I think I'm depressed or at least very troubled. I feel so numb, I feel as if I have no emotion sometimes its like I just sit around and always have a blank expression on my face. Sometimes I feel I'm not good enough. I just want to leave this world behind. When I do feel emotion its anger, frustration, sadness. Sometimes I feel dead, everything is dark, and cold. As the days go on, I feel as if I'm slipping away.
The only things that are keeping me here, is Kayla and Austin, Trish, Dez,Tyler and Makayla. I wouldn't want any of them to die, and I'm positive the feeling is mutual.
They are practically the only people who can break through my shell of darkness, and anger, and depression..
Then all of a sudden, as I was writing down those very words, three words came to mind.
Beauty From Pain.
Another thing keeps me here. Music.
~After all this has passed, I still will remain
after I cried my last, they'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
someday I'll hope again, and
they'll be Beauty from pain, you will bring beauty from my pain.~
I finished writing, and handed the paper to my therapist, since I refused to speak, I wrote.
My fingers ached to get near a piano, I could hear the chords playing in my head.
I began to feel impatient, then it was like a blanket of numbness covered me. I felt worthless, in only a matter of seconds, then all the memories came at me. Tears welled up in my eyes, I rushed out of the room, and found myself in the middle of nowhere. I sighed. I wiped my tears, and began thinking about Austin.
His smile, his big brown eyes, that kiss we shared. I actually felt something instead of complete emptiness.
"Ally?"
"Yeah, I'm here."
"Hey don't cry." he said pleadingly. He brought me into a hug. He smelled like pancakes. Oh Austin. He manages to brighten up my day, just by being near, but it still doesn't seem to stop the lingering of the emptiness,but I know he can help me.
Okay people, I have a surprise for you..
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That I'll soon update! Review. Hopefuy you can guess what it is. Its a sequel to an Austin& Ally story I wrote. *hint hint*