Chapter 12 breakdown
Howard's point of view
*Memory 9*
After the visit from the 8 legged monstrosity, I learned that Peggy had been hurt on a mission. Ana had leapt in front of her and taken most of the force of the gunshot, but Peggy had been injured too… Ana's injuries were much more severe, and I'd had to let Edwin take some time off work because Ana's survival was not guaranteed. I was worried sick. They brought her into the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility, and she had to have surgery. I was a wreck. 3 weeks later, I started experiencing the worst nightmares I have ever had. These were not from things I had experienced, they were from my worst fears. Fears of Peggy leaving me in one way or another. When I am controlling things, it takes a lot to break that control… several nights of absolutely no sleep did it… I began to look at Peggy as though what I had been dreaming was real. I wouldn't let her near me, I shut myself away in my office and refused to come out. Finally, after she had tried every other option, including having Obie try to talk some sense into me, Peggy had no choice but to send for Dr Turner.
Dr Turner's point of view
I had just sat down to go over the finances for the clinic when Shelagh popped her head around the door
"Patrick, you have an urgent call from Peggy Carter. Howard is really struggling… he hasn't slept properly in several days, and he won't let anyone near him… he's locked himself in the office, and he refuses to come out. Peggy said that he's extremely upset right now… and he's vulnerable and needs someone to talk to."
"All right"
I left the finances and went to speak with Howard.
Peggy's point of view
"Howard, Dr Turner is here to see you. He just wants to talk, that's all".
The office door opened a crack.
"What are you still doing here?"
"What do you mean?"
"Shouldn't you have left by now?"
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you resent me and…"
"I don't Howard."
"I think I understand what's going on with you, Mr Stark… I know you haven't been sleeping at all, have you?"
"I'm not going to Bellevue again!"
"No, you don't have to, my recommendation is that you come to the men's group that meets in the community centre on a Thursday night… we talk, share how we're feeling, and then we play bocce. It's good fun, and it's good exercise. You can invite Mr Stane and Mr Jarvis to join if you like".
"OK, I'll give it a shot. I'm not taking pills, and I'm not going back to Bellevue."
"Well, we'll see how things go… You likely won't have to go back to Bellevue, but sleeping pills might be something to consider".
"Absolutely not. I need every neuron blazing, I have responsibilities. The Stark Expo, and the strategic homeland intervention, enforcement and logistics division. I cannot and will not be a mindless zombie."
"You are exhausted, though, and you need to rest."
"Tried that, it doesn't work. I've tried everything."
"Howard, why don't we go to Malibu for a few days?"
"I have responsibilities. I just said that. I have the Stark Expo to organise, and I have the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, And Logistics Division to think about. Why does no one listen when I speak? Am I really so useless a person? Do you people not respect me? Do you think I'm just a fake genius?"
"Of course we respect you, Howard. We're just, concerned."
"About what?"
"You're exhausted, and you haven't slept properly in days. You're going to really hurt yourself or someone else."
"Peggy is right. I'm signing you off from work this week, and you're going to Malibu."
"You would be as well knocking me out with a shovel"
Edwin and Ana prepared everything for our trip to Malibu, while Howard wrote lists of instructions for Obie.
"Ms Carter, I need to confess something… I'm a little worried about you and Mr Stark going to Malibu alone. Perhaps Ana and I should come with you?"
"I think that is sage, Edwin, and thank you"
Dr Turner's point of view
I had gone home, but I was very concerned about Howard Stark.
"Patrick, what's wrong?"
"I'm worried Shelagh, Howard Stark, is becoming increasingly paranoid and there's nothing I can do except either section him or let things turn into a disaster, which I know my moral compass will not allow me to do. I managed to persuade him to go to Malibu for a week but… I know he's not himself."
"Why don't we go to Malibu for a week? We can take the children, they've never been to California before. We could use a break, too."
A smile lit up my face
"You're a genius"
Peggy's point of view
I had somehow managed to talk Howard into sharing a bath with me.
"Ms Carter, Dr Turner is on the phone for you… I can tell him you're indisposed, but he has an idea, and he says he wants to talk to you urgently".
"All right, give me a minute… Howard, there's a phone call for me. I'll be right back".
"Will you?"
"Yes"
I put on my bathrobe and went to the phone.
"Sorry Ms Carter, I hope I didn't interrupt you"
"Not at all Dr Turner, Mr Jarvis said you have an idea?"
"Yes, I hope this doesn't seem like an imposition, but I wondered if maybe Shelagh and the kids and I could come to Malibu with you. That way, I can keep an eye on Howard and help you if a crisis develops"
"That's a great idea, of course you can come with us."
"OK"
Howard was angry with me when I told him that Dr and Mrs Turner would be joining us.
"It'll just be us. Nurse Aylward offered to keep the children for the week."
"I'm not going," Howard said stubbornly
"You have to"
"No I don't"
"Yes you do"
"Why? Why do I have to go? So that you can control everything so that you can medicate me against my will so that you can force me to do things I don't want to do?"
"No, I'm doing this because I care about you"
"A likely story!"
"Howard, where is this coming from?"
"What do you mean? You said you were leaving, and you haven't left yet"
"When did I say I was leaving?"
"How would I know? I'm just a fake genius".
"Howard… stop it"
"It's over… I want you gone. We are through"
"Why?"
"Because I'm done, it's time to end the charade it's time to stop pretending I'm not doing it any more. I don't want this any more, it's over. Now, LEAVE!"
"Howard, what's going on? I don't understand what I did or what this is about"
"I'm bad for you, you're better than a mess like Howard Anthony Walter Stark. A toxic waste dump is better than that guy. I hate that guy. That stupid guy is like a poisonous chemical cloud, he's a waste of flesh, he's a waste of space, he's an idiot, he pretends to be a genius, he's a fraud. He was a waste of an education."
"Howard, what's really going on? This only happens when you're hiding something" Dr Turner said shrewdly.
"How did you know?"
"It's a long story"