Just wanted to put this up- pointless, harmless fluff really. Mainly dialogue with some semblance of writing around it- it's really just Fluffy Crack writing really.

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"Laz…"

"Yes Ro?"

"Carry me?"

"…"

"Oh come on! It's perfectly acceptable for you to carry me! Look my shoe is broken"

"No it's not-" Crack. Snap. "Now you're just being immature"

"No, You're being unchivalrous! If your father could see how lacking you are in your manners Laz tsk tsk tsk"

"And if your parents could see how manipulative their daughter had become-"

"They'd be proud"

"So would my father"

They stood silently for a while, just looking over the lake. The baby giant squid that Godric had managed to bring over had just come up to take a good long look at them before diving back down.

"Well that was weird"

"Perhaps. But I've never seen a squid before so it may just be typical behaviour"

"It's a creepy little thing. You should carry me away from it now," she nudged him gently with her elbow. She looked up at him where she could see the corners of his mouth twitch upwards ever so slightly before settling back to it's natural determined line. He sat down on the lush grass bordering the lake and patted the spot beside him. Sitting in companionable silence allowed Salazar the time to ponder the Universe's many mysteries, the reason for life and the source of their magic… why love can affect even the most stone cold of people- until he chanced a glance at his younger partner. So luminous in the starlight her hair gleamed with a silver tinge, her skin bathed in a golden glow of the moon. Ever calm and beautiful, patient and intelligent; she was the future matriarch of the Slytherin line. What was she thinking? What deep thoughts lurked within that brilliant mind of hers?

"Ever gone skinny dipping?"

Say what.

"I just… I've never done it. I- I mean skinny-dipping. Have you?" she clarified the night sky almost covering her blush.

"Yes."

A few minutes of awkward stillness passed between them before Rowena could stand it no longer.

"Yes?... that's it? Just yes?" she asked incredulously turning her body completely to the side to face him. Suddenly the idea of her ever being calm and patient seemed to be the farthest from the truth. Salazar smirked and cocked his head to the side in a silent response, As if I'd tell you.

"You can't just leave it like that! When did you do it? Why did you do it? Were you alone? Was it for a dare? Did you-"

"I can and I have. Advantage Slytherin," he raised his pointer finger and licked the tip and brought it down in the air in front of him as if marking the score on some invisible magic ledger, a score that Rowena managed to physically wipe away with the frenzied flurry of her hand.

"Advantage Slytherin my foot Laz- when did you do it?"

"A while ago"

"With who?"

"People"

"Which people"

"Many people"

Salazar could practically see the steam pour out of the Ravenclaw's ears due to her frustration, she was used to getting her way and answers readily available to her. Especially from him.

"Salazar Slytherin- you are impossible. If you do not answer me I will march right into Godric's quarters right now and ask him myself" she huffed crossing her arms across her chest much like a small child. His smirk grew wider, his little Ro was many things but she still barely knew his old friend and hardly believed her declarations of boldness. Brash and brave she may be however innocent and slightly prudish was also a correct character assessment for the last Ravenclaw.

"He has a girl in there. Go ahead, go in there. I dare you" his smirk now a full forced grin. He was practically the cat with the canary feathers sticking out of his mouth.

Bastard.

The evening cover of darkness was not enough to conceal the bright red Rowena had turned at his admission that Godric was not entirely alone that night. Of course Godric had only taken in a female cat into his quarters after he found it wandering the grounds looking half starved. Rowena needn't know that little titbit however, that blush was utterly too beautiful.

"That… that would be inappropriate for me… to… uh, how do I put this, um- intrude - yes intrude; on their let's just say… personal time"

The Slytherin actually guffawed at her bumbling cover-up; his amusement however was short lived due to the ire that rose within his new lover's eyes. The gem coloured irises he took so much pleasure in staring into these first few weeks of their courtship were hidden by the squinting of her glare. The flush of her cheeks faded quickly into two small circles just under her eyes; a symptom he knew of her anger being born. Giving herself a quick nod, apparently having agreed to something her inner voice said she shot up and started to walk towards the edge of the lake. First she peeled off the other shoe, then her cloak and her gloves- just earning her a befuddled expression from him. She unceremoniously tore off her hose and began to shimmy out of her skirt when Salazar bolted up, ripped off his cloak and moved to cover her exposed form.

"What do you think you're doing? You are not alone woman and any number of eyes could be watching you right now!" his efforts to cover her modesty were greatly hindered by the fact that she was moving side to side wriggling her appendages in any which way- and also by the fact that those appendages were absolutely hypnotising to watch. Like a jellyfish. An erotic jellyfish belly dancer. Damnation.

"Which people Salazar?" she asked sweetly as she momentarily halted her movements enough for him to catch up and cover her lower half.

"Just a bunch of the castle staff when I was a boy" he answered not even thinking about it. It wasn't that big of a deal it was she that was making the big deal out of nothing.

"Oh really? Were there any women on staff?" she asked again, slowly moving her hands further now her leg pushing the dark blue material below her knees. Such perfect knees- FOCUS!

"Of course daft woman, it was the hottest summer for years and the peasants barely cared for propriety" he hissed trying to ignore the call of her naked skin.

"Oh… and were they pretty women- enough to catch your eye- pretty enough for peasants as you say?" she continued as she kicked the material of her skirts free from her, landing softly somewhere behind him. Even her ankles are gorgeous. Who has gorgeous ankles- can ankles even be gorgeous?

"Pretty enough surely but nothing of import"

"Enough to get you riled up and blushing I see," she stated unimpressed.

Foolish slip of a woman! I'm blushing and riled up because of you. Twit.

She turned around as she unlaced her bodice slowly, removing more and more layers until she stood only in her slip with her hands covering her breasts. Rowena glanced back over her shoulder to look at him,

"Do I measure up to your peasant girls?" she prodded with one eyebrow up and her lips pursed in annoyance.

The little minx was jealous. Ha.

"Well I don't know Rowena, I saw them completely naked. I only see you in a small skirt and your hair is covering most of your back and your front- to be truthful at the moment… Not really" he sneered. He watched as those two circles of red tint spread over her cheeks again and down her neck. He had to keep his wits about him when she let her hands fall by her side and walk with a determined stride straight into the lake, she didn't stop until she reached a point where only her shoulders, neck and head were visible. After some awkward movements she managed to free her slip from her waist and threw it at him- a heavy and wet plop against his leg. His Rowena. Was naked in the lake. Not as innocent as he first believed. In front of him. Naked. Like some deadly siren calling him to his inevitable death. And she was naked.

Before he could thoroughly consider his actions he was already down to his shirt and braies- why?- who knew. But he continued undressing until he too was in his underwear neck deep in the water panting slightly as he stood next to his brazen love. He too fiddled around until his hands came up victorious with their trophy, almost transparent linens haphazardly thrown onto the dry land behind them.

"Did… did you stand this close to your pretty peasants?" she asked far more meekly than before; she had not expected him to follow her crazed actions. She thought he'd huff and puff about the indecency of it all until he was red in the face and then she thought she stand up and flash him her cleavage and watch him get even more riled up. He wasn't supposed to be equally naked a mere hand away from her. She did not think this through very well at all.

"Yes"

"…Oh"

"And then I was pulled out by my father to be lashed for acting below my station" he saw the regret and pity instantly flash behind her eyes before she sparked back to life.

"Oh I saw what you did there- trying to make me feel sorry for you huh?!" she splashed some water at his face effectively adding a foot of space between him.

"No, not at all," he started solemnly. "That actually happened, 15 lashes for acting inappropriately." The pity was back with vengeance as she closed the gap to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Oh Laz I'm so sorry"

"Me too. It would take years until I could find breasts at all attractive"

Rowena's comforting hand quickly turned into a light slap across his face.

"In all honestly, for months after seeing a woman's bosom would cause me to relive the horrible experience. I'd wince every time a maid would bend too low and I'd see the cusp of her chest"

"Stop it Laz, no one would ever believe you"

"Even fat men were quite terrifying to me"

"Shut up" she repeated over and over, in between her laughter. "Shut up! That can't be true!"

"Well come here and perform an experiment with me. Show me yours and I'll tell you if I'm experiencing any adverse reactions"

"In what sick fantasy do you think we're in that I would ever fall for that?"

"At least three definitive tests need to be conducted in order for a stable and finite conclusion to be drawn"

"I'm sure"

"I may even have to touch them. In case the trauma has changed into a tactile fear"

"Yeah- so not going to happen"

"In the name of Science?"

"What- you'll brew a potion to fix the innate fear of breasts all men have hence their indescribable need to see and touch as many as they can?" she posited as she shoved herself away from him.

"Exactly so! All mankind will duly note your empathy on this matter once I've bottled the potion and made a fortune. I'll get you a nice 'thank you' scroll."

"So maybe I should just go around and show all the men I know my breasts. Maybe I should teach class naked? Would that help?"

"Possibly. However your breasts may only work on me as I'm desperately in love with you and other males may need to see their chosen mate's breasts in order to recuperate from such devastating illness. Your undoubtedly beautiful breasts may only increase their suffering"

"Has anyone, and I mean ANYONE ever said how full of it you are?" she bit out as she slowly waded to deeper waters.

"Godric. Repeatedly. I believe about 2 hours ago before he retired for the evening" he replied as he followed her- nonplussed much to her chagrin.

"Well maybe I should go and show him my breasts…"

"And why would you do that?" he growled as he dove for her, narrowly missing her as she scuttled out of the way.

"Because he's completely honest. At least he'd upfront tell me that all he wanted to do is see me naked!"

"Alright- I want to see you naked" he repeated without skipping a beat. His honesty shocked the young woman into freezing at her spot, clutching to the last straw in her arsenal.

"Well… no"

"Riveting argument. You were the one who brought up the skinny dipping in the first place, you were the one who got up and started stripping for me, you were the one who got jealous-"

"Nope- was not- AM not jealous… and I did not do a strip tease…"

"I didn't say strip tease… you did-"

"Nope. Not going to happen," she reiterated as she vehemently shook her head. "Nope, nope nope. So many nopes that you could fill ten scrolls with all the nopes!"

"Why do we let you teach in this school?"

"Because I'm one of the most damned amazing Witches in our time and you know it. That and I have a killer rack"

"The first is true- the second unproven"

"Aaand will remain unproven!"

"So why are we naked in the lake then?"

The smart ass.

"Because… Because I wanted to welcome the newest member of our Hogwarts family"

"The Giant Squid?"

"Yes. The Giant Squid"

"With some skinny dipping"

"…Yes"

"You thought you'd greet the squid with our exposed genitalia?"

"… when you say it like that you make it sound creepy and dirty"

"Because it is creepy and dirty"

"Shush- don't make a bad impression towards the squid"

"It's a squid Rowena. A squid that has seen us naked. It's fairly hard to top the bad impression chart right now"

"Well right now you're embarrassing it"

"It's a squid Rowena"

"It could have feelings"

"I should hope not- if it does we'll have a lot of problems down the road. An emotionally traumatised squid afraid of naked humans is generally not an everyday problem the Wizarding world faces"

"Well then we'll face that as it comes. As for the welcoming party I think we've welcomed the squid enough and we should return to the castle as quickly as possible before we catch cold and further embarrass the squid" she backed away from him and walked up the bank to retrieve her clothes. Apparently she wasn't too worried about exposing her bare back and buttocks to him- siren indeed- as she firmly clasped her cloak around her quickly ending the little show she had put on for him. Following her resolutely he too quickly gathered his things and dressed with back towards his lady. After muttering drying spells on themselves they trudged back up the path towards their quarters, Salazar abruptly stopped and took the still slightly damp Ravenclaw in his arms,

"I don't want you to show yourself to any other man, any other person in that way but me. I was young and barely paid any interest in any other person that day, pretty girl or no. The lashes were real but didn't hurt as much as all the other lashes throughout my childhood. You could never be in the same league as the "pretty peasants" as you are not pretty or a peasant- but a beautiful lady. Never think that you could be the same as anyone- ever. You'll always be better."

Rowena couldn't help but allow the small smile of satisfaction grace her face as she huddled closer into his chest and his warm embrace.

"And you have one hell of an arse"

A resounding slap echoed into the night air as she tramped away from him speedily.

"DAMN STRAIGHT I DO! WATCH IT AS IT WALKS AWAY! GOODNIGHT SIR!"

Don't mind if I do.

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It was after that night the Giant Squid realised how much it never wanted to see another naked human being again and resolved to scare and maim anyone that teetered too close.