All too quickly we reached the capitol.
It was amazing. Just the size of it was daunting, like a man-made forest. And the people, they were everywhere, packed tighter than bears in a barrel. How could anyone live like this? Or maybe it's not normally this crowded?
Our merry quartet squeezed through the streets, making slow but steady progress through the throngs of humanity before we found what all the fuss was about: a blonde woman in regal robes walking down the main avenue, waving and speaking to the crowds which miraculously parted before her. She looks kinda like an older Lissa, actually. She must be important.
"Who is she?" I whispered to Chrom. I probably didn't need to whisper, in fact it probably would have been better if I hadn't, but using my outside voice in the presence of Tall Blondie felt wrong.
"Emmeryn, Exalt of Ylisse and my sister" Chrom whispered back. I choose to believe he whispered just to humor me. How sweet of you, Chrom.
Oh, and he is the queen's younger brother. He probably has an army of chinless schlubs showing off young, rich, beautiful women that would be politically advantageous for him to marry. I...I don't think I can compete with that. Well, I can probably out-murder the lot of them, but that probably wouldn't impress Chrom...unless maybe I did it while naked and carrying alcohol? All guys like that sort of thing, don't they?
Ehhhh, let's call that "Plan B" for now. Plan A should probably involve bears.
While I had been thinking these very important thoughts, our group had fallen in with Emmeryn's entourage and were headed towards the very large structure I assume to be the royal palace. One step closer to sleeping in Chrom's bed. And another. And another. And another. And...
4,837 steps later we reached the palace.
The four of us met with Emmeryn and a gold-armored pegasus knight whose expression shifted from Frederick-stern to Frederick-disapproving the instant she saw me. Well, I hate you too, so there!
Lissa ran forward and hugged her older sister. Chrom clearly wanted to, but restrained himself because he didn't want to look unmanly in front of me.
"Lissa, Chrom, Frederick, I am glad that you have returned safely" Emmeryn began, before locking eyes with me. "And Robin. Ylisse owes you a great debt for what you have done."
The aura of serenity this woman projected, which felt like a crime to violate with something so uncouth as existing, felt almost welcoming when she gave me her attention. How odd. She is certainly more than a taller Lissa.
"Ylisse owes me nothing, your exaltedness. It was my great fortune to have been found by your siblings and Sir Frederick." Freddy gets a title because we aren't friends. 'Course, Lissa and I aren't friends either, but no one needs to know that.
"You sell yourself short, Robin. As Sully and Virion have told me, the Shepherds were just as fortunate to have found you." Sycophantic flatterers. I only like that in Chrom.
"You got that right sis! She's even more amazing in person!" Lissa decided to start chirping again. Go on...
At hearing this, a look of confusion grasped Emmeryn's face for a split-second. That hurts, Emm. Is it really that hard to believe Sully and Virion weren't exaggerating about me?
"Yes Lissa, I am sure – she – is." I don't like that pause, Emmeryn. Is there something on my face?
"She truly is, sister." Please go on, Chrom. "War looms with Plegia. We know nothing about these other monsters that have appeared. Despite her lack of memory, Robin understands war better than any of us. We will need her to weather the coming storm." Oh Blue, I didn't know you could be so poetic. I might just fall for you all over again! Had I bothered to look, I imagine both Peggy the pegasus knight and Freddy Bear bristled visibly at being called inadequate by the prince
"You place a great deal of trust in a woman you met only yesterday, brother" Emmeryn replied carefully.
Hmmm, Chrom just mentioned my amnesia to Emm, and she didn't comment on it at all. She must have already known, which means Virion and Sully told her, which means Chrom told Virion and Sully. Just what have you been saying about me, my love?
"And she's earned it a billion times over!" Lissa interjected, quite fiercely for someone so small. Now I almost feel bad for fantasizing about her death. I'll get over it; guilt is as fleeting as her attention span.
Back to Chrom: "You are correct, Emmeryn, but Lissa is also correct. While we have only known Robin for a short time, she has already proven herself, and we cannot afford to turn her away." Chrom, I-I-I don't know what to say...
"What, then, do you intend for her, Chrom?" That is a really good question, lady. I'd have asked myself if there was the slightest chance I would like the answer.
"I ask that Robin be appointed to the royal war council, inducted into the Shepherds, and be granted Ylissean citizenship."
You want me to do what?
"I expected as much, brother. I trust you approve, Lissa?"
"You know I do, Emm."
"And you, Frederick?"
Gee, I wonder what he thinks about me?
Freddy took a moment to compose himself before giving an answer that would either be a lie or contradict his lord. "Milord and milady trust her, and I trust in her abilities." C'mon Freddy Bear, there is no way you're gonna wriggle out of this one.
Emmeryn also noticed the gap in the knight's answer. "Frederick, I ask for your opinion on this matter because I trust your judgment. Please, tell me what you think."
This is it, buddy, you can't possibly avoid telling all the bluebloods you've sworn to serve that they're a gaggle of idiots for trusting me so quickly. If you can read my mind, I just want you to know that I agree with you, and that even though we aren't friends I won't try to get you killed until the end of the war. Pinky swear.
To his credit, Freddy did give an honest answer, if reluctantly. "Truth be told, your highness, I cannot approve of investing such responsibility in someone we know so little about. The timing of her arrival alone gives us reason enough to be suspicious – it cannot be mere coincidence that she was found while Plegia goads us to war and a mere day before the appearance of monsters none of us have ever seen before – to say nothing of her eminently convenient amnesia, which absolves her of providing any explanation for anything. Add to that the related matter of the imposter Marth that claims to be from the future-"
"The same Marth whose story you also do not believe?" Emmeryn interrupted the knight, something I get the impression she does not do often. This is a good sign, right?
Freddy hadn't been expecting that either, and it showed. A little. "Yes, you highness, the very same Marth. While his claim that Robin is a servant of Grima sent backwards in time is preposterous, we cannot be so naive as to think it mere chance that both Robin and Marth would encounter each other.
Robin's vast talents are also suspicious. She has already demonstrated uncommon ability with both blade and elemental magic – skills rare enough on their own, but nearly unheard of for a single individual to possess – as well as exceptional tactical acumen, bravery, and pain tolerance. The questions she has asked betray a keen understanding logistics, strategic thinking, and politics.
This raises the question of where she is from. Were she from Ylisse, only one of the noble houses could have provided for her education and training, and would spare no expense in letting such an exceptional individual escape. The crown would know - unless she were being prepared to act against house Ylisse. As Lord Chrom has said, her services would prove invaluable should we go to war with Plegia. How convenient it would be for our savior to appear from nowhere and save all of Ylisse while asking nothing in return.
Robin was found by the only two individuals in all of the realm that would believe her story and be able to invest in her the authority to deliver us to salvation – or ruin. But it is my duty to look the gift horse in the mouth, however much I trust in the judgment of Lord Chrom and Lady Lissa."
I'm not a horse, you big jerk.
Emmeryn's response was slightly more eloquent. "I thank you for your honesty, Frederick. I understand you do not enjoy speaking contrary to Chrom and Lissa, but I am glad you did. You have raised many questions I did not think to ask." Then she turned to me. "Is there anything you would like to say, Robin?"
A tricky question. Now that Freddy Bear has all but accused me of being a double-agent, it would be very suspicious for me to insist on the high post Chrom wanted her to give me. However, I can't just sit around doing nothing – that would be insufferably boring. As luck would have it, I was given an answer to this question yesterday. "Your highness, I swore to Chrom that I would accept whatever fate you decreed for me. That promise runs both ways: you are to decide, and I am to accept."
Take THAT, Fred! You're not the only one that can give incomplete and obtuse answers to straight-forward questions!
As before, the evasiveness of the answer was not lost on the exalt, but I had done a much better job of passing the buck than Frederick had, even if I had bent the truth a little. The ensuing silence lasted half a second too long before Peggy got of pretending to be a statue.
"Your grace, if I may offer a suggestion-" a nod from Emm indicated she could, not that she needed to ask for permission in the first place, "the war council does not convene unless Ylisse is at war. Unti– unless that happens, that portion of Prince Chrom's request is merely academic. Sir Frederick's concerns, it would seem, can be best allayed by acceding to the prince's other two requests. By recognizing Lady Robin as a citizen of Ylisse and a member of the Sheperds, the crown will have a clear legal obligation to monitor her actions, investigate her past, and provide for her well being. Should she mean any harm, she will be surrounded at all times by Ylisse's finest."
So she wants to just keep doing what we've been doing, and kick Chrom's real request down the road until it's too late? You were better at being a statue, girl.
Emmeryn agreed with me, of course, but she was a bit more diplomatic than that. "Thank you for your suggestion, Phila." Peggy suits her better. "You are correct, of course: changes cannot be made to the war council until it has been convened, and the war council cannot be convened unless Ylisse is at war – which we are not. For the time being, would any of you object to allowing Robin to continue to serve with the Shephers as Ylissean citizen?" Silence, which means yes. "Very well then. Chrom and I must attend council. Frederick, Lissa, please introduce Robin to the rest of the Shepherds and help her settle in."
And so ended the first time I was close enough to stab the exalt of Ylisse. Lissa and Freddy led me to the Shepherd's barracks in silence: the big guy silently stoic and stoicly silent as always, my bannerwoman silently but not subtly fuming at him for being reasonable. This provided me with a golden opportunity to endear myself to the royals.
"Lissa" I began, placing my hand on the shoulder, "please don't be mad at Frederick for my sake."
I almost forgot how irritating I find her when she gave me a look of pure empathy that I will need to work very hard to fake. "But he still doesn't trust you! You saved him as much as me and Chrom and he still acts like you're going to stab us all in the back-" Her voice teetered on falling into hysterics. At least I remember why I don't like her.
"He is just trying to protect you – you, and Chrom, and Emmeryn. It's his duty to do so. I know it can be irritating having such a thorough guardian, but he is trying to do what's best for you. I'm sure he'll warm up to me in time." Actually, I didn't have any idea what having a bodyguard like Freddy Bear is like, but I know how Lissa feels about him, and that's all I need to know for this little speech.
Lissa looked almost convinced. Not completely – I didn't want of expect that - but enough to persuade her that I am the selfless, compassionate, considerate person she thinks I am and dispel any suspicions Frederick's speech might have raised about me. A very roundabout way of stoking her ego, which is exactly why it worked so well.
"Alright Robin, if you say so I'll give Frederick a chance, but he better start being nice to you soon or else!" Blondie punctuated this last word with a stomp of her foot. The worst "or else" I could think of from Lissa would be spending time with her, which is Freddy's regular job, funnily enough.
Our conversation finished, we noticed Freddy had left us, which retroactively took all the fun out of talking about him like he wasn't there. Lissa led me the rest of the way to the barracks, where I learned that that we have absolutely no hope.
The two of us entered the main room of the barracks, where Frederick was not, to my great surprise. Just where had he gone?
Lissa saw fit to give me an introduction. "Dun-dun-duh-duh! Everyone, meet the renowned Robin. Spectacular with swords, sorcery, and strategy, future member of the royal war council, and the newest member of the Shepherds!"
"Thanks, Lissa." You get a laconic thanks for embarrassing me like that, girl. You have to earn a sincere thank-you (you won't). "Hi everybody. Was Frederick here?"
A slender young brunette in light, almost-pink armor stood and gave a sharp salute. A disciplined knight not named Frederick? "Yes, Robin. He wen-"
"LISSA! I've been worried sick about you! I have been attending to commoners in the medical wing to keep myself from pulling out my hair." The interrupter of the brunette: blonde, irritating, friend of Lissa, probably rich and attractive enough to marry Chrom. I hate her.
Lissa, for once in her life, was trying to calm someone else down. "Relax, Maribelle. I'm fine! I didn't even scrape a knee, thanks to Robin."
Maribelle, quite reluctantly, turned to face me, and with considerable effort managed not to sneer. How gracious of her. "You have my thanks fro protecting Lissa. I should hope you are cut of the proper cloth, if you are to sit on the war council." My first impression of her could not have been wiser.
"We will see, Maribelle. But first" I looked to the brunette that Maribelle had so rudely interrupted, "Frederick?"
"He went to the library to fetch Miriel, so that she could meet you, Robin." She stopped talking, before realizing she hadn't introduced herself. "My name is Sumia. I am a pegasus knight-in-training. It is a honor to meet you, Robi-" She had walked forward to shake my hand before tripping over what I can only assume to be an unusually solid block of air. She blushed heavily as I stepped forward to help her up, appropriately embarrassed, before muttering thanks and apologies and very carefully walking towards the back of the room. I do not expect to hear much more from her today.
Next to size up the newcomer was the sexiest man alive: tall, muscular, and shirtless with dark skin and blonde hair. I was very tempted to offer to do something indecent to him in front of everyone when I remember what I love most about Chrom: his rat-like inner beauty that shines through no matter how stupid, awkward, irritating, and clueless he is. Can you match that, Mr. Hunk?
"Eyyyyy, it's the new kid! Heard you've been looking after Chrom while Teach was away."
Mr. Hunk cannot match that.
"Sully was right – you're a bit scrawny, but nothin' a bit a lernin from the master himself can't fix!"
Stop talking Please stop talking Even Maribelle was decent enough to stop talking WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING.
"Don't you worry Robin, once Teach takes you under his wing you'll be wooing the ladies in no time!"
Wait, what? What?
Why is Lissa giggling at this idiot?
"Uh, V-v-vaike, I don't think Robin wa-"
It just wouldn't be Sumia if nothing went wrong, would it? Poor thing. It was Maribelle again.
"Must you assail Robin with your boorishness so quickly, Vaike? While you are without hope, he may yet ascend to high society, and I will not allow you to lead him astray."
He?
Wait wait wait, they think I'm a man? Who told them th – Sully and Virion.
Lissa was doubled over from laughing so hard. She figured it out. It really isn't that funny, is it?
"M-m-aribelle, Robin is a-"
"I'm jus' tryin to help him, Maribelle! Not a chance he wants to sit through your tea parties and lectures on setting a table!"
"My 'tea parties' are a DELIGHT for everyone with the sense to appreciate them, Vaike!"
Aaaaaand now they're shouting. This was enough to draw Sully and a much larger man in green armor away from whatever the hell they were doing in the back that has left both of them hot and sweaty. Exhibitionists, perhaps?
The man in green took a second to realize that he doesn't know me. Too polite to try and shout over the blondes, he walked close to me before trying to introduce himself. "Hi Robin. I'm Stahl, a knight of Ylisse and a member of the Shepherds. Sully has told me a lot about you!"
That's how you introduce yourself? That was actually normal! Are you sure you belong here, Stahl? "A pleasure to meet you Stahl, but I think there has been some miscommunication. You see, I'm not a man."
This confused Mr. Normal, and he made exactly the sort of face a normal person would after learning that someone you think is a man, isn't. "Oh. I...see. Sully and Virion were very convinced you are."
So it was those two. Unlike Stahl, I am rude enough to yell over others. "SULLY! VIRION! WHY DID YOU TELL VERYONE I'M A MAN!"
The archer and the red knight looked genuinely surprised at this. Sully responded for the two of them. "What the hell are you talking about, you are a man!"
"NO I'M NOT YOU IDIOT!"
"Are you sure"
"YES! IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO TELL?"
"Well, yeah."
Lissa, at some point, had fallen over, and broke from laughing long enough to gasp for air. She knew.
And now Vaike and Maribelle knew, breaking from their own shouting match to give me an embarrassed stare before verbally stumbling over each other.
"Hold on Robin-"
"Are you certain you-"
"-you're really a chick?"
"-are not a gentleman?"
Unbelievable.
"What is wrong with all of you? Chrom, Lissa, and Frederick didn't make this mistake!"
"Actually, Robin, I kn-"
"Actually, Robin, about that." Even Lissa interrupts Sumia. "Chrom and Frederick did think you were a man at first. It took some time to convince them. Chrom actually wanted to look under your robe just to be sure." Chrom too? Really, Chrom too?
"Pardon the interruption" came a familiarly unwelcome voice from behind us. Turning, I saw Frederick and a robed woman with a wide-brimmed, point hat and glasses. Miriel, I presume.
The woman wasted no time in introducing herself. "I am Miriel, mage and natural scientist of the Shepherds. I have heard much about you, Robin."
Cold, to the point, and almost polite. I'll take her. Shaking her hand, I decided to try a small joke to lighten the mood. "I must question the accuracy of what you have been told, Miriel."
"Indeed, Robin. The truth is precisely what I intend to uncover."
So much for my joke.
While trying to think of a witty follow-up, Miriel began circling me, inspecting my coat with great interest. Sort of understandable, I suppose. It is a a pretty nice coat, after all. The thought of parting with it is, well, unthinkable, but I haven't a clue why.
"You were correct in part, Frederick" she said at last. "The symbols on her robe are undoubtedly linked to the cult of Grima, but are quite distinct from any pattern I am familiar with."
This is bad. I have to say something.
"It's a coat, Miriel."
I need to say something less vacant.
Yet she responded to this. "You may be correct, Robin. The defining features of a robe and a coat vary from region to region, and there is a considerable degree of overlap even between garments that are recognized as being coat or a robe. The distinguishing features of the two are known to have shifted over time, beginning with-"
Freddy didn't like this tangent. "You said her coat bears Grimleal runes, Miriel?"
Heavens, I'm on trial again. And without Chrom. This could get ugly.
"That is correct, Frederick. The symbols are related to the Cult of Grima, but they are unlike any I have ever seen or read of, and their meaning is unclear."
The first of the almond gallery to pipe up was Sumia. I didn't hear a word she said, because Vaike piped up right after, saying what everyone was thinking. "You a grimleal, Robin?"
"She has amnesia Vaike, she has no idea what she was doing before we found her. Virion and Sully told you that much, didn't they?" Once again, Lissa has taken it upon herself to be my knight in shining armor when all the real knights in shining armor want to kill me.
"The amnesia excuse is no longer acceptable, princess. Robin knows far too much for us to continue to entertain such an obvious lie."
"Don't you dare 'princess' me, Frederick!"
Maribelle made an attempt to pull Lissa from my side. "Step away from her, Lissa. It isn't safe for you to stand so close."
Little Blondie wasn't done, however. "NO! How dare you both! You know what Frederick? Robin asked me to be nice to you! You keep trying to convince everyone she's evil, and she told me to be grateful you're looking out for me! Well I can't anymore, not whe-"
"This is not a productive line of discussion" Interrupted Miriel with far more presence than I had expected from her. "Robin. You were found bearing weapons, yes? Might I see them?"
This has got to be the most bizarre attempt to disarm me, but what choice do I have?
"One at a time, Miriel" I replied coolly, handing her my sword. Not a person in the room failed to read between the lines.
She didn't need much time before reaching a verdict. "The blade is of common make. Furthermore, it bears signs of considerable use. Were there any distinguishing features left by the smith, they have long since faded. Given the state of the weapon, it seems most probable that it was heavily used prior to Robin being found."
That went well.
The mage returned my sword, and I handed her my spell-book. Again, her inspection was quick, yet I imagine she was quite thorough. "This is a standard spell tome for the use of elementary lightning magic. Again, it lacks any marks that could be used to identify its creator, and again it bears signs of far more use than would likely have been incurred while Robin was traveling with Chrom."
That's also good, I think. And at least now I have both my weapons.
Frederick spoke, eager to eke some sort of point from Miriel's discoveries. "So you believe Robin was involved in combat before we found her, Miriel?"
"I believe the most probable explanation for the present state of her weaponry is that her weapons were used before Robin was found. With the information currently at my disposal I cannot say whether or not Robin is responsible for the wear on her weapons. However, it may prove elucidating to inspect Robin more closely." The inquisitor turned to me. "Please remove your coat, Robin."
Lissa wanted to object, but I took off my coat before she could find the words. Glad as I was that she is so dedicated to my defense, this situation is not one she can help me with.
A gasp followed from our audience as I took off my coat. I was about to hand it to Miriel when I realized she didn't want it; she was interested in the clothes I was wearing under my coat. The reaction of the almond gallery was sign enough that there was something off, but what? More Grimleal eyeballs? I guess my shirt is a little loose, but still...
It was all I could do to stand still as Miriel stalked around me. I kept myself occupied returning Frederick's glare. After several minutes, and some unwelcome poking and prodding from – I hope – Miriel, the bespectacled stopped moving and spoke to me.
"While your coat is untarnished, your other clothing bears signs of use and damage, featuring are a number of burns, cuts, and bloodstains. Additionally, your garments fit extremely poorly. They appear to have been made for an individual of your same height but of considerably greater bulk."
Then she lifted my shirt and looked at my back and stomach. Mildly violating.
Satisfied, she let go of my shirt and spoke to the group. "I believe Robin is suffering from a severe lack of caloric intake, and is most likely suffering from mild malnutrition as well. I believe it would be prudent for her to seek the services of an apothecary."
This sounds like something I can milk for sympathy. "Could I get something to eat before that, please?"
Before I knew it, Stahl was handing me a loaf of bread and a wedge of cheese. He then went to get a knife and plate. Not sure why; the food was gone by the time he got back. The others seemed impressed at my ability to make food disappear without magic so quickly.
Lissa decided to take charge of the situation. "Alright, Robin has had some food. I'm going to take her to Doctor Nick. Virion, you and Maribelle can find her a change of clothes. Vaike, Sumia, and Stahl, you three work on dinner. We need something special to celebrate! Sully and Frederick, we need you two to clean this place up. Mir-" Blondie finally turned around to see that both Frederick and Miriel had already left. Neither seem particularly sociable.
And I must say, Lissa can be awfully good at giving orders when she isn't acting like herself. Just about everyone did what they were told. Sully didn't even mind that her workload had essentially doubled due to Freddy playing hooky. Maribelle, on the other hand...
"I do not want you alone with that woman, Lissa. You heard what Sir Frederick said-"
"She has a name, Maribelle, and I want you to use it. Besides, Robin has had plenty of opportunities to hurt me already, why would she try something now?"
Maribelle had no answer for Lissa's uncharacteristic use of logic and reason. "Hmph. Very well, Lissa. I shall attempt to find clothing suitable for a woman of labor nearly half a foot taller than Sir Frederick. But I warn you, Robin: should Lissa so much as tangle her hair in your presence, you will answer to me. Do I make myself clear?"
Ugh. Are you really trying to intimidate me, drills? What are you going to do, hit me with your stupid umbrella?
"At the moment, Lady Maribelle, I must say I find Virion's cravat far more intimidating."
The archer inflated with joy at hearing his own name without being given an order. "Verily, Lady Robin, you possess a fine eye for garments of noble bearing! Take heart, my dear Maribelle, for it is clear our efforts will not be wasted!" Preempting a most unladylike retort, Virion nobly dragged Maribelle away from us.
With that settled, Lissa and I made our way to the royal apothecary, Doctor Nicholas of Riviera. A jovial man, a touch talkative but pleasant enough. He recorded my height: 6' 6", and weight: 140 pounds. This, as he informed me, was a highly unusual problem: very few women need to worry about gaining weight. Dr. Nick said I was dangerously underweight, and should try to gain at least 20 pounds.
"Miriel said I might be suffering from malnutrition. What, exactly is that?"
"Well, you see, the human body requires many different nutrients to function properly. Different nutrients are found in different foods. It is therefore of utmost important that you eat a balanced diet from each of the major food groups: animal, plant, alcohol, and candy. An imbalance in consumption habits can be just as hazardous to your health as a lack of food."
What a wise man.