Sacrifices

Chapter Five

In Which Not All Nightmares Sleep

Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.
~Friedrich Nietzsche

Padmé woke, her eyes snapping open with more vigor then she usually had over the course of a week. One thought kept pounding in her mind with such force that it threatened to break its way through her skull. The children. The children. Find the children.

She lunged for the edge of the bed, her legs tangling in the thick comforter, sending her tumbling to the cold wooden floor but she didn't actually hit the floor...at least not most of her. Three small voices of surprise cried out as she realized just what had broken her fall. It was the children. All of them. Here, safe.

Her dark eyes blinked several times as she stared, her mind not quite registering the sight. They were here. They were safe.

She pulled them close, ignoring the way Luke's Capetian Universe sleep suit itched against her bear arms and encased them all in an almost bone crushing hug. They did not protest. Quite the contrary, the tighter she held them, the tighter they held her back.

"What were you doing in my bed? Did one of you have a nightmare?" she asked, trying desperately not to let the residual panic slip into her voice.

It was a foolish question really. They were so bounded together that, on the few occasions one of them had woken up screaming, the others had as well. Obi-wan had told her of similar bonds amongst the few cases of siblings that had been admitted into the Jedi order, but none of them had been anything quite like this. Perhaps it could be attributed to who their father is—was—or perhaps it could have to do with them being triplets; maybe it was more a combination of those factors. Either way it only reaffirmed her decision not to separate them, not that it had been much of a decision at all.

Three pairs of eyes looked up at her, two clearest blue and one rich brown, and she knew she did not have them fooled.

"No. You." Luke said.

"We make it go away." Leia chimed in, almost unable to allow her brother the only words.

Padmé pressed her hand to her mouth. Why did they have to be so perceptive? Why couldn't they just stay innocent and oblivious forever? It was bad enough that the fall of the Republic (and the events surrounding it) had cost them their father, they did not need to know how much it had cost them of their mother as well.

This was never how it was supposed to be. She had chosen to fight—to live—so that she could take care of them. So that she could be strong for them. But honestly, it was the children that were keeping her together.

Once, on the dieing world of Et-ka-to she had encountered a sight that had never really left her. The statue had, at one point, been considered one of the greatest wonders of the galaxy. A single structure, two hundred meters high carved out of a single stalagmite of crystal occupied a comparatively small cave in the side of a mountain.

A few centuries before her visit, however, a natural disaster had caused the entire weight of the mountain to fall upon the statue. Amazingly enough, despite being mostly buried, the statue had looked almost perfect. Padmé had asked their guide why no one had ever attempted to dig it out and preserve it.

By not digging it out, they were preserving it. The disaster had damaged it; causing so crack into pieces, many no bigger then a human finger. The weight of the mountain was so great, however, the it kept the pieces from falling out of place and the statue from crumbling into little more then sand.

She was the statue now—seemingly fine on the outside, but unable to keep herself together save for the weight of her children.

"There you are," a voice said from the door way, "younglings, why don't go and eat and then we can start your lessons?"

Luke nodded vigorously at Ahsoka's suggestion, his blond curls bouncing against his face. He all but ran out the door and to the kitchen, excited by the duel prospect of food and Jedi training. Leia followed after him, not even bothering to hide the fact that she was just as excited.

Lori, however, didn't move. She looked up at Padmé, her eyes clear and focused, silently asking if she would be alright; if Padmé no longer needed her strength.

Padmé sighed at her daughter's in-ignorable and preferred mode of communication.

For a while she had been deathly afraid that the complications surrounding Lori's birth had in some way stunted her mental development. Luke had said his first word just after his first birthday and Leia started just after that, picking up words faster then her brother until she had left him in the dust, forming much more complex sentences. But Lori was different, by their second birthday, she had uttered nary a peep and Padmé had almost driven her mad with worry. She had tearfully confessed her fears to Obi-wan late one night when she thought the children were asleep.

Lori had been sitting in her crib, watching. A few seconds after Padmé had made her fears known, Lori's stuffed gundark came flying out the crib.

"Momma, Nunie," she said pointing to her toy. Still in shocked surprise Padmé picked it up and handed it to her,

"Anke ou" Lori said in thanks and snuggled up to the toy. "Night-night."

After that it became clear that Lori preferred to watch those around her, quietly absorbing more information then Padmé would have liked. She was the one most likely to realize that their lifeday had a much more melancholy undertone to the adults and Padmé hated that. The kids deserved this day to be about them rather then ghosts, but it would probably never be something she could give them.

"Go baby," Padmé whispered, kissing the top of her head.

Lori narrowed her eyes a bit, the expression shouting are you sure?

Padmé nodded and after a pronounced hesitation, Lorme totted off after her siblings.

Ashoka waited until she was well out of ear shot to say anything. "Are you alright?" she asked gently, most likely already knowing the answer.

Padmé leaned back against the bed frame and closed her eyes. She had barely been out of bed five minutes and already she was exhausted again. If it hadn't have been for the lingering ghost of the nightmare and how much the day meant to the children, she would have attempted to craw back in bed and forget the sun had even risen.

"It's just a bad day." she muttered.

Ahsoka sat on the edge of the bed, her fingers knitted together as she leaned her elbows against her knees. Padmé opened one eye and saw that the young woman looked about as bad as she felt, tired and worn.

"It's a bad day for everyone." Ahsoka muttered and Padmé knew she was right. On a day like today there was little chance for it to be anything else.

By the time Padmé had showered and gotten dressed breakfast had been well cleared away. That was fine with her; she was far too upset to eat much anyway.

She had stayed in the shower until the nothing but ice fell on her as she pressed the rag to her face, desperate to keep anyone in the house from hearing her screams as she relived the nightmare over and over again.

The duel between Obi-wan and Anakin played out before her eyes as if she had been watching it instead of unconscious. Oh how they had fought and oh how she had screamed; begging them to stop before one of them killed the other but neither had heard her. The fighting continued and eventually they found themselves on a bank of black glass. Obi-wan had the high ground but Anakin lunged, flipping over the man's head. He did not make it. With a few modest strokes of Ob-wan's lightsaber, Anakin's renaming flesh limbs had been severed and he fell to the burning sands below, fire inching towards him...

but Obi-wan did nothing to help him. He did nothing but scream and although Padmé could not make out the words, the agony behind them was more then apparent. Fire began burning Anakin alive, chairing his skin and burning his heart to ash and all Obi-wan did was turn away.

"You haven't seen Leia anywhere lately, have you?" Ahsoka asked, pulling Padmé out of her thoughts.

"No, not since I sent them out here with you. Why?"

Ahsoka gave a pleased little smile at her denial and Padmé couldn't help but wonder what she was up to.

"We're playing hide and go seek as a way for them to practice keeping their force signatures masked."

"How are they doing?" According to Obi-wan, masking one's force signature was a slightly more advanced technique then was generally taught to such children, but given their abilities and how absolutely necessary it was that they not be found, the lesson and been introduced early. It had been Ahsoka who introduced the idea of a game to keep their attention and Padmé was rather impressed with how it was coming along.

"Apparently Leia is better then I thought, and Lori's about where she should be..."

"And Luke?" Padmé asked, taking a sip of her tepid caff.

Ahsoka shook her head. "He just doesn't get it."

"Maybe you should get Obi-wan and Rex to help look." She said before noticing that she hadn't seen one of those men today. "Speaking of, where's Rex?"

"He went into town to get some last minute supplies for the-" but Ahsoka didn't get to finish her thought. A small clanging was heard from the ventilation shaft over the refrigeration unit as two small hands pushed the grate out of the way and Leia stuck her head down, her long brown hair pooling on the top of the unit.

"Party?" Leia asked.

"How did—" Padmé muttered but stopped. There was no point asking with these little ones.

"Actually I was going to say ship, but he might pick up something for you guys." Ahsoka sniped.

Padmé walked over to the edge of the unit, ready to catch the girl as she attempted to climb down. But the child did not need her help. As always she was fearless.

"Yes princess," Padmé said, taking her hand once she reached the floor "he's getting things for your lifeday party."

"Cake?" she asked, her eyes wide, and Padmé almost had to physically restrain herself from snorting.

Padmé nodded. "and presents. Now why don't you go play while we get ready? Rex should be back soon."

"Why am I not surprised that Skyguy's kids are more interested in the food then anything else?" Ashoka mused, her voice only slightly weary, causing Padmé's already fragile smile to drop.

"I see so much of him in them."

"That's not a bad thing," Ahsoka replied, her mind undoubtedly going through the same comparisons as Padmé's had many times before.

Luke was constantly on the move and the more dangerous an activity was the more he seemed to enjoy it. Leia was willful, stubborn and passionate and, even at such a young age, Lori had that same intensity of spirit that had first drew Padmé to their father upon their reuniting after the assassination attempt along with is innate desire to fix everything. The same desire that had damned him.

As much as those were the very traits she had loved in Anakin and as happy as she was that some part of him lived on, the comparisons terrified her. Most of her other nightmares were about her children, yellow eyed and lost.

She wanted to think that it was impossible—that her children could never become like that—but she had said the same about Anakin before his death. One thing was for sure, Palpateen would only get his slimy hands on them over her cold and truly dead corps.

"What do you want to bet they make a mess?," Rex muttered, watching the children huddled around the cake.

Obi-wan smiled. "I'm not foolish enough to take that bet."

"I wish first!" Leia demanded, pushing her brother out the way, trying to get to the candles.

"I bigger." Luke protested.

Padmé picked up a protesting Leia and placed her two seats down, using quiet little Lori as a buffer between the more rambunctious of her siblings.

"You are all going to wish at the same time. Don't worry you all have your own candles."

Leia nodded but stuck her tongue out at Luke the moment Padmé's back was turned. Her gesture did not go unnoticed and for a brief second she reminded Obi-wan of himself during Anakin's younger days; infinitely tired and frustrated but at the same time enjoying every moment of it.

The reminder of his lost brother hurt more then he was willing to say but then again, most things felt that way now. Anakin's presence perforated his life in a million small ways. the children all shared many of his traits but that was only the most obvious of examples. The ones that caused the most pain were much more subtle.

Every time the ship or speeder needed attention Obi-wan couldn't help but think: if Anakin were here he'd have it done in no time. Sometimes he would see R2 rolling around, helping C3PO trying to keep up with the children and Obi-wan would remember all the lose wire jokes he would never get to tell again.

"Next year," Padmé said, eyeing the rest of the adults in all seriousness, "they're each getting their own cake."

"Yay!" Luke said, watching his mother cut the cake.

"Tiny ones. Like cupcakes." Padmé said cutting the cake.

"Aww." The boy pouted and Obi-wan stroked his beard in an attempt to hide his simile.

Once the cake was cut and everyone had their piece, they all sat down at the table, the children sitting on the adults laps so that there was enough room.

Splat.

The sound of a generous gob of icing hitting Leia on the face hushed all conversation. Leia blinked and turned to face her brother, her face bunching up in almost murderous anger.

"Mom!" She wined, looking at Luke with almost murderous rage.

"Don't you dare!" Padmé said in warning, but it was too late. An equally generous bit of cake flew off the end of Luke's fork and hit him right between the eyes. He just stared at his fork for a few seconds, innocent confusion etched on his face.

Once Luke realized what exactly had happened, he picked up his fork and was about to launch a second projectile when Obi-wan spoke up.

"Lori," he said and the girl looked at him from where she had been quietly consuming her confection, her eyes wide and innocent. "You should not use the Force in such a way."

She had the grace to look slightly sheepish at being caught but that didn't stop her next move. In a rather impressive display, she used the Force to send several bits of icing off in all directions, hitting all the adults square in the face.

And then all hell broke out. Within moments all food had become weapons (someone had even had the bright idea to open the refrigeration unit and involve the plethora of almost inedible leftovers in their little game).

Eventually battle lines had been drawn and no one took mercy. Ahsoka and Padmé had taken Luke and Leia to one side of the table while Obi-wan, Rex, and Lori had taken shelter on the other behind the upturned table in an attempt to get more cover.

"And here I thought the war was done with," Rex said, lobbing a fist full of cake right for Ahsoka's face.

After a few glorious and gory moments, a pealing laughter rang from the walls. Luke and Leia did not stop there assault but Lori lowered her fist full of casserole and looked up at Obi-wan smiling, the biggest and most wondrous smile spread across her face.

"What is it?" he asked her, leaning down.

"My wish. Momma laughed."

Obi-wan could do nothing but stand there in the middle of that odd war zone and stare at the child in numb shock and for once in his life his legendary silver tongue could not give him the answers.

"Any news?" Obi-wan asked Rex once the kitchen had been cleaned and Padmé had left to put the children to bed.

Rex's back stiffened, his stance something distinctively like parade rest. "Vader led an attack on Kashyyyk. According to the scuttlebutt, a Jedi was killed."

Obi-wan felt a cold, slimy creature twisting around his spine. He was not arrogant enough to take all the blame for this atrocity, Anakin had made his own choices, but he still could not help but feel at least partially responsible.

There were countless things he could have done to save him from his fall, but more then that, Obi-wan had had a chance to really rid the galaxy of Vader for good. On Mustafar he could have been merciful and landed a liking blow instead of leaving him to burn alive, but he hadn't felt merciful.

When he told Padmé that Anakin was dead, he had thought it truth. For six months after that fateful duel, Obi-wan had been sure Vader had died on that black sand, consumed by the fires as surely as he had been by his own hatred, but then he saw the newscast introducing the black clad monstrosity as the Emperor's right hand.

As much as he would have liked to pretend otherwise, he knew the truth. Sidious hadn't merely reused the Sith monicker, he had salvaged what was left of his fledgling apprentice and patched him back together in a horrible parody of Grevious.

"Any idea who it was?" Ahsoka asked, her face pale.

"Kento Marek. Did you know him, Sir?"

Obi-wan closed his eyes and crossed his arms. "Not well. Our paths crossed on occasion but that was all. He left the order a few months before the end of the war."

"Why?"

Obi-wan sighed. "He and another Jedi had been secretly married and were expecting a child."

Apparently attachment was a far more common affliction amongst the Jedi then he had ever imagined and briefly he wondered how many more had done the same thing Anakin had. If it had all come to light—if the council had been notified of all the breaches of the code—would they have all been expelled when the order had already been trimmed so thin due to the war? If enough Jedi were exposed as not following the code would it at least have been partially rewritten? Or were Anakin and Kento in the sliver sized minority?

The order had never received a birth announcement but given the timing the Marek child and the triplets should be rather close in age. A part of Obi-wan was disgusted at himself for thinking it, but if Mallie hadn't been able to get away with her child, he hoped it was dead.

Obi-wan and Ahsoka had worked so hard to make sure that Vader and the Emperor didn't find the triplets to save them and the galaxy from their father's fate. Just because he was unable to do the same for other children did not mean he would wish that fate on them.

"Sir, I take it we're not going to tell the senator about this?"

"No, we can't." he said stroking his beard, "During the party was the first time those children have heard her laugh. Padmé is only now beginning to heal and move on. If she ever found out that he did not die on Mustafar—"

"What?" A sharp intake of breath from the door way silenced his words and he knew there was no way to undo the damage that had been done.

Galen cried. He didn't want to but he really wanted his Mommy and Daddy. He Mommy got in a fight with some bad people and missed a lot of nights tucking him in and his Daddy got sad when he asked about her. But he can't ask anymore.

There had been a fight. A lot of bad men had come and hurt his friends, the wookies. The really bad man, the one in black who breathed funny, he had come and hurt his Daddy. Sometimes his wookie friends would pick him up by the back of the shirt and let him hold onto their backs as they climbed up a tree.

But that's not what the bad man did. The bad man had the same powers as Galen's daddy and he used them to lift him up by the neck. Daddy screamed for Galen to run, but he was too scared and soon Daddy didn't scream any more.

The bad man had told him to follow him. He hadn't wanted to but the bad man kept the other bad men away. They had gotten on a space ship and it took them to a really big spaceship—but it didn't look like they were done putting all the pieces together.

The bad man had then put him in a tiny room and shut the door. Galen couldn't get out and it was dark and he was afraid.

When he was afraid of the dark his Mommy would humm a little song for him and stroke his hair while he tried to sleep and his Daddy would take him outside to look at the stars so he knew it wasn't all dark.

Galen sat in the corner and tried to pretend that his Mommy and Daddy were here with him.

What he didn't know was that soon he would forget them all. His Mommy. His Daddy. Everyone and everything else he had ever known.

He would even forget his own name after years of only being called by the codename Vader gave him: Starkiller. Nothing else would be important. After all, the dark has no patience for sentimentality.

But none of that was now. Now he just curled up in the corner and cried.

AN:

Sorry for the delay. Between picking up extra shifts at work, two test, having to rewrite this thing five time, and the fact that nothing particularly twisted happens in it (which is my favorite), it has been a challenge. But the next one is going to be fun. By the way, there is a line in here that is a nice bit of foreshadowing for those who care.

For those of you who don't know Galen/Starkiller is the epic embodiment of awesomeness from the Force Unleashed games and he will be playing a bigger role in later chapters, although he has made a guest appearance earlier.

I would love to hear what you guys think particularly about Lori now that a bit of her personality has gotten a chance to show.