Passed

I kneel at Astrid's grave, incapable of words. I am so glad that Nazir and Babette buried them all. My tears begin to fall on the soil and I leave the deathbell there. I left this morning preparing to mourn but now I want to die. She died because of me. I killed the only human I let into my life. More tears steadily fall onto the ground and I let out a weak whimpering sound.

"I am sorry for your loss." I hear the Priest of Arkay behind me. "How long ago did you lose them?"

"She was murdered 18 years ago." I stutter.

"Murdered? Was it the war?"

"No. A Dark Brotherhood assassin took her life." I feel his hand on my shoulder.

"I am sorry to hear it. They all died didn't they?"

"That day, they did. I killed the last assassin myself." That was only halfway true. The Niki that was the murderer of Astrid died 14 years ago with the birth of Kodlak. I continue to weep over her grave and the priest eventually leaves with a 'blessings of Arkay upon you'. I do not need the blessings of Arkay. Sithis treasures me enough. I hear a childlike cough behind me.

"Then you truly have died?"

"The Niki that you knew died after childbirth. I have all of her skills without her need to use them. I care for them Babette. Too much."

"I know. Admittedly, I do not miss the old you. You used to be so hateful and upset all the time. Now you are happy, when not in the presence of the Night Mother anyway."

"She is trying to kill me." I state simply. She does not argue.

"I did warn you not to come back."

"I am not coming back again. You may visit all you want, but I will never return to the Dawnstar Sanctuary. That life belonged to someone else. That life belonged to Astrid's Brotherhood. That life is no more." She nods understandingly.

"Thank you for letting me see you once more."

"You are all I have left of my childhood and adolescence Babette. Do not forget that."

"Nazir will be wondering where I am. It was good to see you Niki. Send any letters to the Falkreath Sanctuary and I will respond within a week." I embrace my old friend and she looks at me kindly. "Goodbye, little one."

"Farewell, friend." Then she runs away at top speed. I leap onto the back of Shadowmere and we ride back to Whiterun.

After a long journey I leave Shadowmere in the stables to rest and I notice a pillar of smoke above Whiterun and screams come from inside. I quickly begin to run inside but one of the gate guards block my path with their bodies.

"Dragonborn please, it is not safe."

"FUS RO DAH!" Both guards go flying and I run inside to find my home on fire. I scream and see Cicero laughing wildly, being pulled away from the fire, towards Dragonsreach. Kod is lying on his backside, Mila is tending to the burns on his chest. I can't see Hadvar anywhere. "HADVAR!" I screech as loud as I can. Aela and Carlotta grab one arm each.

"Mila, we're taking Niki to Jorrvaskr. Bring Kodlak when you can." I'm dragged away by my closest friends but Carlotta seems to struggle against my grabs the arm that Carlotta had and Farkas grabs my legs. I try to kick my way free but it's no use. Tears stream down my face for the second time today.

"Nik calm down."

"We'll explain everything soon, just stop struggling." I do not need explanations. I saw the look on Cicero's face.

"RIKKE!" I scream. My mother and my husband were in there today. I continue to scream until Carlotta pours a sleeping potion down my throat. I fall asleep instantly.

My eyes open slowly. My head spins and pounds painfully. I feel dehydrated after the vast amounts of tears I cried yesterday. I am sat in my quarters in Jorrvaskr. Aela is sat on the chair in the corner of the room.

"Sorry." I simply stare at her.

"Who lived? My husband, my mother and my son were in there yesterday. Who is still alive?" She pauses for a moment. Clearly deciding on how to word her sentence in a way that will not offend me.

"Your son." I curl into a ball and put my head in my hands. I weep uncontrollably for a while but Aela keeps her distance. She is wise to do so. She leaves after an hour, which is rather patient for Aela. Carlotta enters after Aela leaves. She rubs my back but doesn't say anything, wary of how I might react.

"The jester that did it. I need to see him." I manage to say between hiccups.

"Calm down first. You need to look stronger than this if you're going to face him." She hands me a sweet roll to calm me down and I eat it very quickly. "Kodlak saw your outburst yesterday. He's worried about you."

"This is why I should always listen to Babette..." I mutter aloud. I did not mean to say that out loud.

"Who is Babette?"

"An old friend of mine. She warned me that someone would come for me sooner or later as Dragonborn but I was too stubborn to listen. I thought I could handle anything." She does not see through my lies, fortunately. After I calm down Carlotta leads me to the room where Skjor used to sleep. Kodlak lies there in nothing but trousers and a few bandages. One around each arm somewhere (upper arm on his right, wrist on his left) and one large bandage around his chest. Mila is sat on the edge of the bed.

"Mother!" He cries happily. I hug him wordlessly, being careful of his wounds.

"Niki, thank you for coming. The oaf refuses to rest until he has seen you." Mila informs me. I tuck his hair behind his ears and stand up again.

"Mila, you are doing a wonderful job. Do you know anything of alchemy?"

"A little." I hand her a mortar and pestle and a few ingredients to make healing potions. She nods gratefully and I leave.

"Carry on Mila. Kodlak I'm going to need you to recover for tomorrow." Then I leave before they can ask any questions. I then walk all the way to the Dragonsreach dungeons and find Cicero's cell.

He is strapped to the back wall of the cell, stripped of everything apart from his underwear and he is wearing some roughspun trousers.

"Listener!" He squeals in discomfort. "There was a contract on the woman, yes. Not the man. The man tried to save the woman. It wasn't poor Cicero's fault. Poor Cicero." I pull out an ebony dagger. "Oh yes, the listener is going to free Cicero!" I shake my head slowly and stab him in the shoulder, twisting the dagger around and enjoying the sound of his screaming. The clown cries out in pain, to no avail. "Listener please stop hurting poor, poor Cicero!"

"I saved you before, fool. Why should I save you now? First you brought harm to Veezara. Now you kill my mother and my husband and injure my son. What mercy do you deserve?"

"Cicero did not want to, listener. The man told him to, no it wasn't Cicero!" I hold the dagger against his throat and slice it across slowly. The jester's cries ring through my ears and delight flashes across my blood red eyes.

"Mother?" I hear a voice from behind me. I turn around and see my son staring me in the face.

"I told you to stay and recover."

"Who is Veezara?" The clown is about to speak but I stab him in the thigh before he can.

"I will tell you everything tonight. Go back to Jorrvaskr."

"Stop torturing him!"

"Yes! The child is ki-" I cut off the begging fool by digging around in the open wound in his shoulder.

"He killed your father. He killed my mother. He brutally injured two of my closest friends. I'm sorry Kodlak but you will never understand how much pain this JESTER has brought me."

"Mother. He will be executed. Please, stop." I pull the dagger out of Cicero's shoulder and place it back into my belt. I leave the dungeons silently, not checking to see if Kodlak is following or not. I get back to Breezehome and I step into the rubble and fall to my knees when I see two corpses in the ash. One of them with melted metal over the top, the other with slightly thicker shoulder bones. I want to curl up and cry but I have no tears left. Eventually, I get back to Jorrvaskr and Kodlak is stood in front of the building, arms crossed. "We need to talk."

"Underforge."

We both duck into the cavern and after checking that we are alone he begins the conversation that I have been dreading for 14 years.

"Start in the beginning. I want to hear everything."