"She hasn't come out of her cabin yet." Joker's voice snapped Garrus from his thoughts, bringing the turian's atention the human pilot. Joker was looking at him, almost with a knowing look.
Garrus shifted slightly, crossing his arms over his chest. "She'll come out when she's ready, Joker. She's a strong woman." And Garrus believed it; she'd been through hell ever since she was sixteen and she had pulled through it when alot of others had fallen. Garrus had wanted to check on her earlier, but he'd learned that it was best to leave Shepard alone. She wasn't friendly when she was angry or upset; not that she'd ever admit to it.
"The stress that Commander Shepard has been going through is more than enough for one person to bare." EDI spoke up from the chair beside Joker, gaining the pilot's attention, as well as Garrus'. EDI glanced at Joker before turning her attention to Garrus. "Shepard has been...drinking large amounts of alcohol shortly after she entered her cabin. She has also caused damage to herself."
This caused Garrus to straighten immediately, ignoring the "See, I told you!" that came from Joker. "I should...check on her then." Garrus turned without another word, heading down the bridge to the CIC and to the elevator. He noted Traynor giving him a curious, but concerned look, but went right back to what she'd been doing.
As soon as he stepped out of the elevator, Garrus noted the door was locked, the angry red almost glaring at him. "Shepard?"
"Go away, Garrus." Came the reply; annoyed, angry, and upset all wrapped into one.
"Shepard, let me in."
"I said GO AWAY, Garrus."
"EDI...?"
"Do it, EDI, and I will rip out your circut board."
"Not in your present state." He was surprised EDI didn't have a more elaborated answer for that. Garrus glanced down as the door panel whirrled, and a few moments later, turned green. Garrus quickly opened the door and slipped inside before Shepard could do anything about it.
Garrus continued inside, stopping before he stepped into the living area, blue eyes finding his commanding officer sitting on one end of the couch, bringing a bottle of alcohol to her lips. The glare she was giving him would have probably sent even a Reaper running away. Garrus noted the several empty bottles on the floor and some on the table infront of her.
"Is this how humans grieve?"
"Grieving? Who's grieving? Certainly not the great Commander Shepard." She snapped at him, slamming the bottle on the table top. Garrus was surprised the bottle didn't shatter. He noted the makeshift cloth wrapped around one of her hands, blood staining the whiteness of it to tell that she had broken the skin.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No. I just want everyone to leave me alone."
"I don't remember you being like this when Ashley.."
"This is different. I..." She sighed, clencing her hand into a fist. "Ash was my friend. I wasn't...I wasn't in love with her. I failed Ashley. Thane...I loved him and I failed him."
Garrus was silent as he stared at Shepard, unsure of what to actually say.
"Some protector I am, huh? Everything's gone to hell and no matter how hard I try, someone always gets killed. I can't save them; it's like my parents and Akuze all over again. It's like Virmire all over again."
"I know, it's..."
"It's BULLSHIT, Garrus! I'm Commander Shepard, I should be able to protect everyone I care about. That's why I joined N7, that's why I'm a soldier. It's my duty to protect, to serve." She suddenly laughed; it almost sent a chill down Garrus' spine. "It's like the galaxy is laughing at me. 'You can't win, Shepard. It's useless, all your friends are going to die.' I bet the Reapers are having a fucking party, laughing at me and my clumsy attempts to save the galaxy."
"You're human, Shepard. You can't do everything. You're only one person."
She laughed harshly again, "Why don't you go shout that from atop the Citadel? Make sure everyone hears you and understands that I'm only human. I'm not a God." She was glaring at him again, her mood sour. "Just...just go away, Garrus. I don't want to look at you or anyone else and be reminded that I've still got a hell of alot more to loose."
Garrus sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere with her, no matter how he tried. Perphas Liara or Kaidan would know what to do. He paused before he got out of sight, turning slightly to say over his shoulder, "Would Thane want you to do this, Shepard? Would he want you to grieve this way?"
He saw the ghost of a smile on her lips as she picked up her bottle, her shoulders shrugging, "I don't know, Garrus. He's dead."
Lost for words, he continued out to the elevator, not able to forget the defeated, hurt look that had marred her features. He glanced back at the closed door, swearing he could hear her soft sobs from the cabin.
For the first time in a long time, Garrus Vakarian didn't know what to do.