Retrieval of Self

by ishkaw

A training exercise crashed by a group of mercenaries leads to capture and to a dilapidated building hiding a sinister secret. Their failure as a team causes the X-men to question themselves, each other, their abilities, and their humanity.

2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: Cussing. I cuss. Too bad, so sad.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed so far. I'm pretty shocked at how many I got, and I love each one of you for it.

Special shout out to fudje for pointing out the episodes of the show where the holographic functions of the DR are used.

As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Any comments or suggestions on improvement are welcomed. Also, thoughts on keeping or getting rid of Kurt's and if I actually do it, Rogue's accents are welcomed too. And when thinking, they won't have accents since that is silly. I deem it so! But really, accents are orally communicated and thoughts are not, people don't think in accents, and besides, Kurt is most likely thinking in German anyway.

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Retrieval of Self: Chapter 2

Ugh, he felt sick. Woozy and slightly nauseous. His head slightly knocking against what felt like metal wasn't helping either. Ba thump, ba thump thump, ba thump. He really didn't want to open his eyes, but he had to check to see if Jean had gotten away somehow. With a slight squint, he let his eyes adjust to the light before opening them fully.

Oh, so that's why his head now had a pounding headache to match his churning stomach. He was in the back of a van of some sort, and the road must've been rough because with each thump his head would bang against the wall it was resting against. He could see in front of him were four of the men that had hunted them and a fifth one, the leader from his dress Scott guessed, sitting in the middle of the bench directly across from him. A sixth man with a baby face was leaning against the back door, smiling like he just won the lottery. The men were being jostled just as much as he was, and he saw the standing one almost lose his balance. They must still be in the forest for the road to be so bumpy. Not helping his stomach. Okay, don't concentrate on that or the bile rising up your thro – stop. Think of something else. Oh yeah, Jean, right.

A quiet groan next to him caught his attention, and he found himself looking down at the object of his thoughts. Damn, so she didn't escape. She was sitting on the same bench as him, leaning her head back against the side of the van with a slight green look on her face, eyes blinking as they adjusted. He tried to reach out and put a hand on her shoulder to get her attention, but discovered his hands were manacled behind his back. Okay, slow on the uptake there, Scott. Those tranqs really did a number on me.

Looking back over at Jean again, he let her revive a bit more, and instead took in her appearance to ascertain she didn't suffer any physical harm from these brutes. He didn't see any bruises or anything else, but there was something around her neck. Scott didn't think Jean wore a chocker, and if she did, it would probably have a daisy or some other girly thing decorating it. Instead, the collar around her neck was a cold grey metal with no discernable openings or joints he could see.

"Jean?" Scott asked in an undertone as soon as he saw her green eyes flicker towards him.

"Scott!" Jean whispered back, surprised to find herself waking up next to him, but then quickly closed her mouth afraid if she kept it open Scott would find a warm surprise all up and down his shirt. She'd take the dizziness over the queasiness any day.

"I'm so, so sorry, Jean," Scott apologized while keeping an eye out at the hunters to make sure they didn't suddenly take interest in them. "If I hadn't – "

"Scott, no time for self-recriminations now," Jean jerked her head towards their guards, then immediately regretted the action when it just made her nausea worse, "we need Leader Scott right now, not Emo Scott." Seeing Scott look sheepish, she let loose a small grin. Right now, they needed to keep their spirits up and had no time to wonder what they could have or should have done, but what to do now.

Having prevented Scott's self-inflicted downward spiral, she decided to take a closer look at their situation, and to see if there was any way out of this mess. Next to her left Logan was sitting, learning forward slightly with a snarl on his face, his hands, like hers and Scott's, shackled in large manacles, reaching all the way from his wrists to almost his elbows. It seemed that Logan had been awake for awhile and was trying to put the men in as much fear as possible by just glaring them to death. If glares were daggers, these men would be Swiss cheese or Evan's favorite battered and holey T-shirt. Logan didn't seem to mind that on his other side Kurt was leaning on him, still passed out from the tranqs but fortunately, still inducered. Thank heavens for small miracles. Kurt's hands were obviously not bound, as Jean could see one lying atop Logan's thigh. She wondered why he was the only one unshackled but then scoffed. Well, if they thought silly manacles were going to stop Jean Grey, then they had a long way to go before coming close to her. She'd simply use her telekinesis to get the guns away from the men first.

Nothing happened. Nothing, nada, zilch. This had never happened before.

With a slack-jawed look on her face, Jean turned to Scott, "Scott, I can't –" Still flustered Jean shook her head, "I can't use my powers."

"That's what these collars must be for," Scott answered distractedly, having scanned the van himself now, and was a little concerned that Kurt was still out from the tranqs. One time he had told Kurt to drink some Nyquil to get rid of a small cold that had Kurt teleporting with each sneeze. He could still could remember the frantic worry and cold guilt as Kurt slept straight for 3 days. Not even a tap dancing reluctant Rogue and bubbly Kitty could wake him. He really hoped the tranquillizers wouldn't have the same effect. Scott could already feel guilt creeping up on him over this situation, even though he knew he couldn't have prevented them from getting captured. Remember, Leader Scott, not Emo Scott. Thanks, Jean. Ridding himself of these thoughts, he turned his focus back to Jean. "Though these men didn't remove my glasses," Scott wondered.

"Maybe they didn't want to test and see if the collar was full proof on you by removing your glasses and getting blasted," Jean suggested. She'd pay money to see that.

"Or maybe we thought he just looked better in them, little lady," the leader was staring in her direction, his eyes the color of a placid lake and just as still and emotionless.

"So these collars do block our powers then," Jean wasn't going to cower in front of him but instead did her best to look down at the man in front of her. She'd take him on, even if she really did have two hands tied behind her back.

"That's right, my dear," the leader grinned at her. His smile reminded her of a snake. "The good, old doctor finally perfected them and made our job that much easier."

"And what is your job, bub?" Logan growled at him, the fury at being captured along with his students barely being held back. "And who is this doctor?" The other men, startled by his interruption, all cocked their guns and trained them on him.

The leader waved the men off before answering, "Ah ahn. Do you really think I'd tell you all the details." The leader reclined back and took out a hunting knife from a sheath on his belt. "All you need to know is I hunted you down and captured you like the animals you are." The leader began to pick his teeth with the hunting knife, turning his attention away from a conversation he deemed irrelevant. One such as himself didn't talk to animals after all.

Logan wanted nothing more than to kick this guy in the head, but knew he'd be down in no time from a chest full of tranquillizer. He also couldn't leave the kids alone now and he wouldn't be setting a good example by doing something so rash and foolish. Damn. What in the hell was he supposed to do?

Leaning a bit back, Logan could feel it when Kurt woke up, a slight tensing in Kurt's shoulders, before a relaxing. Logan grinned to himself, glad that Kurt was wise enough to continue to pretend sleeping. Logan had already spotted the keys hanging by the standing, young recruit right by the van's double doors, and he'd bet that Kurt noticed them too. They had a chance now, a small chance, but he'd take anything he got. With a nudge, acting as if he was stretching his muscles, he shook Kurt off his shoulder, and watched as Kurt pretended to fall to the other side and lean against the wall. Now for a little distraction.

"Looks like you failed at your job then, if you could only capture us," Logan snorted as if he thought them all a big joke. "Looks like maybe this doctor oughta think of hiring new muscle men."

"Oh yeah? Well looks to me like we got you good!" the young man leaning against the doors of the van eagerly pointed out. "Like shooting womp rats in a T-sixteen!"*

The leader sighed and shook his head. Why was the green recruit, who was obviously obsessed with Star Wars, in the same van as him? Waiving the man down, he resheathed his knife then shifted his eyes to Logan. "It's just a matter of time before we have the others. I believe I already sent someone with the key fob to that plane of yours where they're holed up." The leader smirked at how red the burly man's face turned before continuing, "riffling through pockets is child's play. Only an untrained buffoon would let the keys to their only escape fall into the enemy's hands."

Logan was furious at the heartless man and worried about the others now too, but this was also a perfect opportunity to cause a diversion and to capture the undivided attention of each hunter. With a roar and a loud, "You fucking bastard," hopefully that ain't too over the top¸ Logan sprung off the bench and shouldered into the leader.

While Logan was talking to the leader, Kurt took the opportunity to use his feigned sleep to reaffirm what he had seen when he had briefly opened his eyes when he woke up. Yes, there were the keys he had spied earlier, hanging on the other side of the back doors of the van they were in. Quickly closing his eyes again, he hoped the keys were to the collar around his neck that he could feel. The collar was uncomfortable against his fur, making it stick out every which way and he could feel some of his fur trapped into where the collar must close. At least the men probably didn't realize they had trapped his fur, seeing that he was still inducered. The collar was also probably what was preventing him from teleporting, that being the first thing he tried to do upon waking. Though, he really didn't want to find out how he would feel after porting with a bulky Wolverine as his passenger and with the sickly feeling he felt immediately upon waking. He'd probably be seeing the stack of pancakes in mush form he had for brunch that day. While as delicious as Frau Monroe's cooking is, I'd rather not have seconds right now.

Pushing those thoughts aside, he slit one eye open as his tail silently slithered against the back doors, slowly making its way behind the recruit who was engaged in Logan's conversation, and towards the prize. No way would his tail reach that far, but just as he was about to make a desperate lunge forward and reveal his wakefulness, Logan bellowed out and ran straight at the leader. You fucking bastard? A little over the top, but I got my distraction. As all the men were trying to push Logan down, Kurt swiftly got up and grabbed the keys with his tail and transferred them to his hands.

Alright, I rock! was Kurt's only thought before he crashed down to the ground, feeling as if his head was going to split open.

The leader wasn't so stupid as to miss that the Wolverine's reaction was really to conceal something else. He absorbed the mutant's blow and immediately shoved him off of himself to scan what the other captives were up to. The boy and girl near him were just as in shock over their mentor's unexpected reaction as his men were. But the other kid, the foreign kid who had been asleep this whole time, now had the keys in his hands and was about to undue his collar. With a speed and agility belying his age, the leader jumped over his men restraining the Wolverine on the ground and brought the butt of the gun hard against the temple of the surprised kid, causing him to drop to the ground as well as lose his hold on the keys.

"Kurt!" Scott stood up, not sure what he was going to do, but he wasn't going to just sit by while his friend was injured. At first he was surprised at Logan's charge, and things had happened so fast, but now he was ready to run over to Kurt, making sure to kick each of the goon's head in for good measure. Jean had also stood up, already about to launch herself into the fray.

"Don't anyone move," the leader threatened. He was kneeling beside the downed teen, raising Kurt's head as he clenched the kid's hair in his hand, his other hand gesturing with his gun at Kurt. The kid was glaring up at him in anger and in obvious pain. So the little bastard was still defiant? The professor will break him and put him in his place. Fucking animals.

"B-b-but leader," one of his men was now pointing towards him with a shaking hand, "that kid, we don't know what he does. You told us not to touch him!" The man was slowly backing away until his back hit the front wall of the van, "you're touching hi-hi-his hair."

How he ended up with all the worthless troopers was beyond the leader. "I am fine, as you can see," the leader pulled harder on Kurt's hair, eliciting a quiet whine of pain, and put the barrel of the gun against his temple again, "now I want you all to take a seat and obey me like the good little animals you are."

Suddenly, the leader found himself under attack a second time that day, but this time from an unknown assailant. Was that Rogue girl's power invisibility? The leader thought as he crashed to the floor.

Kurt, however, was not surprised at all since it was his tail that had wrapped around the leader and had pulled him hard down to the floor. All the men were too stunned by their leader's fall to react, and taking advantage of this, Kurt wasted no time at all and lunged for the keys that were just out of reach.

Scott, revitalized by Kurt's attack, rushed towards the nearest man and kicked the man hard in the shins. With a cry, the man fell down and Scott continued to kick him to keep him from reaching for his gun. Scott was already formulating their escape in his head, imagining brushing aside Jean's soft, red hair as he undid her collar, seeing the admiring look in her eyes as he bound each man up and took charge of their escape.

Logan, proud of Kurt, threw off the two men that were on top of him and bit one of them in the leg, drawing blood through the cloth. They'd beat these fuckers yet and Logan would be sure to pay them back tenfold for the pain they'd put him and his students through. Nobody fucked with Wolverine's family and got away with it.

Jean wasn't sitting idly by as the others stirred up a ruckus. Well, even if she couldn't use her telepathy, she could still use her head,Jean thought as she headbutted the guard nearest to her. The guard, dazed, slowly slid down the van wall. But, before she could turn to the next guard that was next to Logan, the leader let out a loud roar, which drew her attention back to him.

"Now, let's try this again," the leader once again had Kurt by the hair, and was now straddling him to prevent any movement. Though the green recruit was young and had a strange … passion, he had made it on the team for a reason, which he had proven when he was the first to regain his senses and struck the foreign kid again across the head with his gun. The leader had by then recovered and had pinned the dazed mutant underneath him. He still couldn't figure out how he was attacked, but he bet it had to do with the kid beneath him. "Sit down right now," the leader commanded in a tone, while calm and even, brooked no argument.

Logan, growling at the leader for his abuse of Kurt, but seeing no choice in the matter, nodded to the others before sitting down. How could he have dismissed that hunter even if he did look young? Now the Elf was going to have to pay for his mistake.

The leader, satisfied now that the muties had complied, decided to deal with the source of the problem. Looking to the back, the leader spotted a reliable looking trooper, "Gershwin -"

"Sir!" The man called Gershwin saluted.

"Take the keys there and pass them through to the front cab!"

"Yessir! Sir!" The trooper double saluted before stomping one foot down and marching over to pick up the keys. With a pivot on his foot the most seasoned London guard would envy, Gershwin marched to the back, slid open the small gap in the back panel of the van and handed over the keys to the passenger before closing the slit. Executing another perfect turn and stomping his boot down one last time, Gershwin saluted a final time and with a "sir!" fell into a ready stance.

A bit overzealous, and it's not as if they were actual military, but the leader couldn't complain. It was a stupid mistake on his part to keep the keys near his trapped prey, but the leader would not underestimate his captives or succumb to arrogance again.

Seeing this military display did rouse another less experienced and easily excitable guard. "As easy as bringing down an Imperial AT-AT with a tow cable!" The same old green trooper stepped forward a bit, bringing his tranquillizer gun up, trying to be just as professional – keyword trying - to intimidate the others.

The leader felt he could just hit his head against a wall right now, but simply said, "Recruit, enough." With a nod, the recruit took two steps back before crunch.

Kurt winced more out of shock than pain as his watch and hand were stepped on and he saw his image flicker for a second from his inducer form to his true, blue self. Maybe no one had noticed? Kurt hoped. Ja, and maybe they'll think I'm just cookie monster's demonic cousin…even if I do like cookies.

"Oh, oops, sorry," the recruit apologized before stepping aside. It seemed that luck was on Kurt's side because the trooper hadn't seen his true form and neither, it seemed, had the other men as they were all reacting in the most non-reactionary manner possible, focused still on the reseated Logan. His friends had obviously seen since they were looking probably just as shocked as he was and were glancing at each other and their captors nervously.

The one person Kurt couldn't see the reaction of was the leader, who was indeed shocked at what he briefly saw flash before him. Recovering quickly thanks to his experience, the leader grinned sinisterly and addressed the young trooper next to him, "Recruit, I think it's time for this mutie to know his place."

"Sir?"

"Just do what you just did again," the leader commanded.

"Um, I. Sir?"

"I want you to take your boot and crush down on," the leader gestured to Kurt by pulling on his hair, "this mutant's wrist."

With his announcement, Kurt began to squirm in earnest and moved his outstretched hand closer to his body. He'd rather not have his wrist crushed or have himself revealed.

Having none of that, the leader pulled on Kurt's hair and pressed his handgun harder against his head, causing him to wince and stop moving. The leader bent down and breathed into his ear in a low voice, "You move that hand anymore and I'll put a bullet not only in your head, but in each of your friends' heads too." Unsure whether the leader was bluffing or not, but unwilling to take the chance, Kurt could only stop moving and laid as still as possible, waiting with bated breath for the inevitable outcome of what was about to happen. He looked to his friends for support and saw the same fear and hopelessness in their eyes as well.

The leader turned to the rest of his men and his prisoners. "This mutie has twice tried to escape. I won't allow any disobedience and any hint of an attempt to escape is to be punished," his voice lowered, "severely." With a nod to the recruit, the leader loosened his hold on the teen's hair and watched as the recruit took a timid step forward. "Now," the leader demanded.

"Like stomping on a Killik," the recruit grinned before stepping forward with renewed vigor and brought his boot hard down on Kurt's wrist.

One stomp was enough and Kurt cringed in pain from his now bruised wrist as his watch died and his fuzzy self was exposed.

With a cry of shock, the green recruit rapidly back peddled and began to blubber a bit before forming the word, "demon!" Some of the other men weren't faring much better. The stutterer could barely get out his cry of "S-S-Satan!"

The leader sighed with chagrin. Did only the whackjobs apply for this assignment or what? But, at least it stopped the recruit from making any Star Wars reference. A hysterical trooper is a small price to pay for a relief from that…though not when all were in hysterics.

Kurt felt like he could crawl into a hole, pull the earth over his head and just die. At least they haven't tried to throw holy water on me or burn me at the stake, that's an improvement, Kurt thoughtwith cynical cheer. He hated having to show himself to people. He always had to deal with the cries of demon or what is that thing and the like. Each time it felt as if a knife had been plunged into his heart and twisted, but it wasn't just the words thrown that tore him apart, but also the staggering fear of how people would physically react.

His best reaction to his appearance, besides Logan, the Professor and Jean (who he assumed was already aware of his appearance telepathically so she really didn't count), was Scott, and even he had been shocked and uncomfortable around him for a week. Evan had even tried to stake him! Though, he did admit that he had bamfed into a dark room unaware of Evan even joining the Xavier Institute. Evan had gotten a brief look of sharp fangs, cried out "vampire!" before trying to stake him through the heart with a spike. Ororo had come running in and turned on the lights, causing Evan to scream again "demon!", raise his glass of water to the ceiling, and with a fervent pray of "Jesus, bless my water," threw the contents at Kurt. Kurt, wet, peeved, and embarrassed, couldn't believe it when he heard Ms. Monroe struggle to regain control of her laughter before introducing them.

The worst reaction he ever received, though, was something he tried not to think about at all, if ever. He believed only the Professor, his parents, and Logan knew about it, and he'd like to keep it that way.

Now that his friends had gotten used to his appearance, it wasn't so bad, but he still could never forget how different he was or what special precautions he had to take. Sometimes he even, well, not liked, but didn't mind his blue fur, yellow eyes, or pointed ears, but other and most times he'd rather just wear his inducer. If not for the encouragement from the Professor, he might've done just that. It was at times like this he wish he did look like his inducer, though he'd like to keep his tail. He was quite fond of it.

A cry to "throw it out the truck!" shook Kurt out of his thoughts. His friends had gotten up again and were trying to muscle their way to him. He was still pinned down by the leader who was looking at his tail with a look of dawning comprehension on his face.

"You throw my student out, you fucker, and you'll be the next to follow, bub," Logan threatened, looking ready to tear out the guy's heart with his teeth.

"Need I remind you who has a gun pointed to your student right now?" The leader said, a sly look in his eyes, causing Logan and the others to sit back down.

"Sir, what are y-y-you g-g-gonna do with it?" the frightened stutterer questioned, pointing with a shaking hand once again at Kurt.

"He is a mutant, and is thus part of our job to deliver him to the professor," the leader responded as patiently as he could.

"W-w-well, I'm not touching it!"

"Fine," the leader would have to get rid of that guy later on, a permanent retirement of course. Frightened fools who couldn't do their job were of no use to him. "And now for you," the leader turned to Kurt, "is this, your… deformation, your mutant power then?"

Kurt really didn't want to answer him, but another tug on his hair reminded him just who was in the position of power. "Ja," Kurt closed his eyes, hoping he could just reopen them again and it'd all be just some horrific nightmare.

"You better not be lying to me," the leader threatened and then in one motion, stood up off of Kurt while also grabbing a hold of Kurt's shirt, bringing him up with him. With a flourish, he took out a pair of small handcuffs he had on his belt, roughly grabbed Kurt's arms and cuffed them in front of him. These would have to do for now, but later they'd put on the big manacles.

With a last look up and down Kurt, the leader shoved Kurt into the vacant spot next to Logan. "Fucking animal."

Kurt fell back into his seat, banging his head against the wall. He looked down at his hands, wincing at the pain the rough cuffing had caused his abused wrist. With a quiet sigh, he scooted closer to Logan, needing any sort of comfort or reassurance even if it was from the generally gruff man.

Logan heard Kurt whisper a small "scheisse," but let him get away with it considering the situation. Logan was still seething in anger over what the leader had just put Kurt through, but he had not outlet for it and Kurt didn't need his righteous anger right now. He'd never admit it later, but Logan leaned into Kurt, trying to give as much support as possible even if he couldn't put his arms around him.

After several more minutes, the van came to a halt and Logan could hear the driver and passenger in the cab get out and make their way to the back. The back doors were opened and the early evening full moon flooded the interior. They were still in the forest, but Logan couldn't tell where exactly yet.

"Grab them and move out!" The leader ordered. The leader noticed with little shock that it was the young recruit who had been the one brave enough to grab the demon mutant.

"If Luke can handle the creatures of the Degoba, then I can face you!" Kurt resisted the urge to strangle the hunter with his tail to prevent him from cracking one more Star Wars reference. He figured, by the twitching of the leader's eye that no one else would really mind anyway. It was only a distracting thought to keep his mind from what had just happened in the van and from what would happen in the abandoned building they were being frogmarched to.

Logan recognized the building as the one he saw when he scouted out the forest before choosing it as an exercising ground. The building, maybe once a private research facility, looked like it had been abandoned for years, but obviously as they approached it, its appearance hid a darker truth. Logan could only hope that they all survived this better than he did the Weapon X facility. He would do his best to try and take the brunt of whatever laid ahead, and give the others the courage and will to survive. They'd need it.

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Please review. Reviews are definitely motivators. Motivate me!

My chapters seem to just grow and be so long, so they do take awhile to get done.

Notes:

I took out some of my original Star Wars references as they were probably over the top. I probably kept too many in, but aw well.

* The Star Wars references – I use mostly the original three films for references. I did have to use Google for the specifics, so if you know where all the references come from, I'm impressed.

1) "Like shooting womp rats in a T-sixteen!" - if you actually know where in the films this one is from, I'd be surprised.

2) "As easy as bringing down an Imperial AT-AT with a tow cable!" - From Empire.

4) "If Luke can handle the creatures of the Degoba, then I can face you!" – from Empire.

5) I added in a reference to Killik – some bug race. I looked up Star Wars bug creature as I figured the young recruit would compare stomping down as to crushing a bug. I think the Killik is only found in the books.

Previous incarnation just for my own self to be all nostalgic about:

"Just do what you just did again, and act like-" the leader paused, he was going to hate himself for doing this but if it got the recruit inspired, "act like you're crushing Dark Helmet – "

"Darth Vader, sir."

"- Vader then - beneath your boot."

With a nod to the recruit, the leader loosened his hold on the teen's hair and watched as the recruit took a timid step forward. "Dark Helmet," the leader reminded.

"Vader," the recruit grinned before stepping forward with renewed vigor and brought his boot hard down on Kurt's wrist with a cry of "take that Storm Troopers!"

- with various cries of "demon," "Satan," and the odd "oh my God, I haven't gone to church in weeks."