ath·a·za·gor·a·pho·bi·a
noun
the fear of forgetting, being forgotten, or being replaced.

I woke up on what seemed to be Anthony's couch, as I remember falling asleep while watching TV next to him. A light weight on my shoulder made me look to my right side and notice Anthony's head rest on me. I smiled a little bit, feeling my cheeks redden, but only to realize he couldn't have done that on purpose. Please, how could I think Anthony could ever have feelings for me? Before he woke up, I tried to close my eyes, resting my head on his and trying to enjoy his head fitting perfectly at the angle of my neck.

After the feeling I felt with his head on me, the mere thought of ever losing him again made me feel something worse than unhappiness. The pain it caused me was like feeling parts of my heart that revolved around him fall into a never ending abyss of forgotten and painful memories. Even though I'm with him right now, wishing for nothing more but for him to notice how I feel about him, I can still sense his distress. I know how much he loved her. I know how much he loved her, and there's nothing I can do about it, but wait. I can support him as much as I can, just to show him how much I truly do love him. I have to admit, I do miss Kalel terribly. She was a wonderful person and she didn't deserve to die the way she did. It devastates me to know that she had such a great future ahead of her, only to be ended with a fire in a restaurant. She made Anthony so happy, and that made me happy. Well, somewhat happy. I haven't felt genuine happiness in years. Not once in 3 years have I felt the familiar pleasure I used to get when he was around. I haven't felt happiness until today.

I felt Anthony's head move a little to make himself comfortable, and it made my stomach churn. Not in a way that made me feel sick, but in a way that made me feel good. I saw him flutter his eyes open, but I quickly shut mine, so he wouldn't think I was awake. I know, what a childish thing to do, but I couldn't let him know this way. I pretended to be in a deep sleep, as I feel the weight pull off of my shoulder, being replaced by a cold breeze.

"What the..." I heard him say. I felt his stare on my face, burning through me. I felt the need to open my eyes and tell him how I felt when his head was rested on me, but I restrained myself. Then, the strangest thing happened. I felt his head weight on my shoulder again, leaving a stupid grin on my face. Could this actually be happening? I let my head lightly fall on his, and I felt him move it a bit to get comfortable. Just the fact that Anthony is fully conscious right now made me feel like I could be jumping off the walls. He was conscious, and he had his head leaning on me. He had his head leaning on me, and I felt happy. I closed my eyes and let my subconscious take over my mind.

I picked up his head and held it close to my chest, sobbing, waiting for him to open his eyes. "Anthony, you can't do this to me!" My hands, red with blood that seeped out while escaping my body made contact with older man's face. I bent down, kissed his forehead and left my lips lingering there. A salty tear slid down my cheek and onto his forehead. I whispered something to him that I never got the chance to tell him. "I love you." My tears came down one by one, forceful to keep the sadness fall away in the form of a liquid. They say that miracles only happen to those who have done something remarkable in their lives. Something like a selfless good deed. What can explain a miracle but the forces of the universe and the beings that aren't on this physical world? After hearing a gasp come from the person that I thought to be dead, I believed it was a miracle. I believed that we didn't need explanations for miracles, as long as it teaches you to be grateful. His familiar, warm chocolate eyes opened and locked with my crystal blue ones. He gave me a small smile while his eyes locked with mine and I heard him say something I've been longing to hear for a long time.

"I'm here."

The booming sound of a commercial made me jolt from the comfortable position I was in. I saw Anthony do the same, but saw him turn off the TV immediately. "Damn TV." I heard him say under his breath. He fell back on the couch, looking blankly at the black screen of his living room television.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him, trying to make eye contact with him.

"Honestly Ian, I thought it couldn't get worse." He admitted to me. "I had a nightmare. Well, more like a memory. Ian, I want it to go away!" His eyes were filling up with tears and I felt pity welling up inside me.

"Anthony, I think you need to get out of here for awhile." His brown eyes looked up at me with a questioned look on his face. "I think you should stay with me for a few weeks." I was hoping he would smile at my offer and gladly take it.

"You're right." His agreement made me smile on the inside. "I can't stand it here. There are too many memories and I feel like she should still be here. But she isn't. She's gone, Ian." He stopped talking for awhile, then stood up. "I should go pack." He left up the stairs to his bedroom, and I heard the door shut. Just after that, I heard the doorbell ring. I stood up slowly to open the door, only to reveal someone I haven't seen for a long, long time. Standing at the door with a box of chocolate in his hands, was Joey Graceffa.