Random and slightly pointless introduction: WARNING! WARNING!! This is likely the WORST chapter of the entire fanfiction. Sorry. And sorry it took so long. But here it is. In all its suckish glory. Enjoy!!

Song: Last Time by Secondhand Serenade. Again, sorry, I couldn't find anything better...

I'm stuck with writing songs

I woke up, just like usual. I got dressed, went downstairs, and read the paper as I ate my cereal, just like usual. Then I grabbed my backpack, said by to my family, and walked out the door .Just like usual.

Just to forget what they really were about

Before I left for school, I would always check the mail. Often, the mailman would be late and the mail wouldn't come until lunch, but sometimes, the mail would be there. So today, just like usual, I went and I opened the mailbox.

And these words are bringing me so deeply insane

There was just a single letter sitting there. My first thought was that someone had missed a bill or something from yesterday. So I pulled it out gently to look at it.

That I don't think I can take my way out

I saw my name written on it, with nothing else. Just my name.

I couldn't breathe through it

I looked around cautiously and tentatively ripped it open.

Like I need to and the words don't mean a thing

Hey, Kyle!

So I'll sing this song to you

You're probably really suspicious right now, but calm down.

For the last time

In case you were wondering, this lovely little letter is from Kenny. It's also the last you'll ever hear from me.

And my heart is torn in two

That's right, this is a suicide letter. Sorry.

Thinking of days spent without you

Okay, here's the thing. I don't really know if you'll care, and I don't really know if you'll notice I'm gone. I've never really understood how you felt about me. Our friendship is really just based on those few times when Stan wasn't there and Cartman wasn't completely pissing you off.

And there is nothing left to prove

I don't really know what those few times meant to you, but let me tell you this. It meant a lot to me. Cartman was always my best friend, you know that, but he wasn't much fun to talk to. But you listened, and you seemed to care. I liked how easy it was to talk to you.

I'm counting all the things I could have done

I remember one time in particular. Stan was on a trip for two weeks, and Cartman was trying to get money from Craig while torturing Butters, so it was just you and me. I was having one of the worst weeks of my life. My parents were fighting so much that my mom walked out on me and my dad, taking Kevin with her. So not only did she choose my brother over me and leave me with some drunk that didn't give a shit about me, but she also took away the only person in the house that I could talk to.

To make you see

Anyway, I was feeling pretty terrible that day, to sum it up. And you gave me this look... I can't really describe it, Kyle. It's just this knowing look you give. And then you asked me if everything was alright.

That I wanted us to be what I go to sleep and dream of

I can't tell you just how caught off guard I was. No one asks me that. Ever. No one cares if I'm alright or not. I remember not responding for maybe two minutes or something. Yeah, I was that surprised. I just didn't really know how to respond either.

I want you to know that I'd die for you

But then I just smiled and said yeah. Not because everything was alright, but because I didn't want to bore you with my problems. You narrowed your eyes at me, and just simply said "You're lying."

I'd die for you

Nothing happened after that, I didn't reply, and you let it go.

I couldn't breathe through it

Fuck, I feel like an idiot. You probably don't remember this at all. You probably didn't care that day. That moment was nothing special to you, I bet. But, of course, since I'm a complete loser, it meant a lot to me.

Like I need to and the words don't mean a thing

Look, Kyle, I don't expect a thing from you, or anyone else. I'm not blaming you for my suicide, that's for sure, and I'm not here to tell you how much my life sucked, even though it did. I just wanted to be the one to tell you what happened. I just didn't want you to find out through some crap assembly at school.

So I'll sing this song to you

So, now you know. Kenny's finally dead.

For the last time

I guess that's all I really have to say. I know I never told you this when I was alive, but I love you, dude. You're one of my best friends, honestly. I know I probably didn't have that much of an effect on your life, but I just want you to know that you affected my life.

And my heart is torn in two

So, I guess this is goodbye. See you on the other side.

Thinking of the days spent without you

Hope you have a great life.

And there's nothing left to prove

Also hope to not see you soon.

And if you are alone

Good luck.

Make sure you're not lonely

Sincerely,

Kenny McCormick

Cause if you are, I blame myself

I stared at the paper for a while, rereading every word, over and over.

For never being home

"Kyle, Bubbe, what are you doing?" I heard my mother's shrill voice say from behind me. "You've been out there for hours. You're incredibly late for school!"

I know I'm not the only one

I didn't reply, and just slowly and lifelessly walked in the direction of school.

Who will treat you like they should

I was too much in shock to do anything, really. It's like what happens when someone gets badly injured. A rush or adrenaline and then... they're completely numb.

Like you deserve

But all that wore off when I got to the high school. I just crumbled onto the stairs, in tears. Kenny had committed suicide.

I'm stuck with writing songs

I was just regretting everything... Why wasn't I nicer? Why hadn't I tried to spend more time with him?

Just to forget

He was an amazing person, a great friend. He did so much for me, Stan and Cartman... He never asked for anything in return.

So I'll sing this song to you

And yet just me asking if he was alright affected him? It doesn't make sense to me... It took so little to make him happy, and so much to make him unhappy...

For the last time

I've never met anyone like him, and I never will again. He was more than just one in a million.

And my heart is torn in two

I just wish I had acknowledged that when he was still alive...

Thinking of the days spent without you

I crumbled farther into my grief. I clung to the pole that held the railing up, hugging it close, wrapping myself around it on the bottom step. I cried loudly, shamelessly. One of my best friends had just died.

And there is nothing

Tears streamed down my face, and I wondered what Kenny had been thinking when he was writing that letter.

Left to prove

Was he thinking about how he was going to die forever? Or was he thinking about how I would feel? Was he wondering what would happen after his death? Did he think I'd care?

There is nothing, there is nothing, there is nothing

I wish I could go through all the pain he's ever gone through. Just so I could understand how he felt... I wish I was in his place, so he didn't have to be.

Left to prove

Goodbye, Kenny. You were a great friend.