An Honest Choice

Title: An Honest Choice
Author: Rosie Cruz
Pairing: Casey/Olivia
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. The characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I just like to play with them. The story however is purely a creation of my imagination.

2007 © Rosie Cruz. The characters of Olivia Benson, Casey Novak, Elliot Stabler, John Munch, Fin, Cragen and Kathy Stabler belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. The story however is mine. All rights reserved. Copies of this may be printed for personal use only. No part of this story may be reproduced or reused for any other purpose without prior written permission.

Chapter 16

Early Friday Afternoon

The office was abuzz with talk of Alex Cabot's promotion to Bureau Chief. Casey tried really hard to insulate herself from it. Seeing Olivia in the coffee shop that morning had affected her more than she was willing to admit and she was honestly just sick of the name Alexandra Cabot. She had closed the door to her office, but people just kept barging in. Some had legitimate work questions, others just wanted to gossip and some were fishing for her reaction. After all, most everyone had heard that the next promotion should have been hers. Branch had practically promised it to her. She was seriously considering just keeping her bat directly on her desk, hoping it would serve as a deterrent, but she doubted it would work.

She didn't tell them that he had indeed offered it to her first. She didn't tell them that she had turned it down because it meant leaving the family she had made at SVU. Besides, it had never been her ambition to be Bureau Chief. She was happy with her job.

She glanced at her watch.

11:45 am.

It's now or never, Novak.

She blew out a breath and tried to center herself breathing deeply in and out. Her eyes closed, she tried to visualize herself going over to Alex's office to congratulate her. It'll only take a minute and then you never have to speak to her again, she told herself. She gathered her courage, took a final deep breath and made her way to the office across the hall.

The door was closed. She thought about turning back as she stood hovering in the hall.

Nope, she doesn't control this, I do.

Demonstrating more resolve than she actually felt, she took those final steps across the hall and knocked. She didn't wait for a response from the other side, so intent on her actions that she opened the door before hearing permission to enter.

There was Alex standing by the window, staring out onto the unusually chilly day. She didn't turn around or acknowledge the intrusion. She just continued to stand there, staring blankly out the window.

"I just wanted to congratulate you on your promotion," Casey said quickly. She waited for a response from Alex, but Alex just continued standing by the window. Casey started to back out, closing the door as she went. Alex's voice stopped her.

"You won the ultimate prize, I think."

"I'm not sure what you mean," said Casey shifting uncomfortably. She just wanted to offer simple congratulations to Alex, not engage in this annoying banter.

Alex turned from the window and walked back toward her desk. "She really loves you, you know. Cherish it."

Annoyed, but now curious, Casey walked all the way into the office, discreetly closing the door behind her. "I'm a little lost here Alex. You'll have to fill me in."

"Come on, Casey. You don't have to pretend you don't know, although based on what Olivia's told me about you; it isn't surprising that you would try to make things easier. I'm sure she practically ran to you last night after she left my apartment."

Alex didn't see the confused look on Casey's face. She was too busy staring at the papers on her desk. She had known that she would need to have this conversation at some point, but she wanted more time to get used to the idea of Olivia and Casey. And right now she was having a hard time quelling her anger, knowing it was probably misplaced. She was angry at life, at fate, maybe even at Olivia for not choosing her, for loving someone else. But she didn't want to be angry with Casey, whom she had hurt and who had been just as much a victim in all of this as she had, thrust into a situation that she did not choose and then falling in love. She could never really blame her for that. She had to be careful, cool, controlled. She walked back to the window wanting to put some distance between herself and Casey.

"What in the hell are you talking about?" asked Casey hands crossed and looking thoroughly annoyed.

Alex ignored her, focusing on maintaining some semblance of balance in this conversation. Finally, when she felt a little more in control, a little more herself, she turned to face Casey again. Plastering what she was sure was a phony smile on her face she walked back over to her desk.

"Promise me that you'll make her happy."

Casey rolled her eyes, exasperated with the conversation and the fact that she was missing pieces the blond assumed she had.

"Alex, I appreciate your advice, but I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"Didn't Olivia come to see you last night?"

"No, why would she? I saw her unexpectedly this morning, but…we didn't talk for very long."

She looked down as she said the last part, thinking about how angry she had been that Olivia had asked to have dinner with her and her mind finally drew out the one piece of conversation that in her anger she had purposely ignored.

"We're not together."

"She dumped you, didn't she?"

"Um…not exactly."

It was right there, but she had ignored it, just assuming that Alex had dumped Olivia, because why would Olivia break things off with Alex, who had been her dream, her only true regret? That just didn't make any sense.

"She left you?"

Alex's eyes narrowed trying to focus, as it finally dawned on her that Casey had no clue what she was talking about. She gathered herself together.

"It appeared that way last night," she said.

A loud knock startled the two women making them jump. Without waiting for a response the door opened wide and Munch appeared on the other side, out of breath, his face looking haggard.

"Alex have you seen Casey?" he said as he opened the door. He broke off as soon as he saw her standing in front of Alex's desk. "Casey," he said much softer. "We have some… not good news." He was at her side immediately and guiding her to a seat in front of Alex's desk. Briefly he turned to Alex, "you might want to sit down too."

"Oh God, Olivia," said Casey trying in vain to suppress the gasp that came from her mouth.

Alex sat down quickly, the cold mask she used often when faced with life's pain firmly in place. "What happened?" she demanded.

Munch's attention was solely on Casey, but he spared her a glance as he began.

"Elliot and Olivia were called to a branch office of Children and Family Services. Apparently, a mother came in and reported that she thought her daughter was being abused by her husband and she didn't know what to do. The social worker called us. Olivia and Elliot responded to the call. The father figured out where his wife and daughter had disappeared to and went, in his words, "to get them back." Unfortunately, he has access to a gun. Elliot was able to get out with the rest of the office workers, but the guy has taken the mother and daughter and Olivia hostage. Olivia had been interviewing them alone while Elliot talked to the social worker."

Casey rose from her chair. "I have to go down there." A strong hand on her arm nearly spun her around.

"Whoa there, Stabler sent me over to make sure you stayed here. Olivia wouldn't want you down there, Casey. You know Olivia's like a sister to him. He'll make sure she's okay. Fin is on his way down there, along with the Captain."

Tears streaked freely down Casey's pale face. "Oh my God, this can't be happening."

On the other side of the desk, tears were also falling on the neat stack of papers Alex had been reviewing that morning. She looked down and wiped them. Casey's being treated like the wife, she thought and was surprised that that didn't seem wrong.

Casey was close to losing it – just this morning Olivia's nervous face had been asking her out to dinner and she had spat on the gesture and walked out. A soft chirping brought her out of her thoughts. She reached for the cell phone clipped to her pantsuit.

"Novak," she said automatically as she flipped open her phone. The office was silent as Casey listened to the person on the other end.

"I'm coming down there," she paused again. "Elliot, listen to me, this is not up for discussion. I'm going to have Munch drive me down." She closed the phone and stood up.

"That was Elliot. It's over. They got him. He says Olivia's fine, but she's hurt. John, can you…" she let the question just float.

"Of course," he said. He put his hand on her back and started to guide her to the door.

Casey stopped before exiting and turned to Alex.

"Are you coming?" she asked.

Alex picked up her purse and followed.

The ride to the scene was tense. No one spoke. Casey was trying not to think. She just needed to make sure Olivia was alright and then she needed to go somewhere and be alone. Her mind was jumbled. She felt much like she did on that Thursday night when Alex had shown up at Olivia's door. Without warning, without allowing for any preparation, her life had just changed again. She was tired. She wanted to close her eyes and forget everything, but she couldn't just yet. First she needed to make sure Olivia was alright.

Alex sat in the back of the squad car pondering how she had gotten here. She was Alexandra Cabot. She shouldn't be sitting in the back of a car unless she was being chauffeured and yet, here she was in the back of a squad car, wondering what she was doing there. She cared about Olivia and so had not hesitated to join them when Casey extended the invitation. But her role here was ambiguous, at least to her. John Munch didn't seem in the least bit confused, his attention focused almost entirely on the redhead seated in the front.

The scene was a mad house with press vans, reporters and curious onlookers scattered around the area. Munch pulled the car as close as he could and then got out. He walked over to the passenger's side, but Casey was already out of the car and searching frantically. Suddenly everyone's attention was drawn to a team of paramedics wheeling out a gurney out of the front door of the office building. All three of them were craning their necks trying to make out the person on the gurney. Alex recognized Elliot's tense face following the paramedics and touched Casey's shoulder to draw her attention. Suddenly, they both knew who was on that gurney.

The gurney was being wheeled into St. Vincent's Emergency Room by two paramedics. Casey was running alongside, trying to maintain contact with Olivia for as long as possible. The short Latino man began shouting a report as soon as he saw a nurse and doctor approach.

Casey knew the injury was probably not bad. Elliot had tried to calm her down when Olivia was first wheeled out of the office building that housed child welfare. She vaguely recalled him saying that Olivia had passed out, but that he thought she was okay.

"She was talking to me five minutes ago Casey. She's gonna be fine." He was trying to get her to focus on him, but her eyes never left the gurney that was being lifted onto the waiting ambulance.

"Go with her," he said finally, letting go of the vice grip he had on her shoulders. She ran past him and was at Olivia's side in seconds. "I'm going," she said matter-of-factly at the questioning looks she got from the paramedics. The shorter one simply replied "just stay out of the way, okay."

She hopped on and automatically reached for Olivia's hand. "Olivia," she called willing a response from the prone body being worked on by paramedics. "I'm here, baby. I'm right here," were the only words she could get out before the tears came again.

Before she knew it, they were at the hospital and she was running alongside the gurney as they busted through the ER doors.

They were about to go into one of the many rooms in the hospital when she found herself face to face with a tall nurse. "I'm sorry ma'am, only the patient from this point forward." Casey could not see her clearly through the tears. "Where should I …wait?" she asked.

"Nurse, I need you in there with her now." The nurse stepped away from Casey as the doctor who had given the order stepped into the space the nurse had just left.

"Casey. She's going to be fine okay. I'm going to go in there and check her out and I'll be right back to tell you about it, okay?" said Josh. She nodded her head, barely registering that the doctor was someone she knew.

"Where's Elliot?" he asked.

"Right here," said the voice of Olivia's partner striding up with Alex.

Josh wasted no time. "I need you to tell me what happened."

Elliot looked tense, but he slipped into cop mode easily. "She took the guy out, but he must have got in a hit. It was over when we got there. He was cuffed and on the floor. Olivia was on the floor too holding her head. She told us that he was erratic. She noticed the safety was still on the gun and took a chance. They scuffled." He let out a breath. "She started to get up and she looked fine to me. I called Casey. Then she just collapsed. She passed out. The ambulance guys got in there about five minutes after that, but they couldn't get her up."

"Thanks Elliot. I need you to take Casey into that waiting area in there. I'll be out as soon as I can." And with that he stepped away from Casey and into the room where they had only moments ago taken Olivia.

Elliot put his arm around Casey and led her to the waiting area. She sat on her hands in the nearest chair. Elliot sat next to her.

"Casey, I'm no doctor, but I think she's going to be fine. She had taken the guy out by the time I got there. He just got a lucky hit in. She didn't even pass out right away. She was talking to me, telling me what happened. It was when she tried to stand up that she passed out. She lost some blood, but she's going to be okay." He was blabbering and he knew it, but he didn't know what else to do to ease Casey's worry.

"Thanks Elliot," she said. "Where's the perp?"

"Fin and Munch are booking him."

She nodded again. Alex stood on the other side of the room, finding herself in an awkward position. Her conversation with Casey earlier in the day was still fresh in her mind. It had been only a few hours since her and Olivia had officially broken up, clearly not enough time for the whole force to know. And yet, everyone had treated Casey like the grieving partner or spouse. Why wouldn't they? You made Olivia keep your relationship a secret. You even dated other guys so people wouldn't suspect. She looked over at Casey, still distraught and on edge. Alex was too, but Elliot was not inquiring as to her well-being nor was he making an effort to comfort her. So now you have doubts Cabot?

She had made such a mess of things. She could see that now. When she had first come out of Witness Protection, she was so caught up in getting justice for herself, so intent on getting her life back, that she had not considered anything or anyone else. She never stopped to think about Casey and Olivia's relationship. She had just taken what she thought was hers without regard for what anybody else wanted. She assumed that Olivia would take her on any conditions, given what the two of them had been through. She had been wrong. Olivia had found something very special in Casey and Alex had not seen that. She had not wanted to see it.

Josh finished his examination. Her vitals were good. He ordered a CT scan since head injuries tended to be tricky. They had temporarily stopped the bleeding from the cut in her head with bandages, but she would need stitches to close up the wound. He was about to start stitching the cut but decided to give the anesthetic a few minutes to numb the skin behind her ear, where he guessed the back of a pistol had produced a sizeable gash. Deciding to use the few minutes to go out and talk to Casey and company, he gave some instructions to the nurse and walked out of the room.

Casey was on her feet and heading towards him, before he was anywhere near the waiting area. She searched his eyes, unable to speak, looking for signs of worry or distress in his face.

"She's fine," he said with an easy smile. "Relax Casey, before I have you admitted."

He gently reached for her arm, guiding her back to the waiting area as he began to talk.

"She lost a lot of blood, but we're stitching her up. We're sending her for a CT scan to check out the head injury. My guess is that she has a mild concussion, the result of the blows to her head."

Everyone visibly relaxed as he continued. Alex had moved closer to where they stood and Josh made sure to direct his conversation to her as well.

"The only real worry we have right now is that she hasn't re-gained consciousness."

Casey's eyes closed.

"But I think the prolonged state of unconsciousness is a result of the minor head injury coupled with the blood loss. The body is very smart and it will sometimes shut down in an effort to conserve energy for healing. I wouldn't be surprised if she's awake when I go back." He smiled at Casey again. "Relax," he entreated.

"I'm going to go back there and put in her stitches and then you guys can come in and see her, okay"

"Thanks Josh. We'll hang tight here until then," said Elliot.

Josh nodded before turning to walk back the way he came.

When he entered the small hospital room, Olivia was indeed waking up.

"I think she's coming around doctor," said the tall nurse standing beside the bed.

"It certainly looks that way," he said as he slipped on his latex gloves. "Hey Olivia, ready to join us yet, because I'm sure you'll want to be awake for the stitches." Her head was turning from side to side slowly, but her eyes had not opened. Instead her lips started to move trying to form words. She coughed. "Casey?"

"No, not yet, but she'll be here soon. You want to wake up for us Olivia?"

She was frowning now still shaking her head as she called for Casey again. Josh dipped his latex covered fingers in the glass of water perched on a tray. He sprinkled some on her face in an effort to wake her. She squeezed her eyes tighter and continued shaking her head.

"Nurse, can you walk out to the waiting area and tell Ms. Casey Novak that someone is asking for her. Maybe that will help her wake up." The nurse walked out of the room quickly. "She's on her way Olivia, but I need you to wake up okay? You've given everyone quite a scare including my friend Casey out there."

He took off the gloves and picked up her chart. He looked at his patient as he jotted some more notes. She seemed to have settled down after he told her Casey was on her way. "Stubborn," he said to no one in particular.

The nurse made her way to the waiting area and quietly asked for Casey Novak. Casey stood up quick as a lightning bolt. "Yes"

"Can you come with me please?"

"Is anything wrong?" Elliot was on his feet too.

"No sir, the patient is asking for Casey. That's you, right? Dr. Hart seems to think that you might help her to wake up."

"How can she ask for me if she's not awake?"

"It takes time for people to emerge from a state of unconsciousness. She is starting to come to, but she won't open her eyes. Please follow me."

Casey took one last look at Elliot and followed the nurse.

Olivia looked much better than she had in the ambulance. Her color was returning and she had been cleaned up. Josh put the chart down as soon as she walked in and reached for another pair of latex gloves. Casey stood by the hospital bed and without thinking picked up Olivia's left hand.

"Hey sweetheart", she said feeling much better in that moment than she had all day.

Being able to see Olivia, to know she was alright did wonders for her soul. She steadfastly refused to think about the implications of the events of today and how it was Casey's name on Olivia's lips and not Alex's.

And then just as Josh had expected it to, the scene unfolded in front of him as if he were watching it on a big movie screen. At the sound of Casey's voice, Olivia's eyes opened. She smiled.

"Hello," she said.

Casey could not help the surge of relief that filled her heart nor the full out smile that she gave Olivia. "Hi," she said as she reached over to move stray strands of rich brown hair from Olivia's forehead. Olivia squeezed the hand that was gently holding hers, feeling like her world was right for the first time in a long time. Then her head started pounding in a way that could not be ignored. She closed her eyes, grimacing at the pain.

"Ouch. What happened?"

"You got hit on the head, probably with a pistol. Twice," said Josh from behind Casey.

Casey flinched, her body reacting to the image her brain had just conjured at his description.

"That'll do it every time," said Olivia as her free hand reached for her head. "Hurts," she said weakly.

"We'll give you some Tylenol. But now that you're awake, mind if I take a look at you?"

"And if I say I do mind?"

"Then, you'll have to deal with Casey here," he said smiling.

Pleading brown eyes looked up at Casey.

"It's for your own good," said Casey. "Besides you deserve it after scaring the hell out of me…I mean us."

Olivia looked down sheepishly. "Does this mean you'll reconsider and have dinner with me?"

Casey did not have a reply to that request. "Let's let Josh take a look at you, okay?"

Josh smiled. He hated to break up their little reunion, but there were things he needed to do. "I'm going to need you to step outside again Casey, just until I finish with the stitches. Thanks for getting her up. I'll come get you when I'm finished."

She nodded and walked out of the room as he took out his little pen light and began his examination. He asked Olivia to sit up and pointed his flashlight right into her eye. A blinding pain caused her to shut her eyes almost immediately.

"Well I guess we don't really need that CT scan - definitely a concussion. Alright, Detective, ready for the stitches?"

She nodded, but he doubted she was really hearing him; her eyes were pinned wistfully on the door Casey had just exited.

"Take these," he said as he handed her two plain white pills. "They'll help with the headache…eventually. I'm sorry, I have to stitch you up or you'll keep bleeding all over the place, so sit still and let me at it. I promise to do it neat."

She settled back on the pillows after taking the pills and turned her head as he positioned himself into a comfortable stance and began working. The room was quiet while he worked. The minutes extended until Josh's voice broke the interminable silence.

"Okay, all done," he said as he began putting his instruments away.

"Thanks. You're pretty good. I didn't even feel that."

"That's because I numbed you up a bit before you woke up. Anyway, I'm not going to cancel the CT scan, but I think you just have a mild concussion. Policy says we keep you here overnight unless you have someone that can observe you at home and wake you up every few hours."

"I'd only want Casey."

"Then I suggest you ask her, because otherwise you're getting a room." Josh stood up and began stripping his latex gloves. "I'm sending everyone in, if that's okay."

She nodded, but her mind was not with his words. They had other more pressing matters to consider.

Josh walked out to inform everyone that they could see her, but found only Elliot and Alex in the waiting area.

"Where's Casey?" he asked.

"Kathy, my wife, took her to get a cup of coffee. Is everything all right? Can we see her now?"

"Yeah, go ahead. One at a time for now, okay?" He smiled and walked away confident that they would work out the one at a time business on their own.

Elliot walked into the hospital room and smiled at his partner.

"So you think this was the best time to ask her out?" he asked.

"I'm going to keep asking her whenever and wherever until she says yes," said Olivia, her eyes, still sensitive to the light, remained closed.

He smiled again. Casey had been stunned when she walked out of the hospital room. He had met her outside and walked back to the waiting area with her. She had absently answered his question about what happened, by telling him that Olivia had asked her out.

"So, Casey knows it's over between you and Alex?"

"Kind of."

"What does that mean?"

"I couldn't figure out how to tell her without making her feel like the second choice again. Fuck my head hurts. I really don't need this headache now."

"You don't think in this situation, you might have just opted for telling her the truth? 'Hey Casey, I thought about it and you're what I've wanted all along so I broke up with Alex and want you back' sounds easy enough."

"That sounds like: 'Hey Casey it didn't work so I want you back,'" she said frowning.

She could feel him staring at her and didn't dare open her eyes.

"Liv," he began sounding a bit annoyed. "There is no way to word it, so it doesn't sound like that. Stop hiding. Just fess up to it. When Alex came back, you made a choice. No one made it for you, not Casey, not Alex. Just tell her that you were wrong."

She squeezed her eyes and her hand went to her head again. He softened his voice, "You might want to throw in something about making it up to her for the rest of your life too."

"Thanks," she said.

She knew he was right, but right now she needed to get rid of this headache so she could come up with something that would convince Casey to come home with her tonight.

"Alex is out there too you know," Elliot said interrupting her musings.

Olivia did not respond.

"Do you want to see her?" he prompted.

She opened her eyes slowly trying to adjust to the light.

"I suppose it's the thing to do," she said.

"Yes," he responded. "You might want to do it now while Casey's getting coffee."

She sighed. "Okay, send her in."

He nodded and turned to walk out. "Would you like me to check back in a few minutes?"

She nodded. "That would be good. Thanks Elliott, for everything."

"Don't get used to it. I can't always be straightening out your love life, you know," he mocked.

Alex pushed the door open slowly. Olivia was awake, but her head was turned and she seemed to be staring at the dingy window in her room with half closed eyes.

"Hey," said Alex softly.

"Hey," said Olivia, an easy smile coming to her face as she greeted her visitor.

"How are you feeling?"

Alex made her way to the bed, but was careful not to touch Olivia.

"Okay, I guess. My head hurts, which I am told is to be expected."

The two women stared at each other.

"Well, I'm glad you're okay," said Alex breaking the stony silence.

"Yeah thanks," said Olivia.

There was another uncomfortable pause, and then suddenly both women spoke at once.

"Olivia"

"Alex"

"You first," said Olivia,

"Okay," said Alex contemplating whether she should sit down. Deciding that this visit would be short, she opted to remain standing.

"Olivia. I'm glad you're okay," she paused clearing her throat. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for Alex."

"Yes, I think I do. When I came back, I wanted everything to be the same. I wanted things to be like they were before…well maybe a little better than before. I didn't stop to think that while time seemed to stop for me, it hadn't for anyone else. I'm sorry I came between you and Casey. That was wrong."

"Yeah, it was. But…I still don't think you have anything to be sorry for. Alex, I could have prevented all of this and I didn't. There's nothing I can do about that now. I just want to move past this and get Casey back. She's all that matters."

"I can see that now."

She paused unsure if they had anything else to say to each other.

"Take care, Olivia. I hope someday we can be friends again," she said as she made her way to the door.

"We will," said Olivia. There was a hint of sadness in her voice as she continued, "But Alex…" she waited for Alex to turn around, "I can't be friends with you right now. I need to concentrate on Casey. I hope you understand."

Alex was at the door. "Yes, I think I do."

She walked out, the door closing softly behind her.