Authors Note: Sorry for the long ass wait for the next installment. I had a battle with writers block; plus a couple of new stories surfaced that caused me to put DBE in the back seat. Here is the next chapter. Hope you like it.

Chapter Five

I'll Be Seeing You

The day had come for me to do my own disappearing act; and sadly I felt less excited about leaving than I hoped. I wanted to be bouncing off the walls like I was weeks before- rubbing it in Reno's smug face that I would be free from that chains called Staten Island. But with my best friend gone and the love for my ex-boyfriend still flowing in my veins, this day seemed more of a nightmare than a dream come true. And it fucking annoyed me to no end.

I packed my clothes in silence, trying desperately to dodge Reno's lingering gaze. I figured he decided to come in my room- after avoiding it for a month- to make one final plea to stay. I let him stay despite my mind screaming for me to cast him away; I wanted to see feel his beautiful aura one more time before I would abandon him in this god forsaken shit hole. But I couldn't look at him- no. He had those pitiful puppy dog eyes that screamed, "love me." And god I wanted to. To have him so close yet so far was unbearable; it drove me insane. As much as I wanted to hate him…

My eyes betrayed me and I found myself staring at the shell of a boy. He sat on my bed, some inches away from my old suitcase, staring at an old picture of us that stood on my desk. His eyes were faltering, watery and threatening to unleash the tears he never allowed to fall. His hair was tasseled- a mess- an unhappy change to his usually carefully styled short red hair. My eyes moved down to his clothing- a long sleeve band shirt adorned his finely toned body, while tight blue jeans hugged his hips perfectly.

"Isn't it hot to be wearing a long sleeve shirt?" I asked softly.

He didn't look away from the picture; just shrugged and responded dryly, "Maybe."

I knew what he was doing to an extent- you don't wear long sleeve shirts during the hottest month of the year for the fuck of it. I wanted to get mad at him for doing it to; yell and bitch because that was all I could do in situations I didn't understand. Just because I had a history of masochism didn't mean for a second I knew how to talk someone out of the deadly addiction. I closed the suitcase and walked in front of him- purposely obstructing his view so he would pay attention to me. His green eyes focused on my semi-loose white button down shirt; but his eyes fought with his mind to examine the rest of my body…fought with all it's life to keep from look into my eyes.

I placed my hands on his shoulder, " Reno, look at me?"

He shook his head slowly, "Don't make me-"

"Sh," I hushed his tremble plea, "Come to me Reno. I know it hurts…"

He cautiously arose from the bed, moving closer to seal the space with our bodies. I wrapped my strong arms around his trembling body and allowed his to bury his face in the crook of my neck. Strangled sobs echoed from him, as tears ran down his cheeks eager to escape the pain that tormented him inside. My hand tangled itself in his messy, unwashed hair that felt like heaven against my rough fingers; I could always find some comfort in his hair. The first part of him I fell in love with.

"Don't leave me here," he muttered desperately against my neck, "don't abandon me!"

" Reno," I choked, pushing back my own tears- I didn't want the scene to get any more melodramatic. I could almost hear the emo music playing relentlessly in the background. "I am not abandoning you…" yes I was, "I have to go. I have to experience life outside this city. You know that…"

I paused, gathering up my thoughts that lay scattered throughout the floor like discarded pieces of a puzzle- missing pieces, thoughts that could never come together. I had destroyed the piece that tied everything together.

"You could have came," I whispered, my breath hitting his hair roughly.

He froze- I could feel the tense anger take over his sadness. His voice became rough suddenly- like shards of glass was his breath against my neck- as he said with poison, "You never told me you wanted to go away. You lied to me."

I was supposed to be his husband, I guess one would say, the only person in the world he could depend on. I lied to him, in a sense I lied to myself. I broke promise after promise as if it was so easy; turned my back because I could not bear to see the light that threatened to expose my shadows. Silent waves of anger flew through my own body- but it was anger towards myself, for the first time. I was angry that I had done almost exactly what he did to me during the whole Shinra ordeal. I lead him on, I toyed with his emotions, I lied him, and I allowed another medium tell him why. I was not just a liar…I was worse. I was a fucking coward.

"I'm sorry," I managed to say, but those were useless words against this situation. I untangled myself from him, reluctantly. I watched with sad eyes as his arms fell limp next to him, his head hanged in mock shame- the tears had stopped and replaced with glass eyes that wanted to shatter so he could be blind to this betrayal. I grabbed my suitcase, still looking at his cracked form, and made my way out of my room. I slowly walked backwards, as if I pressed rewind on a DVD player, watching all the memories flood my head. All the good memories: when he returned from California, when we drunkenly got married, when I made love to him on the floor...in my bed…in his bed. I remembered the way he laughed every time I made his bed squeak; the way he would throw his head back when I made him scream my time…the way I would kiss him so I can feel his pleasure run through my own body…

I remembered when I first called him my boyfriend. I remembered the passion in our very first kiss…I remembered the chills that ran down my spine when I first heard his irresistible voice. I remembered the first time I laid eyes on him…when I first swear I fell in love with him…

My back hit the door, sending some strained tears to eject themselves from my eyes. My last memory…how much I destroyed him.

-

The two-hour car ride to Binghamton was in tense silence. My father made few attempts to strike up a conversation with his only son- even going so far as to try to talk about gay sex and how to protect myself from HIV. I think I glared at him when he brought that up- he had that conversation with me at least twice a week. Eventually he gave up trying and turned on the radio to try to drown out the loud silence.

I looked out the window and watched the trees zip by like blurry memories. The sun had begun to set, painting the sky in majestic colors such as orange, pink and purple. The dark blue of night, however, was following the suns set, adding some kind of fantasy to picture. I sighed and wonder why I was so focused on the fucking sunset. What was so amazing about light being chased away by the deep, unnatural, darkness? I snapped my head away from the sight and focused on the road ahead- the present, the now. The road was black- streetlights seemed nonexistent- and branches canopied the road leaving no room for the stars to shine dull light upon us.

"You're running away," my father spoke, "why?"

"I don't really need this dad," I countered with a slight growl, "I'm not running away, I'm making a life for myself."

"And that's all fine and dandy," he sighed, "and trust me, I was happy when you said you wanted to go away. But, I can't help but think it is for all the wrong reasons."

I rolled my eyes, "And what reasons do you think that is?"

"I think you just wanted to get away from Reno."

My eyes wilted to my lap, where they focused on the song playing softly on my ipod. Our song. The one he would whisper in my ear after we made love. Demolition Lovers. Such a beautiful song despite the violence in the words. Blood, bullets, betrayal. How could someone write a song like that; better yet, how could someone deem this song a tune to represent their love. But it was true, wasn't it? I did end my days with him…I ended them in a hail of bullets that were loaded with my lies. And in this pool of our blood- our love- we laid dead. I quickly moved past the song- the song "Pretty Handsome Awkward" glaring at me with the venom in its words. I couldn't escape the darkness that stalked me.

-

My dad made sure I was settled into my room before he left to spend a night at a motel. His departure was awkward, to say the least. I was leaning against the threshold of my room, my father in the hallway, staring at me for what seemed like an eternity. His eyes were sad- watery, but the tears would not come. He was too proud of a man to shed any tears in public; and I guess I couldn't blame him. But I could sense he was torn, from the way he sadly smiled at me.

He didn't say it then, but I could hear his thoughts. He wondered where the years went; yesterday I was just an eight year old boy who wanted to play baseball and GI Joes. Who thought girls had cooties and boys were just friends. Now I was eighteen- an adult. I didn't play sports anymore, and my action figure days ended at fourteen. Girls still had cooties, but boys weren't "just friends." I was his only son- only child from that matter. I wasn't going to be what he wanted; I wouldn't follow in his footsteps, I wouldn't inherit any trait from him save for his eyes and his hair. In the end, that was all we had in common in the end. Our looks; but looks are only skin deep.

But I guess I had to give him some kind of credit in the end. He knew I would never be what he wanted, and instead of replacing me- like Reno's parents did- he dealt with it, and he got over it eventually.

"If you need anything," he began, but I cut him off.

"I know, dad," I said, "I'll call you."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, roughly…but soft at the same time. "Cloud, I am very proud of you- I hope you know that."

"Yeah," I smiled, still looking at the ground, "Thanks dad."

We said our good byes and I watched him walk down the hallway. I pouted for some ungodly reason and disappeared into my room; shutting the door after me. I didn't lock it in case my roommate showed up- I was kind of pissed I had to share a room with someone else. I apparently didn't play nice with others. I didn't dwell on it though; the school conducted a special interview to ensure I was paired with someone who had similar interest. So I guess he couldn't be so bad, right? Like…the male version of Amy from History. I shudder at the thought!

I threw my suitcase on my bed and started shifting through my clothes and other items. The room itself wasn't so bad for a dorm room, I have to say. There were two beds- one on either side- two light wood dressers that stood next to our beds, and two large desks that were leaned against the ends of the bed. The closet space was pretty big, and we had a mini-fridge/microwave combo that stood proudly in between the said dressers. The room was bare and plain at the moment, but we were allowed to put posters and other pictures up as long as they weren't insulting or vulgar. We were also able to bring our own bedding; mind was cliché black and red…kind of disgusted me for some odd reason, but I tried to get over. It reminded me too much of home, I guessed.

I folded my clothing in silence- dully noting how quiet it was in the dorm…it was almost unsettling. However the silence was soon disturbed by someone barging into my room. I jumped in mock fight, and jumped back to get a look at the stranger who rudely entered my room- I seriously almost died on the spot when I laid my blue eyes on familiar man.

"Strifey, my boy," he said in his normal Brooklyn accent. I scanned his body, trying to figure out if I was hallucinating. Ripped blue jeans from Abercrombie, check. Bright red shirt with a crude saying, check. Male engagement ring still elegantly placed on his left hand, god fuck check. And finally, small green eyes that looked amused at my current state of shock and awe. Check. Check. Fucking Check.

"Cid!" I practically shouted, "What the flying fuck are you doing here!"

He let out a hefty laugh at my expense, "I go to school here, silly boy!"

"Oh god no! Are you my roommate, to!"

He rolled his eyes, "Fuck no, I'm down the hall. My roommate is a goddamn nut job, so I decided to go for a walk, and found your pops. He told me where your room was, so I decided to pay you a visit."

I sat on my bed and glared at him. " Reno told you I was going here, didn't he?"

I hadn't told anyone where I was going to college for a reason; a reason that was shot to fucking hell, now that Cid Highwind was standing in my room, amused.

"Yeah. He did."

"So, you abandoned staying at CSI with your fiancé to come annoy me?"

He stalked over to me, kicking me playfully in the knee, "Fuck no! We both decided to go to different school. You know, that whole distance makes the heart grow fonder bull. Whatever, it'd be fun. You know; you, me. The babes and I guess for you, the dudes."

I groaned and flopped on my bed, ignoring the shift in weight when he sat on the edge. I stared at the obnoxious white wall with growing hatred, until he said…

"Plus…you have to remember where you came from, Cloud. Even if Staten Island is a shit place and even if you were hurt there…you have to remember your past. If you don't, your future won't be as bright as you want it to be."

I turned to look at him, "Is that why you followed me? To make sure I never forget who I am?"

He looked at his engagement ring with unnatural sad eyes, "Yeah…and so that you would be here to remind me…where I came from…and who I left behind."

I looked at the empty space on my own ring figure- the space that still had a faded outline at the object that used to occupy its space. The object that had once represented the blood, the love, and the tears that went into that relationship. "You mean…who we left behind."

the object that used to occupy its space. The object that had once represented the blood, the love, and the tears that went into that relationship. ⌠You mean┘who we left behind.■