed when she felt Jane pull her towards her.
"Like this?" Jane whispered, wrapping her arms around Maura's waist.
"Mmmhh." Maura mumbled, resting her head back on Jane's shoulder.
Jane was surprised when Maura didn't try and pull away. She wouldn't have let her go even if she did. "Carry on," Jane whispered.
Maura lifted her head to look at Jane, who in return tightened her grip around the M.E thinking she was going to try and run.
"You're enjoying this." Maura stated.
"Yep. I didn't know you imagined this. I like hearing you talk like this." Jane smiled.
Maura laughed and rested her head back on Jane's shoulder. "In the elevator you would have told me you loved me."
"I love you." Jane whispered.
Maura smiled. "I wouldn't have wanted to talk, Jane. So instead I would have leant up and kissed you. Just lightly and it would've only lasted a few seconds. But it would have been our first kiss."
Jane kissed the top of Maura's head. If only she wasn't resting her head on my shoulder, I would have been able to kiss her lips. "Carry on," Jane whispered.
"We shouldn't do this, Jane."
Jane pulled back a little so she could look at Maura. "You can't stop there. Carry on."
"Jane..." Maura whispered.
"So you want to go back to the conference?" Jane asked letting her arms fall to her sides. "I'm going back to bed. I'll meet you for dinner, let me know what time you'll be finished." Jane walked out of the bathroom and went in the direction off the bedroom.
Maura didn't want to go back to the conference. It was the last thing she wanted to do. But she was scared if she continued where she was going with the imagination she wouldn't be able to stop. Her mind was made up when she looked up and saw Jane leave the bathroom. Running up behind her Maura slipped her hand around Jane waist.
Jane stopped dead in her tracks once she felt Maura's hand resting on her stomach.
"We would have walked through the door hand in hand, after closing it behind you, you would have pushed me up against it." Maura whispered in Jane's ear. She pulled back when she felt Jane moving. Before she knew it Jane had her pressed up against the bathroom door.
Jane pressed her body flush with Maura's. Smiling, Jane whispered, "like this?"
"Jane..." Maura whimpered.
"Carry on."
"You would have started kissing my neck..." Maura had to stop as a small gasp escaped her mouth from the feather light kisses Jane started placing on her neck.
"Maur?"
"I can't carry on with you doing that." Maura pushed Jane back by the shoulders, so she could take a minute to calm herself down. God...that mouth. If she can do that to me just from kissing my neck I'd love to know what else she can do to me.
Jane smiled. "Fine." She huffed. "I'll keep my mouth to myself." She placed her head on Maura's shoulder, her mouth a few inches from Maura's neck.
"God Jane...you're not making this easy." Maura whispered.
Jane laughed. "And you are? I want you Maura, with you talking like this is making it hard for me not to have you."
Maura gulped, "Jane..."
"But I want to hear this." Jane kissed Maura's neck, then whispered, "I need to hear this."
"Take me to bed Jane." Maura said.
Jane pulled back.
Maura misread the look on Jane's face. "I would have then asked you to take me to bed." Maura rushed out, hoping Jane thought she was still going on with the imagination.
Jane took Maura's hand and pulled her towards the bedroom.
All of a sudden Maura wasn't sure about anything. "Jane...what are we doing?"
"What feels right. Aren't we?" Jane turned to face Maura, "if you're not sure about this..."
"I am. It does feel right." Maura smiled.
"Good." Jane whispered. Gently pushing Maura on the bed Jane laid at the side off her. Both laid on their backs staring at the ceiling. Both knew what would be happening in a little while. After a while Jane turned to lay on her side, she lifted herself up so she could lean on her elbow. Their eyes met and held while Jane's hand found its way under Maura's shirt, her fingers tracing light patterns on her stomach. She smiled as she watched Maura's eyes flutter close at the touch. "Do you want me to move my hand or is this okay?"
"It...It's okay."
"So...are you going to pick up where you left off?" Jane asked.
Maura opened her eyes and smiled. "You really want to hear this don't you?"
Jane nodded. "I do."
"Okay." Maura closed her eyes again and sighed. "We would have just stayed like this just kissing. After a while you would have started unbuttoning my shirt." She took a deep breath as she felt Jane move her hand from under her shirt to start unbuttoning it. She only managed to unbutton a couple off buttons until she noticed Maura wasn't breathing. Lowering her head so her mouth was next to Maura's ear, Jane whispered, "breathe, babe. You need to breathe." Jane heard Maura mutter something but she couldn't make it out, so she lifted her head to look at Maura. "What did you just say?"
"Jane..." Maura pleaded.
"No. That wasn't it. What did you say?"
Maura opened her eyes, they quickly locked with Jane's. "I said...So much better."
Jane smiled. "Carry..."
"Carry on, I know." Maura smiled.
Jane took that as her cue to carry on unbuttoning Maura's shirt. She only had a couple off buttons left to undo when she felt Maura place a hand on top of hers, making Jane unable to unbutton the last remaining ones. Jane looked back at Maura who was doing everything she could not to look at the detective. When Jane did catch Maura's gaze, she knew she was scared.
"Can I talk to my best friend, please?" Maura whispered.
Jane rested her hand back on Maura's stomach. "I never went anywhere." Jane whispered. "Talk to me Maur, please."
"What if we're making a mistake?"
"Do you believe we are?" Jane asked, once again her fingers starting to trace light patterns again.
"No." Maura gulped.
"Do you want us to stop?" Jane asked.
"No." Maura returned Jane's smile. "So...we should continue?"
"I can't make that decision for you Maura. You have to want this, you..." Jane was cut off.
"I do. I do want this." Maura whispered.
"What is you're heart telling you?"
"That's the problem Jane, my heart is screaming at me to make love to you right now..." Maura smiled. "But my head is telling me that even if this works between us, sooner or later we are going to tear each other apart." Maura was trying not to cry at the thought, but she couldn't stop the lone tear from rolling down her cheek.
Jane wiped the tear away with her thumb. "I prefer what you're heart is telling you. But you need to know that if we, for some reason, tear our relationship apart nothing can tear our friendship apart. We've already proved that with everything we have been through. If we don't work out, I'm not going anywhere. You're my best friend Maura, nothing will change that."
Maura nodded. "So...Best friends before anything else?"
"Yes. Best friends before anything else." Jane smiled.
"Now what?" Maura asked.
"That's all up to you."
"Jane..." Maura sighed. "Don't put everything on me."
Jane smiled. "But it is all on you, Maura. I'll be happy either way." Leaning down Jane place a soft kiss to Maura's cheek.
"Nothing has happened. How could you be happy either way?" Maura looked away.
"Maura, look at us. If nothing has happened between us why are we laid like this. Something has happened. We both feel the same way about each other, right?" Jane asked.
Maura nodded.
"Then as long as we don't run from this then I'll be happy to leave things the way they are now. We don't have to rush things Maura." Jane smiled as she placed another kiss to Maura's cheek.
Maura smiled. "Jane...kiss me."
Jane nodded as she slowly leant in. She stopped a few inches from kissing Maura's lip. "Are you sure, Maura?"
Maura looked in Jane's eyes. She had never wanted anything as much as she wanted Jane to kiss her. Placing a hand behind Jane's neck, Maura pulled her closer but stopped when they were millimetres apart. "I want this, Jane." Maura whispered, before pulling Jane down to meet her lips.
It was a chaste kiss. It only lasted a few seconds before Jane started to pull away. Maura wouldn't have it. She pulled Jane back down to her and started to deepen the kiss. They pulled away a few minute later. Jane rested her forehead against Maura's. "I love you, Maura." Jane whispered.
"I love you too." Maura leant up and placed a kiss to Jane's lip. "What you said earlier about you're mother, did you mean it?"
"I will not let her ruin this for us. But I really do think once she has got her head around the idea, she'll support us. If not...it's her problem. Not ours. Okay?" Jane kissed Maura's nose. "She'll be happy were happy."
Maura smiled. "And if she isn't?"
"Like I said...It will be her problem." Jane smiled. She rolled onto her back and held Maura's hand. "Are you okay? I mean with all this?"
"Yes. Are you?" Maura turned onto her side so she could look at Jane.
"Yes." Jane's eyes closed as she felt Maura's hand snake under her tank top.
"You didn't finish with my shirt." Maura whispered in Jane's ear, before placing kisses along Jane's jaw line.
"Maura..." Jane whispered.
Maura smiled and pulled back so she could look at Jane. "I want this, Jane. I really do."
Jane nodded. She didn't trust her voice at this second.
Maura leant back down and captured Jane's lips with her own. Pulling back when they both needed to breath.
"Jesus...Maur..."
"I want this to be about you..." Maura moved her hand further up Jane's stomach. "I want to be able to touch you, kiss you, feel you." Maura moved her mouth to Jane's neck, her hand moving ever so slowly up Jane's stomach. "I want to taste you."
Jane moaned, it was the first ever time Maura had talked like this to her, and it was doing wonders to Jane. "Maura...please."
Maura stilled her hand. "Do you want this, Jane?" Maura mumbled against Jane's neck.
"Ye...Christ...Maura, yes." Jane panted.
Maura smirked and started moving her hand in the opposite direction, quicker then before. Maura smiled as she heard Jane's irregular breathing. She knew her breathing matched Jane's. Stopping what she doing she straddled Jane and looked down to see Jane with her mouth parted and eyes closed. "Look at me, Jane?"
Jane slowly opened her eyes to see Maura straddling her, her shirt half open, hair a mess, her chest heaving and a smile spread across Maura's face. All she could see in arousal and love in Maura's eyes and she would bet her life that her own eyes matched.
Maura leaned forward and kissed Jane, her hands fumbling to open Jane's jeans. Once they were opened, Maura lifted her own hips up a little so she could get her hand in Jane's panties. Just as she was going to she felt Jane grab her hand and pull away from their kiss. She heard Jane sob, and she knew she had lost her.
Jane quickly got up from under Maura and practically ran to the bathroom. Slamming the door behind her, Jane slid down the wall so she was sat on the floor. I need to tell her.
Maura laid on the bed, wondering what the hell had happened. She knew Jane was keeping something from her. Twenty minutes later, Maura got up from the bed and fastened her shirt back up before walking to the bathroom door. She pushed on it gently, expecting it to be locked, it was a shock when it creaked open, revealing Jane sat on the floor, her head in her arms, sobbing. Maura bent a little and tucked her hands under Jane's arms to pull her up.
Jane stood up quite easily but refused to look at Maura. She kept her head down as Maura guided her to the couch. Jane was pulled down on to the couch once Maura has sat. Quickly turning around so she had her back to Maura, Jane pulled her legs up to her chest.
Maura sighed. Placing her hands on Jane's shoulders, Maura pulled her back.
Jane tried to put up a fight, but ending up just resting her head on the arm off the couch. Her gaze still avoiding Maura.
"What happened?" Maura whispered, her fingers tracing the scar just above Jane's breast. She had never seen it before today. She felt Jane tense up. "It's just me, Jane. Talk to me."
"I...I...Maura, I can't." Jane stammered.
"Did Robert do this to you?" Maura asked, her voice just above a whisper.
Jane nodded, she placed her head on Maura's shoulder. She refused to cry again. "I always feel safe when I'm in you're arms." Jane whispered.
"You are safe. He's dead, Jane. He can't hurt you any more." Maura rubbed her hand up and down Jane's arm. "What happened?"
Jane sighed. "He came home from work, really pissed off. Jason was at the park with you, Frost and Korsak. We was going to meet you there when Robert got home from work. I had never seem him that angry before."
Maura nodded. She remembered that day.
"I told him I was going to get ready to meet you guys. I was upstairs changing, when I came down, he was sat in kitchen with a knife in his hand. He pounced on me, I wasn't quick enough to get away. He pinned me down on the floor, the knife to my neck. He told me if I screamed or put up a fight he was going to kill me." Jane closed her eyes as the tears started falling. For the first time ever she was telling someone what happened that day. "He seem to come to senses a little bit, cause he moved the knife away from my throat. Then he cut me, told me he was being deadly serious."
Maura knew what Jane was going to tell her. As much as she didn't want to hear this, she knew she couldn't tell Jane to stop. "It's okay, Jane." Maura whispered.
Jane looked up at Maura for the first time since she jumped out off bed. She saw Maura's eyes glistening with tears. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't..."
"Jane, I'm okay. Tell me..."
"You know, Maura. You wouldn't be trying to fight you're tears if you didn't know what I was going to tell you." Jane tried to get up. She knows now. Just go...let her live her life.
"You're not going anywhere, Jane." Maura pushed back down on Jane's shoulders. "Talk to me."
"He raped me, Maura."
Maura took a sharp intake off breath. She knew Jane was going to tell her that. But hearing the words come out off Jane's mouth, it was harder for her to handle. "You still came to the park." Maura whispered.
Jane nodded. "I needed to."
"I knew something was bothering you. I should have made you talk to me." Maura whispered.
"I wouldn't have talked, Maura, you know that." Jane said. "I just wanted to be with you and my son. I got to spend the day and night with you both. That helped more than talking about it ever would have."
Maura nodded. She didn't know what to say. So she just stayed quiet. Jane closed her eyes, and snaked an arm around Maura's back. "Promise me something?"
Maura nodded. "What?"
"Promise me that no matter what happens, you will never leave me." Jane asked. She realised that she was begging. "I can't be alone, Maura. I don't know what I'd..."
"Jane...stop. I'm not going anywhere, ever. I promise, I won't leave you. Not now...not ever." Maura placed a kiss on Jane's forehead. "I promise."
"What if I'm never ready? I thought I was, I really wanted you, but all I could think about when you undid my jeans was him." Jane mumbled. She never wanted to tell Maura want happened, she had hoped she was strong enough not to tell her.
"Hey, Jane we'll get there. It may take time but we'll get there." Maura said.
"How can be so sure, Maura? What if..."
"I know because, now tell me if I'm mistaken but you were turned on..." Maura stopped waiting to see if Jane was going to tell her she was wrong. When Jane didn't say anything Maura continued, "I know I was. We had hardly touched each other, Jane. That's how I know we will get there. With time."
"Do you really want to wait until I'm ready? You could be someone else who can satisfy you. I'd understand if you don't want to wait." Jane said, shyly. She dreaded Maura's answer, but she also knew that if Maura didn't want to wait for her that she have to accept it.
"Jane, enough. Look at me." Maura waited for Jane to move, to look at her, but she didn't. "Now Jane." Maura said, anger in her voice.
Jane slowly raised her head and started to sit up. Finally after doing everything super slow, she had no choice but to look at Maura. She doesn't want you. She's going to leave you, before anything has really happened.
"I know you're stubborn Jane, but this is unbelievable. I'm not going anywhere. EVER. You can tell me anything and I still won't leave you Jane. I can't. I had a taste off you not being in my life when I first got here. I couldn't even last a few hours before I had to call or text you. I couldn't think about anything but YOU. I became angry knowing that I had everything in my life that I ever hoped for but it wasn't enough. You weren't here. I'd happily give anything I could for you. My job, my money, my clothes."
"You're shoes?" Jane couldn't help but ask.
Maura laughed. "Even my shoes. Jane I love you. And if we never make love then I'll be okay with that. What he did was..." Maura shook her head, and continued on a different path. "Jane, I promise nothing will ever make me stop loving you. I want to be with you Jane. As you're best friend, you're girlfriend, you're lover one day, but if that day never comes, I'll understand."
Jane nodded. "Are you sure about this Maura? I mean really sure?"
Maura looked into Jane's eyes. "I am. I love you." Before leaning over and placing a soft kiss on Jane's lips. She was surprised when she felt Jane's hand on the back of her neck, pulling her closer.
When they finally pulled apart Jane smiled. "I love you too."
Maura nodded. "Now promise me something?" She pulled back so she could properly look at Jane. "Promise me you won't ever shut me out, that you will always talk to me. No matter how much it hurts or how much you think it will hurt me. Promise me we'll talk about everything and anything, no matter what it is."
Jane took a deep breath. She knew that was a big promise for her, but she always knew Maura needed this. "I promise." Jane whispered.
Maura smiled. "Good. Now I'm cancelling the rest off the conference's and we're going to spend the last two days with each other. No one else, just us. Doing nothing but sightseeing."
Jane laughed. "I'd like that. But can we please add eating and sleeping to that list? Oh and some more eating?"
Maura laughed. "Sure. One condition though..."
"Should have known." Jane grumbled.
Maura went to smack to arm but stopped at the last minute when she realised what she was going to do. Quickly she pulled her hand away from Jane and looked away from her. "I pick where we go for dinner." Maura whispered, fighting the sob that was threatening to come to the surface.
Jane had seen the look in Maura's eyes when she pulled her hand away from Jane. "Maura..."
"I'm okay." Maura said.
"No you're not. That promise I just made it goes both ways, Maura. Talk to me." Jane said.
"He could have killed you. How can you be okay with what he did?" Maura sobbed.
"I'm not. But you have to remember you have just found out about this. I've kinda already dealt with it." Jane said, pulling Maura close so she could hug her.
"Jane..."
"It's okay." Jane whispered moving so she could lay down, she pulled Maura down with her.
Maura rested her head on Jane's chest and closed her eyes. Nothing had changed about how she felt for Jane and she knew nothing had changed for Jane either.
"Try and get some sleep Maura. I think we're both tired." Jane kissed Maura's hair.
Maura nodded. "I love you."
"Love you too." Jane closed her eyes holding tightly onto Maura. She just hoped Maura didn't have any more questions for her when they woke up. You promised, Jane. If she has...you have to answer them. No matter what. "No matter what." Jane whispered.
Maura heard Jane whisper, she thought it was to add to the 'I love you' Jane had just whispered to her. She had no idea Jane was making sure she could answer all the questions Maura might have. All the questions I will never ask. No matter what. "No matter what." She whispered.
They both asleep, hoping this was the beginning off there lives together. No more secrets between them.