Confession
I take a deep breath before I begin. I think I will start with how I came into the care of Rikke and work my way through until now.
"It all started when I was 4 years old. I was the child of a Nord and an Imperial, my mother being the latter. My parents argued often and they argued ferociously. One day it got to the point where my father killed my mother. I managed to escape him and I was found by the Dark Brotherhood hunting a deer three weeks later. They fed me, gave me a place to stay for a while. Astrid, the leader at the time, took a liking to me. As did Babette, a vampire. However, after a week or so they decided that the Brotherhood wasn't the best place in the world for a 4 year old to be. They dropped me in Solitude and told me to meet them in a secret place once a week. I did. Eventually I became cynical, dark, depressed. I lived my life dreading conversation with everyone, including Rikke who adopted me. I despised everyone who I encountered."
"How did that change? You obviously have changed since then."
"At the age of 15 I was taken on permanently by the Dark Brotherhood. I worked with them for 5 years. I never failed a contract and hundreds of people died by my hand. When I was 20 I was sent on a particularly important contract that was set against the Emperor's cousin. I was to kill her on her wedding day. My only issue was that this was in Solitude and people would recognize me there. Fortunately, I wore a mask and nobody noticed me on the way in. After I killed the woman, my associate- my brother Veezara and I tried to escape but I was captured. I was interrogated by Rikke who, after discovering who I was, imprisoned me in the city walls. Then I went back to my business. I spent time at the Bard's College and practised with a blade under the instruction of Imperial Captain Aldis."
"You trained with the Empire?"
"Sort of. Less with them and more on my own on their land. Anyway, one day a man named Ulfric Stormcloak rode into town and I was stood with my friend Roggvir on the gate. You know what Ulfric did that day, a lesser known crime was that my friend Roggvir let him get away. He was executed the day after. I met your father on the night that I went to visit Roggvir in prison."
"That's how you met?"
"Yes. He was surprisingly kind. Something not often seen in those times. Still, over the next few years I discovered that I am Dragonborn and I studied under the guidance of the Greybeards. Then I was found by the Blades later on that year. Eventually, I ended up marrying your father in secret and we stayed like that for 3 years and 17 months. One night, we got a little... Carried away. One month later, I was captured and tortured by the Thalmor. I managed to escape, naturally, but on the way out I felt a kick. That was you."
"What did you tell the Brotherhood?"
"I visited them first. I told them that I would be leaving permanently. They... They didn't take this well. During the pregnancy my closest friends tried to kill your father four times. Obviously, they never succeeded because I was there to stop them. When you were born, they stopped coming."
"Where does my name come from?"
"The previous harbinger of the Companions, Kodlak Whitemane. He was an incredible man and an inspiration. He was murdered just as Astrid was, only they were both murdered by different people."
"How did Astrid die?" I inhale sharply and blink to stop tears from coming.
"The Brotherhood was given a contract against the Emperor. I was assigned to it. Astrid traded away my life in exchange for the Brotherhood's safety. I would've been fine with this but she was betrayed. They say that you could see the smoke from the Sanctuary from Whiterun." I can't talk for tears.
"She died in the fire?"
"No. She came close but she lived. She performed the black sacrament and set a contract against herself. I... I was the one to complete the contract."
"Who is the jester?"
"Cicero. The keeper of the Night Mother. He is insane, brutal and not to be underestimated. I saved his life once after he attacked my friends Veezara and Arnbjorn. I do not wish to make the same mistake twice."
"What will happen to you after Cicero dies? What will you do? I will have to leave soon to become a father myself and then who will you have?"
"I don't know if I want to live that long." I confess. He looks at me pitifully.
"I want to talk to Dagny but I might need some help. Would you come along?"
"Oh I could do better than that."
The next day...
I follow after Kodlak as he enters Dragonsreach. I can see him running through the plan in his mind. I sit next to Hrongar at the dinner table. Kodlak spares a glance back at me to make sure everything is going according to the plan. I pick up a goblet and pour some wine into it. My dress is worn quite low and Hrongar isn't that intelligent and he most definitely is not in control of his emotions. I notice him staring at my breasts and smile, knowing that this will all come together to help Kodlak. I finish the wine and stand up. I pretend to stumble and Hrongar stands up to catch me.
"Maybe you need some air." He says.
"That would be perfect." I purr in my most seductive voice. He helps me up the stairs, staring at my breasts all the way up. When we get onto the balcony I see Dagny with her hand on my son's chest. Hrongar leads me to the edge of the balcony and I share a meaningful glance with Kodlak.
"You look stunning tonight." Hrongar whispers in my air. I force a giggle out but it seems real enough to him.
"I feel dizzy." I say, trying to get him away from my lips. I sit on the chair at the table that's closest to Kodlak and I start to listen in to their conversation.
"Was it something I said?"
"No it was what you did. You tried to force yourself onto me. I'm sorry but I can't court you." That's when we hear a bard downstairs. I stand up and start clapping along to the tune. I spot her leaning in to kiss him and I 'tumble' into her.
"Oh shweet Akatosh I'm sho shorry!" I apologize. She smooths out her dress.
"Apology accepted Dragonborn." She says, stuttering slightly. I can tell that she fears me. I can't blame her.
"Easy there Niki." Hrongar says, picking me up.
"I'm sorry Dagny. That could never happen. See you around?"
"Possibly. Goodbye Kodlak." My son slides his arm underneath mine and helps me out of Dragonsreach. When we're out the front door we walk normally.
"You say goodbye to Mila and pass this note on to Carlotta for me. I will pack everything." He nods and walks in the opposite direction to me. I go to Jorrvaskr and pick up Wuuthrad and some steel armour for Kod. I'm still wearing my Brotherhood armour. Maybe I should wear some different armour now that I'm no longer with the Brotherhood. Therefore, I slide myself into my old Nightingale armour. Also, I grab the clothes that I pulled off of the Emperor. I am only recognizable through my unusual red eyes. I slip out of Jorrvaskr unnoticed and I get to the stables before Kodlak. I load the gear onto the carriage we have rented and clip Shadowmere to the front of the cart. "Easy Shadowmere. We just need you to pull this cart to Solitude and you can retire." I say, stroking his mane. After a while, Kodlak shows up, by the look on his face I can tell that he is upset.
"Why do we have to leave?"
"Safety. I do not want you dead." I hop into the front of the carriage and he climbs into the back. He looks back at the city of Whiterun longingly.
"I love Mila you know."
"I know. Sorry." We avoid eye contact and I focus on the road ahead. "Shadowmere, to Solitude." The dark horse pulls the cart with his full strength but he goes just quicker than walking pace anyway. Over the course of the journey we encounter a couple of wolves and saber cats but nothing really threatening. We slowly make our way up the hill to the city I grew up in. We get a few stares on our way in but I've left Shadowmere back at the stables, we're carrying the carriage ourselves. Captain Aldis and Corpulus help us to pull the cart to Proudspire Manor. We unload the cart and fix up the old manor house. I put my old Brotherhood armour on one mannequin and the Emperor's clothes on the other. I hear Kodlak thumping about upstairs. I run my fingers over the rough, tattered material of my old Brotherhood armour. It is time to let go of my past.
"Mother, I'm going out."
"Go ahead. I'll be out later." I continue to stare at the red and black material and think of Astrid. I do not feel like I will be moving soon.
Kodlak's P.O.V
Kodlak steps out on to the street and sees a trio of people his age. He waves to them and the one young man there motions for him to join them with his finger. Kod extends a hand and the other boy takes it.
"Kodlak Steelheart, Companion."
"Companion? Aren't they based in Whiterun?"
"Yes. Unfortunately, circumstances have lead to my mother and I leaving our home."
"I'm Kayd. This is Svari and Minette." The Redguard boy introduces himself with a smirk.
"Nice to meet you, Kodlak." Svari says, her eyes excited.
"You too. If you'd like, you could all call me Kod. I don't mind." The older girl Minette however seems to be very quiet.
"Kod. That's much better, rolls off the tongue easier." Kayd laughs. The group continue to get to know each other throughout the afternoon. Kodlak can not help but notice how quiet Minette is.
"Minette, you have not spoken a word all day? Have I offended you in some way?" The girl's eyes show panic for a second and she shakes her head in a small way.
"It is not like you Minette." Kayd points out. Svari just nods at her understandingly. The two young men raise an eyebrow at the exchange before bursting into laughter. Kodlak and Kayd seem to get on brilliantly.
"How old do you have to be to drink mead in this town?"
"14."
"Then I'm in luck! Are you all old enough? We could go to the local tavern... Wherever that is."
"Minette's father owns that place. We could go now?" The girls agree and so all four youths go down to the Winking Skeever. Kayd pays for a round of mead. The two young men compete to see who can chug their bottle quickest. Kayd barely wins and Kodlak curses while laughing merrily.
"So Kod, where you're from do you have a clothes shop?"
"No. We usually lived in armour."
"Minette and I could take you to Radiant Raiments tomorrow. You could look attractive if you tried."
"I'm not that attractive. Not like old Mikael back home, my mother and her friend were the only women in Whiterun to never share a bed with him."
"You haven't been trying yet. Just wait until we get you into some nice clothes." Kodlak raises an eyebrow, he had never thought of himself as attractive. After a long evening of drinking Kayd and Svari go home. Then Kod sees his mother
I can't believe I'm back in the Winking Skeever after all this time. Kodlak is sat at a table with a girl just older than him, Corpulus' daughter if I'm not mistaken. I sit grudgingly at the bar and who would hurry to the counter but Sorex himself.
"I take it there's a reason you're back in Solitude with a young boy that looks a lot like you."
"My husband was murdered. I am here with my son."
"So you sit yourself here on my property with no husband. Are you trying to tell me something?" He asks, leaning himself forwards on the counter. I lean in a similar fashion and make the same facial expression.
"I'm trying to tell you that I am still grieving, my dear. Good try." I wink at him and then sit back. A frown crosses his features.
"So what DO you want?"
"A drink, for now. Then I may end up flirting with that gentlemen in the corner of the tavern, just to get on your nerve."
"Why do you despise me, Niki?"
"You knew that I held no interest in you. Why did you persist?"
"A man in love does things normally considered odd to the naked eye. I'm guessing you want the plain old ale?"
"Every time I come here I order the same drink. This pattern has not ended yet my dear friend." He grumbles the word 'friend' a few times before handing me a tankard filled with ale. Sorex leaves to go and sweep up the crumbs left over from dinner time meals. I down the ale in one gulp and notice that my son doesn't appear to be leaving anytime soon. I motion Sorex over again. "So where is your father these days?"
"Corpulus is in Sovngarde." Sorex says, his voice strained.
"I am sorry Sorex. So, so sorry." I let him hug me this once, he does not seem to waste the opportunity as I can practically feel him trying to remember everything about this moment. Pathetic fool.