Chapter 8

Regret

While the former detective drove back home, the nurse's words kept echoing inside his mind.

"No one" she said when he asked for Miss's Smoak emergency contact.

"What?" he had replied, not really understanding what she was saying.

"That woman doesn't have an emergency contact and has no family members listed in her file. Apparently, she is all by herself." The nurse said, with a hint of pity in her voice.

For some moments, Quentin stood there, looking at the nurse's face, but not seeing her. His mind was far away, trying to understand how someone like Felicity Smoak had no one to share that bright and bubbly energy. Truth be said, sometimes he wondered if the relationship she had with Queen was a normal CEO and EA's relationship; he noticed some looks shared between the two that spoke louder than words, but, he never thought of Felicity as the kind of woman who would have a secret affair with her playboy billionaire boss.

And now, finding out she had no one to care for her…

He was lost about his next course of action, so he spent the majority of the drive fighting against the idea he had while still in the hospital. That idea wasn't his favorite by far, but he couldn't let her alone at the hospital without telling anyone that knew her what happened… What if the worst happened and she had no one to take her care of her things?

When Quentin entered the house he had his eyes downcast, still fighting with himself. He really didn't want to do this now, especially in front of his family, but he felt like he had to.

"Queen!" Quentin called, when he found them still sitting around the table.

"Quentin! I thought you were going to help someone… You just left 40 minutes ago…" Dinah said, rising to get herself a glass of wine.

"Queen…" the former detective said once again, ignoring his ex-wife words. "I need to talk to you…"

Oliver turned around to see the man's expression and all the blood left his face. The former detective had a mask over his face that tried to conceal and failing, the pain and regret in there.

"What happened?" he asked and Lance pointed towards the hallway.

Oliver rose up immediately and followed the man mechanically. Something happened… something that connected with that friend Quentin was going to help… he was sure of it…

"There was an… accident…" Lance said, unsure of how he could explain the situation to Oliver. "Miss Smoak was attacked… did you hear about that Clock King guy? Well… he shot her…" Quentin said and Oliver felt like his lungs collapsed. He couldn't hear his own thoughts, the blood rushing through his head was deafening everything but his heart. He was so good at keeping himself and his emotions under control, but now, that controlo was sipping from his fingers like mist.

"Where is she?" Oliver asked, trying to control his voice, but the last word came out as a strangled growl that made Quentin step back.

"She is in Starling Central…" he replied and he looked like he wanted to say something else, but Oliver didn't let him.

He couldn't breathe. What the hell was going on? Felicity was shot? Why didn't she call him? Why did she have to go? What if…? No no no!

Oliver turned around and ran. He had to see her, he had to make sure she was alright. He didn't see the worried faces of the women or heard Quentin's yells. All he could see was her face so sad during the last days, sighing when she thought no one noticed, and her voice calling him, berating him… why didn't he try to get through her? Why did he decide to give her time? Now he could lose her and for what? A stupid mistake? Some reckless action? A word not said?

"Dad?" Laurel called after the door closed and Quentin looked at his daughters.

"Miss Smoak… Queen's EA... was shot by the Clock King…" Quentin explained.

Laurel's expression fell, even if she couldn't understand the relationship between those two, she could see that the woman was important to Oliver. Sara's face palled and she had to put her hand in front of her mouth to keep from gasping. Neither Laurel nor Dinah saw her reaction, but Quentin did and a flash thought passed through his mind. Miss Smoak worked with the Arrow, his daughter worked with the Arrow, so the two women probably knew each other, they could be friends even. And knowing like that that a friend was injured and couldn't react accordingly because of the mask she had to keep…

And then he remembered Oliver's expression, the panic that rose behind his irises, the lack of control… He didn't know why there was no one in Miss Smoak's emergency contact, but at least, she had someone to care for her… even if it was that good for nothing Queen.

"Where is she?!" Oliver yelled, facing the nurse that frightfully tried to understand who he was talking about. "Felicity Smoak! She was shot! Where is she?"

"A blond woman? She is in surgery… But, wait, you can't go there!" the nurse yelled, but Oliver was already running. No one would stop him from finding Felicity and if someone tried they would meet his fists.

He ran through the stairs, too furious and frightened to wait for the elevators. He had to keep moving. Stopping meant thinking and thinking meant remembering and remembering meant pain… and Felicity…

When the surgery block appeared in front of him, Oliver was ready to open the door and enter. However, he was stopped by a strong and tall man that grabbed his arms.

"Hey, you can't enter!" the man said, and for some moments they struggled against each other. "Do you want me to arrest you? You wouldn't be able to see whoever you want to see!"

Oliver heard the words and for some moments wanted to keep struggling, just for the thrill of it, but then, the true meaning of his words reached his brain and he stepped back, trying to regain his breathe. In front of him was a detective, he remembered seeing the man with Lance a couple of times.

"Oliver Queen?" the detective asked and Oliver nodded. "Who is it you want to see?"

"Felicity Smoak…"

"Oh... the girl that was shot…" the man said and Oliver felt another pang inside his chest. "I'm the one that found her… She is a tough one… but…" the man trailed and Oliver felt his rage disappear. That word "but", so tiny, felt so powerful in that moment… But she might not live… But we were too late… But there was a mistake…

He couldn't stop the ranging thoughts from flying through his mind.

"The doctor said that as soon as he had answers he would come here." the detective said.

Oliver could feel the curious stare of the man. If it was regarding a CEO worried about his EA or what he might know about Felicity's involvement with the Clock King he couldn't know and sure as hell wouldn't ask.

For half an hour they stood there, looking at everything beside each other. His heart never calmed and every little noise made him look towards the door in front of him, until someone really came, but from the opposite direction.

"Oliver!" that someone called and he turned around to see Diggle, Sara and Roy walking towards him.

He should have called Dig, he knew that, but in his induced panic reaction he barely remembered his name. And a pang of guilt shook his heart, Diggle deserved to know through him, they were a team, friends, people that had to build public personas and keep the true ones hidden, and only showing them to each other, in the basement of a night club, but his thoughts couldn't stride more than the distance between him and the door keeping him from Felicity. And so, he didn't call and he failed his friends once again.

He was failing everyone these days...

"I called Diggle." Sara explained and Oliver nodded absently, his mind too jumbled to come up with a reply.

"The kid wanted to come too." Diggle said, pointing towards Roy, who was by Dig's side, his hands inside his pockets and a worried expression over his face.

"How is Barbie?" he asked, and not for the first time, Oliver felt mad at the nickname. But now was not the time nor place to bring it up and he really didn't have the strength to do that.

"She is in surgery. The doctor said he would come here when it ends." Oliver said with a detached voice.

It would be easier if he pretended he was not Oliver Queen and she wasn't Felicity Smoak, that she wasn't important to him, the thing that kept him going. He would pretend they were just CEO and EA and that would make it easier… At least he hoped… But he couldn't, he couldn't make that choice, her life was too intricate with his own and even if he tried to pretend just to himself and to make the pain more bearable, he couldn't…

"Why the hell would she do that? Why not call us?" Diggle whispered, too low for the detective to hear.

But none of them had any answer, and so, they sat in the plastic chairs, observing the floor in front of them.

Around midnight the detective excused himself and left the hospital, with the promise to return the next day, or later that day...

For more two hours they waited, until finally appeared a doctor. His white clothes looked too pristine and Oliver wondered if he had changed from the blood soaked ones to greet them… and he cringed…

"Who is here for Felicity Smoak?" he asked and the four of them rose, with Oliver heading the way.

If the man thought they looked like a weird group he didn't show it, instead directed his speech to all of them.

"Miss Smoak is stable. However, the next hours will be of great risk. She lost too much blood and the damages were expansive. Now, everything is in her hands." he said.

"When can we see her?" Oliver asked. The doctor thought for some seconds, looking between the scared faces of the four and then answered.

"One of you can come with me now. You won't be able to enter the room, but you can see her from afar" the doctor said with a soothing voice.

Oliver looked around, especially at Dig, but his friend pushed him forward.

"You should go…" Diggle whispered in that tone that gave no space to doubts.

And so, Oliver followed the man through the empty hallways.

"She is a fighter." the doctor said, when they stopped in front of a glass wall.

Oliver hissed at the sight.

In front of him, Felicity was laid on a bed. Her glasses were nowhere to be seen. Her hair was in a tangled mess far away from her neat ponytail. Her face was a mesh of purple and yellow. And the only sound he could hear was the biping of her heartbeat. The machines around her making her look smaller and frailer than she was. He could see her split lip and the bandages around her ribs, but what caught and kept his attention was the place where he knew she was shot. He didn't know how something small like that could change someone's perspective so suddenly, but it sure did.

Oliver would have stayed there, glued to the spot if the doctor didn't drag him away.

However, his distance could not be kept for long.

During that night and the ones that followed, Starling City criminals had a reprieve from the Arrow, at least the real one.

If someone knew to search in a blonde woman's hospital bedroom, they would find him there, observing. He was protecting her, keeping any harm from coming her way. He would do that and so much more if she just opened her eyes.

A very heavy Oliver chapter, but I think he needed that wake up call to realize he couldn't continue like that.

And if you are wondering why Felicity had no one as her emergency contact, I believe she would want to keep all kind of rumours away from Oliver and Diggle, and she before all the Arrow business she had no one, so she didn't change it afterwards, besides, I really wanted Quentin to be the one to tell Oliver.

And about Oliver losing control I think it's more about he being unable to do something, when Felicity was kidnapped he knew he could do something to help her, but in this situation he was powerless, and a powerless Oliver Queen is not a happy man.