For Elisa, it wasn't easy explaining to the group the entire truth; but it wasn't impossible either. After all, technically speaking, she never lied about her condition from the start; she just didn't tell them the details. "The Calling," she explained, "starts with hearing this… music." She paused for a moment and closed her eyes, barely hearing the distant humming. She was glad Nathaniel found the required ingredients to make the tonic, though she hoped that its effects would last 'til they reached Denerim.
"I'm not certain how to explain it," she continued, eyes slowly opening. "Just that it's so beautiful that it's hard to resist it the louder it gets. Normally, this is a slow process. You might've died fighting the darkspawn in the Deep Roads before you fully succumb to it. However, in my case…" Her gaze had now been focused on the dancing flames of the campfire. "It's much faster… more so it seems when I'm using the abilities the concoction had unlocked." She remembered that moment she was restrained on top of the stone table and shuddered unconsciously, before shaking it off.
Nathaniel was the most vocal about his disapproval. "Andraste's blood, what were you thinking!?"
Her response was resolute. "End the Blight no matter what the cost."
"A concoction made by a blood mage…" Anders shook his head. "I'm no fan of the Chantry but even I think that screams out bad idea."
She sighed heavily. "You have to understand that at that time it was us against the world. We have darkspawn and Loghain's troops hot on our heels." She paused and regarded her Second at the mention of their bitter past. He seemed unaffected, or if he was, he didn't show it; thus she continued. "I did what I had thought was necessary at that time."
"Then what will keep you in check?" It was Velanna who finally voiced out most of her companions' unspoken anxiety. "I haven't changed my mind in joining the Warden but Icannot to follow someone who could turn into a beast at any moment."
"Avernus has formulated a tonic to slow the progress," Elisa explained. "It has controlled it so far as long as it is taken on a daily basis." Her gaze drifted from each of them. Only Loghain and Oghren it seemed looked unfazed. It was perhaps they had seen with their own eyes the high price they had to pay to end that damnable Blight. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. "I am not an unreasonable person. If you feel you cannot trust me to lead, then I will step down as Warden-Commander and Arlessa of Amaranthine. Though, decide who among in this group will replace me before we reach Denerim."
"Shouldn't it be him?" Sigrun asked, glancing over to the taciturn warrior.
"Normally, yes, but you see…" Elisa paused and spared her Second a brief stare, waiting for his approval to share his predicament. When he nodded, she continued. "Loghain shouldn't be in Ferelden in the first place. I had to… intervene before they could transfer him to Orlais. The First Warden hasn't responded yet, but chances are they will continuewith that plan. I could only delay so far."
"Then, why not Nathaniel over here?" Anders suggested. "He's a noble right? I mean, before his family's lands were taken and stripped off their titles and all…" He shut his mouth when the archer glared at him.
"A Howe in court…" Nathaniel scoffed derisively. "That would go well with the nobles."
"True…" Elisa mumbled. "It will cause a lot of problems. Not to mention, Fergus has every right to kick the Wardens out of the arling if he so wishes to." She turned her gaze over to the healer who quickly picked up what her look meant.
"Uh… you know the story right?" Anders quickly stated. "TevinterImperium… Andraste… While I don't agree with it, I do know that it's going to end up with something that involves an Exalted March in Amaranthine. How about…" His eyes landed on the two dwarves.
"I was born a warrior, not some soddin' desher with a stick up his arse," Oghren grumbled.
"Casteless," Sigrun reminded.
Velanna was all that was left but even then, they had doubts about giving her the position; not only because she was an elf and a mage – which would cause more trouble than solve anything – but also her prickly nature did not suit well. And while she was willing to lead them down the Deep Road, she wasn't keen on dealing with humans, especially human lords.
So, in the end, it left Elisa little choice. "I suppose I can contact the Orlesian Wardens to send someone–"
"No." Loghain stated tersely, lips curled into a deep scowl. "If there's no one suitable to lead then do not step down as Warden-Commander."
"But–"
She was silenced when he stood up, his towering figure looming over her. "The last thing we need to offer some painted fop is a foothold here in Ferelden. You were suspicious of their intentions before."
"And I have dismissed that claim." She replied."Besides, would you follow a caged beast?"
"I would rather follow a beast than a prissy Orlesian dog."
"Would they?"
Loghain followed Elisa's gaze that shifted towards the others behind him. He scowled and turned towards them, giving each a pointed look. "If any of you feel more suited to lead, by all means, step forward. If not, then stop complaining. The Commander has never led us astray, nor has she proven herself incapableto do her duties despite her condition."
The surroundings fell into an uneasy quiet, save for the rustling branches and distant sound of owls hooting. As their heads bowed in thought, he turned to regard the auburn-haired woman. The features of her face remained unreadable but in the last second, he caught a glimpse of a certain expression was very familiar with. Before he could say anything, however, one of the Wardens spoke up.
"Gotta respect someone with the stones to ride adragon." He and the Commander turned their attentions to Oghren who gave a wide grin and raised his flask. "Dunno 'bout this cloudheads but I've seen you fight long enough to know you can lead with yer eyes closed and hands tied behindyer back."
Nathaniel sighed. "Look, I don't doubt her capabilities as Warden-Commander. It's just..." He paused as grey eyes met her sapphires. There was so much he wanted to say to her, yet he couldn't utter them for those words were better spoken privately. Thus, in the end, he settled with a question instead. "Are you sure this tonic works?"
"It does."
That was all Nathaniel needed to hear at that moment before he supported Loghain and Oghren. The rest followed suit after that, with Velanna reluctantly agreeing.
Elisa didn't protest after that and as their Commander, she ordered them to get some rest while she and her Second would take the next watch. Obviously, there were protests, specifically from Nathaniel. She had to pull rank just to get them to follow.
Loghain grumbled incoherently as he sat beside his Commander near the campfire. He remained silent until he was certain that everyone was asleep. "That was a dirty tactic," he muttered and when the woman beside him turned her head to stare with a raised brow, he continued. "Using me by bringing up the Orlesians just so I'd convince the others..."
"There's so such thing as dirty tactics, Loghain." There was that subtle quirk of her lips that was barely noticeable at a distance."Besides, if one cannot force a wild animal to drink water, what more with people. I only had to show a path which leads them to the truth."
He scoffed, turning his attention towards the fire. "That you're the best chance they have in dealing with this problem?"
"Yes."
Loghain shook his head. "Arrogant woman..."
Elisa laughed lightly. "Weren't you the same during the Blight?"
He shifted his gaze back to her, his tone dry as he spoke. "So what is this then? Following my footsteps? I'm not the best example, Commander. As your previous companions had endlessly pointed out, I nearly destroyed Ferelden."
"And, you think I'll end the same way?"
That made him pause for a moment. It's true that she was arrogant but only because she knows her strength and limitation. In all honesty, she earned the right to be one. Yet, he wasn't going to say that. Though, considering his Commander's satisfied smirk while leaning comfortably against the log, she already knew what he was thinking.
"I thought so."
He glowered and moved closer to the campfire. "Shut up."
The next day, the Wardens continued with their journey to Denerim. Along the way, they encountered the mage Wynne had asked the Warden-Commander to speak to. Ines was her name I think, Elisa mused as she tried to convince the botanist to head to Cumberland. Of course, the latter had to be stubborn, and if it hadn't been her former companion who had asked for a favor, she wouldn't have painstakingly searching the woods for hours just to search for some obscure plant.
After two more days of travelling, the finally reached the city of Denerim. The city was bustling with merchants offering all sorts of food and exotic wares. It gave the Wardens a difficult time maneuvering their horses as they passed by the marketplace. Still, it gave Anders some amusement at the sight of the wide varieties of items sold. "Wonder if they're selling Andraste's shinbone like in Amaranthine once," he mused with a with a wide grin.
"This is Denerim," Nathaniel replied as he eyed the shops they passed by dubiously. "Someone might even claim they're selling the Maker's shiny golden cutlery."
"And there's someone foolish enough to buy it?" Velanna asked when the horse she and Sigrun rode moved beside the archer's, giving the latter an incredulous look.
Anders chuckled. "Never question the power of fanaticism."
Finally, they arrived at the Warden Compound where a messenger was waiting for them outside the gates. "Message for you, my lady." The young boy bowed to Elisa when she dismounted her horse and approached him. He then handed her a note.
Loghain slid off his horse and walked over to his Commander who read the message with knitted brows. Before he could raise a question or even see the note's content, she briskly took off her pack from the horse then turned to face her Second. "Loghain, you handle Velanna's Joining. Anders will assist you with… the preparation."
"Wait, where are you going?" Nathaniel asked.
"To the palace," was all she replied before remounting her horse and riding out of the compound, her last words "I'll be back soon," echoing in the far-off distance.
The chamberlain led the Warden-Commander to the King and Queen's private study the moment she entered the palace's gates. After knocking on the large wooden door, he entered and bowed before announcing, "Your Majesty, Elisa Cousland of the Grey Wardens has arrived."
Behind the desk was Alistair who looked up from the parchments a books piled up. That took the Commander by surprise, though in a good way. Not only because she had expected to meet Anora when she read that the note came from the Crown, but also the last time she saw him, he looked bored and miserable with his new life; though, if it involved dealing with nobles, she could understand and sympathize even. The queen was much equipped with dealing with both of them combined. She was glad to see he was eager with his work right now despite how tedious it was.
She held back a grin at the thought of a few quips for this scene, but with the large chasm between them… well, it might just sound inappropriate. So, as the chamberlain withdrew himself from the room, she just settled with a bow. "You wanted to see me Your Highness?"
"Yes- I mean, no, not exactly… just me, for now," Alistair stammered then sighed. This made her raise a brow as she straightened herself up and watched the king set aside the parchment and stand from his seat. He ran his hand through his hair – a gesture she knew too well meant that he was nervous. "Anora's still speaking to Arl Bryland about the blighted lands in his arling. It might take a while…"
Then, there was the awkward silence as the two of them stood stiffly on the spot. The two whole minutes felt like eternity to Elisa before the king spoke with a strained tone. "So, how… how's Amaranthine? I heard darkspawn attacked Vigil's Keep…"
Must've heard the news from Anora, Elisa thought before replying flatly with her back straight and her hands clasped behind her back. "Too many casualties and the Keep is under repair. The Orlesian Wardens went missing but we recently found them in a mine located in the Wending Woods… all dead."
The last statement caught the king's attention. After all, darkspawn only took women alive, and from what he remembered, there were only few women amongst the Wardens that were sent here. "Did you find out who or what's behind this?"
She became quiet for a moment, considering whether to tell him or not. Talking darkspawn and those Children were far worse than the tainted creatures they fought during the Blight. And he's the king so he has every right to know what's going on in his kingdom. But then, on the other hand, if she did tell him, what would he do? Unless, Anora had reformed the man in front of her, there was the possibility of him leaving his duties here to fight. But then, there's also Loghain… He could be used to dissuade the king from rejoining the Wardens…
She was far too deep in her own thoughts that she didn't realize Alistair was glaring at her until he said, "you're not going to tell me, are you?"
She knew what the tone he used meant – it would be a start of an argument. She had to tread carefully from there to make sure the conversation stayed civil. "That is not my intention Your Majesty. I merely–"
"Your Majesty? Really Elisa?" He scoffed angrily. "This is what I get for becoming king then? Unable to be just Alistair…" He was running his finger through his hair again as he took a couple of deep breaths – another gesture she knew meant he wanted to say something else… something personal.
At the moment, she has two choices; one, she lets him speaks his mind and stay quiet; or, she leaves the palace and return later when Anora's done with her meeting. She chose the latter. "I could just return later once the queen returns from her meeting," she calmly stated as she focused her eyes on the floor, "if my presence upsets you." Turning around, she was ready to leave but as her hand reached for the door knob, she heard Alistair briefly let out a bitter laugh.
"Sometimes, I wonder whatever happened to that woman I love," he muttered somberly, more to himself, "and why the Maker replaced her with someone as cold-hearted as you."
Love… It seemed like it was a lifetime ago since the last time Elisa heard him say that word; and yet, it still had an effect on her. It could be easy to return those feelings and just throw caution to the wind. But she can't because he's king now and married to Anora, and would sooner or later have little Therin heirs running around the palace. What could she offer? The taint has progressed too far now in her blood that she was certain that it had already made her barren. There are rumors that Anora was just the same but at least those were only rumors, unlike hers which was already a fact. He has a duty to the nation and she wasn't going to stand in way.
Sorry Alistair, she thought as she shut her eyes tight before speaking in the coldest tone she could muster. "She is dead, Your Highness. I suggest mourning for the loss quickly and move on." She didn't dare turn around and just swung the door open. As she stepped outside however, the queen came into view.
"Ah, Warden, you're here," Anora said before stopping in front of her and raising a brow at the evident tension. However, she didn't point it out either because she felt it was unnecessary to involve herself or that there were far more important matters to attend to.
Elisa presented herself with a calm expression as she bowed to the queen. She stood upright and re-entered the room when the other woman gestured a hand towards it. She avoided the king's gaze and sat down on a chair that was across the one the queen sat on.
"I'm sensing this is going to be one of those ladies' conversations," Alistair said in a tone that sounded strained despite his attempts to make it light. "So, I'm just going down for some snack and leave you two alone." He hastily gathered some of the parchments and books on his desk and left the room.
Elisa stared at the door for a moment before turning her attention back to the queen. "He…" she began but paused for a moment when her own voice sounded strained as well. "He's doing well it seems. I've never imagined him having the patience to read what he might find as boring documents."
"He insists that he won't roll over and let me rule," Anora replied, "thus, I am teaching him how to govern the nation. Though, there are… disagreements from time to time, he's earnest enough at least that he manages to set aside his… personal feelings for us to find a common ground."
Elisa blinked. He asked Anora for help? The daughter of the man he loathed so much? "That's… unexpected," she muttered, nearly laughing at the last word's inadequacy to describe the king's current disposition. She could understand if it was Eamon; though Maker knows why Alistair still trusts the Arl of Redcliffe despite the way the latter and his wife treated him while he was still a boy.
As though, the queen could read her thoughts, she received an answer. "Indeed. He was tutored by Eamon from the beginning, but from what I've gathered Alistair isn't satisfied with what Eamon's teaching him or lack thereof. Usually, he would just say that he would handle the complicated matters for him, that he shouldn't worry about trivial matters." Anora scoffed. "Yes, taxes are trivial matters."
For a brief moment, the queen's expression reminded Elisa of Loghain. She's really her father's daughter, she mused while holding back a slight grin. The door then opened as Anora's handmaid, Erlina, entered and set the tray with two cups of tea on the table. When the elf bowed and left, the two noblewomen drank their teas.
"I did not summon you here to talk about my husband however," Anora started as she set her cup back on the tray.
Elisa was thankful her eyes were closed as she drank the rest of the tea; otherwise, the queen might've seen how much the phrase my husband stung despite the fact that it was stated without any affection. She remained silent as the queen continued. "I'm not sure if you've heard, but there has been unrest in Gwaren a month prior to your return. Let me cut to the chase, I want you to take over the terynir."
The Commander nearly sputtered the tea she had just drunk at the blonde woman in front of her. Take over the terynir?! She coughed into her balled fist as she placed the cup down on the tray. Once she recovered, she stared at the queen incredulously. "You jest, Your Majesty."
One eyebrow arched up as Anora answered dryly. "Does it look like I'm joking Arlessa Cousland?"
Elisa's brows furrowed at the title. The emphasis on her other title meant she wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Queen Anora, with all due respect," she said carefully, "while it is an honor that I receive such title, this is going to cause more problems than solve anything. One, as you imply, I am already the Arlessa of Amaranthine. Two, I am a Grey Warden and thus, bearing an heir to the terynir is near impossible; which brings in my third argument that Fergus' children would inherit it instead and I doubt the nobles would appreciate Couslands having control over two terynirs." She could give her a hundred reasons why it was a bad idea but she was silenced when the other woman held up a hand.
"I am well aware of all those things and more," Anora replied as she leaned back against her chair. "As Queen, I have every right to grant a land and title to whomever I wished."
"And King Alistair agreed?"
"Yes." Anora answered tersely as she glared at the Commander. "Also, Amaranthine was given to the Grey Wardens so if you fear the nobles' ire by holding two titles, then have someone else take the Commander position." She stood up and gracefully strode towards the window. "I assumed you'd be interested with becoming Teryna of Gwaren considering some of the conspirators moving against you came from there."
Elisa's eyes widened as she stared at the queen's back. How did she know… Then it hit her. "Loghain told you," she muttered with a deep scowl. And his daughter confirmed it with a curt nod when she turned to face her. She took a mental note to talk to him about it later. "Not to look at a gift horsed in the mouth Your Majesty but let's be honest here. You wouldn't offer this if you're not getting something in return."
Anora almost cracked a smile. "It's simple Commander. I prefer to avoid this issue be brought up during the Landsmeet."
Ah, everything made more sense now, Elisa thought. The vacancy of such a high position would cause nobles to squabble over it and if brought during Landsmeet, there's no doubt that Eamon's popularity would win him that title. She wondered if the queen knew what the Arl of Redcliffe tried to convince Cailan to do; perhaps not, but she is a politician, and she knows who to trust and not to trust.
Still, she wasn't certain if she was ready to give up her current position. After all, among the other Wardens here in Ferelden, she was the only one currently eligible. Uncertainty must be evident on her features as Anora approached until she was standing in front of her. "The Landsmeet is two days from now. I suggest you consider my offer Commander."
Yes, it's probably best if she doesn't decide on it for now. Once the queen stepped away, Elisa stood up and bowed before leaving the room and making her way back to the Warden Compound.
End of Chapter 21