(I am so sorry this is so late feel free to hate me)
Chapter 7
"Dean, I must apologise-" Castiel was cut off by Dean speaking at the same time.
"Cas about last night-" The two boys looked at each other, both feeling guilty about the night before. Cas had been reckless, he knew this, thinking Dean would still want to kiss him - want him at all- after admitting to Sam that he thought their first kiss was a mistake.
Whereas Dean was drowning in his guilt, he wanted to kiss Cas so badly, he'd never felt so strongly about a person before and wanted nothing less than to touch him, feel him, kiss him. He was just too god damn afraid of what he was feeling, it was something that lead to commitment and for a hunter, that was one thing he couldn't afford to have. He wanted to laugh at the fact that he, Dean Winchester, hunter of the supernatural, was afraid of kissing a guy. A guy. That detail had him reeling, he'd never thought himself to swing that way and now that he apparently did, naturally he would seek the approval of the one person who's opinion mattered the most; Sam's.
Dean had felt a weight lift off his shoulders when his brother seemed uninterested in the revelation, as if it had been obvious before his admission. Dean wondered if he had missed parts of his own behaviour that would lead Sam to question his sexuality. But right now, the most important thing on his mind was Cas standing in front of him, nervously tugging on his shirt's sleeve.
"Cas, I'm sorry for running out on you like that. I'm an asshole, I know, but I gotta tell you that I've never wanted to do anything more than I want to kiss you and I'm too god damn stupid to do it," Dean got the words out in a hurry, embarrassed that he was being forced to admit his feelings.
Cas simply stood there, in front of Dean in the hall, feeling flustered as the meaning of Dean's words hit him. Dean was scared too, almost as much as himself it would seem.
"Dean, you have nothing to apologise for, I should not have-"
"Yeah you sure as hell should have, and I should have kissed you back." Dean said the last few words in a whisper that sent shivers down Cas's spine, realising that they had moved closer to each other so their faces were mere inches apart.
"Dean…" was all Cas could whisper in response, before seeing Dean's eyes suddenly dart around, taking in the people surrounding them, and moving back sharply out of his reach. Dean gave him an apologetic look, but that still didn't sooth the ache that had wrapped its way around Cas's chest.
"I guess it would be stupid to ask but, can I get a second chance? Making promises aren't exactly my thing but I can try not to screw up," Dean sighed, "I've just never had to deal with these kind of… things."
Castiel tilted his head slightly as he wondered what 'things' Dean could be talking about.
"Sexuality" Dean blurted out, not being able to stand Cas's gaze, "I had issues getting over the fact I'm gay, okay?" he laughed in exasperation as he spoke.
"Dean, surely you could not think that to be an issue?" Cas looked up at Dean, not that he'd ever looked away, with wide eyes, too innocent for Dean to comprehend.
"Well I don't know where you were brought up but not everyone's so fine and dandy about it," Cas simply shrugged, not wanting to delve into the issue surrounding sexual orientation, seeing as technically angels had no gender, and that it was merely the vessel holding him that was male.
"Dean, of course you're forgiven. Of course you have a 'second chance' though you could never ruin the first one," Dean couldn't help but smile at the fond crinkles surrounding Cas's eyes and if he were a pre-teen girl he could have described the feeling as 'melting on the inside'.
But Dean was a man, and okay yeah, he was melting under the others boy's gaze.
The bell ringing to signal the start of first period cut off any further conversation –and girly thoughts on Dean's part- so the two boys turned to their class and walked together in silence.
x
"Would you like to come over this afternoon?" Castiel asked tentatively during lunch, still unsure about Dean's reaction, even after that morning. They sat against a tree, shoulders and knees pressed together, careful trepidation still evident between their newfound… something. What exactly was between them neither knew, but it was definitely more than simply 'friendship'.
"Uh-" Dean froze for a moment, he and Sam were supposed to patrol the next museum for the monster that night. He really wished he could go, but he was always taught that hunting took priority over personal business. "Wish I could Cas, but I'm kinda busy tonight. Hunting."
Cas nodded in understanding, he assumed Balthazar would send him out again that night as usual to retrieve the next item, he thought about postponing his trip but he knew that Dean, persistent as he was, would simply return the following nights until he showed up. He wanted to tell Dean that he didn't have to go, that the 'monster' wouldn't harm anyone and to leave well alone. But doing so would also alert Dean to the fact that the seemingly harmless and human boy had some connection to it.
"Another day then," Dean nodded, smiling at the thought of spending afternoons with Cas, away from prying eyes, free to kiss and touch.
"Can't wait to actually catch this son of a bitch so I won't have to keep having late nights," Dean rubbed his eyes as if accentuating his point.
"But what if he just stopped? What if he disappeared, would you keep looking for him or..?" Cas tilted his head curiously, debating his chances if he just gave up. He'd already considered taking back all the weapons in one night, but when he confronted Balthazar about it, was told it would be too likely to attract heaven's attention. As if what he was doing wasn't already ringing alarm bells upstairs anyway.
"You win some, you lose some I guess. But I have no idea what this thing is, it might be more dangerous than me and Sam think," Dean mused, "Sam thinks it's an angel of all things, can you believe that? Angels coming down to Earth to steal from museums. 'Thou shalt not steal', yeah right."
"I believe some angels may choose to rebel for certain reasons. We take free will for granted Dean, I do not think you could know what a lack of it would feel like," Cas smiled slightly, remembering the reason for his own rebellion was sitting right next to him.
"So what, we're up against a fallen angel? You're as bad as Sam about this stuff," Dean teased, shooting Cas a bright-eyed smirk that had him smiling softly too.
Cas couldn't help himself but take Dean's hand, letting it rest against the soft ground, and revelling in the electric feeling of his touch, not bothering to question the sensation any longer.
x
"Hey baby bro, how was school?" Gabriel asked Castiel as he approached the car at the end of the day, turning from his conversation with none other than Sam Winchester, who was smiling dopily at something the older boy had said. He noticed how Cas's gaze hadn't reached him yet and was tracking something else's path across the parking lot -Dean's path- . "Or should I be asking how was Dean?" Gabriel raised an eyebrow and shared a glance with Sam.
"Uh- I'd better get going. See you tomorrow Gabe," Sam said quietly and started walking off in his brother's direction.
"See you around kiddo!" Gabriel replied, sending a wink the younger Winchester's way.
"Gabriel?" Cas stared at his brother curiously.
"What? He's cute," Gabriel smirked.
And a hunter. And hunting us, Cas replied silently. But then again, that wasn't stopping him and Dean.
Not that Dean was aware of Castiel's secret though.
"You all good for tonight?" Gabriel snapped Castiel out of his thoughts, Cas nodding in answer, "Good 'cause you better get started early to get those hunters off your trail,"
Castiel almost laughed at the irony.
x
As soon as Castiel arrived home, he dashed into his room to pull off his shirt and let his wings out to relieve the ache that had been steadily throbbing through his back all day from sheer lack of concentration. Whether that was due to emotional exhaustion or excitement, he didn't know.
He laid face-down on his bed, waiting for nightfall and anticipating the next day with Dean. Maybe Dean could come over that afternoon. Maybe they could just talk for hours. Maybe Cas could get Balthazar to make dinner for them with some semblance of human tradition.
Castiel stayed in the same position until Balthazar knocked on the door, disturbing his peace. Castiel sat up, arranging his wings so they fell on either side of the bed. Balthazar smirked in a way that echoed Gabriel's too greatly for Cas to not be concerned about his intention.
"So I heard some interesting news from Gabriel the other day," Balthazar's smirk grew wider as Castiel's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"I have done nothing of import recently, what did Gabriel tell you?"
"Oh just something about some very important part of fallen angel biology you obviously aren't aware of," Balthazar teased.
"I don't understand, are we not identical to humans in every way but our grace?"
"Well yes but the defining feature is the grace so of course we'd work a little differently," Castiel just got even more confused, "I'm giving you the angel version of 'the talk' Castiel," Balthazar sighed.
"You see, humans have this silly concept of soul mates. Rubbish, all of it. But angels don't have souls, we have grace, which is a lot more active than souls. Are you following?" Balthazar paused
"Of course, every angel knows this but what does this have to do with me?" Balthazar broke into a full grin.
"Angel grace behaves differently to a soul and so can sort of, force itself onto a human's soul, reaching out and trying to latch onto it, sort of like a soul mate but the real thing," Balthazar could almost hear the gears turning in his head as he slowly worked out what Balthazar was telling him.
"I'm not entirely sure I un-" Balthazar cut him off.
"This process is most noticeable through touch Cassie, like electricity?" Castiel's eyes shot up as he finally understood.
"My grace is forcing a soul mate bond over Dean?" his eyes widened impossibly and he shook his head violently, "this can't happen this can't be consensual how do I stop it?" he asked fearfully.
"It wouldn't happen unless the soul is willing Cas, it seems young Dean Winchester has a thing for my little brother," Balthazar laughed.
"I never said anything about Dean," Cas shot back.
"Honestly, who else was it going to be? Not that hard a guess, you only have one friend," Balthazar winked before changing topics suddenly, "You ready for tonight then? Better get started early to-"
"To get the hunters off my trail. I know, Gabriel told me earlier," Castiel answered, still dazed over the fact that his grace and Dean's soul were literally pulling them closer, begging for them to be close to each other in all meanings of the word.
"I'll leave you to get ready then, you sure you're okay to go alone?" Balthazar's concern was evident as he caught Castiel's gaze. Cas simply nodded and Balthazar did the same as a good-bye and left his room, though rather reluctantly.
Cas sluggishly stood from his bed and moved to his closet to find a change of clothes. Once he had he paused before leaving his room, fantasising about Dean finding him at the museum and accepting him, where Cas could finish what he'd started doing with Dean's support. Which was the one thing he desired most.
"I'm leaving now," Cas told his brothers, focusing on the early-night sky's darkness that would be his cover. He closed his eyes and focused on the place he wanted to end up, and with one beat of his wings he was there. Teleportation, he had decided, was such a poor representation of his true movement to his destination, but it was the easiest name for it.
He reached out with his senses slightly, testing to see if anyone, namely Dean, was in the building, and found no one. The slight disappointment he felt was ignored as he strode with purpose towards the display which contained his goal.
With minimal effort, it was retrieved and Cas flew back home within minutes, barely pausing when he felt two people arrive outside the grand building. Balthazar and Gabriel acknowledged his return briefly and relieved him of the weapon.
Castiel returned to his room and retook his previous position on the bed, wings spread open, nearly stretching from wall-to-wall. He resumed his waiting, for sunrise this time, in a state as close to sleep as possible. With more dreams -not so much dreams as Castiel could never sleep- of Dean Winchester.
x
Castiel had passed through much of the morning in the same dream-like state as he could find no reason to pay attention to the monogamous routines of his brothers.
By the time he and Gabriel arrived at school, the Impala was already parked nearby with Dean leaning against the hood. Castiel hurriedly got out of the car and walked over to him.
"Was wondering when you'd get here," Dean teased, with a mischievous glint in his eye, reminding Cas of the look in Balthazar's the night before.
"I hope you weren't waiting long, Dean," Cas replied sheepishly, but couldn't hold in the warm grin claiming his mouth. Dean's face lit up similarly.
"So that invitation to your place wouldn't still be standing would it?" Dean asked.
"Any time is fine, my brothers don't mind,"
"Brothers? I thought it was just Gabe and your uncle?" Dean's eyes narrowed with confusion slightly.
"Of course," Cas hastily back tracked, "that is what I meant, Gabriel and my uncle. Just a mistake on my part," he cringed internally as he knew how awkward his cover sounded.
"Right, so you wanna go in?" Dean laughed quietly, brushing off Cas's slip.
"Yes, lets." Dean laughed again, "what is so funny Dean?"
"Nothing, just sometimes the way you say things. Not many people talk like you Cas," Castiel turned his head away as he felt his face start to heat slightly.
"I'm sorry Dean, is it an issue?"
"Nah Cas, I like it." As Castiel turned back he caught Dean's wink his way, which only helped to increase his already formed blush. That made Dean laugh even harder, throwing his head back slightly in a way that made Cas never want to stop watching the boy laugh like that.
Once Dean calmed down, he caught Cas's stare, which didn't miss the suddenly flushed skin creeping up the base of his neck, in obvious embarrassment.
"I apologise for staring, Dean," Cas said quietly.
"Don't apologise Cas, I don't mind. I mean, if you were just some stranger then yeah, it'd be kinda weird but it's you. So I don't mind." This made a small -but still self-conscious- smile set itself on Cas's face at Dean's words.
They walked to class in silence once more, but this time both with outwardly stupid smiles on their faces, gaining a few odd looks from passers-by. But neither could care less for they were still caught in their own worlds, with only each other.
x
By the time the last bell of the day rang, Dean and Cas were both rushing outside to meet with their respective brothers to inform them of their plans for the afternoon. It was hardly a surprise to see them together at Gabe's car once more.
"Hey bro," Gabriel greeted Cas as the two boys approached, ignoring Dean for the moment, "Me and Sammy here are gonna go for some food so is it okay if you get a ride home?" Dean's eyes narrowing in suspicion did not escape Castiel's notice.
"Dean was going to come over to our house anyway so I can go with him," Castiel gestured towards Dean as he spoke. Gabriel simply pursed his lips in amusement and nodded.
"Well I suppose that's acceptable. Just don't get up to too much trouble when poor old Balthy is there all by himself," Gabriel raised an eyebrow mockingly. Castiel shook his head in embarrassment as he heard Dean's quiet laughter from his side. He muttered a quiet 'goodbye' to his brother as Dean did the same with Sam, and turned towards the Impala.
The ride to Cas's house was filled with an unsure, excitable energy as neither boy was entirely sure of what the visit meant, whether it was to further their relationship after the awkward confessions, or to ignore exactly that.
By the time they arrived, it seemed Dean had made up his mind as he hovered awkwardly between the Impala and the house as Cas shut the car's door behind him.
"Dean, are you okay?" Cas tilted his head as he felt the nervous energy rolling off him.
"Uh- ye-yeah, I am. Just… hang on," Dean cast a glance around, as if looking if anyone was around to watch them. He wiped his obviously sweating hands on his jeans and reached upwards. Cas shivered slightly when Dean's hand curled around his cheek hesitantly, as if asking permission, and his breathing sped up as Dean leaned towards him. He could feel the electric energy running between them, which he now recognised as Dean's soul desperately pushing towards his own grace. He opened himself up to gratefully accept it as Dean's lips touched his once more. The feeling of electricity multiplied impossibly and Cas could sense, as Dean's muscles tensed then relaxed, that the other boy could feel it too.
Cas gasped as the feeling intensified even more and Dean took the advantage to lick his way into his mouth, exploring in a way he hadn't gotten to before, savouring every taste that was distinctly Cas. Cas followed Dean's lead as he learned what would get the greatest reactions from him; a swipe of tongue over teeth, a scrape of teeth over his lower lip, loving every gasp and sound he got out of him.
The moment -that could have been seconds or hours for all the pair cared- was over all too soon as they had to break for air. Or well, Dean had to.
"Um, sorry abou-" Dean was cut off by a peck to his lips.
"Don't you dare apologise for that Dean Winchester," Castiel warned breathlessly. Dean simply laughed.
"So uh, want to go inside?" Dean rubbed the back of his neck and laughing quietly and awkwardly.
"Of course, but I believe that if you intend to continue what you started that we do so in my room out of range of Balthazar," Cas deadpanned, then let a small smile that had been aching for freedom to get through. Dean's responding laugh sounded relieved.
"Sure Cas, whatever you want," he winked once more and the heat returned once more to Cas's face. He wondered if he would ever get over responding as such to Dean, and figured he could never get used to such a wonderful boy.
Now cross-posted on AO3 if anyone prefers that website!
/works/1080267/chapters/2171155