Chapter 13 therapy

Peggy's point of view

"We have more memories to watch today, let's eat so that we can get down to business."

"Why don't we eat while we're watching?"

"Let's give it a try"

Food appeared on each of the tables in the viewing room.

*Memory 10*

Howard's point of view

How had Dr Turner spotted the problem so quickly? Is this why he had suggested that he and Mrs Turner accompany us to Malibu? What was really going on with Peggy and I? Had my mind truly created that scenario out of my deepest, darkest fears again, like it had before when my worst nightmare came true?

Did I dare tell Peggy about that? If she stuck around.

"You don't have to be with me, you know, Peg"

"Howard. Look at me."

I turned and looked at her

"I am not going anywhere without you"

"We should get going, sir, the take off and landing times are booked."

"Who's going to fly us down there?"

"I am." said a voice

"Steve?"

"Yes"

I felt myself becoming a little jealous of Steve's friendship with Peggy.

I took the plans for the Stark Expo and got into the car in perfect silence.

"I will be co-piloting" said Edwin

I said nothing

As Peggy got into the car beside me, I put my seatbelt on and entirely ignored her. Maybe I should set her free and let her be with Steve if that's what she wanted. Perhaps I was destined to be alone?

Peggy tried to talk to me, but I gave her the cold shoulder. If I was destined to be alone, then I might as well start to get used to it.

*In the room*

Howard's point of view

Tony was glaring at me. His eyes were amber with rage.

"You'll understand what's going on soon, Tony."

*Memory 11*

By the time we reached the airport, I was resolute about what I would do. I could tell Peggy was angry with me, she was hurt and confused too…

As we boarded the plane, she stormed past me and sat up front with Steve, Patrick, and Shelagh. Good… being with me is only going to cause her heartache.

*In the room*

Peggy's point of view

I was sobbing by now. Howard had pulled me onto his lap.

"How did you fix things?"

"You'll see"

in the room

"What was happening?"

"You'll understand shortly"

*Memory 12*

Once he had taken us into the sky, Steve came to talk to me.

"Howard, what is going on?"

"What do you mean, Steve?"

"You know perfectly well what I mean. Why are you ignoring Peggy?"

"She could do better than a wastrel like me"

"That's not true"

"She could, someone like me is a toxic garbage fire of a person who doesn't deserve to be with anyone. You would be a much better match for her."

"Howard. You know, why can't I pursue that. I am not in a position to do that."

"Do I?"

"Yes, I told you"

"Wait, you were being serious?"

" Yes."

"You know it's illegal, don't you?"

"Yes"

"Are you going to report me?"

"Of course not, Steve, I would never do that."

"I think you need to talk to Peggy and tell her how you're feeling. I think she's a bit confused."

"I think she would be better off without me. I'm no good for her. All I am is a toxic mess, and I'm no good as a person."

"That's not true."

"It has to be true because otherwise what Whitney did to me would never have happened"

"Howard, I am not defending what she did to you, but you have to understand… Whitney Frost was a damaged little girl"

"Except that she wasn't a girl"

"You mean?"

"Yes, she pretended. Peggy doesn't know, and I don't have the heart to tell her and make things worse."

"Howard, you need to talk to her."

"She can do better than a snivelling insomniac who can't get over himself"

"I have a way to figure this out… this is why we're going to Malibu" said Patrick, but he refused to say any more.

In the room

"What was illegal?"

"At that time, it was totally illegal to be anything other than heterosexual."

"Oh"

Dr Turner's point of view

*Memory 13*

"My friend Samuel Thomas Wilson — couples therapist — is going to help you. And, you and I will have a talk therapy session…"

"You can do that first. Peggy, Ana, Maria and I will be busy with setting up the house and dinner"

"I'm honestly thinking of moving out here… alone." Peggy muttered. I could see she was steamed.

"Don't do anything hasty. Don't make any decisions until after Patrick and Howard have their therapy session".

"All right, slap on some sunscreen and a hat and let's go to the beach and build a sandcastle… just us"

"Really?"

"Yes. I borrowed a bucket and spade from my girls. We're going to put up an umbrella, and we will sit in the shade and build a sandcastle, and while we're doing that we will talk. I do that with my kids when they're feeling out of sorts. The last time, my daughter Mai was getting bullied at school and when we called the school about it, they did nothing. Shelagh and I decided that our kids would be better off homeschooling, we pulled them out of school and Mrs Buckle teaches them. Timothy is at University now. I had wanted him to go to MIT, but he wants to follow in my footsteps, and he's thinking of becoming a psychiatrist, but that would require another eight years of study. There's nothing to stop us from doing the same, and maybe we'll be able to get to the bottom of why you're feeling so… discombobulated."

"Anything is worth a try"

*In the room*

"You felt so out of sorts that you were belittling yourself?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"I felt like Peg could do better"

Howard's point of view

*Memory 14*

I was never much of a sun-worshipper, but I wanted to figure things out, so I went to the beach with Patrick and we started building a sandcastle.

"All right, so what's bothering you?"

"I keep having these awful dreams, that Peggy's going to leave me, either by walking out or by not surviving something… and I don't want her to know because she might actually walk out on me. I can't bear the thought of not being with her and… that's what's increased my insomnia — I've always had questionable sleeping patterns anyway, but this has exacerbated those unnecessarily. I would rather not burden her with it because she has enough going on."

"So you're overtired, and you won't explain to her why? How is she supposed to help you ?"

"I don't think she is"

"Tell me something, Howard, does being apart from Peggy make you anxious and scared?"

"Yes"

"Does it make you feel out of control?"

"Yes"

"Does the feeling that you might lose her increase?"

"Yes"

"Right… I think I understand what's happening here. You and Peggy are soulmates. You are destiny-bound to be together".

"Really? What does that mean?"

"It means that when you're apart, you both feel afraid of losing the other. If you're apart too long, you can get seriously ill and die from it. You need to be within reasonable distance of each other at all times."

"OK… wow"

"Shelagh and I went through this, we are soulmates too."

"I don't know if Peg feels the same way, but if she does, she's better at masking it."

"I do feel the same, Howard. You're right, I am better at masking it".

"I'm sorry Peg, I've…"

"It's OK, Howard, I knew there was something going on."

*In the room*

"Did things get easier after that?"

"Yes, soulmates have a mind link which they can use to check in with each other."