An Honest Choice

Title: An Honest Choice
Author: Rosie Cruz
Pairing: Casey/Olivia
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. The characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I just like to play with them. The story however is purely a creation of my imagination.

2007 © ROBC. The characters of Olivia Benson, Casey Novak, Elliot Stabler, John Munch, Fin, Cragen and Kathy Stabler belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. The story however is mine. All rights reserved. Copies of this may be printed for personal use only. No part of this story may be reproduced or reused for any other purpose without prior written permission.

Chapter 12

As it turned out, Kathy had a very interesting take on the whole situation. She was a lot more understanding of Olivia and to Elliot's surprise took Olivia's side. Kathy had been unusually quiet on the subject for the past few weeks, but after he finished relating the events of the previous night and voiced his confusion over Olivia's choices, she offered up her thoughts.

"Elliot," she said as she looked for a pot to boil water for the pasta. "Don't be so hard on Olivia. Try to look at this from her perspective. She was in love with Alex, right?"

Elliot shrugged, "I guess so."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, let's assume she was. So Alex has to go into Witness Protection and disappears. They don't break up, because, according to you, they had a thing for each other, but they never actually acted on it. But then Alex just disappears and as far as anyone knows, she's not coming back anytime soon - almost like she died. Except that Olivia knows she didn't die. She's still out there somewhere. The loss is…" she searched for the right word, "complicated, I guess."

She poured water into the pot and set it on the stove before continuing.

"The way I see it, the loss is complicated because so much didn't happen. It wasn't a break-up and it wasn't a death, although it must have felt like both to Olivia."

"So? What does that have to do with how's she treated Casey?"

"Well," she said looking up as if trying to see the words she needed to express herself in the air in front of her. "Imagine I fell off a cliff."

"Kathy!" he interrupted incredulous at the idea. "Don't…"

"Hear me out, Elliot. Everyone, including you, assumes I'm dead, right?"

"I guess," he said slowly not liking the example, but trying to see where she was going with it.

"There's a funeral and everything and after some time you continue on with your life the way you should. Suppose I then come back. By some miracle I survived the fall and have been trying to get back this whole time. Would you say, well, I've grieved and I've moved on with my life. You're no longer a part of i. Sorry. You're out of luck. Do you really think that's how a reunion would go? I don't. I think you would want me as part of your life again and you might even contemplate throwing away the life you had after me."

Elliot was frowning. "Of course I would want you in my life. It's you, you're my wife."

"Okay forget me," she said realizing he wasn't going to see her point with such a personal example. "Remember that movie Cast Away with Tom Hanks and what's that girl's name?"

He looked at her blankly and shrugged.

"Anyway, he was on that island for 5 years or something and then he's rescued. When he comes back he finds out that his fiancé has gotten married and has a daughter. When he finally sees her, he tells her that the thought of her kept him alive and then in a crazy moment she decides to leave her husband and they both get in Tom Hank's car planning to do that. But they end up just sitting in the car before finally coming to their senses. In the end, she says she loves him, but she also loves her husband and daughter and can't leave them. This situation is a little like that, except that neither Alex nor Olivia has come to their senses yet."

"What? This is nothing like that! Olivia loves Casey, not Alex. I know it."

"Of course she does! But Alex coming back has screwed everything up and instead of coming to her senses in the car Olivia's gone for a little joy ride. She'll be back, she'll come to her senses, but you have to understand how difficult it is when you've moved on, but someone suddenly yanks you back in time."

He didn't look like he was buying it.

"All I'm saying is that things aren't black and white, Elliot. For all intents and purposes, Alex came back from the dead. And maybe her time away gave her the courage to take the chances she refused to take before. Maybe that's why she showed up at Olivia's and it's because of that, that she seems to want to try, that Olivia is finding it hard.

"I don't believe Olivia ever stopped loving Casey, but everything became confused for her when Alex came back. The return of someone she thought would never come back threw her for a loop and maybe with Alex right there in front of her, she felt like she had to give Alex the chance she was asking for. Unfortunately, that meant breaking Casey's heart. We don't know exactly what happened, but isn't it possible that Casey was the unintentional victim in all of this? Maybe this doesn't have anything to do with how much Olivia loves Casey. It has to do with unfinished business with Alex. Casey just got caught in the crossfire."

"But that doesn't make sense. If you love someone, you wouldn't want to hurt them."

"If what you said is true and this whole situation is killing Olivia there shouldn't be any doubt that she loves Casey. She's probably thinking it was all a mistake."

"Casey might not take her back."

"That's true; that is entirely up to Casey."

He sighed and thought for a moment as he reached for her. "You don't have any long lost lovers ready to come back from the dead, do you?"

She laughed, "Not that I know of. Now let's finish this dinner."

Josh gulped down the last of his coffee before tossing the paper cup in the trash and making his way back to the nurse's station. It had been a rough 12 hours and he was looking at another 8 before he could go home. He was tired and barely noticed Olivia walk past him as she exited a hospital room.

Olivia had just finished interviewing the latest victim of a rape – a young woman raped in her own apartment. She was the third victim in as many months and they seemed to be no closer to catching the serial rapist. The interview had not gone well. The woman was still in shock and did not want to talk to the police. She maintained her stony silence for the whole interview. Olivia tried changing tactics at least five times before handing the woman her card and pleading with her to call when she was ready to talk. She walked out of the woman's hospital room, looking around to get her bearings and find the exit when she saw Josh walk past her from the opposite direction and frowned.

She was angry. She was frustrated with this case, she was frustrated with her personal life, and she was especially angry that she felt jealous. Surprisingly, the fact that Alex was going out on dates to quiet down any questions people might have about her sexuality was not what made her jealous. Instead it was watching Casey becoming a much sought after dance partner at the local bar that – before this guy had walked into it – had never even had dancing! And it wasn't just this doctor guy that was vying for Casey's attention. It seemed that their dancing had sparked a wave of interest in Casey from both male and female partners.

Olivia took it in stride the first night they walked in together. She wanted Casey to be happy, she told herself, and it was just a bad twist of fate that Olivia could not be the one to make her happy. But as the evening had worn on that night and Josh continued to dance with the attractive red-head, she found herself squirming in her seat and drinking a lot more beer than was really good for her.

Elliot had watched her for a while, but said nothing. Finally, when he picked up his suit jacket from the chair where it was casually draped and headed for home, he asked her if she was coming. She barely glanced his way as she said no, but he grabbed her arm and insisted that she at least accompany him outside. He warned her to leave Casey alone. She said nothing and walked back into the bar.

This whole thing had somehow upset something precious about her relationship with Elliot. She wanted to talk to him, like she had always been able to, but she also knew how he felt about how things had ended with Casey, so she chose not to share much with him. She told him about how things were going with Alex because he asked, but they never talked about Casey.

Olivia started walking in Josh's direction, unsure of what she was going to say, but angry enough that she felt she had to say something.

"Hello Josh," she said as she came right up to him, invading his personal space and causing him to step back.

"Oh, hi Olivia, how are you?" Josh recognized her aggressive stance and was unsure of what to do or what was coming next. From what Casey had shared with him, this was a loving woman who liked to put bad guys in jail. He wasn't a bad guy, so why was she looking at him like she wanted to pummel him?

"Can I speak with you privately?" she said in her best cop voice.

His eyes opened wide in surprise both that she wanted to talk to him and that she looked like she might arrest him. "Um…sure, I have a few minutes, but I need to get back to my patients soon. Let's step over here."

He led the way to an unmarked door that opened into a small dark room with beds. He fumbled around for the switch and moments later florescent light illuminated the cluttered area. There were various bags, old scrubs, notepads and medical books strewn around the floor and beds.

"What's on your mind detective?" he said taking a seat at the tiny table pushed up against the far wall. Olivia remained standing.

"How do you know Casey?" she said, not even trying to hide the hostility in her voice.

Josh was perplexed. If this woman was so ready and willing to dump Casey, why was she acting so jealous? She seemed nice, albeit a little cold when he had first met her. The coldness towards him had never diminished, but Casey explained that it was probably because Olivia was not very open when she first met people.

As he sat there trying to figure out how to best handle this obviously angry cop and work through her possible motivations for this impromptu interview, it dawned on him.

She's still in love with Casey.

Suddenly everything made much more sense; the cold looks he received; the aggressiveness she displayed.

She's still in love with Casey and is just figuring out what a freaking big ass mistake she's made! Or maybe she hasn't figured it out yet?

Deciding it wasn't his place to find out; he cleared his throat and tried just answering her question.

"She's a good friend of my sister's. I'm new in the city and she's pretty cool to hang out with. Is there a problem?"

"No," she said quickly feeling very foolish all of a sudden. She had no claims here. She had no right to invade Casey's privacy like this.

"I'm sorry," she said and turned to walk out the door.

"I have no romantic interest in her," he shouted after her.

The comment stopped her in her tracks. She closed the door that she was halfway through opening and stepped back into the room. She walked over to where he was sitting and slumped down on the only other available chair. She knew that he had no romantic interest in Casey. Elliot had told her that, but somehow, hearing it from him made a difference.

"You must think I'm a real ass," she said.

"Yes, I do. I don't know how you could let someone as wonderful as her go, but as Casey would remind me; I don't know you. I'm not even sure I have the whole story, so I think for now I'll reserve judgment." He tried a reassuring smile happy that she no longer looked like she wanted to arrest him.

There was a lull in conversation, before Josh spoke again. Against his own advice, he plunged into her personal life.

"Why are you really here detective?"

She looked up defeated. "Because I want her to be happy and not get hurt, because I wanted to make sure you weren't some psycho who was going to hurt her – like I did. Because…I am more jealous watching her dance with you than I am when my so-called girlfriend tells me she needs to date guys to maintain an image that seems so important to her." She paused. "I don't really know why."

"If you love her, why aren't you with her?"

She turned tired eyes to him. "It's complicated," she said as she lifted herself off the chair.

She was almost to the door when she heard him speak again.

"Break it down to its basic components detective."

She turned to regard him and his curious comment.

"My mother always said that everything is simple. Some things just need to be broken down to the basics before you see the simplicity. Break it down detective and you'll find your way."

She frowned. "What are you some fucking fortune cookie?"

He laughed. "No, that's my mother, actually; she writes them."

Her mouth was open and an apology was at the tip of her tongue when he laughed harder.

"I'm just kidding. My mother's an accountant, but those cookies make a lot of sense, you should listen to them."

"If you say so," she said. She gave him one last look, a shake of her head and pulled the door open, her boots making a squishing noise on the hospital floor.