Chapter 2: I'm Losing Sight, Don't Count On Me

Daryl's not gay. He's been having to remind himself of that fact far too often lately.

Daryl's not gay; pickings are slim, is all. Not that many women around nowadays, and the ones that are around are too young or too old or too taken. The taken ones might be easy to go for, considering they're the ones whose eyes seem to stray to him most of all, but with relationships being so hard to forge nowadays he wouldn't want to be the reason why one goes belly-up. Besides, he's not really close to anyone from the Woodbury portion of the group, and it'd take far too long for him to try and make friends with any of those little ladies enough to fuck them.

The only woman he's ever had eyes for in his own group is Carol. They've been friends since the group was on Hershel's farm, and with how much she was flirting with him the first night they were at the prison it only seemed right for him to, slowly, go after her. She made the first move, anyway, cupping his jaw in her gentle palm and leaning in to kiss him. She made it so easy for him to just take whatever he wanted, so that's what he did.

But it didn't feel quite right with Carol. There was something missing between them, something he couldn't quite place his finger on.

The love was there; there was no shortage of that. He cared for her and she cared for him. The friendship was there, too. He was able to talk to her in a way he couldn't talk to anybody else, save for Rick. Hell, he'd even saved her life a time or two; you don't do that sort of thing unless you really like somebody in some way.

Still, Daryl feels a hell of a lot better pounding into Murphy's ass than he does when he's with Carol. Feels even better still when he's taking it from Rick.

What he and Rick had was never planned; it just sort of fell into their laps. They were out in the woods, checking their traps for animals that had hopefully wandered in, when Rick just kissed him, right out nowhere. To this day Daryl doesn't know why Rick kissed him, or what prompted him to do so. Sure, Daryl had been looking at Rick in a way that was more than friendly lately, but only when he was sure the sheriff wouldn't notice.

So they stood there, the silence of the forest enveloping them, and they kissed. Rick wasn't forceful, wasn't trying to make Daryl kiss him back. Rick was tentative, cautious, as if he was certain he was about to get a swift pop in the mouth. But Daryl had kissed him back, had eagerly let their mouths melt into one. And when Rick's hands got a little bit too grabby, well, Daryl didn't exactly push him away.

Daryl hasn't gone back to Carol since.

Still, every day Daryl wakes up and repeats the mantra in his head, "I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay." And every day that gets disproven a little bit more.

It's getting worse lately, though. Merle's voice resounds in his head, taunting and tormenting him, cursing at him, telling him "not to be such a fuckin' candy-ass, fer Christ's sake."

Merle has been dead for a long time now, but Daryl still hears him plain as day.

Sometimes Daryl pictures himself just grabbing his gun and swallowing a bullet because of it.

Rick holds Daryl that night, one arm wrapped loosely around his waist, the sheriff's chest pressed against the redneck's back. Rick seems content enough to just lie there with Daryl, pressing soft kisses against the man's shoulder every once in a while.

Daryl lays there unmoving, his eyes wide open, his thoughts a raging torrent inside his head. He wants to tell Rick that he fucked Murphy today, somehow needs to tell Rick that, but he can't push the words out of his throat. He is afraid of how Rick will react, afraid that Rick will be angry with him and kick him back to his own cell. He is afraid telling Rick will ruin what they have. He feels like a major dumbass for going and fucking it up in the first place.

Today wasn't the first time they'd fucked either. Daryl and Murphy have lain together on more than one occasion over the past few months, both of them keeping it a secret from their significant other.

In fact, Daryl knows that Murphy and Connor are twin brothers with a little something extra, but he doesn't care what they do with their personal lives, and he's never been one to talk out of turn about other people's affairs, anyway. They don't talk about that side of things, just as they don't talk about the fact that Daryl is with Rick, and neither of them should be straying towards the other. As long as Murphy and his brother don't say a damn word to Rick about their goings-on, then Daryl won't care enough to judge them.

Still, Daryl can't help but think that he and Murphy are making a mistake, a huge one.

And in truth Daryl doesn't know why he keeps fucking Murphy. Maybe it's just because Murphy doesn't try to cuddle and talk to him afterwards. Maybe it's because Murphy's easy.

Come to think of it, Murphy was the one that started things with Daryl, too. Just sauntered up to him one day in the guard tower, asked if he wanted to fuck.

"I know yer up here alone on guard duty; was wonderin' if ye wanted some comp'ny." Murphy wiggles his eyebrows with a smirk, the same damn smirk Daryl gives Rick sometimes before they get down to business.

"I'm not gay." Daryl immediately responds, blowing out a huff of breath as he returns to watching the fields below.

"Oh really? That why ye been sleepin' in that cop's cell, occasionally moanin' his name and sayin' ye want it harder?" Murphy steps into the room and closes the door behind him, taking care to lock it just in case anyone else comes around.

Daryl turns and gives Murphy a glare. Murphy just continues to smirk.

"I ain't gonna tell yer boyfriend, 'r no one else either. Got my own someone that I wouldn't want findin' out 'bout this." Murphy takes a step closer, gently lays his hand on Daryl's shoulder; Daryl doesn't bother to shrug him off.

"Why would ya wanna fuck me, anyway, if ya already got someone?" Daryl grumbles, looking at Murphy from the corner of his eye.

The boy is gorgeous, looks just like him, and he wonders if that's what Rick sees when he looks into his eyes. Sure, Murphy's just a little paler, and their hair styles aren't quite the same, but if he kept his mouth shut he'd be a dead-ringer for Daryl; some part of Daryl is wildly aroused by that.

"Let's just say I want t' find out what it'd be like t' fuck myself." Murphy's smile grows down right dirty.

They fuck twice in that guard tower that day, one taking a turn right after the other, both of them enjoying it a little more than they should, both of them wanting more.

"Everything alright?" Rick's soft voice breaks Daryl from his reverie, and he turns slightly to see Rick looming over him, concern lining his features.

Daryl mumbles something sounding like "yeah" and Rick stares at him a moment longer before settling on the bed once more.

Daryl has to tell him what happened. Has to tell him what's been happening. It's the only way he'll be able to live with himself from now on.

"Rick, I fucked Murphy today." Daryl says the words quietly, speaking almost too fast.

Rick sighs. "I know."

Daryl can't help but be shocked. How could Rick know? Did someone spy on them, relay things back to Rick? He's just about to ask when Rick speaks again.

"I've known for a while now. And I understand it, I guess. It must be kind of exciting to be with someone who looks just like you, like looking at a mirror when you guys… I get it, Daryl."

Daryl can't speak for a few minutes. Finally, "Are you angry?"

"I was at first. And I guess I'm still a little jealous now. But I figure relationships are too hard to come by right now, so what's the big deal if you want to have a little fun on the side? As long as you always come back to me, I don't really have much to worry about. I'm not about to break up with you over it, either. What good would that do? Just put us at odds, make things awkward for the rest of our lives? That's not something I want." Rick shakes his head, tightening his hold on Daryl's waist. "I love you, Daryl. I don't want to lose you over something this petty."

Daryl is shocked more by Rick's last sentence than by his reaction to the whole situation. No one's ever said that to him before, except for Carol, and she meant it in a more friendly way. But this is different, anyway, because this is romantic love, and Daryl knows Rick isn't lying about his feelings.

Rick really does love Daryl, enough to let him stray when he needs to and just wait around for him to come back. That strikes a chord deep inside of Daryl's heart, and he doesn't know quite how to react.

So he says the only thing he can say in this type of situation. "You're never gonna lose me, Rick. Because I love you, too."