Chapter 1
Tony's point of view
Following the event which became known as the Avengers: Civil War, I was depressed. Leipzig had been a disaster… bordering on a disaster, bordering on a disaster!
Everything was chaotic and nobody was talking to me because of a foolish mistake I made. That mistake cost Jay the use of his legs and almost cost him his life.
Pepper and I were on a break from each other. She was having a hard time dealing with my anxiety and nightmares. She decided that she needed to live somewhere else. We had been fighting a lot. She was living with her cousin Shane and his family. She was still running Stark Industries.
Peter and Maria were at school. The WWE Learning Academy is located at a secret location in Upstate New York. When the intergalactic trouble started, we talked to Pepper's godmother, Linda McMahon. This was at the beginning of the summer. We asked if they could board at the school so that they would be safe. Even though I was still in regular contact with them, it wasn't as if I had the routine and responsibility of their care to worry myself with.
Before moving to New York State, I was responsible for taking Peter, Maria, and a couple of other students to school every day if I wasn't on Avengers or Stark Industries business. I had also taught Physics, Chemistry, and basic Engineering while Pepper taught finance, business, and economics.
The problem was that my life was falling apart, and I didn't have anyone to help me fix it. The majority of the time, I was overwhelmed, terrified, and unable to string more than three sensible words together.
Jay initially was unsure about letting me help with his recovery from the injury.
Vision had been trying to stop Falcon, and he got distracted by Wanda. Vision accidentally hit Jay in the back. Jay fell 85 feet to the ground and landed face up. He suffered a serious back injury which cost him the use of his legs. The rest of the team blamed me.
Jay didn't blame me for it, but he was wary that I might hurt him. I promised that I would build mechanical supports for his legs, while the others would help him with physical therapy.
Matt, Clint, and Nat kept their distance from me. Steve and Loki were deeply disappointed in me. Bruce helped me with nightmares, but he didn't spend much leisure time with me, and neither did Scott. Thor was disappointed in me too.
Every time I thought about what had happened, I felt terrible. Guilt and anger warred within me.
I was the depute leader of The Avengers and the main financial backer of them. I was suddenly surplus to requirements, useless, spare, in excess, not wanted, supernumerary, superfluous, unnecessary, and overabundant because I hadn't been paying attention and Jay got hurt.
Since Pepper left the tower, the events of December 16th 1991 have haunted my dreams, along with the possibility that I could lose Pepper for good.
I woke up crying more than once. At the time, I was living with Bruce, Jay, Thor, and Loki at the tower. Thor and Bruce helped me when I had a nightmare. Loki tried to make me laugh by pulling pranks.
The closeness that the team once shared was completely gone. Only those who sided with me stayed awake with me. The others wouldn't even look at me.
I was desperate, angry, and lonely, and snapped and asked,
"Out with it, Bruce, what did I do this time? I sense that you guys are hiding things from me."
"We're not."
"How do I fix this? How do I fix this mess?"
"I don't know"
"I've tried apologizing, and no one will listen. I tried to back off and keep quiet, but it didn't make any difference… what is it going to take?"
"I'm sorry, Tony, I don't know what to tell you about fixing it."
"Do I have to do something drastic to make you realize that I apologize for what I did?"
Bruce didn't answer.
3 weeks later, things were no better with the team, though I had made a little progress with Pepper. We had a four-hour conversation on the phone. She called me out of the blue one afternoon while I was lying on the couch in the living room of the tower, trying to have a nap on Bruce's orders.
"Tony, we need to talk, I have a business question."
"What, after all this time with no contact whatsoever, you suddenly want to talk to me? Out of all the people, you could have called about Stark Industries business?"
"Look, I have a business question OK and if you're going to be immature about it, I can ask Obie instead"
"We need to talk about us too"
"After we deal with business."
"Fine… go ahead, ask your question"
"Do we have an accident logbook?"
"No, we're supposed to have one, but I haven't been good about keeping it up to date. I'm sorry, Pepper"
"Don't worry about it. Do we have a health and safety officer?"
"Again, I should have appointed one, but I was lax in my work. When that came in, I had just started being Iron Man and things were extremely hectic."
"I'll figure it out, OK?"
"Fine. You don't intend to leave Stark Industries, do you?"
"Of course not. Obie would never let me do that. All right, Tony, out with it, what's going on?"
"Like everyone else in this world, you seem to think I'm an automaton… I'm not, I have feelings too, you know, and our break-up or break or whatever it is we're on right now is affecting me as much as it is affecting you. I need to know what's happening so that I can move on and let you go if that's what's needed or so that we can repair this".
Pepper sighed, "Tony, when you put me in the Iron Man armour and then when you fell from the house in Malibu into the ocean in the Iron Man suit, you scared the hell out of me. I'm still dealing with the aftermath of that…"
"And Killian"
"And Killian… yes"
"What did he do to you?"
"I don't think it's something we should discuss over the phone"
"OK"
3 and a half hours later, we were still talking…
"I miss you Pep, but I'm willing to be patient and give you the time and space that you need"
"Thank you, Tony, I appreciate that"
"I'd even be willing to give relationship counselling a try. If that was what it would take for us to get back together."
"That would be good… would you like to meet me for lunch on Thursday so that we can discuss this further?"
"Of course" my phone beeped. it was a text message from Steve which read "MANDATORY TEAM MEETING, BOARDROOM 2 FIVE MINUTES TIME." "Damn! Sorry, Pep, I have to go, team stuff… you're still the most important person in my life, OK?"
"OK"
"See you Thursday"
"See you Thursday"
Before we went "on a break" I would have told her I loved her… now, I couldn't say that… I didn't mean to make her think I was trying to rush her.
I tossed my phone carelessly onto the couch and took the stairs down to the boardroom. The moment I walked into the room, the yelling and accusing started.
"All right, what's so urgent that you had to call me right when I was in the middle of an essential phone call from Pepper?" I demanded.
"You let Jay get injured because you were more interested in, I don't know what"
"I was more interested in stopping the chaos! I was trying to stop Vision from making a mistake when Wanda distracted him."
"You don't belong on the team. You're too self-centred."
"So I'm the only problem?"
"Yes"
"So what's next?"
"We're going to stop"
"What do you mean?"
"We have agreed that we're permanently suspending the team, it's over"
"It can't be. I didn't get a say in this."
"You're a liability, Stark. You just don't think about others. You think about yourself all the time and that's why you lost your girl, that's why you're going to lose your company and that's also why you're no longer on this team and why we're now ending the team." Matt growled.
"Too far, Murdock, too far!" Clint growled, "You insult my brother one more time, and I'll…"
That's when I lost what remained of my composure and patience.
"What the hell? Where do you jackasses get off knocking me on my butt? I have apologized and apologized and apologized for the mistake I made. This is ridiculous, and you will pay, mark my words, you're going to regret this." I snapped, "Vision is as much to blame for this as I am and so, as a matter of fact, is Wanda! And anyway, Matt, how would you know? You didn't see it happen!" I added viciously. Matt didn't say a word, so I continued coldly, "I know your accident wasn't your fault, so don't give me that look!"
Before Matt could summon up a suitable retort to my question, Jay said,
"Tony's right you guys, you shouldn't give him such a hard time for this because he doesn't deserve it. He tried to prevent the accident, and he couldn't."
"He still did the wrong thing" Matt snapped.
"No he didn't. When you were all busy with other things, he has been helping me heal, and he has been encouraging me and so has Bruce! Tony and Bruce have both stepped back from the team so that someone is here for me in case I need help while I can't walk. They've also been helping me with physical therapy, which is something all of you agreed to do, and you haven't done so Tony and Bruce have done it, and you know what? you need to take a long, hard look at yourselves. Especially you Matt. You're being awfully hypocritical!"
"That's right" said Bruce. "Tony asked me to oversee Jay's physical therapy and keep him accountable, and I have done that, and Tony has been helping Jay to recover from his injuries. He does NOT deserve our wrath."
"Stark is stupid, selfish, ignorant, and backward." Clint growled, his blue eyes aflame. "He caused this because he's irresponsible, but we should commend him and Bruce for what they've done to help Jay. If Tony wasn't on the team in the first place, none of this would have happened. Ever since Pepper left him, he's become a liability"
"No he's not!" Bruce yelled, his eyes glowing green, "Tony is selfless! He gives so much to the team and the company and expects nothing in return. I don't blame him for his feelings towards us!"
"Nor do I! Tony and Pepper taking a break has nothing to do with this and unless you want to be on a break too, Clint, I'd watch what you say!"
"What? Nat! You're supposed to be on my side!"
"The way you've been acting lately warrants a change of position. Your attitude is deplorable!"
"How is it deplorable?"
"Look, I have to go and do some digging, I realized recently that — I'm sorry to mention this Tony, but it's important — something about the night Howard and Peggy allegedly died doesn't make any sense to me. I'm going to go and do some digging… see what I can find out. I'll be back soon".
Nat left. Clint started to go after her, but she was out of there too fast. He turned on his heel and went to the gym.
I got up and went to my office. I got the keys for the new red Audi TT and drove to the Stark Industries office.
"I would like to see Ms Potts, immediately." I barked at the receptionist, "You will tell her who I am and that I am demanding that she come and talk to me at once. You won't like the consequences if I'm kept waiting!"
Pepper's point of view
"Tony, what are you doing here?"
"Do you want to be with me or not?"
"Yes, but… we have a lot to work out"
"Yes or no"
"Yes but…"
"No! No ifs, no buts, no maybes, no hesitation, no explanation and no apologies, the answer is either yes or it's no. The answer is yes you want to be with me, or it's no you do not want to be with me".
"I wish it was that cut and dried, Tony."
"Oh, it is that cut and dried… it has to be. I can see that you still have doubts, so the answer is no. OK, fine… we're done. Go live your life and be happy. I just came to collect one thing, and then I'll be out of your hair, permanently. It'll be over, finished, done. Anthony Edward Stark won't be a problem for anyone any more by the time I'm done!" he seethed.
"Tony, what happened? I've never seen you this angry before"
"Nothing. The team is over, the dream is over, we're done, it's finished. I'm finished. I'm stepping down as head of R&D – Bruce or Jay can take my place. This is it, I'm getting out of the way before things get so bad that there's no point in me stepping aside. I'm going to do something that I should have done long ago… it's over between us, I'm not meeting you for lunch on Thursday, it's over, everything is over. Goodbye, Virginia"
"Tony… wait!"
He turned and walked out of the room without a backward glance. I heard his footsteps climbing the stairs to his office and coming back down. When they did, I heard the unmistakeable sound of a very heavy set of keys jingling. I had never seen him look so angry or determined before. There was something else in his eyes that hadn't been there even when we went on our break when we were teens… defeat. I realized too late that he was trembling from the effort of keeping a lid on his emotions.
I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts, this was not something I could deal with alone. when I found the number I needed, I pressed call.
Jay's point of view
I got a call from Pepper.
"Jay, what's going on? Tony came in to the office and asked me whether we were continuing or not, and I said I still had to work some things out. He went ballistic. I've never seen him this angry before, and I'm worried he might do something stupid."
"The team shunned him… well Clint, Pietro, Wanda, Matt, and Wade. Hell, even his Uncle Steve said the same that he was stupid, irresponsible, and wreckless. It almost cost me my life. I told them they'd better stop punishing him for the mistake he made. As soon as Tony realized how much danger I was in, he asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to get medical help for me immediately. The doctors said that because of that, I have a good chance of recovering … What did Tony say?"
"When I asked him what was wrong, he said 'The team is over, the dream is over, we're done, it's finished. I'm finished. I'm stepping down as head of R&D – Bruce or Jay can take my place. This is it, I'm getting out of the way before things get so bad that there's no point in me stepping aside. I'm going to do something that I should have done long ago… it's over between us, I'm not meeting you for lunch on Thursday, it's over, everything is over. Goodbye, Virginia' and then he stormed up to his office, got something from the safe and left."
"I know where he's gone. If I'm going to stop this, I need help."
"I'm on my way, I'll meet you in the lobby."
"OK"
Tony's point of view
I put on a hat, dark glasses and hid my accent as good as I could, I'm not an actor.
"I would like a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon please… and a bottle of Scotch."
"$83.40"
"OK"
As soon as I got to the house, I opened the door and went inside. I took the Gramophone and put it in the kitchen. I went to my room and got East Side Story by Squeeze. On the night my parents died in the car accident, I had listened to that album.
Shortly after that happened, we discovered that, like my father, I too am allergic to alcohol…
I went to what had been my father's office and got a legal notepad that he kept on his desk. I put East Side Story on and sat down and began to write what was the hardest letter of my life.
Pepper's point of view
When I arrived at the tower, Jay was waiting for me, dressed and standing at the reception desk.
"He's gone to the house, hasn't he?" he asked,
"Yes… I checked the safe and the key for the front door was missing. Wait a minute! How are you standing?"
"Tony built these for me"
"And yet, the rest of the team blame him for what happened?"
"Yes."
"We should hurry"
"Yes, we should… I have an idea. I know you don't like heights, Pepper, but the traffic will be impossible. Tony needs us".
"You're right. Come on. Let's go upstairs. Tony keeps an EpiPen in his top drawer for emergencies."
"What's going on?"
"Bruce, we need you to come with us… get into the Hulk-Buster and meet us by the launchpad in ten minutes"
"Where's Tony?"
"Up at the house. We have reason to believe he's about to hurt himself very much on purpose."
"Should I call Obie?"
"Yes"
Obie's point of view
"All right, good, but this time I want you to try to get a little more emotion into it. and-" my phone's sudden ringing cut off my thought.
"Sorry Jane, I need to take this"
"OK"
"Pepper, what's wrong? What? All right, I'm on my way… I won't be long".
"What's going on, dad?"
"We'll need to finish your lesson later, I've got to go to New York… there's an emergency."
"I can practise on my own till you get back, Dad"
"I'm going to be away for a few days."
"OK"
"And I have to go right now"
I ran upstairs, Maria was on the phone.
"Obie, what's going on?"
"Pepper called, Tony isn't doing well"
"Oh… what happened?"
"There was a big fight between the team members because they blamed Tony for Jay's accident. They are now divided… Everyone blames Tony for everything, and he's gone to the house. He's going to hurt himself. He'll do something stupid that he shouldn't do."
"We should both go."
Tony's point of view
I listened to East Side Story, and looked through the photo album. I started writing the letter with tears streaming down my face.
"Hi everyone,
If you're reading this, then I've done something you might think is stupid, but I thought it was necessary. It seems, I'm unreliable, reckless, dangerous, thoughtless and I ruined the Avengers. Furthermore, I almost killed my big brother. As soon as I realized what was happening, I fixed it as well as I could. The problem isn't me… the problem is the rest of the team. Jay, Bruce, and Nat are the only ones who I can trust.
Pepper, I'm sorry it didn't work out between us, but I want you to be happy, and you weren't. I guess we're not soulmates after all? Thank you for being with me for the time that we were together… It's over, I can't take any more of this. I'm done. I'm going to finish what I should have finished in 1991, and I'll give mom and dad your best once I get to Heaven. Believe me, I wish things could have been different or that we could have fixed things so that this wasn't necessary. Unfortunately, it is… one sip should do it unless I decide to inject it directly into my bloodstream, which would have a quicker effect.
Tony"
One shot. If my math was right, and it was always right, I had 15 minutes left once the needle had gone in. I placed the copy of my will to my right side, put the letter on the top and prepared the syringe…
I didn't want this. I would rather not end my life, but what choice did I have? The team blamed me for everything.
I probably should have realized that at least some people cared about me enough to come and try to stop me.
Pepper's point of view
"Come on Jay!"
We flew over Manhattan and up towards Long Island. We flew down into the garden. While Bruce wrestled with the Hulk-Buster armour. Jay and I got out of our armour and ran into the house…
Tony had the syringe in his hand. He was bawling his eyes out… he was shaking… but the syringe still had the alcohol in it. I snatched it from him and threw it aside like it was a grenade… I sat on the floor next to him…
"Tony? Did you inject, drink or inhale any of that?"
"Of course not, I'd be dead if I had."
"You were considering doing it, though, weren't you?"
"Of course I was. Why wouldn't I? I'm toxic, worthless, pathetic!, a disaster! For heavens, sake! I almost got Jay killed, and I killed off The Avengers single-handedly. Why are you even here? You could do so much, better! Why do you want to be with a piece of filth like me? What's the point in continuing?"
"You're not a piece of filth, Clint is an idiot, and so is Matt! Those two and the others don't appreciate you. They don't see the good that you have done for the team and all the good you do for them. They just want to use you. Jay, Bruce and I care about you. Your Uncle Steve should have known better."
"Why waste time and energy on a weakling. Everyone would be better off if I didn't exist."
"Not true! Tony, you are an incredible, generous, selfless, warm, loving person. If Clint and the others can't see that, then it's their problem."
"Pepper is right, Tony"
"She would rather not be with me, though"
"When did I say that?"
Tony sent me the conversation we'd had earlier in the day via the soulmate link
"Tony, what are you doing here?"
"Do you want to be with me or not?"
"Yes, but… we have a lot to work out"
"Yes or no"
"Yes but…"
"No! No ifs, no buts, no maybes, the answer is either yes or it's no. The answer is yes you want to be with me, or it's no you would rather not be with me".
"I wish it was that cut and dried, Tony, I really do."
"Oh, it is that cut and dried… it has to be. I can see that you still have doubts, so the answer is no. OK, fine… we're done. Go live your life and be happy. I just came to collect one thing, and then I'll be out of your hair, permanently. It'll be over, finished, done."
"I know you want it to be cut and dried, Tony, but it's more complicated than that."
I gave Tony a concerned look. He shrugged his shoulders and said
"This is what I get for not going to Seminary when I had the chance. It's too late now".
"You don't mean that"
"Yes I do."
"We're soulmates"
"So?"
"So we're destined to be together."
"What if the potion was wrong?"
"Severus said the potion does not lie"
"Well he can't have got it right then because you deserve much better than a piece of stunted slime like me"
"You aren't stunted slime, Tony. You're a wonderful person and I love you. Maybe I was being a bit too demanding when I said that I had to move out of the tower. I think I'm ready to recommit to us"
"You don't have to do that out of pity"
"I'm not, I don't pity you Tony, I love you."
"I love you too, and I'm sorry I'm such a burden"
"You're not a burden, Tony, we all have times when things completely overwhelm us and when we need to rely on others"
"I've had it. I would rather not be on the team any more"
"I don't blame you"
"Tony… you're not going to believe this…" said Nat.
"This better be good"
"Well, it is, sort of."
"Really?"
"Yes…"
"Go on"
"It's about your parents…"