Sorry this took so long, I had major difficulty with this chapter; I've edited and re-edited it so many times (at one point I was tempted to just post it half complete with notes on what I hadn't written and had to edit and/or throw my laptop out the window) and I'm still not happy with it but to be honest, I'm sick of it so I'm posting my current version of it before I go crazy.
My insides all turned to ash
So slow
And blew away as I collapsed
So cold
A black wind took them away from sight
And held the darkness over the day
That night
And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing.
Valentine's Day, Linkin Park
Chapter Nine
Letting go was hard…
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Aerith could remember a time when they were very little. There had been some meeting between Cid, her parents and Leon's parents so she had a sleepover at his place. Sometime after Cid left, their parents arrived upstairs to find them huddling together on the one bed, terrified by the notion of monsters in the closet and under their beds. Aerith remembers their parents soothing reassurances and the bitter irony of Mr. Leonhart's parting words.
"There's no such thing as monsters, nothing in Radiant Garden can hurt you."
They'd learnt the hard way that he'd been wrong, monsters did exist; they just didn't live in their closets.
At present, she smiled curiously at Leon's quiet expression as she ushered the others out of the kitchen, leaving the man alone with Cid. As the door closed behind them with a dull thud, Cid inhaled sharply and situated his chair in front of Leon's, leaning forward to pat the younger man's hand. "Kiddo, we need to talk."
Leon nodded, looking uncertain. "Okay?"
Cid floundered a few times before finally speaking, voice fast and sharp as he recounted the report, slowing down a little to emphasise the points Leon needed to know and speeding over the ones he already knew. As he spoke, Leon could feel his world crashing down around him; the serenity from moments earlier dissipated as red slowly filled his vision.
Across the hall in the parlour, Aerith stood in front of the armchair Cloud sat in, trying to gauge his reaction with an apprehensive eye as he listened to her and read the report himself. Her hands were clasped in front of her and unlike Cid, her voice was soft and calm, a vague tremor audible towards the end of her explanation. As she finally fell silent again, Cloud's eyes flashed darkly and his mouth parted on an angry exposition, but before he could say anything the kitchen door was smashed open as a chair collided into it and was followed by another.
Aerith could only blink in astonishment, her mouth dropping open as a series of hysterical profanities echoed in Leon's voice. Vaguely, through her shock, she could hear Cid yelling at Leon to 'calm the fuck down'. She startled violently as Leon responded with an unexpectedly crude retort; the harsh words seeming to jolt her back to reality as she darted after Cloud towards the kitchen.
There was really only way one to put it; Leon had lost it, he was absolutely livid. Aerith peeked around Cloud's shoulder as the blond stood in the kitchen doorway slack-jawed as Leon continued to trash the room. She winced as one of the good china plates met its end smashing into the refrigerator –that was going to be expensive to replace. Her eyes were wide and sympathetic as Leon ranted at Cid –the elder had taken refuge on the other side of the kitchen's back door and Aerith couldn't fault him since she was hiding behind Cloud.
"-couldn't tell me earlier!"
She winced again as Cloud grabbed her arm and jerked her to the side as a chair flew past their heads. She was starting to feel a little fearful; Leon had never lost control before, she and Yuffie were the emotional factions of their small group and even Tifa had raged on a couple of occasions. But Leon never had; he'd deal with things by pounding the heck out of the heartless or whatever poor sap was willing to train with him. Worse yet, she fretted silently, the strain on his body couldn't be doing him any good; his limits were already pushed thanks to the darkness festering in his body, she could see it now, faint tendrils swirling around him as he raged. He really needed to take it easier. She gripped Cloud's forearm and stood up on tip-toe, mouth opening with the intention of asking him to subdue their friend.
"-let me believe-"
She snapped her jaw shut and bit her lip with a guilty expression; Leon hadn't ever had a situation quite like this before. Losing your world was one thing but losing your reality –however messed up- was a completely different story. Leon had had the proverbial rug yanked out from under him.
And then, just as suddenly as the rage had come to him, it seemed to leave Leon. His body went slack; the kettle gripped in one hand fell to the floor with a loud clang as his knees gave out. Everyone watched silently as the once-proud man knelt hunched over gasping, Cid slowly opened the back door and walked inside, his expression unreadable. Cloud finally took the initiative and moved to kneel by the brunet, resting a hand on his shoulder as Leon's face slowly adopted a blank expression.
"Oh hell no."
The three men blinked, looking curiously from one another before realising that the cuss had originated from Aerith. The pretty brunet was standing in the doorway still, a small blush on her face as they gawked at her. Ignoring the overly incredulous look Cid was throwing at her, she knelt down beside Leon as his face returned to its blank look again, a scowl marring her expression.
"Oh no you don't." She said severely. "Don't you dare withdraw into yourself, Squall Leonhart." Behind her Cloud acquainted his face with his palm; tactfully she ignored it, keeping her attention focused on Leon as he frowned at her. "What is it that Donald told Sora when they met? 'No frowning, no sad faces!'" Cid joined Cloud in face palming; again she ignored it as she smiled softly at the other brunet. "Leon, you're never going to recover if you don't let us in. We want to help, so please, let us."
They waited tensely for Leon to respond; he sat there staring at them all blankly for a long moment. Finally he offered a weak smile as he leant into the hug Aerith offered, the action eliciting sighs of relief from the trio.
"…is it safe to come in now?" Yuffie's head peeked around the doorframe. When Aerith nodded, she squealed and darted forward, instantly availing herself to Leon's lap and latching her arms around his neck. "Damn! You're scary when you actually get mad!"
"…sorry."
Yuffie waved a hand dismissing it. "Naw, just…don't throw the expensive, breakable stuff next time?" She trailed off thoughtfully, eyes lingering on the shattered remains of the good china. "I know! Throw a plushie! That's harmless!"
"……"
"What? We could make it look like…like Maleficent! Or something…maybe even stick pins in it?"
Only Yuffie.
Leon chuckled quietly, resting his cheek on the top of Yuffie's head as the girl started to defend her thought process to Cid –but not before squealing and hugging him tighter. Right now, as ironic as it was, Yuffie's unpredictability was pretty much the only constant he had. That, and her over the top style of affection…which actually felt pretty good at the moment. He was only half-listening as the friendly bickering broke out around him, content to soak in the light and warmth of his friends. He was vividly conscious of Cid's hand settling firmly on one of his shoulders, Yuffie's weight on his lap, Aerith's head resting gently on his other shoulder and Cloud linking their arms together as they sat side by side.
For once he didn't think about the light of his friends' hearts, the silent plea that he instinctively made each time they were close that their light would continue to protect him –that plea was rather pointless now. His heart was safe but…he sighed, lifting troubled grey eyes to met Aerith's worried gaze. His body…
He averted his gaze, staring down at a tiny wisp of darkness skimming around the small slip of skin just visible between two of his arm belts.
His body was in a lot of trouble.
-
Aerith had all but dragged Leon up to his bedroom, insisting in her gentle yet firm way that he go to bed –and stay there. Yuffie had immediately backed her up, bluntly telling Leon just what she'd do to him if he dared to leave his bed for anything but a visit to the bathroom or kitchen. He'd made a tired protest -the desired look of firm determination ruined by a loud yawn- that the committee's work was too backlogged; Cid waved it off, informing him of a meeting he and Tifa had arranged with the workers to get things back on schedule. Leon had sighed resignedly, submitting to Aerith and Yuffie's care as they tucked him in; Aerith softly telling him she'd be in the library doing research on his condition and Yuffie cheerfully announcing that she was taking his job as 'The Great Heartless Killer'.
Everyone gave her weird looks for that one.
Exchanging a quiet look with Cloud, Aerith smiled and stood, quietly urging the other two to leave as well.
Cloud smiled faintly at the image Leon made with his face and fingers just peeking over the blankets. He hesitated for a moment, drawing a questioning look from the brunet before he bent down and pressed a soft kiss to Leon's forehead, brushing the long bangs away from his face. He shook his head as Leon's brows furrowed together in confusion and patted his hand gently as he stood up. "We'll talk later. Get some rest." He waited patiently until Leon's breathing evened out before exiting, the door clicking closed behind him.
Halfway down the corridor, he heard Yuffie's tell-tale giggle.
"'We'll talk later; get some rest.'" The ninja sighed exasperatedly. "Jeez Cloudy, you're sooooo romantic. I'm swooning here." She fanned her face mockingly, a wide grin stretching her mouth in a way Cloud was sure had to be painful. "How did Leon keep from dragging you into bed with him? Those sweet things you say!"
Face, met palm again.
Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Oh don't give me that! C'mon, you like him, he likes you. Why not just tell him?"
Cloud sighed as he levelled a look at her. "It's not that simple."
Yuffie held her hands up in front of her, performing an impromptu puppet show, much to Cloud's horrified shock. "'Oh Leon, I love you.'" She crooned melodramatically. "Oooh Cloud, I love you too. Muah.'" A quick kissing action and she shrugged, shoving her hands in her pockets. "How complicated is that?"
"…"
"Cloudy?"
Cloud just shook his head and hurried down the hallway, a stunned look on his face.
-------------------
Hours later, in the middle of the night, Leon awoke to the sensation of something being wrong. His stomach was churning and adrenaline coursed through him as he fumbled to turn the lamp on. The instant he could see however, he immediately wished he couldn't. Gulping back a fearful whimper, Leon could only stare in shock at the heavy dark tendrils spiralling around his arm, reluctantly moving his gaze down to his lap, the material of his pyjama pants barely visibly beneath the darkness pooling there.
His chest giving a painful contraction finally jolted him out of his stupor, he uttered a soft hiss as he hunched over, hugging his chest as another jolt of pain raced across his ribs. His mind whirled with thoughts as he forced himself to get up, stumbling over to the door and bracing himself against the wall as he moved down the corridor towards the other bedrooms. He could feel the panic welling up inside him, the thought that Xehanort might very well win tonight. He found it hard to breathe, instinctively clutching at his throat as he forced himself to keep moving. Had he reached his limit? He stumbled turning a corner as everything began to get blurry.
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Cloud lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling as he tried to fall asleep, mind still racing and centred on the brunet slumbering some twenty doors down the hall. Idly he raised a hand, turning it over and investigating his palm as he gave on sleep for the time being. He allowed his thoughts to fester, mulling over the long conversation of last night, a small spring of awe welling up at the paths his mind was taking, the resolves it was making.
By nature, Cloud could be rather flighty. So often he ran; he ran from Tifa and Aerith who only wanted to help. He ran from his memories –a bitter irony in knowing Sephiroth was both right and wrong, the light of the present had been too much for him but the darkness of his past equally so. By nature, Cloud didn't make promises either; promises were too easy to break. Yet, as he lay there thinking, he found himself making promises; resolving not to run. Leon was terrified of being alone, his memory recalled; so he would stay by his side, his mind promised. One of the laws of life was that the heart and body were separate in terms of light and darkness. Cloud noted quietly that he and Leon were opposites; Leon's heart was light, his was dark and their bodies were the opposite. Leon's body was in danger due to darkness, Cloud's mind countered with a promise to lend his own light should anything happen –by force if necessary. On and on in that pattern, his mind wove around the fears and apprehensions of both Leon and himself, resolving to face and fix them. And a tiny piece of him unfurled itself; a younger, optimistic Cloud was waking up as the promises grew and hope found its way through his entire being, picking itself a path that made the blonde feel lighter just for thinking.
He let his hand slowly fall back down onto the bed, using his palm to push himself up a second later as a thud rang out somewhere in the corridor. His eyebrows furrowed curiously as a second, louder thud echoed before he swung his legs out of bed, quietly making his way to the door and peeking out with a cautious curiosity. The darkness of the corridor felt heavy and it took his eyes a while to adjust, scanning almost blindly until he spotted a dark mass on the floor some ten feet away, covered in dark tendrils that were just too familiar for his likening, feeling his heart freeze as his eyes finally adjusted to the dark.
For a moment Cloud stood still; face strained with shock and fear before his feet finally remembered themselves and propelled him forwards, a shout torn from his throat.
-----
Unable to touch his heart it's filtered through his body. The body isn't designed to harbour darkness…
-------
For the first time in just over a decade the castle's infirmary was in use. Aerith had confirmed what everyone had feared; Leon's body was starting to give out though thankfully her spells had managed to stabilise him and the machinery still operational in the infirmary would keep it that way. Recovery, however, was difficult to determine. Cid alternated between leaning out the window smoking and staring at Leon's breathing mask as everyone sat around Leon's bed. Yuffie was silent, clinging to Leon's hand as she sat on Cloud's lap, too shaken to be her usual boisterous self. Behind him Tifa paced anxiously as Aerith frantically looked through the pile of books she'd brought up form the library, getting more and more agitated with each book.
"Aerith." Cid cautioned as the brunette finally lost her patience and threw the book across the room.
"There's nothing in them!" She wailed, throwing another. "Stupid bloody books! There's what? Thousands of them and not one tells us anything useful!" Tifa reached over and grasped her hands, murmuring comfortingly as Aerith struggled to regain her composure.
"Should've known." Yuffie muttered bitterly. "There wasn't anything to help Sora defeat the darkness in that library and this is the same thing."
"Not quite." Cloud corrected automatically. "Sora was trying to defeat darkness in general across the worlds, we're trying to defeat a specific darkness in a specific location." He frowned thoughtfully, tapping a rhythm on the chair arm. "Riku was –for lack of better phrasing- infected with darkness. There is darkness is everyone but there is a safe level that's the norm. Riku's was overwhelmed when Xehanort's Heartless invaded his heart and that balance was destroyed. King Mickey mentioned in his last letter that Riku no longer had that darkness…or rather it returned to a safe level in which he couldn't access its powers."
"So there is a way?"
"Must be." Cid grunted. "Don't suppose he mentioned how Riku dealt with it?"
"No."
"Bugger."
"What 'bout you Cloud?" Yuffie tilted her head back to stare up at him. "You were 'infected' with darkness too and now you're not."
"That's a completely different situation." He replied tiredly. "My darkness took a physical manifestation –Sephiroth."
"Oh right…you just had to butcher him to deal with yours."
"When you think about it…" Tifa spoke slowly, thinking out loud. "Darkness is like a virus –each is different and it can mutate."
"Virus?!" Yuffie yelped. "You mean we're fighting a bloody micro organism?"
Cid scowled, flicking his cigarette out the window. "Kid, shut up."
"Back to the situation…" Aerith sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I want to examine Riku's case please. It has a few similarities with Leon's. His darkness went back to a safe level -which is what we need to do for Leon- it's no good trying to completely eradicate the darkness in his body; that could cause more damage long term because of the balance."
"But we don't know how Riku overcame his." Yuffie huffed, crossing her arms. "Though I'll bet the lucky sod had Sora's help."
"Perhaps." Tifa yawned.
"Look we're all tired –yes, Yuffie I can see you're not." Cid muttered, slowly heading for the door. "Let's get some rest kay? Yuffie, since you're so damn energetic you can stay with Leon and keep an eye on him."
"I'll relieve you in a few hours." Cloud said as he pushed the ninja off of his lap and stood up. Yuffie smirked and opened her mouth. "Not one word!" He hissed catching her look and throwing a glare at Tifa as she snickered. "You too."
Aerith exchanged a look with Yuffie before giggling helplessly as she left.
-
"Tifa?"
She turned at the soft uncertain voice. "Cloud?"
"Remember when I fought Sephiroth?" he scratched lightly at the side of his face as he looked out the window. "You lent me your light…how did you do that?"
She blinked and looked upwards, folding her arms over her chest in thought before frowning. "I…just knew I could. I…" She rubbed at her forearm with a scowl. "I don't know, I guess I just believed and my heart took care of the rest."
Cloud hummed thoughtfully, looking over his shoulder back down the corridor. "Heart, huh?"
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Sometime near midnight Leon woke up with a low groan, blinking blindly for a long moment before realising that it was Yuffie's face filling his vision as the ninja hovered over him.
"Leon?"
He blinked again, not at all certain he'd heard her; Yuffie couldn't possibly speak so quietly or in such a worried tone. He raised an eyebrow at her, trying to convey a frown as best he could with a mask over his mouth.
"Leon!" Mindful of the IV and breathing apparatus Yuffie still managed to jump on top of him and glomp him tightly as she started to babble. Somewhere between telling Leon about the earlier discussion and mothering him in her usual boisterous style, Cloud arrived, not looking the least bit pleased with the hyper ninja.
"You didn't wake him, did you?"
"Course not! Leon woke by himself, I was quiet!" Behind her Leon gave a faint confirming nod that somehow managed to convey his awe at her ability to do so. Oblivious to Leon's reaction, Yuffie only saw the faint flicker of a smile on Cloud's face as he walked over. She snorted loudly, interpreting the smile in her own Yuffie way and started to grin knowingly.
Cloud caught her look as he sat down in the chair, a stoic look on his face as he stared at her. "Not. One. Word."
"How about two then?" She asked innocently. "Or three? Three's a lovely number isn't it? Such-"
"Shut up. Get out."
Leon snorted quietly as Yuffie threw a pillow in response and attempted to speak again, failing when Cloud clapped a hand over her mouth. He didn't have a clue what was going on and thinking about it was making him tired…oooh the bed was soft.
And just like that, Leon went back to sleep amidst the loud bickering and flying projectiles.
-------
Around 2am Cloud finally convinced Yuffie to go to bed, she'd refused to leave until she had given him a list of do's, don'ts and the…unforgettable don't-unless-you-get-it-on-camera. That had been two hours ago. He looked over at the clock with a small sigh, absently brushing Leon's hair away from his face as he pondered the situation. Somewhere between fretting over the hopelessness of it all and useless theories, he found himself wishing they had Sora there and shook his head angrily at the thought. They shouldn't have to depend on Sora for everything, it wasn't fair to the kid and besides, the gummi roads were now closed so Sora couldn't come even if the keyblade master could do something to help Leon. His frown deepened as he started to tap his foot. There had to be a way to transfer light; Tifa had done it once just by believing and wishing. Cloud snorted softly at the thought. Until Sora and the Sephiroth incident he'd never been one to put much faith in the 'just believe and you can do it' philosophy. But if being in the darkness had taught him one thing, it was that a strong heart could do anything. He hummed thoughtfully as he recalled one of Sora's visits to Radiant Garden at the beginning of his second quest; the brunet had stayed for a week determined to tell them everything. One story in particular stood out from the rest now; that of a beast who'd managed to travel to Hollow Bastion simply through his heart and belief. He nodded to himself quietly. If Beast could do it, they could; it was just a matter of figuring…out…how...?
Cloud blinked as a faint glimmer caught his eye. Curious he leaned down, feeling his eyes widen as he saw the light dancing between his fingers and Leon's hair. Tentatively he moved his fingers down to the brunet's forehead, noting with a silent awe that the light followed and seemed to switch with the darkness, small tendrils curling around his fingers before dissipating. He withdrew his hand, frowning when the darkness simply returned to Leon when the contact ended.
"Bloody hell…" he muttered, leaning forward again to shake the man awake. "Wake up Leon."
It took a few minutes –Leon was a surprisingly heavy sleeper- but finally the brunet groaned and tried to bat his hands away as his eyes reluctantly slid open. "Wha? Cloud, what is it?" he mumbled yawning widely as he tried to hold onto the last vestiges of sleep.
"Look."
"Meh?" Leon yawned again, eyes sliding shut again.
Cloud grabbed his hand and held it up to eye level. "Look."
Leon swallowed when he saw the light shimmering around their hands, voice barely audible beneath the breathing mask. "Cloud…that's light."
Absently linking their fingers together, Cloud nodded to himself. "I think I get it."
"O-okay?"
Cloud nodded again, extracting his cell phone from his pocket and punching in a number.
-------
Believe in the light…
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Seeing the panicked look on Aerith's face made Cloud sheepishly wonder if maybe he should have said more than 'get everyone down to the infirmary'. Despite the guilt monster gnawing at his innards, he still felt irritable enough at the group's loud entrance to glower at them.
"He's asleep."
"Is he ok?" Aerith shot back as she leaned over Leon anxiously.
"He's fine." Cloud muttered, raking a hand through his spikes. "Just exhausted."
Tifa cut over Yuffie as the ninja's wicked smirk gave away her thoughts. "So is there a reason you called us all done here? I was thinking the worse when Aerith told me you wanted everyone down here asap."
"Hn, sorry. I just…got an idea of how to help Leon." He winced as their volume sharply increased as they piled questions on him. Shooting a sharp look at Leon's sleeping profile he made a curt gesture for them to shut up. It took them awhile but when they finally quietened, he started the difficult task of trying to explain. They waited patiently as he fumbled for a while, and were still patient when his first few attempted explanation were confusing beyond belief. Tapping the chair arm thoughtfully, Cloud decided on a more direct approach and placed his hand over Leon's head, relaxing when the now familiar glimmer of light twinkled up at them all and Yuffie leant in ridiculously close to get a better look before leaping back with a grin.
"I think maybe working together, maybe, we can make a more permanent transferral."
"So instead of trying to siphon the darkness out of his body, we simply balance it with more light." Aerith murmured, one finger skimming her chin thoughtfully. "It could work, mm, or better yet, since Leon's heart is nothing but light; maybe an attempt to inject more light into his body could 'jolt' his heart into dealing with the darkness itself. Leon's heart used to do it all the time when Xehanort was doing his experiments."
"I don't understand a damn thing being said." Cid muttered still half asleep and propped up against the wall. "So let's keep it simple; will this help Leon?"
"I believe so, yes."
"Then let's do it and go back to bloody bed." Cid yawned loudly. "And when I wake up, I wanna see this idiot yelling over me for sleeping in when there's work to be done."
"You missed that?" Yuffie gawked incredulously. "Cid! Miss the cooking, not the yelling!" She broke off with a sigh. "Especially the cake…"
"So how do we do this exactly?" Tifa asked, looking at Cloud and Aerith and pointedly ignoring the other two.
Cloud smiled faintly. "Believe."
-
The townspeople stuck their heads out of their windows and doors, staring up at the castle in awe as the light from one of its towers lit up the entire city before slowing ebbing away, leaving a content and safe feel to the air. Relief and light permeated the air as they slowly left the infirmary to return to their warm beds; an exhausted Yuffie and Cid propping each other up. Aerith watched them with a soft smile as she petted Leon's head, content to stay a little longer as Tifa ushered Cloud back into his chair. As Cloud collapsed heavily into the chair the two women exchanged knowing smiles and nodded in silent agreement. Both rose again, wrapping their arms around Cloud gently for a moment before straightening, whispering reassurances and ordering Cloud to get some sleep before dawn. Cloud nodded tiredly, a small triumphant light in his eyes as he shifted around on his seat, getting comfortable.
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…Push the darkness away…
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Remember to R&R and thanks sooo much for being so patient, hopefully I didn't piss too many off by taking so long. Next chapter's partly done but it might take awhile because I have a 21st b-day party to see to