Chapter Six

Fluttershy

"I will be my undoing if I become my obsession. I will forget the ones I love if I do not serve them. I will war with others if I refuse to see them. Therefore I choose to turn away from my reflection, to rely not on myself, but on my brothers and sisters, to project always outward until I disappear, and only God remains."

I mutter this to myself the whole bus ride to Abnegation's land.

I wonder what Rainbow would say if she knew I had memorized all the Manifestos. She'd probably say I was Erudite material, and an egghead. Unfortunately, I'm not smart enough to do that. I just wanted to know it for when I chose something.

I knew that there was no way I could pick Dauntless. I love my family and Rainbow, but there's no way I would even pass Stage One of initiation. I probably wouldn't even make it off the train.

I love helping others, especially animals. Maybe that's why I got Abnegation on my test.

I am standing up, making room for the Candor initiates. I try to spy Applejack from under my long mane, but she must have taken another bus.

"Hey."

I turn around. A young Abnegation-born is staring at me. She has a gray mane in a tight bun and a white pelt. I notice that she has her cutie mark (three ribbon bows), which is odd; most ponies don't get cutie marks until after they initiate, and if you do before then, even the Abnegation celebrate it, if only by a formal dinner.

"Hello." I squeak shyly.

"I'm Vanilla Sweets." she says. "You transferred from Dauntless?"

I glance down at my black long-sleeved shirt and long black pants, suddenly ashamed of them. "Yep."

"Don't be shy. Shyness comes from being worried of what others think of you, so it's self-indulgent." Vanilla doesn't say this in a reprimanding way, but in a gentle, kind way.

I feel even more nervous. Maybe I should have picked Amity. "I'm sorry!" I squeal.

"No problem." she says. "All the other transfers are usually nervous at first, too. I see them all the time with my brother."

I squeal again.

She seems to realize that she made me nervous. "I apologize." she says. "But if there's anything you need to help with Abnegation, I'll be in the second room on the left."

"Thank you." I mutter. "I'm… Fluttershy." I whisper my name, but she catches it anyway.

"I hope we will be able to help each other, Fluttershy." she says.

"So, what do you mean, 'the second room on the left'?" I ask.

"Well, we all have separate rooms, obviously." she looks at me in a strange way. "Why wouldn't me?"

"It's just, well…" I stutter. "The Dauntless initiates all share the same room. I thought…"

"That's barbaric." Vanilla tells me, patting me on the shoulder. "No wonder you transferred. How on earth are you supposed to get privacy?"

"We have separate showers." I say, but that's the only defense I have. Or is it "want" to have?

"Are you going to change clothes in the showers?" she asks. I don't respond.

"It's fine." she finally utters. "The Dauntless are noble and brave, and protect our borders."

"From what?" I ask.

"I don't know." she answers. "Why would I want to? Wanting to know would be self-indulgent."

"Of course." I say.

"You'll be provided with a change of clothing tomorrow morning." she informs me. "You'll also have your own bathroom, just so you know."

"Okay."

The bus stops. It's Abnegation land now. I hadn't realized we were there already.

"I'll see you there." Vanilla offers, though she is disappointed once one of the leaders, Andrew, tells us that he'll show the transfers to their dorms. We are all put in the same building, but the boys are on the right and the girls on the left. I am given the last room, and I take count of who has joined. There are a total of two Candors and three Amities. The rest are Abnegation-borns. I shudder to think that I'm the only Dauntless transfer.

When I reach the room, I see that Vanilla was right. There are several identical gray clothes stacked in the top of a gray dresser, identical gray pajamas in the bottom of the dresser, and there is a gray bathroom attached to my room. The walls, floor and ceiling are also gray, and there is a gray bed shoved in the corner. Next to the gray bed is a small, gray table, with a single lit candle and a glass of water.

I put on some pajamas and crawl into my bed.

It's so different from Dauntless. There are no noises, and no decorations. There's no daring to do anything, and there isn't any adventure anywhere.

I sigh with relief.

The next day, I wake up to silence. Did everyone else die or something? I wonder, and then I remember that I'm in Abnegation now. I'm so happy I decide to squeal my loudest squeal.

I can barely hear it.

After that, I take a nice, warm shower and then change into a long-sleeved gray shirt with ankle-length gray pants. I brush out my mane and tail, and then find a gray hairband. I attempt several times to put my hair in an Abnegation bun. The closest I got was a knot in the back of my head that took several minutes to brush out. Finally, I slipped the hairband onto my hoof and then walked slowly down the hallway to the second room on the left. I knock on the door. "Vanilla Sweets? It's me, Fluttershy. Could you help me?"

The door opens, but it's not Vanilla Sweets who opens the door. A gray male pony with a black mane opens it, and his eyes widen at the sight of me. I squeak and try to scamper away, but I only run into the wall.

"Fluttershy?"

The door across from the boy's opens, and Vanilla Sweets looks out. Her mane is already styled, and she glares over at the boy pony as if it was his fault. "Felix, please excuse us."

"I'm sorry!" I cry.

Felix blinks at me slowly and then shuts the door, muttering something about "girls."

"That would be the second door on the right, Fluttershy." she informs me gently. "Not the left."

"Sorry." I mutter, and she leads me to her room.

"That was my brother, Felix." she says. "We were Irish twins, and he was born a few weeks after the Choosing, so we chose on the same day."

I nod. "So… what do we do in Initiation?" I ask as she takes my hairband and begins working it into a bun.

"Thirty days of Community service." she informs me. "Today we are picking up trash. We each are given our own section of the faction and partner. I hope we're together."

"Mm-hmm." I mutter.

"What do the Dauntless do for Initiation?" she asks.

"Oh, we will spend the first half of the month learning fighting skills." I inform her, as she nods and starts pulling my long mane to the top of my head. "After that, the failures are sent away to be Factionless. In the second half, they give you another simulation serum… at least I think so, from what I heard my cousins talking about while we were visiting. It's supposed to simulate your worst fears one at a time, or something, and at the end they send them at you all at once. Then the top ten initiates are chosen to be Dauntless members."

"Only the top ten?" she asks.

"Yes." I inform her. "The rest are Factionless."

"That explains all the Factionless crawling around." Vanilla concludes. "I'm glad I didn't pick Dauntless."

"Did you consider…" I begin, before she shushes me by climbing off the bed, and I realize she's done with my hair.

"Is there a mirror I can look into?" I ask. "I'd just… like to see what I look like."

"Mirrors are self-indulgent." Vanilla informs me. "We only use a mirror on the second day of the third month, when we cut our hair."

I nod. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Vanilla waves my apology away. "You're new. You don't know anything about Abnegation yet." she sits me down.

"I know a bit." I tell her. "One of my best friends in school, Pinkie Pie, was Abnegation."

"Oh yes, I remember Pinkie." Vanilla says with slight distaste in her mouth. "Absolutely no calmness whatsoever. What did she join again?"

"Amity." I whisper.

"She'll be happy there, I believe." Vanilla nods. "Here, I'll teach you about Abnegation."

"Thank you!" I'm so relieved I can barely breathe.

Vanilla smiles. "No gratitude necessary. It's my pleasure to serve you."

She begins. "Now, do you know our manifesto?"

I nod and repeat it.

"Good." she grins. "But 'And only God remains' is optional."

"I know. I want to say it."

"That's fine, but remember that not every Abnegation is a Christian or religious. My brother and I are, for the record. Now, in Abnegation, children are not allowed to speak at the table without permission, or allowed to ask questions. After dinner, their parents will take them to the living room, and then they will listen to their children. Members of Abnegation will bow heads as a form of respect to one another. We believe that physical contact is powerful, and should not be displayed in public, especially physical demonstrations of love. We don't believe in decorating rooms. Enjoying art takes time away from serving others. We don't drink alcohol and view suicide as an act of selfishness. We use guilt as a tool to remind us to be better the next time a similar situation comes up. We also don't celebrate birthdays, as it would be self-indulgent."

I nod, trying to remember everything. However, I think to myself that I will remember my birthday.

It's then that I notice that Vanilla's water from the night before was still full. She had probably recently refilled it, though, because it didn't have any signs that it was a night old.

Vanilla follows my gaze. "Go ahead and check your reflection." she smiles. "Just for today."

I say something appreciative, but I run over to look at myself quickly. I like what I see.

My mane, which has always been in my face before, is pulled up to the top of my head, like Pinkie's mom's mane is. I never noticed before how big my eyes were or their vibrant shade of blue. I duck my head a little in embarrassment. "Thank you." I tell Vanilla.

"I should thank you, I think." Vanilla says. "That's the first thing I've done to serve another as an adult, unless you count joining Abnegation."

I smile. "Now, should we go clean up the faction?"
She grins. "Let's go! I'll lead you there!"

I walk out the door, thinking, At least I made a friend in my new home.