An Honest Choice

Title: An Honest Choice
Author: Rosie Cruz
Pairing: Casey/Olivia
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. The characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I just like to play with them. The story however is purely a creation of my imagination.

2007 © ROBC. The characters of Olivia Benson, Casey Novak, Elliot Stabler, John Munch, Fin, Cragen and Kathy Stabler belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. The story however is mine. All rights reserved. Copies of this may be printed for personal use only. No part of this story may be reproduced or reused for any other purpose without prior written permission.

Author's Note: There is a lot of angsty drama in this, but no cheating, I promise.

Chapter 2

If Alex was at all curious or disconcerted at the situation she had just walked in on, she did not show it. But then, it might have been that in that moment she had eyes for only one person and Casey Novak wasn't it. Neither was the federal marshal still lingering in the doorway.

"I see you are where you want to be, Alex. Congratulations on getting your life back. If you need anything, you know how to reach me." With those final words, he closed the door on the three women.

"You're back. I can't believe it. This is great!" said Olivia unable to contain her enthusiasm. Alex's departure had been devastating for everyone, but for her it had put an end to a possibility she had found it hard to believe in, but even harder to let go of. And now just as suddenly as she had disappeared, she was back. Olivia's head was spinning with the impossibility of it.

"Yeah, I'm back," said Alex stepping closer. She paused for only a moment before launching herself at Olivia's still form and hugging her hard. She seemed to need some physical reassurance that Olivia was indeed there, in the flesh.

Casey watched the two women embrace for a moment before walking into Olivia's bedroom. Her mind was spiraling in vicious panicked circles of confusion.

She wasn't supposed to come back!

She stood in the middle of the bedroom at a loss for what to do next.

I will not cry. I will not cry.

The pounding she was feeling in her heart a few moments ago had somehow moved up to her head. She put her fingers to her temple hoping to ease the pain that started there the moment she walked into the bedroom. She needed to think. She cradled her face with her hands hoping the gesture would help contain the thoughts swirling in her head. She didn't know what to do.

I need to get out of here.

That sounded like a plan she could execute. She began looking for a pair of jeans amongst the miscellaneous clothes scattered around the room. Finding a pair that looked like hers she quickly stripped out of the boxers she wore and slipped on the jeans.

Socks next, I must find socks.

She went automatically to the top drawer where she kept a variety of t-shirts, socks and underwear, and pulled out a pair. She hesitated before closing the drawer, a stray thought penetrating the barriers she had erected upon seeing Alex Cabot standing in Olivia's doorway.

I'm going to have to figure out when to get my stuff. No time for that now Novak, just concentrate on getting outta here tonight with at least a shred of dignity.

She saw her running shoes neatly lined up against the dresser and reached for them, slipping them on and tying the laces quickly, her precise and controlled movements belaying the churning in her stomach. She rummaged through another pile of clothes until the hoody she was looking for was in her hands. She donned it quickly and was in the process of zipping when she caught a flash of blue, the strap of the bag she sometimes used to cart things between her apartment and Olivia's. She was reaching for it when she heard the bedroom door open. She paused only momentarily before hurriedly looking around the room for her things.

"Casey?"

Casey didn't answer. She saw the boxers she had discarded and picked them up throwing them in the blue bag as she continued looking around for things belonging to her. But she couldn't really tell the difference between her t-shirts and Olivia's. Needing to do something she began picking up clothes randomly and throwing them in the blue bag. She hoped most of them were hers.

"Casey, what are you doing?" she heard Olivia say in a soft voice.

"I think it's fairly obvious," she snapped back knowing she sounded angry. She took a breath. She needed to keep it together and anger would not really help.

"You're leaving?"

Wow, I can see why they made you a detective, was the smarmy comment that was on the tip of her tongue. She swallowed it, not wanting the last things they said to each other to be hurtful, spiteful things. Anger would not work. Nothing would.

"Yes, Olivia. I'm leaving. You two need to talk and I would just be in the way."

She stopped her random packing deciding that she would need to come back for the rest of her clothes and began closing the blue bag. Olivia just stood there.

Casey hefted the bag onto her shoulder and began walking toward the bedroom door. Olivia moved aside before she reached it. Casey's hand was on the doorknob, her body facing the door. She had to know.

"Do you…" she hesitated, not sure how to ask the question she needed to ask. "Are you...are we…is this it for us?"

The silence that followed her question turned Casey's stomach. It was a deafening silence that made her want to scream. Instead, she turned the doorknob. Either Olivia was not going to answer or she was not going to respond the way Casey wanted her to, but either way the pain she was feeling was not going away. She needed to leave. She took a deep breath and prepared to open the door, but Olivia's soft voice found her ears and for a moment, Casey's heart surged causing her to pause in her movements.

"I don't know, Casey. I…I really don't know," said Olivia sounding guilty and a little defeated.

Casey let the disappointment and pain settle in her stomach. It was churning around like some horrible witch's brew. She put her head down for a moment contemplating a response, but none came to her. There was only the pain. She took a deep breath and opened the door making her way into the hall and out of the apartment never once looking back and missing the look of helpless horror that followed her movements from the woman standing in the darkened shadows of the bedroom she had just left.