Hello all! I'm just going to write this little note right here to apologise to you all. All of your faults have been recognised and I'm sorry. Yes there are a lot of plotholes, yes it is moving along very quickly and yes it is VERY depressing (I was going to make this humourous when I started writing this. It wasn't supposed to be depressing but my hands have a life of their own when I start writing). More than anything, I'd like to thank all of you that have stuck through the spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors, the depressing plot and the blaringly annoying plotholes and things I haven't followed through with. You're all awesome ^_^

A Past Restored

It felt so good at the time. The pleasure of killing the one to cause an innocent such harm. In fact, just the general pleasure of killing. I vowed to never kill anyone again after leaving the brotherhood but the man sickened me. It felt so good to watch my knife slip into his chest like a butter knife into... Well, butter. The joy of killing returned to me in full force as I ran away like a speeding bullet. I haven't run so fast in 18 years. Oh it was a wonderful feeling killing Lars Battle-Born. Unfortunately, Kodlak didn't think it was such a good idea. I don't understand why. He hated the child just as much as I did if not more. Yet despite this he insists on lecturing me on right and wrong. I'm more than twice his age, why can he not just accept that I can keep myself alive and well? He trusts me about as much as Rikke did when we first met. The only difference is that in most cases Rikke would have been correct in her assumption that I needed looking after. As he finishes his rant, my son offers me the opportunity to say something on my behalf for once.

"I'll feel sorry for him when you do." I say with a smirk, confident that if this was a brotherhood contract Kod probably would have been the one to sign away Lars' life. Yet for some reason when people these days perform the black sacrament they don't seem to realize that it's their fault that the person who is dying was practically murdered by them. Now I'm getting off topic.

"It's not Lars I feel sorry for. What about Mila? What happens to her now? Where does she get to go?"

"Well now that she's free from the inbred child she can do whatever she wants. I have given her freedom, my boy and the sooner she realizes that, the better." He freezes in place. Maybe now he'll stop bothering me.

"I'm getting you some help. You aren't the same person when you're drunk mother. I will help you somehow."

"Bollocks!" I shout, slurring the 's' and walking upstairs before collapsing in bed.

Kodlak stares at the ground in shock at his mother's unusual attitude. He shakes his head free of his thoughts. Right now he needs to go and find Minette and tell her what happened. He throws on a saber cat skin for added warmth and locks the door of his mother's house behind him. She has a key and can get out on her own but he doesn't want anyone else getting in. The guard have begun an investigation into Lars' death but from the amount of head scratching and nose picking Kodlak can take an educated guess at thinking they aren't getting any real results out of the investigation. As he finally gets home, he finds Minette curled up in a small chair with a skin wrapped around her. She probably fell asleep waiting for him to return. Not wanting her to break her neck in her sleep, Kodlak picks her up and carries her back to bed. When he gets into bed himself he can't help but reflect on his mother's outrage under the bridge. She needs help and quickly. Minette stirs in her sleep and wakes up to find Kodlak staring at the ceiling.

"Kod?" She disturbs him from his deep thoughts.

"Good morning. I can only assume that it is early morning. There's been a murder so I was helping the victim's family." She gasps in horror and sits up, now fully awakened.

"Who?"

"Lars Battle-Born." Minette looks into his eyes and she fears the coldness in his response.

"Please tell me you didn't kill him."

"Of course I didn't! I would not do such a thing to effect Mila so negatively. She is a close friend and I would never wish to see her unhappy." Minette sighs, regretful of the point she has to make.

"You still love her. I can tell. Every time you look at Mila I see the glint of happiness in your eyes that I've only ever seen when you look at her. Please Kodlak just tell me if you do. It is not my wish to get between you both if there is something there that I can never have with you. I don't want this to become a downward spiral that would end up destroying us both." Kodlak chews on her words for a while, thinking his answer through carefully. After a while he has failed to think of a polite answer and Minette begins to get impatient. "Well, do you?"

"Yes." He sighs sheepishly. A tear appears in her eye yet she still smiles.

"Thank you for being honest. At least I can always count on you for the truth. So when should I move out?"

"What? No! You can't leave me! I love you too, more even!"

"As much as her? Because if so then I won't leave. Answer me truthfully Kodlak." He looks into her eyes and fails to see a bluff. She looks into his eyes and sees the truth. The tear in her eye falls and she packs up a few dresses into a case. While she does so Kodlak runs his fingers through his hair with his head tucked between his knees. She wraps her wedding ring in a small piece of fabric and leaves it on the bed at which point Kodlak is stirred into action.

"Minette. No. You will not leave me. You can't!" He stands up and follows her out. "Minette I WILL shout and scream and make a scene." She turns around and kisses him on the forehead. Then she leaves the building. "Minette!" He shouts, causing a few heads to turn in their direction. "Don't do this to me Minette!" The shouting increases in volume and lights are lit inside a few homes with human shaped figures becoming silhouettes in the windows. "No!" He screams as she exits the gate. Then he gives chase, screaming along the way. She starts to run away quickly. She is quicker than him. By the time she leaps on to a carriage at the stables he realizes that he can't catch up and he falls to his knees, tears emerging in his eyes. Looking down at the wedding ring on his finger he sobs like a helpless child. After what feels to him like a millenium a friendly guard approached him and offers a hand. In a state of shock, he is lead back to Breezehome by the friendly guard until Mila arrives. Kodlak takes one look at her and faints, incapable of doing anything but reaching out for the brisk warmth and comfort of unconsciousness.

The next morning...

Reaching out before him, Kodlak receives a grim reminder of the previous nights' events. Why couldn't he just have lied? No. She would have known if he lied and then she might not have left so silently. He stares at the empty bed without a single expression to be seen on his face. Without any particular purpose, Kod gets out of bed and crawls into his clothes. He wanders out of the house and into the wide streets of Whiterun.

As he wanders without purpose or goal he encounters people close to him who try to draw his attention away from the dark pit in which he now lives only for him to continue to drag himself along wearily. Eventually he arrives at Jorrvaskr only to walk straight past all members of the Companions and arrives at the training yard, his face a dreary, vacant expression. He picks up Wuuthrad with ease and walks threateningly towards the practise dummy. The large man raises the mighty axe and slices the training dummy cleanly in two.

"Kodlak." One voice draws him out of the deep, dreamlike haze in which his mind rests. His head twists slightly to face her.