My dreams suddenly seem so empty
I could go on my own, but I feel like playin' dead
And for what feels like the first time
I don't know where you are tonight
I guess that this is goodbye

Goodbye - Eddie Yedder

The wind was howling, whipping against my clothing, gripping onto anything it could. It was out of place, but I couldn't help thinking about my Nana telling me nature's omens when I was young. Wild winds were a sign of turmoil. It was fitting since, outside of the walls, the winds were always a constant barrage.

I was standing haphazardly on Reiner's shoulder, trying to find a grip on his armour, but my fear was making my hands sweat and tremble. The only thing tethering me to Reiner was my maneuver gear's wires. Each time Reiner moved, the wires jolted and terror shot through me. Ahead of us, the military was retreating with Eren safe in their center.

Reiner took off in a sprint, charging towards them. I felt my stomach clench in fear and I clung desperately to Reiner. I couldn't hear it, but Eren was screaming animatedly in our direction. It was like the essence beneath my skin suddenly woke, buzzing and tingling. Reiner's feet planted and he skid to a messy stop, tearing up the earth beneath us. My shoulder banged painfully against his hardened skin.

Eren had activated the Coordiante. I wanted to scream in frustration. I was so angry, so on edge. Armin's words were still ringing in my head. I wanted to kill them. I wanted to fucking destroy them for what they did to Annie.

All around us, the mindless titans paused, turned and started stumbling over each other to reach us, trying to take a piece of our flesh with them. There were dozens of them, bloated and steaming, drenched in the blood of the enemy. Reiner barely had time to shift into a defensive stance, then he was pushing, struggling against the wave of death. Tears stung my eyes as I unsheathed my blade and screamed. Emotion was bubbling at my throat, overflowing, spilling from my eyes.

I knew I couldn't do anything.

Reiner swung his arm, batting away one of the titans gnawing at his leg with a fist, but there were too many. A titan climbed up Reiner's side, its jaw snapping near my arm, barely missing. I felt myself freeze, my anger turning to fear again. They were starting to grip Reiner, starting to pull him down to the ground. Reiner stumbled and another titan lunged for me. I was tempted to close my eyes, but I couldn't. I could only watch its disgusting, mutated face come closer.

But a clawed paw swiped in front of me, knocking the titan to the ground. My head whipped to the side, my thoughts almost sluggish. Ymir. I felt dead, like the titan had grabbed me and none of this was really real. Ymir saved me. My heart throbbed painfully.

Ymir saved me, the very titan who had ripped Marcel apart. The Titan that had haunted my nightmares since I was young.

She gripped Reiner's plates, swinging lower to his chest and grabbing a titan, throwing it to the ground with a terrifying screech. For a moment, I looked around us. There were too many titans. I couldn't shift. I couldn't fight alongside Reiner. That was the most frustrating feeling in the world. He was being devoured and I was completely helpless. It was like every damn turning point in my life. I had no choice, no will of my own.

Standing there, my legs shaking from fear and adrenaline, looking out at the titans, finally seeing our odds... It was like something snapped and a calmness washed over me. Numb. That's the only way to describe it.

We were going to die.

Just as I thought it, an enormous palm delicately encircled me and I was being lifted above Reiner's head.

"No! Reiner, no!" I hollered, my voice breaking and tearing at my throat, but he ignored me. All I heard was the low moan of the wind and a flash of panic in Reiner's hard eyes.

Then the world was somersaulting to the point of nausea and all I could comprehend was the pressure of the vicious wind whipping against my body. On instinct alone, I barely managed to righten myself and activate my stolen maneuver gear, still smudged with its original owner's blood.

There must have been too much momentum... Maybe I was too off balance. I lost control and hit the ground hard, tumbling and rolling. There was a sharp snap in my leg and unbearable pain washed through my tired mind. My eyesight fogged and for a moment breathing was heavy. The fear and adrenaline was, thankfully, more compelling than the invisible weight behind my eyelids.

I looked around desperately, for anyone, anything, but besides the sparse trees and shrubbery, I was completely alone.

I quickly focused all my energy on healing. I couldn't Shift with my leg torn and I couldn't walk. My only options were being captured by the military or being thrust between some titan's jaws... and the last I had seen of the military, they had been retreating. I tried to scoot forward, but my temples throbbed so badly that I had to stop. Maybe I had hit my head as well? I let myself lay back and my eyes focused on the inappropriately beautiful, clear sky.

My fate was decided for me once again.

There was a chorus of hoof falls and two horses appeared in the corner of my sight. I quickly rolled onto my stomach and began dragging myself, fingers digging into the soil, trying to get to the cover of nearby underbrush. The slightest movement sent shards of unbearable pain through my leg. I tried not to cry out, but the noise just turned into a choked moan.

The only way the military could be moving in my direction was if... was if Reiner had thrown me towards them. That idiot. That fucking idiot.

I heard the horses shuffle behind me and the sound of boots hitting the grassy soil. The footsteps approached me warily and I scrambled desperately, barely scooting forward.

"Shit, Bentley, its one of the Shifters!" The man exclaimed under his breath, as if I was incapable of hearing them. "His leg's fucked."

"Grab him Berk!" The other commanded, swinging off his horse as well.

The two seemed to assume I was harmless in my half-delirious condition. I guess they were right. Between the two of them they were able to hoist me up onto one of the horses. The two men, uniforms baring the Garrison insignia, cautiously climbed back onto their horses and within moments they were galloping again. I blacked out moments later.

I opened my eyes and blinked up at the darkness, my hair and clothing wet with sweat. I rolled onto my side and felt my handcuffs cut into my aching wrists. It was just like the first night in my cell, when I woke up, delirious with a fever, no idea where I was. Except, now my bitterness toward's Reiner's actions was no longer fresh. In retrospect, I knew he'd saved my life.

That idiot. That fucking idiot.

He saved my life just so I could die alone.

I had hoped that knowing the truth about Reiner would help... but it didn't. The nightmares only got worse.

Sometimes I watched helplessly as Mikasa sliced through Reiner, tearing his arm from his body effortlessly, blood reflecting in her eyes. Sometimes I was standing, watching Annie walk away for the last time, knowing we may never see each other again. All I wanted was to beg her not to leave me with only half of Reiner.

The most unbearable nightmares were the ones where Reiner was happy. The ones where he'd twine our fingers together and laugh against my skin. Where he was himself and we'd steal a few moments together whenever we could. He'd just hold me and, for once, I'd feel safe.

After the expedition outside the walls, Reiner changed. It was like... he stopped making promises he couldn't keep. Maybe it was because he realized the danger we were in. Maybe he realized, Warriors or not, this was a suicide mission.

Trying to be with Reiner was like looking through a cracked mirror, but he was all I had.

There was a chorus of light footsteps that I didn't recognize. My eyes were fully open in a moment, wondering if this was some kind of dream. I looked towards the faintly lit hallway and saw the two soldiers posted move into a salute. Then they turned and marched away. The space in front of the cell was empty for a moment before Levi was glaring at me from behind the bars.

He hefted a chair right up against the the cell and straddled it, resting his chin on his arms. He looked like he didn't want to be here. The dark bags beneath his eyes were starting to look unhealthy and his skin was tinged and pasty. He just sat there, glaring and staring. Could the guy get any weirder?

"What is this? Are you actually going to torture me or something?" I asked, finally. I was considering laying back down and attempting to sleep, unless he was actually here to torture me.

Levi's bored gaze turned disdainful, but he didn't reply. "I'm only here to babysit you until Hanji arrives, tall freak."

I was a little relieved. Although Levi's presence was painful, it was definitely better than being tortured. I rolled over on my uncomfortable mattress. They had humanity's shortest soldier... guarding humanity's tallest threat. I chuckled quietly to myself, hoping my misplaced laughter would unnerve Levi, but it didn't seem like it did.

Reiner would've liked that one. He was a big fan of shitty jokes.

Just as I began to nod off, there were more footsteps and I heard Levi's chair scrape back.

"What took you so fucking long?" Levi muttered. I could almost hear Hanji's eye roll.

"Moblit has a terrible cold so I had to make sure he ate all his soup. I don't want him getting dehydrated."

"Oh, so that's why he was coughing and getting his snot everywhere? Well, I'm glad I told him to stay away from me."

Were they actually going to talk about this in front of me?

"Well I'm here now." Hanji said, a little irritated, followed by the rustle of parchment.

There were a few clinks as the door of my cell was opened. I quickly sat up and pressed my back to the cold wall, watching warily as Levi and Hanji approached. Hanji hung back and leaned against the far wall. Levi stood in the middle of the cell, slowly rolling up the sleeves of his white button up shirt.

"So you are going to torture me?" I asked, finally feeling some fear seep into my bones. It was better than the constant numbness.

"If you don't cooperate." Levi muttered, glancing up from beneath his fringe. The hate in his eyes was articulated very clearly.

"We figure that if you're in enough pain, you'll eventually heal yourself," Hanji added, sounding oddly cheery. "Then we won't have to wait for you to recover. We're prepared to do this every day until you either cooperate or you're executed."

I sighed heavily as Levi cracked his knuckles and Hanji calmly flipped through the stack of paper in their hands.

"Okay," Hanji began, adjusting their glasses slightly. "Are you really from the southern village listed on your documents?"

I hesitated, trying to think through my options, but my head ached and I was pretty sure I was dehydrated. I could just lie to them and they wouldn't have a clue... I definitely couldn't tell them the truth, not if it could help them somehow.

"Were your parents titan shifters as well?" Hanji asked, their eyes flickering back to their list. "Is the ability genetic?"

I shrugged weakly.

Hanji met Levi's eyes and he calmly walked forwards, grabbing me by the front of my shirt and hefting me off the side of my cot. I tried to catch myself, but with my hands bound, I fell to the floor, hitting my shoulder and wincing.

"Clarify." Hanji demanded, their eyes narrowing.

"Eat... shit." I grunted from the floor.

Levi gave Hanji a weary look before bringing his leg back and kicking into my ribs. The back of my head hit the wall and I coughed hard, my eyes instantly watering. Levi crouched, his dark eyes finding mine. He brought his fist down, letting it connect with my jaw. I felt the skin on the inside of my lip split on my teeth and the room spun for a moment.

Levi pulled away a little, one hand still clenching the front of my shirt. "Answer their fucking questions."

I held his gaze, putting all the hate I could into it. Levi made a tch sound and then he was pulling me forward, grabbing my middle finger and twisting it back until the joint gave out. I gritted my teeth in an attempt not to scream. Levi just grabbed the next finger, wrenching it back relentlessly. My hand was on fire and the pain ran all the way up my forearm. I couldn't help it, I started sobbing.

Levi stood and gave me a few more swift kicks to my chest. I felt something inside snap. Levi felt it too and he crouched down, pressing his thumb and pointer together and pushing down on my chest. There was a searing in my throbbing skull and for a moment I couldn't breathe. Then the pressure let up and every breath was shallow and ragged. I gazed up deliriously at the ceiling, vaguely aware of the metal around my wrists cutting into the skin and the taste of blood in my mouth.

"Like I said," Hanji spoke from the corner, once my crying died down a little. "We have all the time in the world."

I was so tempted to give in, just so the pain would end. What was the point anyway? I was already going to die. The only difference I could make now was how much suffering I had to go through before I got there.

"Get up." Levi spat, gripping my hair and twisting, his knuckles digging into my scalp, dragging me upwards.

"Mmggnh..." I whimpered as his other hand wrapped around my throat and pinned it against the wall. He was so short that I had to kneel at an awkward angle.

Each inhale brought a sharp pain to my ribs that made me feel wonky, my wrists were bloody from rubbing and digging into my cuffs repeatedly, a large portion of my face was numb, and my fingers throbbed in time with my heart beat.

For the briefest moment I saw Annie in front of me, her eyes fiery as she squeezed my throat. Then there was sharp pain spiking through my hand and arm. My body instinctively thrashed, trying to get away. Levi had his hand clenched around my broken fingers. The pain was so intense that tears started streaming down my cheeks.

Levi paused, his eyes assessing his most recent damage. He looked so... tired, like he didn't know why he was here anymore. His eyes held no pity, no remorse. I had a feeling they looked a lot like mine.

"Now answer the question, you worthless piece of shit."

"Speak up," I wheezed, feeling Levi's fingers tighten around my throat, "I... can't hear you from up here."

His eyes flashed and his hand darted for the knife at his belt. In a second, the blade was pressed against my forehead. I grinned, feeling my bloodied spit drip between my teeth and down my chin. I hope I looked half as insane as I felt.

"Try not to kill him Levi..." Hanji murmured from where they were standing, leaning against the bars of the cell and looking generally disinterested.

"He'll be dead before weeks end. Does it really matter if I'm the one to do it?" Levi asked, his eyes narrowing further and his grip tigtening.

"No, but then we'll have days of paperwork to fill out, which I'd rather not deal with." Hanji pushed up their glasses, holding their finger on the bridge of their nose for a moment longer than necessary.

Levi just sneered and pulled the knife away. Before I could react, his fist was connecting with my left temple. He let me fall to the floor and I didn't resist. It felt like my head was submerged in fluid and all I could hear was my annoyingly loud heartbeat. Little black lines danced across my vision and I felt some more spittle drool from my mouth.

A small grin spread across my lips, making the throbbing more acute. Levi shoved me over with the heel of his boot and I gazed up at his bleary, scowling face.

"I'm hungry," Levi said to Hanji, his eyes still on mine. He was toying with the knife between his fingers. "Let's continue this later?"

My wheezy laughter turned into a fit of painful coughs. Both Hanji and Levi eyed me and then he was turning, walking over to my cell's door. Hanji followed close behind, tucking the paperwork beneath their arm.

"I think I'll bring some more soup to Moblit..." Hanji mused aloud, their voice echoing as they moved down the hall and out of sight.

"Just keep the germs away from me. I don't want to get fucking sick." Levi replied, his voice rough as their footsteps quickly faded.

I curled up as much as I could, feeling silent tears wet my eyelashes. I closed my eyes and exhaled, feeling my skin tingle and steam as my bones reshaped and pushed themselves back into place. Maybe twenty minutes later, the pain stopped, but there was still a hollowness in the pit of my gut.

I'd never again run my hands through Annie's hair or be at the end of her small smiles. I'd never again feel Reiner's lips on my temple or hear his quiet chuckle.

I couldn't stop crying, because it didn't matter what I did. If I fought them... nothing changed. I was dead. I was already dead.