Dean had never been drunker in his life. There was all that post hell drinking, and the apocalypse drinking, but nothing compared to his I just ganked my brother and rose the devil drinking. After a week of continuously waking up with a killer hangover, and soothing that hangover with another bottle of whiskey Cas finally hid all the liquor and the keys to the impala. In the end Cas had to put Dean to sleep with a touch to the head. Then he popped over to go see Sam. "He is broken you know. Sam, he is worse than when I rose him from hell" Cas had been trying all week to put the brothers back together, but to no avail. "I know Cas, you said the same thing yesterday. I just...Cas I looked my brother in the eye as he cut my friking head of. As easy as if I was something we would hunt! Cas I cant go back, not yet." and Cas understood he did. Having been killed by one of his own brothers. Multiple times. "May I at least tell him that you are alive. It may stop his drinking" and Sam said no. So Cas left. "Were did you go" Dean was awake when Cas got back. Sitting in the main library and nursing a beer, god knows where he found it. Cas, not used to lying on the spot answered swiftly "I was shoping. We were out of milk" Dean looked at him suspiciously "Cas not only do we have milk but you have no bags and we have a better chance of surviving the year then you going shopping without being asked" Cas looked affronted. "So were were you Cas" before dean could push him any further he left. Sam loved his brother he really did. But there was so much wrong with what was happening that he needed to get away. Trust was something that all hunters built on. Don't trust anyone was a general rule. But if you did trust someone, or if someone trusted you there was a bond that could withstand anything. But it was like a rubber band. If you stretch it out you can use it as a slingshot to launch at other people, but than one person lets go. Sam had trusted Dean. Told him about his biggest fears. It was his big brother, Dean was sure to protect him. But he didn't. After his bad track record with possession it had become one if Sam's biggest fears. Not being in control. Someone else driving the train. But he had Dean. His big brother who got them both tattoos to keep them from getting possessed, who fought to get his body back from Gary when he almost said yes, who let an unknown angel into his body and then lied to him about it. He had trusted Dean, said yes to DEAN. And look where that got him. Kevin and all the others on the hit list. The trust that was always the backbone of there relationship had finally eroded away. Leaving nothing but scared and alcohol issues. Dean was alone. Now that Crowley had won, Sam was dead, and Cas was...wherever Cas was. Dean was alone with the knowledge that he really was poison. The knowledge that he had killed his baby brother, the one he had always sworn to protect. Like the time when Sam was 12 and other hunters tried to use him as bait. Or when Sam was six and dad was gone longer than the money he left lasted and there rent was due. How Dean had shot the creepy landlord after the man had offered a months rent free of he could just have a bit of time to "play" with little Sammy. Not that Sam had understood the implications of that at the time but Dean remembered. All those years if making sure Sam was ok, and he was the one to end it and now Sam was trapped in some kind of limbo. Sam was surprised at how well he was adapting to his new life. The stress of everything was off his shoulders. He got a job at a bar and a crappy apartment. He was happy. That's the biggest load of bull crap ever. He was not OK. He felt alone. There were always people coming in and out. Flirting with him, talking to him. Girls always were attracted to the mysterious hot bartender. But there was no one he trusted, no one he loved. And that was scary, especially with the threat of Lucifer reappearing over head. It had been a month since his resurrection when he first appeared. Dark hair, pale skin, blue eyes. A very attractive man. He became a regular coming in, ordering his drink, and spending the rest of the night flirting with Sam. Sam had never been apposed to a relationship with a man, he had experimented in college after all, but Sam always said no. Because he knew, could sense it. This man was his nightmare, his downfall. The one thing in the world who could turn him into a scared little boy afraid of the thing in his closet reaching for his big brother. And he was back, but this time there was no big brother to reach for.