Part II of the "Words" series.

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Godric squeezed his eyes shut. Open. Shut. Squeezed as hard as he could, anything to get rid of the nagging pain shooting behind his eyes. The throbbing agony, he believed would never quite leave him; and the emptiness in his chest would only grow as time passed. He began to rock back and forth at the front steps of Hogwarts, not entirely caring who saw him in his bare and shredded state. Just an old man at the end of his tether at the edge of his sanity, barely holding on and no longer important- he was left to his own devices to try to swim and not drown in his grief. His torment was deep as it was dark and in his advancing years the light was getting harder to see, out of focus and out of reach.

His shining light was extinguished. They left him blind and stumbling in the shadows… they left him.

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Salazar,

It has been many years since I've heard from you and many more since I wrote you last, but this letter had to be written and it had to be sent with utmost haste. I never wanted to write this, to be the one who had to bear such terrible news.

Your daughter, Helena… she was found to be murdered- by the very man charged to bring her safely back to us. She was such a vivacious young thing; so incredibly intelligent and beautiful- it will be difficult to picture a life without her running around these halls. Helena was the apple of my eye from the moment she was born to the last time she gave me a kiss on the cheek to mark a good morning. She was the exact copy of Rowena, long ebony hair, fair skin and delicate features that made many men weak in their constitutions. Unfortunately we never knew how weak it made some men. The only consolation I have is that that bloody Baron took his own wretched life in remorse, in a pathetic penance for taking my sweet daughter's life.

She was as much mine as she was ever yours Salazar.

When she asked for her father I had asked if was I not enough- she answered me with an embrace and never asked the question again. I may not have shared in her conception but I raised that child as if the Gods themselves took her image created her from my very flesh, she may not have my fiery colouring but she had my passionate spirit and she may not have recognised me as her father at first but by the end she was the one to call me "Papa".

I will never again hear her warm voice again or feel her arms around me in greeting, she was stolen from me before her time.

Time. It truly is a heartless bitch is it not my old friend? My once red hair is now littered with white, my once tanned skin now sallow and wrinkled. These old bones creak and moan when they used to sprint and glide with practised ease- but time hasn't gifted me with the one thing I yearn for- the ability to forget. Although Helga is now a bumbling blithering version of her younger self, she only remembers the good things and can easily relinquish any distress. Lucky fool.

She barely remembers that Rowena was sick and Rowena the sweet woman that she was indulged her, telling her that she was just a little tired and she'd be back to normal the next day. The next day never came… not for either of them. Helga still thinks that Rowena is merely resting and will be fine for classes tomorrow and Rowena…

I cannot write this.

I do not want to write this.

If I write this it means its real, it means I can no longer deny this. I want to deny this. I need to deny this.

When I told her of Helena's passing, oh Gods above Salazar, I've never heard such a noise. She had been bed ridden for two months- she'd been exhausted and complaining of constant pain- she could barely manage to sit up for meals… but when those words passed my lips her body arched from the mattress. The magic that we believed had dried up in her veins was released and the room shook. The drawers flew open, the vases exploded and windows smashed; the sting of her magic pierced my very skin.

Helena was the last thing that kept her tied to this world, the hope of seeing her child again giving her strength to keep breathing. She no longer wanted to stay, not even our love was enough to change her mind.

Yes. Love. Yes we were in love.

Maybe not like you and her, but we truly loved each other.

She once asked me why I kept waiting for her when so many other women wanted to share my bed, my life and my name- other women without any baggage or issues… or bastard children… I told her that the only woman I wanted to share my bed, my life and my name already shared my home here at Hogwarts, my dreams of forwarding all Wizarding society and held a fine name already, Ravenclaw. The moment you introduced her to me that fateful day when we started to envision our school was the greatest singular day of my life. I still remember her, young thing of only 19 years… hair flowing around her like there was a perpetual breeze that danced around her very being… sapphire eyes crinkling in glee at a joke I made… that soft dewy skin breathing in the sun. The most extraordinary beauty my eyes had ever laid on- and she only had eyes for you. That was the most painful day of my life.

… until word of Helena last week.

…and again… until yesterday.

Yesterday.

Her sickness Salazar, it took her. Claimed her like she was always theirs to claim, as if she belonged to them always and we only had her on loan all this time.

She may have been yours first, but she was mine at the end there… for a little while she was mine.

I had begged her to let me help her, let me fix what was broken before me. She said that I couldn't- that my puzzle pieces wouldn't fit. I defied her and told her that they may not fit perfectly, but they will help patch the picture together. It may not be perfect but it still finishes the puzzle… still makes it whole. It would be years, seven years in fact after you left when I would hold her in my arms and know that she was patched up, whole again.

I asked her why now… she said that she finally knew that I could never love her like you loved her… but that also meant that I would never, could never hurt her like you did. My heart broke for the umpteenth time that night, but… I was still happy. Because she knew, she knew that I loved her and even though she could only give me a half-love, a half-life with her- that it was enough. A half-life with her would always be better than a whole life without her. Only you can confirm this… how has your full life been without her lighting your way forward? Was it dark? Was it fearful? Because that is all that I can see now. It's only been a day in the shadows and I'm already lost, how have you managed all these years without her. How truly lost are you now, brother?

I've suffered… am suffering the loss of my daughter and for all intents and purposes… my wife. I am a strong man Salazar but even a God would fall to their knees now under the pressure of their grief.

I write to you now… old friend… not only to inform you of the tragedy that has befallen both of our houses but also to ask you to help me. How did you release them from your heart? How did you walk away? Walk into the darkness alone? I do not think I am as brave as people believe- I am humbled by the fear and despair I now so desperately clutch to. There is nothing more tying me to this life so why do I keep breathing on? Why can't time steal my life too- why prolong this torture?

For many years I held her as she slept, wiped away the tears she didn't know she shed during her dreams and I have swallowed your name countless of times as I kissed her mouth. In the many years that followed she began to seek out my embrace even in the day, she started to smile at me during her wakeful hours and finally it was my name she would cry out as I made love to her. Finally it was me in her heart… even if it wasn't as full as it once was- I was in there and I mattered. She would look to me to help discipline little Helena the hellion, to hoist the young girl on my shoulders as we ran around the castle, to draw my sword against the monsters under her daughter's bed… to speak to our daughter's suitors and know that there were two powerful parents behind Helena should anything untoward happen. She would look to me and I, always to her.

We were a family. A beautiful patchwork family that I…we… had worked tirelessly to sew together and in the end a selfish bastard and time stole my family away. Not you and your incessant memory… but selfishness and sickness and time. They tore my patchwork family apart at the seams until all that was left was me. Just me.

They… they're going to be buried together on their family lands in two days from now. I do not know if Rowena would have wanted you there but I know Helena would have liked to meet her actual father at least once before we commit her body to the earth below.

Swallow that darkness around you Slytherin- and man up and meet your daughter. And say goodbye to her, all at the same time.

Say goodbye to the life you could have lived with her and her mother. Say goodbye… to the woman we both loved.

I'm so sorry that I fell in love with her too, if I could have stopped it and chosen another for my affections to latch on to please know that I would have.

Please know that while I do not regret a moment I spent with Rowena and Helena- I would have given up all that happiness in less than a heartbeat if it meant it was you in my place. It should have been you in my place, yes even I accept this, and they both would have been fulfilled and happy. Lived full, contented whole lives Salazar.

They deserved whole lives.

Both lives were stolen. Too early. Too painful. Taken without provocation and warning. Stolen.

You were the first thief. If I could have changed that, I would have. Do not doubt that.

In two days they will be laid to rest, please come and help them rest in some semblance of peace.

As lost as you,

Godric

P.S.

I do not know if this is wise but I found a letter that Rowena had written to you, penned it only weeks ago- she said that she never meant to send it to you- but I've enclosed it as well. It is up to you if you wish to read this; it is for you after all- if it were me I'd want to know her final thoughts for me. I am giving you this opportunity, do with it what you will.