Memories

I sigh deeply as I stand outside the Moorside Inn. Hadvar raises his eyebrow at my lack of enthusiasm. I simply shake my head, showing him that I don't want to talk about it. Together, we walk into the inn and I spot my father almost instantly. The two others in the inn subtly try to move as far away from me as possible. They know of my attitude towards my father in these parts.

"Niki. I was not expecting you today."

"Gorm. We must talk in private for a moment." The older man winces and follows me outside. After a long, awkward stroll with Hadvar's hand never leaving mine we end up alone in the graveyard.

"Who is this?" My father finally asks.

"My husband. I am expecting a baby and yes, it is his." Hadvar squeezes my hand. Or was that his protesting to my now iron grip? I exhale deeply, glad to get it out of my system.

"How long have you been married?"

"Three years and seven moons." The older man whistles in appreciation. Hadvar keeps conversation going for a while but he can only do so much.

Before nightfall we are back in Whiterun and I stop by the market for some food. We need dinner tonight. Hadvar converses with Anoriath, buying the beef joint that I asked for whereas I stand at Carlotta Valentia's stall.

"Well, well, well. It has certainly been a while my friend."

"It's wonderful to see you Carlotta. How is Mila and your husband?"

"My husband is ill Niki." The look in her eyes tells me how seriously ill he is.

"I'm so sorry." We hug for a moment. "So, I'd like a couple of cabbages if you don't mind."

"Of course! 20 Septims."

"Ouch. Do you want me to run out of coin?" I joke. It really isn't that much after my Brotherhood days, the contracts paid well.

"You want the best, you pay for the best." I roll my eyes at her and hand over 25 Septims.

"You can put this towards some baby clothes for Mila." Carlotta's face warms and Hadvar then pulls me back to Breezehome where I cook the dinner.

"We should start thinking of baby names you know." I point out while stirring the stew.

"Probably. What do you suggest, dear?"

"If it is a boy, Kodlak. If it is a girl, Astrid."

"Where did you get those names from?"

"Kodlak was the Harbinger of the Companions and a brilliant man. Astrid was... She was more of a mother figure to me than Rikke ever was or could be." Hadvar nods knowingly.

"Have you told the Brotherhood of the baby?"

"I told them before I told you, my dear." I chortle. He rolls his eyes and I serve up the stew.

"How many were left after the attacking of the Penitus Oculatus?"

"Three, myself included." His eyes grow wide.

"They managed to kill all but three elite assassins?"

"Well Astr- one person told the guard of my location when I went on a contract in exchange for safety. The Penitus Oculatus followed her back to the sanctuary and caught everyone off guard."

"She betrayed you?"

"She tried to guarantee our safety. I would have done the same in her position. Anyway she set a contract on herself and I... I was the one to do it." My speech falters at the end. I grit my teeth to stop myself from crying. Hadvar sees my distress.

"She was the one that introduced you to the Brotherhood?" I nod shamefully. I then go about eating my stew, finishing it in record time. Then I go upstairs and lie on the bed, my face planted in the luxurious pillow. I fall asleep quickly. Then a dream begins to play out in my mind.

Astrid is lying there, on her own, dying of burns that were probably self inflicted. She is not fooling anyone in saying that she was caught up in the flames. She leapt into them willingly. A single tear rolls down my cheek as I consider what she just told me and what she just asked me to do. I turn my head to the left slightly, showing Nazir and Babette that I want some advice. However, my eyes never leave Astrid's.

"She sent you to die Niki." Nazir points out.

"For the sake of us all. How was she to know that this would happen to us?"

"She is a contract. Remember what we told you." Babette's small voice echoes around the room. The tear rolls off my cheek and I sink back into the darkest corner of my mind and grab her blade. Mindlessly, I stab her straight through the heart.

"Thank... You..." Astrid whispers to me as her soul slips into the void.

"I did not want this." I state firmly.

"Niki. Go to the Night Mother. After you have your revenge feel free to take some time off. I'm sure Nazir and I will manage any incoming contracts." I nod at Babette's instructions. I blink hard to stop the tears in their tracks. Astrid is gone forever.

I shoot upwards, breaking into a cold sweat.

"What is it?" Hadvar asks, panicking a little.

"Just a dream. Wait. Can you hear that?" Hadvar shakes his head but I definitely hear it. The near silent sound of feet.

I wordlessly grab my dagger and throw off my dress to reveal my Dark Brotherhood armour. I slip into my familiar red and black boots and sneak silently towards the sound. When I arrive downstairs I am looking at the back of someone in Dark Brotherhood armour. "Maybe you should try harder to be silent in the home of the listener." She freezes in place.

"Forgive me listener! I was here to assassinate a man called Hadvar. I didn't know that he moved out and you moved in."

"You... You will not follow through with this contract or you will become my personal contract. Do you understand me?" She nods, clearly frightened. I have a reputation for never leaving any contracts undone. She knows that. She mutters apologies unintelligibly and leaves swiftly. I look back to the top of the stairs and see Hadvar stood in the hallway upstairs, looking very pale.

I wrap my arms around him and shiver weakly. If I wasn't so attuned to the silence of the assassin then he would have died tonight.

"Who set the contract?" He asks, clearly holding the belief that I know every contract we're assigned. I have to go to Dawnstar to find out.

"I don't know. Hadvar you can't stay here. Tomorrow I will go to the sanctuary and-"

"No. I will not have our child in the presence of the Dark Brotherhood."

"Hadvar. This is something I must do. I will not raise a fatherless child." I persist but he simply walks back into the bedroom. "Hadvar! We are not done talking!"

"What is left to discuss? You would go anyway. What can I do?" I hug him gratefully.

"You can move into Jorrvaskr until I get back. Aela, Farkas and Vilkas will protect you." He sighs submissively. I break away from the hug and we both climb into bed once more. As much as I'd like to remain awake, this child is draining away my energy.

I blink and when my eyes open again, it is morning. I climb into my Brotherhood armour and put some normal looking clothes over the top. I see Hadvar arrive at Jorrvaskr and hand Aela the note. Her face becomes pale and she hurries Hadvar inside. That's when I ride. I run far enough away from Whiterun that nobody can hear me before I summon Shadowmere.

Then I ride to Dawnstar.