adjective
providing no hope; beyond optimism or hope; desperate.
My name is Ian Hecox. My name is Ian Hecox, and I am depressed. My name is Ian Hecox, and I miss Anthony Padilla. I want him back. I need him back. I've heard the saying 'I feel empty without you', but I've never felt that way. Not until he left. I've never felt like there was a part of me missing. I've never felt like there was something that was meant to be with me, but just wasn't there. I do need Anthony, but at the same time, I need a drink. I walked down the empty streets of my neighbourhood, dimly lit by the streetlights that often flickered on and off. I kept on walking with my hands in my pockets while in a fist, shivering a little from the night breeze. I stopped in front of the nearest pub I could find, and went inside.
Sitting next to me was a guy about my age, looking down at a picture on his lap. I could see the sadness on his face, so I had to ask. "Hey, you okay?" He looked up at me and blinked away his tears and instead took a sip from his cup filled with vodka.
"Yeah, uh. It's just my brother." He replied in the shiest tone.
"What happened?" Sometimes, I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut.
"He died." I froze. Those two words. Those two words were the words that struck me.
"I'm so sorry…" I looked down and the bartender asked me for my drink. "Uh… I'll have a whiskey." I've never been a big alcohol drinker, but ever since Anthony left, I thought why not.
"It was a fire." The man said quietly, looking down at the photo.
"Excuse me?"
"My brother died in a fire down in L.A," I was confused why this man was sharing this information with me, but I sat, listened, and quickly consumed my whiskey. "and I wasn't there to help him." He paused for a while, but hearing that made my brows furrow and my eyes saw the pain in his. "Do you know what it feels like? To have someone you've loved for your whole entire life, and them be gone, just like that?"
I've thought about that everyday. A hole in my heart that Anthony had previously owned was replaced by sadness and sorrow. That sadness and sorrow will be there forever. Like a tattoo imprinted on my heart. "I'm really sorry to hear about your brother. But take it from me when I say it will get better over time. Right now all you can do is not mourn over the absence of him, but to be grateful for the memories you've had with him." Those words coming out of my mouth were lies. All utter lies. It has been three years, and I still feel the same pain I felt when Anthony left. Really all I can do is upset myself and drink alcohol to forget the pain I feel.
But then I saw a small smile forming at the edge of his mouth. Still looking down at the photo, I saw a hint of hope in his eyes. I could see the darkness enlightening and giving him motivational reason. Again, I should really learn to keep my mouth shut.