Steve and Dr. Weird stand there.
"Gentlemen! Do you like to dance?"
"Well, uh, sure, Doc."
"Then Behold! Dance Dance Revelation!"
Ominous theme music plays, garage gate opens. Arcade machine is there.
"Hey, this's kinda like that one dance game... cool, Doc!"
"To the platform, fool!"
"Well, okay."
Steve gets on the dance pad with four arrow footpads.
"It begins!"
Dr. Weird shakes his fist in the air. The machine lights up but the screen is dark. Instead of music, a voice comes on.
"Hello, I'm James Earl Jones, and this is The Book of Revelation. Chapter one. The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave Him to show his servants..."
"Uh, Doc? 'Zit 'sposed ta do that? Aren't there s'posed ta be like, arrows on the screen or somethin'?"
"Not yet, Steve! It could take a thousand years!"
"...grace to you and peace from Him who is and who was and who is to come..."
Steve stands there holding his test tube listening to the last book of The Bible, and nothing happens onscreen until suddenly a wave of at least 100 arrows fly over the screen in less than a second followed by a Game Over screen.
"No! It's over! You fool!"
Thunder crashes outside and the sky darkens, and the game screen turns red.
"Kinda hard, don't you think?"
The windows shatter and a giant winged messenger of death bursts through to claim their souls.
"NO! The apocalypse! Way to go, Steve!"
Things become a blur, and then fade to black.
Meanwhile, in a car in a parking lot...
"I'm sick'a this here car, boy," Meatwad said to no one in particular, sitting in the backseat of the car with his seatbelt, well, I guess you could say it was on.
Meanwhile, in a back alley...
"What did I tell you? Five frickin' minutes ago, what did I say to you?" Shake glared at the homeless man and picked up an AM radio, setting it in a small pile of junk.
"Mmm," the man answered in a raspy tone.
"That's right you don't know!" Shake barked, kicking over some of the hobo's empty bottles. "You don't know anything cause you don't listen! This is why you are a member of the working class and I am the intellectual nobility of this world!"
"Un-huh," the hobo answered, like he often did.
"I said I get all electronic devices! Because even if you had the money, you're too disgusting to be let into a Seven Frickin' Eleven and buy some batteries! Now what else are you hoarding from me?"
The milkshake shuffled over to the man's pile and gasped in horror.
"Comic books!" He picked up a broken piece of a rain gutter and hit the hobo angrily. "I KNOW you can't read! Don't even try and tell me you can read, because this is gonna get really ugly..."
"Un-huh."
"That's all you say! That is ALL YOU SAY!"
The hobo, cringing from the beating he was receiving, looked up at Shake and made the inklings of saying something, at which Shake let up for a moment.
"You... want in?" the hobo asked.
Shake threw the length of flimsy metal aside. "What does that even mean? You've been saying it for your whole damn life."
He walked over to his collection of goods, pressing the button on his radio a few times, getting no result. He sighed and fell over, lying on his back in dismay. The homeless guy just curled up and cradled himself, muttering un-huh's.
"I have to get out of here," Shake groaned. "Meatwad... I need to torture him. He gets so much more upset about it. You just take it like a dog. And while we're on the subject of like a dog, I know you've been pissing... behind that dumpster."
He stood up and walked closer to the hobo, who eyed him like he was some sort of food, which he was. "I understand, these conditions, they bring out the worst in all of us. But you should at least go to the sewer grate right over there. It'll be like you're getting your crap with everyone else's without the expense of a toilet! Isn't that neat? Like your own little bathroom. And then I won't have to know I'm using the same bathroom as you, because I've been going back there too. It's the privacy, isn't it? But let me tell you. No one gives a damn if you piss yourself in plain sight anymore. You're at the bottom! You're free! WE'RE free!"
"Un-huh..."
"Is that... Hey! That's mine! That's my bottle of vodka! I threw this away on accident, you can't have it! Get it out of your disgusting pile of rotten fruit and filthy baby dolls this instant!"
...Meanwhile, hundreds of years ago, on the other side of the planet...
Deep in the forests of futile Japan, a group of heroes ventured through the forest. The monk, Miroku used his monk staff as a walking staff as he walked at the head of the group of heroes. He looked back at Kagome and Songo and Shippo and Keylala who were all behind him.
"Inuyasha!" yelled Kagome. "Where are you!"
"Hey!" Shippo yelled. "Where is he?"
"He has been missing for days," Songo said.
"He can take care of himself," Miroku said. "But we should find him in case he is in trouble."
"Arent you even worried?" Kagome asks with pleading eyes.
"I'm sure he'll be okay," Mirkou answered. "I am more worried about the Scared Jewel Shard."
"And Naraku!"
"But what about that wierd well we saw? Do you think it is like the one you used to come to our time Kagome? Maybe he used it too?" Shippo asks.
"Hmm," Miroku says as he looks down.
"What is it?" Shippo asked.
"Sango's ass. I want her to bear children for me."
"Shut up!"
"YOU PERVERT!" yelled Kagome and Songo, kicking Miroku into a bush.
"Same old Miroku," Shippo laughs.
"Hey you guys!" Kouga says. "I heard Inuyasha was missing."
...Meanwhile, hundreds of years later, back on the original part of the globe, in a club called The Lounge...
"Okay," Carl said to Inuyasha. "You remember the plan. I go talk to that girl in the tank top, and you go up and tell her that I won... c'mon, what'd I win?"
Inu scratched his head. "The Nobel Peace Prize?"
"For what? What did I win it for, Shibu?"
"...For F--king?"
Carl laughed and clenched his fists, ready to rock. "Yeah. You got it. Alright buddy. Let's do this!"
"Carl, why do we have to do this? I just wanted to have fun with you."
"Oh, but this is lotsa fun! This is what friends do, you know? Have you heard of a wingman? That's what you are, you're my wingman! That's somethin' only really good friends do. ...Fryman, you're lookin' at me like there's somethin' wrong, here."
"Oh, no, it's nothing, Carl," Frylock said in a passively disgusted tone. "I'm not going to say anything. I'll be waaay over here, man."
As Frylock drifted off, Carl shook his head then walked up to a hot, slutty-looking girl who was leaning against a table with her hand. She looked at him, then looked away in disinterest. The repulsive man rubbed his forehead and weakly greeted her.
"Uh, h-hey there."
The girl, not looking, started to leave.
Inu blinked. "Now?"
"Yes, make the save!" Carl whispered loudly.
Inu came over and looked at the girl. "Hi! That's Carl. He won the Nobel Peace Prize for F--king!"
Carl bit his lip, sweating as he waited to see if his most prized line would work. The girl turned around and studied Inuyasha with interest.
"That's funny! You know that guy?"
"Yes! Carl and I are-"
"Uh, we're, brothers," Carl added, not wanting to know what the dog would say about them if allowed. "But I got the looks, eheheh!"
The girl didn't think it was funny, though it had to be a joke. She leaned close to Inuyasha and talked to what she thought would be his ear. "Let's ditch him and go party..."
"Don't touch me!" Inu cried, shoving the girl away. He skipped over to Carl and hid behind him, clutching into the man's doughlike shoulders, nuzzling his features into the warm, thin fabric of his shirt, which smelled so strongly of comfort, of home. "Carl, help."
"Oh, god, do you have to..." Carl tried to walk away from Inu, but the dogboy clung on tightly, finding solace from the icky female in the vibrant stench of a real man.
"Are you two really brothers, or are you...?" the girl asked.
"No!" Inu answered. "Carl's not my brother!"
"Then you're..." she smiled. "I could get into this."
Carl's jaw dropped. "R-really? Like... me, him, you? Tonight?"
The woman nodded, and Carl gulped, grinning hopefully. "There is a god," he whispered. "What about just... me and you, and he watches?"
Her interest faded at that point...
"Carl, make her go away!" Inu squealed.
"Look, this isn't gonna work," she told them, walking off.
"Dammit!" Carl roared, wheeling around and prying Inu away. "This is your fault! I am very unhappy with you!"
Inu's ears lowered and he hung his head. "But Carl! I did what you said! I-I was your wingman!"
"No, Lhasa Apso, what you did was make her think we was freaky together. And then when she wanted TO get freaky, you freaked out!"
Tear blob thingies formed in the corners of Inu's eyes. "Nn, but Carl! I..."
"No, that's it! I've had it with you! You break stuff, you act all queer, you touch me in places that I don't even touch myself, mostly because I can't reach them, but also cause it's weird, and YOU'RE A FREAKIN' MONSTER. Now get outta my sight!"
Inuyasha ran off crying. Carl found his way to Frylock.
"I know what you're thinkin'."
"I told you, I'm staying the hell out of it."
"Great. Well, we're goin', there."
Soon, the Aqua Teens and Carl were back at the car, getting ready to go. Shake sat in the backseat with Meatwad, holding a stained-brown, naked baby doll.
"Meatwad! Look what I got you, a new doll!" Shake chimed, flinging the doll at the meatball.
"What is this thing here?" Meatwad said, uninterested.
"That is new, and it is very expensive," Shake insisted, "and you are to thank me for it. You owe me three favors for this gift I have given you."
Meatwad picked up the doll grudgingly. "Now I'm gonna call this 'Shake Jr.' but I am only going to play with it 'cause we can't return it. But next time I want you to get with me before the purchase is made, because this is not what I want."
Carl looked over his shoulder, having enough crap for one day, his patience quite thin. "Look, would the two of you just shut the hell up or else you're walking home?"
Shake looked up and laughed hysterically. "Geez, what's stuck up your ass, Carl? Oh wait, I know... is it... your gay boyfriend? Who DUMPED you? But is still in your ass?"
...Then, on the side of the road...
"Good going, Shake!" Frylock sarcastically said.
"Silence, wizard," Shake retorted. "You are flying. You do not get to complain about walking home, or anything else ever again for as long as you can fly. ...Make me fly too."
"Damn, you're right," Frylock said, smiling. "This DOES kick ass."
Meatwad, carrying the doll, looked up to Shake. "Master Shake, you gonna have to tell Shake Jr. about what goes in Carl's butt like you said, cause he don't know about stuff like that, and neither do I."
Shake narrowed his eyes. "I will not tell that creature jack squat! I delivered him to you, and now the rest is out of my hands."
Meatwad talked to the doll which apparently wasn't happy about Shake's refusal. "I know, Shake Jr., but now when you's old enough, and it's that time of the month, you'll understand. See, there's birds and there's bees, and I guess Carl's butt... is a bee. And he's got a boyfriend, and they say there's a stork in all this but you know the news hypes this stuff up."
Meatwad paused for a moment then shook the baby doll a little, annoyed. "...Hell, you're a baby, YOU tell ME where you came from."
End Chapter 4?
Author Notes:
Point of interest: I felt a little guilty, getting out my Bible for Dr. Weird, since it hadn't been touched in at least half a year.
Oh, Merciful heavens! I've been flamed! -giggles rather disturbingly- Hellfire, where do I begin... I didn't TURN anyone gay. Everyone can see Inuyasha IS gay. Why wouldn't he have chosen Kagome by now? And his other choice is a freaking zombie dummy, who coincidentally tried to kill him. Of course he prefers men now. Fat, hairy, morally bankrupt men who live in South Jersey and use terms like "knockers" several times a day.
...I just don't see how anyone can question the logic of this story. It's all so, so clear to me.
Heh, one of the best characters ever, ruined. No offense to IY fans but I don't care for the guy that much. He's an average character whose repetitive revelations of a now-obvious strong compassion and vulnerability beneath a gruff, hot-headed exterior are somehow intended, but in my eyes fail, to pull the meandering, neverending series into a dramatic and worthwhile focal point. Really, his best point is in his design, which is admittedly stylish, and the light, quaint humor his behavior lends to so well.
In summary, OMG!1 no im not terrible, YOU are terrible. YOUR MOM is terrible. Cancel your mom, she is terrible, you are also terrible.
Zeon of the Twilight Blade: The first two are creepy, well, so is the third, but Frylock and Lois seems possible. She's torn between Peter's... uh, human body, and Frylock's thoughtful, sophisticated nature. I don't think I want to write this, though. Anyone else?
Petrafina Dantanko: You reminded me, yet again, that Dr. Weird hasn't been in this fic. Well, I've fixed that, so everyone has you to thank. I hope I did him a little justice, as even the writers of the show have worn him a little thin, or I assume so based on the transition to the ever-cute Spacekataz.
To all you lovers out there, keep it real. And to the haters, let's keep the flames coming, because...
I just -
don't -
feel -
-points forward, camera zooming into his suddenly intense, yelling face-
THE BURN!
-late 80's badly synthesized workout music starts playing, various men in spandex with bad mullets come out and start dancing-