A/N: 6x17 was such a beautiful episode that I just had to write something for it. Here's a tag to the episode.
Lisbon poked her head around the corner of the wall and into the bullpen of the FBI. Specifically, she peered at the couch behind her desk to see Patrick Jane occupying it. "Damn it," she swore under her breath. Of course he was already settled on it. She wanted to avoid Jane's reaction to her going out with Marcus. The last time he was left behind she felt her heart break into two. She actually saw his face drop in disappointment the moment that he realized that he wasn't invited. He was obviously hurt, but he didn't speak up, so she did nothing.
She took a look around the office. It was 5 o'clock and there was no sign of anyone around. They all immediately scattered after arresting their suspect. After all, none of them were able to sleep for the past 35 hours. If she was being honest, she would rather be laying in bed alone at home than be going on this date. But Marcus insisted, saying that they hadn't seen each other in a while. She couldn't turn him down. Well, it was now or never. She had to swipe her keys off of her desk without waking Jane.
Lisbon carefully shuffled in the direction of her desk, paying close attention to her shoes. She didn't want her heels to start clicking on the ground.
The dress that she was wearing felt comfortable and looked amazing on her, a combination that was hard to come by. Even though it was simply black she felt like an attractive woman in it.
There was ten feet of distance between her and Jane now. She stole a glance at his sleeping form. She couldn't tell if he was actually asleep or just pretending. He had a book cracked open, resting over his stomach. It appeared that he fell asleep reading, but you could never be sure with Jane.
Finally, she reached her desk and spotted the keys. She picked them up and then clutched them to her stomach so that they wouldn't make any noise. It was pathetic that she had to sneak around like this, but she didn't think she would be able to survive another awkward encounter with Jane. She stole another glance in his direction and smiled. He looked content and relaxed. His face was unburdened, which was something she never saw back at the CBI.
She rotated on one heel and began to creep away from her desk.
"Look at you," Jane called out.
His voice froze her in place. Her eyes closed in disappointment. She didn't want to deal with this. It was the worst situation. She didn't want to hurt him again. She turned back to face him. "Don't start," she joked, keeping her voice friendly.
"I'm not starting. You look beautiful. I hope he's taking you someplace nice." Regret. Anger. Disappointment. Sadness. Fear. All flashed across his face in that moment. Lisbon couldn't figure out what he was thinking.
Her heart leaped at Jane's compliment. Beautiful. He called her beautiful. He'd never directly said that to her. "Cloth napkins and everything," Lisbon replied. She wanted the floor to swallow her up. She couldn't look at the hurt on his face anymore.
"Fancy. You have a great time," he said. His words released her from further conversation.
"Goodnight Jane." Lisbon glanced away from his unrelenting stare but paused. She sensed that he wanted to say something more. Now was his chance. Seconds ticked by and still nothing. So, naturally she began to walk away.
"Night Teresa." His heart was hammering against his chest. Blood pumping in his ears as he laid motionless in self-pity on his couch. Now or never his mind continued to say. "Lisbon!" He sat up from the couch. His book fell onto the floor, but he didn't care.
She was standing at the elevators waiting to leave the building. She turned back in his direction. "Yea?" Her face full of hope.
Jane jogged over to meet her.
"Wow that's the fastest I've ever seen you move," Lisbon joked. She smiled at him, but his face was full of anguish and seriousness.
"Don't go," he whispered to her. He reached out and grasped her hand in a vice-like grip. Hoping he could physically keep her from leaving him.
Her smile slowly faded. "What?"
"I...I don't want you to go," he told her.
"Jane-"
"I can't stand it anymore. I know that I have no right to ask anything of you, but please don't go with him." Jane appeared to be having a panic attack. His hands were shaking, his eyes were watering, and he couldn't catch his breath.
Lisbon opened her mouth to reply, but her cell phone rang. She brushed Jane's hand off of hers. Then, she raised the cell phone up and read it. Incoming call: Marcus Pike. Her eyes met Jane's again and she answered the call. "Hello?," she said into the phone.
Jane turned away, ashamed. He brought his hands up to wipe at his face. He needed to calm down, but he was too hyped up at the thought of losing Lisbon.
"Listen something just came up...no...I'm sorry, but I just got called into Abbott's office. Apparently there is a bunch of paperwork to be filled out...Yea I know...okay...I will talk to you later...Same here...Bye." Lisbon hung up the phone.
Biofeedback, Jane continued to murmur to himself. Lisbon was on the phone with Pike. He had just asked her to stay without giving a valid reason and she complied. He was a terrible person.
"Are you okay?," she questioned. Jane felt Lisbon's hands on either side of his face holding his head steady.
His darting eyes were out of control. He closed them and took a deep breath. Her comforting touch helping his mind and body settle down. "Yes," he finally whispered after giving himself a moment to breathe.
"What's going on?," she asked him in a concerned, steady voice.
Their breathing rates became synchronized as they stood, face-to-face, seemingly locked in a trance by one another. Her hands slowly fell away from his face, limply falling to her sides.
Jane stared at Lisbon, really getting a good look at her for the first time in a long time. He ran his eyes over her facial features. Her hair was softly tussled in long waves reaching past her shoulders. Her brows were furrowed in concern. Her eyes were pools of black, pupils seemingly dilated to the limit. Her lips were slightly opened with her tongue occasionally darting out to run over her bottom lip. He couldn't take it anymore. Without a thought of repercussions or courtesy, he let loose. His body leaned forward automatically, bringing his front intimately closer to hers. His hands darted out in different directions. One to her cheek and the other rested lightly on her hip. Finally, he leaned in and met her mouth with his own.
He felt her hesitation immediately. Her body froze in confusion and defense. She definitely wasn't expecting this. His lips were a rough contrast to her silky smooth ones. His body began to act all on its own. He slowly pushed her backwards until they fell against the wall. This time, both hands had drifted to her waist. He wrapped his arms around her, bunching up some of the dress' fabric in the process.
His heart felt like it was bursting out of his chest, especially when Lisbon finally started to respond to him. She eagerly wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer to her. The passion building between them felt like a raging fire. It was no surprise to him; he'd been waiting to do this for close to a decade.
Their mouths were open now. Tongues moving against each other frantically. He even heard Lisbon let out a moan. It fueled him even more. Her hands somehow had traveled under his suit jacket. Her felt her fingertips stroking lightly up and down his ribcage.
"Woah," a voice that sounded disturbingly like Wiley's interrupted them.
Jane felt Lisbon flinch against him. And just like that the passion between them died. It was as though Wiley came over and threw a bucket of ice cold water on them.
They both released each other and pulled away at the same time. Lisbon even scooted diagonally away from Jane, since she was backed up against the wall. They didn't look at each other instead they turned to Wiley. Jane tossed him a death glare.
"Oh man...Uh...I am so so sorry. I didn't know." Wiley held his hands up in defense, like they each had a gun trained on him.
"It fine," Lisbon said to him.
"I mean...I thought that you were with Agent Pike." Wiley's face scrunched in confusion.
Jane shook his head. That was possibly the worst comment Wiley could have made. Leave it to Wiley, to make the situation one-hundred times more awkward than it would have been.
"Oh hello. Everyone leaving for the night?," Abbott asked as he came around the corner towards the elevator.
Jane sighed, why the hell did he decide to kiss her in front of an elevator?
No one dared to answer Abbott. Wiley, Lisbon, and Jane were all too shell shocked to speak. Wiley continued to look back and forth between Jane and Lisbon.
Abbott glanced at all of them, until his eyes rested on Lisbon. "Agent Lisbon you look nice. Going out?"
With all eyes focused on her she felt exceptionally guilty. She just skipped a date so that she could makeout with Jane. She decided to keep her gaze locked to the floor.
"Yea, I thought she was going out with Agent Pike, but I guess that's not happening," Wiley added.
Jane wanted to slap the kid. Didn't he know when to shut up?
"I...um...I'm going home," Lisbon said to Abbott avoiding Jane's eyes. And then, without warning, Lisbon sprinted away.
Abbott tracked her movements with his eyes. "Alright," he whispered in surprise under his breath.
The elevator dinged, alerting its arrival on their floor. Abbott immediately moved into it, followed by Wiley. "Jane you coming?" Abbott looked at him waiting for an answer.
Jane ran through his options mentally. Option 1: he could get in the elevator, go back to his airstream, and sulk. Option 2: he could get in the elevator, drive to Lisbon's house, and see what could happen. Option 3: he could turn around and chase Lisbon throughout the FBI building until she stopped running from him.
He decided on option 2, but added a twist. He would text Lisbon asking for permission to come over to her house. Jane stepped into the elevator and slumped against the steel wall. It felt cool against his no doubt flushed face.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Wiley turn to him. "So are-" Wiley stopped in his tracks as Jane's face flashed with rage. "Actually never mind," Wiley added.
Jane typed out the message to Lisbon on his phone. We need to talk. Can I come over? He saw the message sent icon pop up on the screen.
The elevator came to a halt at the ground floor of the building. Abbott turned to Wiley and Jane. "Well goodnight gentlemen. See you both tomorrow."
Wiley followed in Abbott's direction, leaving Jane alone in the lobby.
He wasn't sure what to do with himself. He began pacing back and forth, waiting for Lisbon's response. After about five minutes his phone vibrated.
New message from Kimball Cho
Hey. Fischer, Wiley, and I are going out tonight. Wanna join?
Jane wanted to slam the phone against the wall. She wasn't going to contact him back. She probably already ran back to Pike claiming that everything was fine.
His head hung in defeat. He really had made a huge mistake by kissing her. Well, if she wanted to go out so could he. He quickly typed to Cho that he would meet them at the bar. It was decided; he was going to going to get so drunk that he wouldn't remember his own name. It was the only way to cope with the pain he felt in his heart.
He exited the building and walked the short distance to his airstream or, as Lisbon liked to call it, the silver bucket. His eyes teared. He was such an idiot. He should've just left her alone. Then they wouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness that would inevitably come tomorrow morning when they were forced to face each other at work. He could already picture it in his mind. Lisbon would do everything in her power to avoid him all day.
The airstream was facing away from the FBI building. He wanted to have a view that wasn't his place of work. If he had to live on the property he didn't want to be forced to look at it 24/7. He approached the back and turned around the corner of it, to access the front door. He was busy looking at his pant's pocket and sorting through the keys that he missed the figure sitting on the steps eagerly awaiting his arrival.
He located the correct key, which wasn't a difficult task because he only had three on the key ring. He made it almost to the steps before he saw her.
It was like his wish come true. There she was, sitting on the steps, still wearing her dress. But this time when he looked at her face he saw fresh tear tracks on her cheeks. She was visibly upset. But still she was here. Waiting for him. And most importantly, not with Pike.
"Sorry," Lisbon huffed out. Her voice was shaky and unsure. She met his eyes and held them.
"Teresa, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's me. I'm sorry." Jane closed the distance between them and moved to sit down next to her. His plans changed, however when he saw her face crumple. He pulled her into his warm embrace and held on for dear life. He didn't ever want to let her go. She broke out into hard sobs against his shoulder.
She couldn't hold back anymore. She felt defeated. All of the emotions that she tried pushing down flowed out of her. Everything that she had ever felt about Jane was brought to the surface. Pain. Anger. Disappointment. Hurt. Regret. Betrayal. Happiness. Love. Fear. She couldn't keep up the fight anymore. They had to resolve their issues or she had to leave. It was too much to handle.
Jane's insides felt like they were being stabbed every time Lisbon let out a sob. It was his fault. Well, not all his fault, but for the most part it was. To put it simply, when she hurt, he hurt. He felt the beginnings of tears in his eyes. His nose burned and his eyes felt hot and heavy. A couple of tears dropped onto Lisbon's head. It was hard for him to be upset at the moment. After all, she had came back here and waited for him. He felt touched and loved. Now, it was her turn to feel loved.
Lisbon gradually lifted her head from his shoulder. She wiped at her wet cheeks fiercely.
"Let's go inside then," Jane told her.
He unlocked the door with shaky hands. They settled at the kitchen table and seats. Lisbon took the seat across from Jane.
Lisbon initiated the conversation. "I don't really know what's happening. One minute I'm going on a date and the next we're kissing."
"I," he took a breath. "I love you. I know that it's not fair of me to tell you now, but I just can't pretend anymore."
"So you see me with another guy and all of the sudden you love me?," she asked incredulously.
"All of the sudden." Jane became defensive. "No. Trust me. It wasn't all of the sudden. I've been in love with you for a while now." She needed to understand.
"You've been in love with me, but you decided not to tell me?" She flashed him a look of disbelief.
"I was afraid of losing you. I'm a coward Teresa," Jane admitted.
"Losing me to what?" She shook her head in confusion. Jane was a frustrating man.
"I didn't think that you felt the same for me."
She looked like he had slapped her across the face. "How can you even say that? After everything. After everything that we've been through. I've stood by you while you murdered two people. You've abandoned me more times than I can count. You left for two years Jane. I didn't think that I was going to ever get to see you again. And still I come crawling back to you when you summon me to the FBI. After all of that. How can you question my love for you?" Lisbon was Insulted.
"I question it because you're a wonderful and beautiful woman and I don't deserve you. I treat you horribly and you've stuck by me all of this time. I just want you to be happy. And if I was a better man, I would let you go. I would put on a happy face for you and Pike, but I can't. Because I want you too much. I'm selfish." He laid his hands open on the table in front of them.
"Don't tell me what I deserve, Jane. You're not selfish. God. You're the epitome of selflessness. You help so many people and you want nothing in return. You don't even want their thanks. You're lonely Jane. You've pushed everyone away from you. But I won't let you do it to me. I want you to be happy. And I can see that you haven't been. So be selfish right now and tell me what you want." She reached across and grasped his hand.
"I want you. That's all I want. I want you to be with me. I can't live without you. You saved me and I'm so in love with you." Jane stared into her eyes as though she was the only woman in the world.
Lisbon stood up, moved closer to Jane, and sat down on his lap facing him. Her arms wrapped around his neck.
He pulled her tighter to him. "You are beautiful. I want you."
"I want you too," she told him.
Both of their eyes were dilated while they sealed their love with a kiss.
So that's all. It was difficult to condense and wrap up the story. They definitely have way too many issues to work through before they can be together. They need to communicate! Too many pitiful looks of regret, but it's awesome angst for the show. I'm loving it. Please leave me your thoughts by reviewing. I appreciate it!