An Honest Choice

Title: An Honest Choice
Author: Rosie Cruz
Pairing: Casey/Olivia
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. The characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I just like to play with them. The story however is purely a creation of my imagination.

2007 © Rosie Cruz. The characters of Olivia Benson, Casey Novak, Elliot Stabler, John Munch, Fin, Cragen and Kathy Stabler belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. The story however is mine. All rights reserved. Copies of this may be printed for personal use only. No part of this story may be reproduced or reused for any other purpose without prior written permission.

Chapter 15

Early Friday Morning

Olivia spent the night trying to find sleep. She was exhausted, but the thoughts whirling in her head had her all worked up, so sleep was eluding her. She had hurdled one obstacle in her quest to get Casey back by finally ending the ruse that was her relationship with Alex. She still had no idea how she was going to convince Casey to take her back, but she wasn't dwelling on that. She just needed to act. She had no choice.

Although she barely slept, she had no trouble bounding out of bed the next morning. All night she had been contemplating what to say to Casey. She still didn't know. In 15 minutes, she was out of the house and heading for Casey's favorite coffee shop; the one she usually frequented for her morning coffee. She arrived just as the doors were unlocking for the day. Ordering a large cup, she sat and waited.

When Casey walked in 2 hours later, she did not notice Olivia sitting at a table near the window. She simply took her place in the long line. She gave a friendly smile to the clerk, placed her order, and was about to hand over cash to pay for her coffee, when a tall brunette appeared at her side deftly handing money to the clerk who looked uneasily at Casey.

"Coffee's on me," said Olivia with a nervous smile.

Casey was speechless. She didn't know what was going on, but her desire to flee the premises rapidly outweighed her pride in that moment and she nodded to the clerk, who finished the transaction.

Coffee in hand she turned to Olivia.

"Thanks"

She started to walk away and Olivia followed.

"Can we talk?" asked Olivia indicating the table by the window where she had spent the last couple of hours.

Casey was nervous. They had just barely learned to deal with each other professionally. She wasn't sure she could handle a talk. But she found herself unable to say anything, so instead she took the few short steps to the table and sat down, wondering where this was coming from and where it was all going.

Olivia looked nervous too. She tried to start the conversation with some innocent comments about the weird cold front they were experiencing, but Casey stopped her.

"What do you want, Detective Benson?"

Olivia's gaze wandered to the tabletop. She frowned.

"You used to call me Olivia." There was no response from the other side of the table. "Have dinner with me." she blurted out without looking up.

Casey was stunned. No, she was flabbergasted.

"I'm not sure your girlfriend appreciates you asking another woman out Olivia."

"I uh…." Olivia struggled with her response. "We're not together," she said neutrally, not looking at Casey.

Casey was staring, a look of incredulity on her face. She knew that Branch had offered Alex the Bureau Chief position and now Olivia was telling her that they weren't together? A story began to develop in Casey's brain. Alex is moving on to bigger and better things and has dumped you because it's a high profile position and she doesn't need this "unacceptable" lifestyle to jeopardize everything. So now you come back to me, your safety net? Fuck you Olivia!

"She dumped you, didn't she?" she spoke out loud, her hands curled around the warm coffee cup, her eyes focused on the intricate patterns of the table.

"Um…." Olivia was about to answer no, when warning bells started ringing in her head. The only problem was she didn't know where the danger lay. "Um…not exactly," she said sounding unsure.

"Look, just have dinner with me tonight. Please? I need to talk to you, to explain some things." She tried smiling. "I've missed you."

To Casey it was a confirmation of her earlier thoughts and she turned her head toward the windows in the coffee shop. I will not cry, she chanted in her head over and over again. I will not cry.

Olivia reached for Casey's hand without thinking, wanting a connection. Casey caught the movement from the corner of her eye and violently pulled her hands back, propelling the coffee cup forward awkwardly and spilling some of the contents. "I have to go," she said rising from the table. She walked toward the door, leaving the cup of coffee abandoned on the table.

"Casey"

Try as she might, she could not prevent her body's instinctual reaction to the sound of her name rolling off Olivia's lips. She stopped, trying desperately to compose herself. She closed her eyes and slowly turned.

"I can't do this Olivia."

Finally her eyes opened and Olivia could see moistness in a sea of emerald.

"I won't be the one you turn to when the one you want doesn't want you."

And with that final statement, Casey turned around, long trench coat whirling around her like a cape and walked out the door. And suddenly Olivia felt like she had been punched in the gut, so much so, that she almost reached for her stomach before realizing that she hadn't really been punched.

She just sat there in shock, feeling utterly and completely helpless. She hadn't seen this coming. She should have, but she had been so caught up in the joy and liberating feeling of knowing, without a shadow of doubt, what she wanted, that she didn't stop to think of what it would look like to Casey. Alex's promotion, their breakup - it would look so convenient to Casey. Alex is moving on and can't take you with so, you come running back. I hope you're right, Elliot. I hope I can get her back, because I don't think I can live without her.

One good thing had come from her two-hour vigil at the coffee shop however. At least now she knew what she needed to say to Casey. She needed to convince Casey that she wasn't an alternate. She needed to convince her that she was Olivia's choice – the only choice Olivia could possibly make. Fuck! How the hell am I supposed to do that?