An Honest Choice
Title: An Honest Choice
Author: Rosie Cruz
Pairing: Casey/Olivia
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. The characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I just like to play with them. The story however is purely a creation of my imagination.
2007 © ROBC. The characters of Olivia Benson, Casey Novak, Elliot Stabler, John Munch, Fin, Cragen and Kathy Stabler belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. The story however is mine. All rights reserved. Copies of this may be printed for personal use only. No part of this story may be reproduced or reused for any other purpose without prior written permission.
Chapter 6
Friday Night – 16th Precinct
Lying on the cot in the crib was uncomfortable, but that was not what was keeping Olivia awake tonight. No, she knew that it was her little trip down memory lane earlier that had her on edge. The memory triggered something powerful in her that stirred strong emotions until her thoughts became a jumbled hard to contain mess. She was feeling confused and disoriented and that would not help her sleep. Finally in exasperation she remembered the breathing exercises that Casey was so fond of. She couldn't help but keep her thoughts on Casey as she breathed deeply and closed her eyes. She concentrated on that until, to her surprise, her body actually managed to relax. She felt the tension drain and was able to picture the memories again without feeling anxious or confused. Her mind shifted to those first heady days with Casey and how she felt when things had gone from great to wonderful. Her thoughts became more focused and slowly and soothingly she went back to that time and place, remembering with crystal clarity all that had transpired the night after she almost kissed Casey Novak. She remembered everything including the feeling that she was in big trouble; that this thing with Casey was not something easily controlled.
Saturday morning, a full thirty six hours after Olivia had softly kissed Casey goodnight – on the cheek – was the official start of the softball season and Olivia, who had never shown an interest in the sport, was contemplating showing up to practice. She chastised herself when she got home Wednesday night for being such a coward. She had wanted to kiss Casey, really kiss her. But her fear that she would somehow mess it up got the better of her and she settled for a soft peck on the cheek instead.
But it didn't matter. She felt more in that brief and almost chaste encounter than she had felt with people she had been way more intimate with. It also opened up flood gates she didn't know existed, because she had not been able to get Casey out of her head since. She thought about Casey all the way home and while sitting in front of the TV watching a really bad show from the seventies, her favorite method for calming herself for sleep. She thought about Casey while she was brushing her teeth and as she was lying in bed. When she finally drifted off to sleep, Casey filled her dreams. It was starting to feel scarily like an addiction.
That had continued for the next few days. Her and Elliot were busy tracking down leads on an old case and as a result spent very little time at the station which meant she had not seen Casey since that Wednesday. On Thursday night they'd were called out on a possible case that turned out to be outside of their jurisdiction, but by the time all the bickering between police departments had been worked out, it was late Friday night, way too late for an impromptu visit. And so, when she awoke Saturday morning, her thoughts still with the emerald eyed beauty, she did the only logical thing she could. The only way to quench this thirst she seemed to have was to go and have a drink. She had to see Casey.
She knew that softball started today. Elliot had talked her ear off about it all week. After showering quickly and dressing in a comfortable pair of jeans and long t-shirt, she grabbed her leather jacket and bounded down the stairs and out of her building.
As she made her way to the softball field where the notorious "Sex Crimes" team practiced she was mentally considering how she was going to explain her presence at their practice. She had absolutely no interest in softball, had teased Elliot on more than one occasion about his obsession with the sport and since this wasn't a game, she couldn't even say she was there as a cheerleader to support the team.
Just as she had dismissed the most recent and by far lamest excuse she had come up with on the short drive to the field and concluded that she was just going to be forced to endure a certain amount of teasing, her phone chirped. Hoping it was the one person who was driving her to behave in irrational and inexplicable ways, she answered immediately.
"Benson"
"Olivia, we just a call from Homicide. They found a DB. They think she was raped and strangled. I need you and Elliot on the scene. I know it's your day off, but you're the most experienced team. I need you on this. The officers at the scene are guessing, but they think the victim was a minor."
"Where?" she said into the phone and listened for the location. "Elliot and Fin are at softball practice, I'll take Munch with me," she said to Cragen.
"Okay, but understand I want you and Elliot to be primary on this one."
"Got it Captain, I'll call Munch."
She hit end on the phone resisting the urge to slam it against something. She had never, ever, hated her job before. She liked the sense of usefulness it provided her, that feeling that she was doing something to get creeps that hurt people off the streets. She thought it was her duty to find some justice for people whose lives had been tainted by evil, so she normally didn't mind coming in on her day off or being woken up in the middle of the night. She did not mind the long hours and the difficulty that presented for having any kind of personal life. But today, in this moment, she realized she was not going to get her much needed fix of Casey Novak and that pissed her off. She was about five minutes away from the field.
'Fuck it,' she thought. 'I have to tell Elliot that we're on a case as soon as he's done with softball anyway and he probably doesn't have his phone on him,' she rationalized as she continue steering the car toward the field.
It would probably not do much to quench her thirst, but this way she would at least get to see Casey – if only for a few minutes. She hit the speed dial on her phone as she maneuvered the car into the right lane so she could pull into the mostly empty parking lot adjacent to the field.
"Hello"
"John. It's Olivia. We just got a call. DB, raped, possible minor. Can you meet me?"
"Where's Elliot?"
"Softball. Can you fill in?"
"Of course, but I think this is a conspiracy to get to me to work today."
"Of course it is," she smiled into the phone as she rattled off the address Cragen had given her. "I'll see you there in 15." She hit end and stepped out of the car.
'How ironic,' she thought, 'I find a plausible excuse for being here and it royally sucks.'
It only took a moment for Olivia to find the person she was looking for. Casey was standing on a small mound positioned alongside third base. Olivia couldn't be sure, but thought that Casey might have noticed her too because her next pitch went wild and had the catcher up on her feet and jumping in the air.
"Sorry about that Sandy," Casey shouted at her catcher.
Casey was looking at her now and there was no mistaking that she was happy to see her. That look caused the flutters in Olivia's stomach to go crazy and she wondered briefly if she would be able to maintain her cool and actually walk across the field.
"Let's take a break Sandy," she heard Casey say to the woman who had been squatting 50 feet in front of her.
Sandy got up and made her way to the makeshift benches where coolers were stacked, while Casey started walking in the opposite direction. Olivia's attention was focused on Casey, but she couldn't help notice that other team members were becoming aware of her presence. Elliot waved her over, but she had no intention of going there first.
She smiled as she sauntered towards Casey wanting to memorize her face, how cute she looked in that powder blue jersey and baseball cap, her gloved hand held up in front of her, the other holding the ball in the glove's pocket. These few moments were going to have to last her awhile she suspected, so her gaze never wavered.
She and Casey had not talked about how they would handle whether or not to share their relationship with the squad. 'Can we even call it that yet?' She didn't even know if Casey was out at work. Somehow when they were together they didn't talk about work. It seemed that the last thing they wanted to do was talk about rape, murder and the vicious brutality they were witness to day in and day out.
'That would have been an important discussion to have had before this, don't you think Benson?'
Olivia Benson had only a few moments to consider her options. The way Casey was looking at her made her think of one thing and one thing only. She wanted to kiss Casey. But was that really smart? 'Our first real kiss out here, in front of all these people?'
She wanted to, God how she wanted to. Those eyes locked on hers made her want to lose herself completely. Casey seemed incapable of tearing her eyes away from Olivia's and that made the pounding in Olivia's heart erratic.
Casey seemed to be struggling with something and Olivia hoped it was the same thing she was struggling with. Then Casey blinked and that seemed to break the intensity that had surged up between them. Olivia walked up to her, not feeling like she was in complete control, but sane enough to forego her original plan to kiss Casey senseless.
"Hi," she said with a lop-sided grin and because she really couldn't help herself, she bent her head slightly and placed a soft kiss on Casey's check. Casey instinctually moved closer to Olivia's body, her ungloved hand reaching out and touching Olivia's arm for a moment.
"Hi," she said. "What are you doing here? Develop a sudden interest in softball?"
"Yes and no," answered Olivia enjoying the flirtatious smile directed at her. "I have developed a sudden interest in certain softball players, so I um…thought I'd check out what all the fuss is about." She paused and looked at Casey's beautiful face, that full out grin just drawing her in. She hated her next words.
"But then, Cragen called. I also stopped by to tell Elliot that he should meet me at the station after your practice."
Olivia shifted back and forth all of a sudden quite nervous. She had taken a big chance just kissing Casey on the cheek. She hadn't meant to do that and while Casey did not seem to mind, as Olivia noticed Elliot making his way toward them in a slow jog, a big goofy grin on his face, she knew that to an extent she had just played their hand.
Casey seemed disappointed at hearing that Olivia would not be staying but then a shadow crossed her face. "So, is Cragen sending someone out with you?" she asked a small frown making its way to her forehead. Apparently she was unhappy at the thought of Olivia going out on a call alone.
"I called Munch. He's going to meet me there," said Olivia glad to see the worry evaporate from Casey's face.
"Ladies," said a slightly out of breath Elliot as he walked up to the two women.
"Hi Elliot, I just stopped by to tell you we have a new case. I got the Captain to send Munch out with me to the crime scene, but you need to come in after the game or the practice or whatever, okay? I'm supposed to be there now so I gotta get going."
"Thanks partner. Why don't you tell me what you know as we walk to your car? That is, if you girls are finished saying hello?" He was smiling like a Cheshire cat.
Casey was standing between them, her gloved hand holding the ball up like a sort of shield, a stance that came naturally to her. Olivia was unsure why her next actions did not set alarm bells off in her head. She simply grabbed Casey's free hand, caressing the top of it with her thumb.
"I'll call you later," she said softly, hoping to convey the regret she was feeling that she was unable to stay. Casey curled her fingers and squeezed the hand that was so gently stroking hers.
"Okay" she said with a smile and then turned and walked away from them holding Olivia's hand until the last possible moment. And it was in that moment that Olivia knew that whatever happened later, whatever reactions from the squad or the department, the moment she had just had with Casey was worth it. All of the moments were.
Olivia continued watching her walk away for a few more seconds before turning toward Elliot, that silly grin still plastered on his face. "What?" she said as they began to walk toward her car.
"So, I guess the rumors are true?"
"What rumors?"
"The ones floating around the squad that you have a huge crush on one very attractive ADA."
"Are you kidding me?" Olivia looked at him.
"Well, they're not nasty rumors. The guys just thought you two make a cute couple."
"Now I know you're lying because those guys don't use words like cute, especially when referring to two women; hot maybe, but not cute."
"Relax, Olivia. I think it's great. Plus, I won the pool!"
"I don't want to know, do I?"
"Probably not"
They were almost to the car, so Olivia switched gears, filling him in on the scant details she knew and promising to meet back up with him at the station. She stepped into her car and closed the door. Elliot leaned in through the open window. "I'm really happy for you, Liv. Really."
"Thanks" she said and suddenly everything was fine. Casey seemed more than fine with her actions, Elliot was happy for her. Life was good at this moment. She started the engine and Elliot stepped away from the window turning around and starting to make his way back to the field. Olivia took one last look at the woman who was slowly wrapping herself around her heart and put the car in drive. She frowned. Life was too damn good at the moment for her to have to be dealing with the evil that was awaiting her at the crime scene.
Friday – Night Casey's Apartment
When Casey Novak heard the theme song to Xena: Warrior Princess emanating from somewhere in her apartment, she was understandably confused and a little disturbed.
What the…?
Then she remembered the ring tone her friend Jordan had set to her own name on Casey's phone. She looked around, locating her bag. After some opening and closing of Velcro straps she pulled out her cell phone.
"Novak," she said automatically.
"Hey kid. If you get any perkier, you might just have a future as a Mouseketeer. Is that any way…I ask you...any way to greet your best friend?"
Casey, who was feeling like her heart had been ripped out of its chest by a two bit monster in a bad horror flick all day, was glad to finally hear a friendly voice.
"Hey Jordan, as usual, you have impeccable timing. I was going to call you tonight. I was just doing some work that I need to finish this weekend."
She had been working on the dreaded case summaries that needed to go to Alex when Jordan called. There was nothing like heartache to make you more efficient at work. After changing clothes and drinking some orange juice she had decided to stop wallowing and lose herself in case summaries. If she was going to get through this, she needed to stop thinking about Olivia and while work was connected to Olivia, SVU cases tended to take on a life of their own and made you want to distance yourself from anything personal. She needed that tonight.
"Seriously Case, you sound like your cat just died." When that failed to produce even a faint chuckle Jordan continued. "It didn't, did it? I mean, I didn't even know you owned a cat."
Casey laughed half-heartedly into the phone. "No, I don't own a cat. Listen Jordan, I know you were planning on coming out tomorrow night to spend a few days, but I think it's probably not a good idea."
The laugh sounded hollow to Jordan's ears. She had known Casey since they were both Army brats. They met when they were eight years old, both of their father's just beginning a three year tour in Germany. They became fast friends and when the three year stint in Germany was over; to their delight they found that their dads had both been assigned to the same base in California. They were at the same base until they hit their teens, by which time their friendship was cemented. They kept in constant contact and got a big laugh when each tried to come out to the other in college.
"Got a big case or something? I mean, come on Case you invite me out to meet your fabulous girlfriend and gosh darn it, after being in and out of the country for the last 10 months, I'd like to meet the woman who has made you so happy. I need to approve, you know. This gets no further until I approve," she said mockingly.
There was no response to Jordan's spontaneous plea to salvage her visit. She tried again.
"I mean you have to eat right, even when they work you like a dog?"
The muffled sob coming from the other end of the phone woke up all of Jordan's senses.
"Casey honey, what's wrong? Are you okay? Talk to me Case because this is starting to freak me out."
She could hear Casey's sobs through the phone. Her grip on the small cell phone tightened as did the muscles in her stomach. Suddenly she felt a small hand on her back, rubbing and soothing her through her thin T-shirt. She turned to her lover who mouthed the words, "What's wrong?" to her. Jordan just shrugged, putting the phone to Kate's ear for a few seconds.
"Oh God, Jordan"
"What?!" Jordan tried to whisper.
"Olivia's a cop. Maybe something happened." Jordan reached for Kate's hand finding comfort in it.
"Casey, honey, I know you're upset, but you have to talk to me or I'm going to put down this phone and hop on a plane to New York right now. Do you hear me?"
"I'm sorry, Jordan," Casey's response sounded rough and raw.
"I don't mean to scare you and you certainly do not have to get on a plane. I just…let's just say there is no longer any reason for you to come down for a visit."
"Is it Olivia? Is she alright? Are you guys okay?"
"There isn't an 'us' anymore, you see, so no one for you to meet." She tried to sound nonchalant and failed miserably.
"What did she do?"
That reaction, so clearly and irrevocably Jordan made Casey laugh a little.
"It's complicated and in some insane way, I don't even blame her. It just…."
Jordan's grip on the phone became even tighter as she heard Casey's sobs on the other line. She was going to hop on a plane as soon as this phone call was over, go to New York, and kick Olivia Benson's ass.
After some minutes, she heard Casey's voice again, "I'm sorry I keep doing that. I haven't really talked about this to anyone yet."
"You want to tell me what happened."
"Well, it's kind of complicated," she paused trying to calm her nerves. "Did I ever tell you how I got my position?"
"Um…sure. You got promoted because they recognized your hard work and intelligence."
Casey smiled. To her friend the world was not complicated. It was black and white and quite simple and for her, promotions were achieved by being good at your job.
"Well I certainly hope so, but it was more like I was a victim of circumstance. The previous ADA was a woman named Alexandra Cabot." She paused to take a deep breath before continuing.
"I had heard of Alex. She was known at the DA's office as a very smart up and comer. There were rumors that she wanted to be the youngest DA in the state of New York. There were all of these mysterious circumstances surrounding her, but we were told that she was killed by a drug lord she was trying to prosecute. I literally walked in one morning and my boss told me that I should turn over all of my cases in White Collar crimes to some newbie and that I was being transferred to SVU. I wasn't really sure I wanted to work in sex crimes, but after some prodding from my boss I agreed to stay. Eventually, I found I really liked it. In some strange way it's become home."
"Olivia's a detective there, right?"
"Yeah and boy was she hostile when she first met me. I didn't understand it at the time." She paused to catch her breath. She hadn't talked about this to anyone, but it was a relief to do so.
"Then one day Alexandra Cabot, who everyone (including me) believed was dead, walked into my office right out of the Witness Protection Program, apparently ready to testify in a case I was trying. The man we were prosecuting had a connection to the drug lord that tried to take her out and she had some damning testimony. So, I got to meet the great Alexandra Cabot and when I saw her and Olivia together I understood why Olivia had been so hostile to me. Olivia was in love with her and while Alex certainly didn't share her likes or dislikes with me, it was obvious that she had feelings for Olivia that went way beyond professional and seemed a little more than friendly. I had replaced her so it was natural that Olivia would not like me."
Jordan wasn't sure where this story was going, but she was content to listen even as watched Kate looking up flights on her laptop.
"It was interesting to observe them, but it also hijacked whatever ideas I might have had about Olivia's interest in me." She took another pause. "Not that I ever thought she was seriously interested in me. Anyway, Alex testified. She was brilliant and then she disappeared into Witness Protection again. Olivia was devastated. I offered what comfort I could, but at the time we weren't that close.
"Somewhere along the way everything changed between us. To me it changed so fast, I barely had time to catch my breath and no matter how many times I told myself that it was all a mistake, that I was setting myself up…in the end I gave Olivia my heart anyway. But last night…last night…"
Jordan was afraid to say anything. She could feel Casey's pain through the phone. When nothing else seemed to be forthcoming from Casey, she finished Casey's thought for her.
"Alex came back." It was not a question.
"Yesterday at 11 o'clock at night. She had no apartment, no job, nowhere to stay, but she hopped on a plane and asked the agent in charge of her case to take her to Olivia's door. She showed up as we were getting ready for bed."
"How did Olivia react?" asked Jordan.
"I think she was in shock, but… she was happy. I didn't know what to do. I asked her if it was over between us and she told me she didn't know. So I left."
"And she just let you leave?"
"Yes, she let me leave. And then of course, because the DA's office feels like they owe something to the great Alexandra Cabot, they gave her her old job back today."
"They freaking fired you?!"
"Not exactly…at least not yet. I was instructed to turn over half of my caseload to her and told that they were trying to find a new position for me and oh that I shouldn't feel like I was being pushed out." Her eyes involuntarily rested on the laptop in front of her and the case summaries she was working on.
"Have you spoken to Olivia?"
"Oh yeah, she called me this afternoon to ask me to come out to celebrate the return of Alex with them."
"Freaking bitch! What the hell?"
"Relax, Jordan. I have no one to blame but myself. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it and I did it anyway."
"So that's it? You're just going to step aside? I can't believe this Casey. This isn't like you."
"Jordan, I could barely compete with the ghost of Alex, let alone the real thing. Besides, if I'm going to fight, I'd like it to be for someone who wants to be with me for me, not just as a consolation prize. Olivia has made her choice," she said. The last part was barely a whisper.
"I'm going to fly out anyway."
"Really Jordan, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. I will be absolutely lousy company."
"You're usually lousy company. I'm coming."
"Just think about not coming, okay? I'm fine, really. I'll…cope."
"You'll see me tomorrow. Now get something to eat, and try to get some rest okay?"
"I'll try. Thanks for calling and for listening. It really helped."
Casey hit end on her phone. It felt good to talk to someone and she was glad that Jordan had called. She wondered briefly if Olivia would call tonight. Of course she won't, her mind answered. She turned her attention back to the case summaries. Work would stave off the memories, the what-ifs, and other meanderings of her mind. Maybe if she did them slowly enough, she could work on them all weekend.