Song: Autumn Leaves by Ed Sheeran
Another day another life
I grabbed my bag and left for school, expecting the day to be just like any other. It was just any normal day for me; I barely even noted what day of the week it was.
Passes by just like mine
It was a Tuesday, by the way. I don't know if that's important. It's not complicated My classes weren't notable. The brief small-talk filled conversations I had weren't notable. Here's what was: the stairs where Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny usually hung out were empty. I went over to say hi, but no one was there that morning.
Another mind
At lunch, I noticed Cartman sitting, no sign of the other three, with a completely clean tray in front of him. He had an unused plate and unused silverware and an unused glass. He didn't seem to notice.
Another soul
Concerned and a little curious, I walked over and sat across from him. "Hey, Eric!" I said, keeping up my usual cheerful tone.
Another body to grow old
He jumped, clearly startled by my existence. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked he hadn't slept in days. "What do you want?" he muttered. It looked like he'd been sleeping at the table and I'd just woken him up.
It's not complicated
"Are you okay there? Gosh, it looks like you haven't slept in ages!" I replied.
Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?
"I'm fine," he said. "Just had a long night." He clenched and unclenched his fists.
Float down
"Do you know where Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are? I haven't seen them-"
Like autumn leaves
Eric stood abruptly, slamming his knee of the corner of the table. He didn't seem to notice. "I can't deal with this right now," he said, and he just walked right out of the cafeteria. I guess he went home because I didn't see him for the rest of the day.
Hush now
When I got home, my parents were still at work and the mail was on the table. One letter was set aside. It simply said my name on it, no address or anything else.
Close your eyes before the sleep
Hey Butters
And you're miles away
God, I'm sorry. I really don't know what to say to you.
And yesterday you were here with me
I guess that's really most of what I want to say, though. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
Another tear
I'm sorry about all the times that Stan, Kyle, Eric, and I made fun of you or bullied you when we were kids.
Another cry
I'm sorry I never stopped them when I knew that they'd gone too far.
Another place for us to die
I want you to know, though, despite all the shit we gave you, you were our friend. The whole time. And you still are. I know you're Cartman's best friend, though he'd never admit it. And I know that Stan and Kyle really do like having you around. You should hang out with them more often. They always have more fun when you're around.
It's not complicated
I say "them" instead of "us." I was leading into what I need to tell you.
Another life that's gone to waste
Butters, I'm going to kill myself. I will have already done it by the time you read this. There's nothing I can say about that other than I'm sorry.
Another light lost from your face
I know you have a level of empathy and caring for everyone that is so beyond anyone else I've ever met. And I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you for that. You are so kind, and honest. No matter how much you've gone through, you've held onto that.
It's complicated
I admire that and I appreciate that. There were days before this one that you really kept me going, just through the little things you do. Like remembering birthdays or asking if something is wrong when you notice someone is acting different.
Is it that it's over or do birds still sing for you?
You helped me a lot. I guess it wasn't enough, and that's my own fault, really. But I really wanted to thank you.
Float down
You're a great person, Butters.
Like autumn leaves
Take care of our friends while I'm gone.
Hush now
Thanks for everything.
Close your eyes before the sleep
Kenny
And you're miles away
My hands were shaking. I didn't know how to react.
And yesterday you were here with me
I barely believed the words as I read them. I couldn't imagine Kenny hurting this much, so much that he took his own life. So much that he sent me a letter, apologizing.
Ooh how I miss you
I wanted to tell him not to be sorry. I wanted to tell him that I should be sorry, for not doing more.
My symphony played the song that carried you out
I wish I could. I want to hug him and tell him that he never has to be sorry for needing help, or for feeling the way that he did.
Ooh how I miss you
But it's too late for that and I don't know what to do.
And I, I miss you and I wish you'd stay
I cry out of necessity until I reread the letter. He wanted me to take care of our friends. I can't help him now, but I can do something.
Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?
I walked to Cartman's house, and knocked timidly on the door. Eric answered, not looking any better than he did earlier.
Float down
"What are you doing here?" he said. Instead of answering, I just hug him. "Hey! Get off me!"
Like autumn leaves
I stepped away from him, tears welling in my eyes. "Is he really gone?"
Hush now
Eric's eyes glazed over. "Yeah," he said, his voice barely audible.
Close your eyes before the sleep
I hugged him again, and he didn't push me away this time.
And you're miles away
"I could've saved him," he said, after I pulled away. "I just wasn't fast enough. I should've saved him. I just… I froze."
And yesterday you were here with me
"I wish I'd paid more attention," I said.
Touch down
"I saw him last night," he said. "I just didn't get there in time."
Like a seven four seven
"He said that I helped him, but just not enough. I could've done more. I should have."
Stay out and we'll live forever now
"It's too late now," Eric said.
"I know." I replied. There wasn't anything left to say.