Turned Into A Monster

Chapter 4 – Cursed

Schona felt herself slowly awakening as the cold began to seep through her skin, the ice rectifying what had been broken and hurt. This wasn't a process that she was unfamiliar with, having packed her hands in eyes many times when magic had burned or broken her fingers. Within an hour the ice had healed her, leaving behind hands that looked unblemished despite the pain she'd once felt. However, this time would take a great deal longer than simple burns or broken fingers. This time her entire body needed to heal itself before she could return to full awareness and to Asgard.

But she knew without full understanding that Loki needed her. She wasn't sure how she could feel the confusion and pain that roiled within him, she only knew that he needed her.

So she called upon her magic and felt her awareness transported away from her body to the realm of Asgard. Her gift of Silence allowed her to find the absence of it, finding the Loki, Sif and the Warriors Three sitting around a fire within the palace. Fandral sat on the floor closest to the fire burning in the center of the room, a cold having settled over him ever since being wounded. Volstagg on the other hand sat with a plate of food, watching as Hogun readied a balm for his frost bitten arm. She remained invisible to their eyes though she would have expected Loki to have sensed her magic in the room. Instead, he stood staring down at his hands, lost in thought.

"We should never have let him go," Volstagg suddenly exclaimed from his seat, putting what everyone had been thinking into words.

"There was no stopping him,"

"At least he's only banished and not dead," Fandral argued, surprising Schona with the news that Thor was no longer of Asgard. Had Odin finally seen what only Loki and her had been able to for so many years? Even if Thor had a good heart, his ego was too large in comparison. "Schona wasn't even so lucky-"

"We don't know that she's dead," Loki bit out at them, wringing his hands.

Silence fell over them at the thought of their fallen comrade. It was true that they hadn't heard anything from Odin or Skadi about Schona's condition. For all they knew, she could have been laughing with Skadi in Jotunheim about how silly they'd all look when she returned. Dead or alive, pitying glances were thrown Loki's way. Everyone knew that the two were very close, close enough to be romantically involved if the God wasn't such a no nonsense loner.

"Well… the lot of us is lucky that guard told Odin where we'd gone,"

The large red head bellowed again, irritated by the pain in his arm. "How did the guard even know?"

"I told him,"

Everyone turned to stare at Loki for his declaration, shock plain on their faces with a hint of disbelief and betrayal. Only Schona had any sign of knowing this to be true. She'd seen him stop in front of one of the palace guards before they'd left, speaking in hushed tones before the guard ran off. She'd expected as much and hadn't dared to stop him.

"What?"

"I told him to go to Odin after we'd left," he repeated, frowning towards the ground. "He should be flogged for taking so long. We should have never reached Jotunheim,"

"You told the guard?!"

"I saved our lives… and Thor's," Loki defended, trying to explain himself to an upset Volstagg. "I had no idea Father would banish him for what he did,"

"Loki," Sif breathed, standing from her seat to approach him. "You must go to the Allfather and convince him to change his mind,"

"If I do, then what?" Loki challenged, surprising the woman into silence. "I love Thor more dearly than any of you but you know what he is; he's arrogant, he's reckless, he's dangerous. You saw how he was today. He nearly got Schona and Fandral killed!" Loki exclaimed. "Is that what Asgard needs from his king?"

The five watched as Loki left the room, silently wondering.

"He might speak of the good of Asgard," Sif began, turning to the Warriors Three. "But he's always been jealous of Thor,"

Volstagg frowned, uncomfortable with the possibility that the God of Mischief had had ill intentions all along. "We should be grateful to him. He saved our lives,"

"Laufey said there were traitors in the House of Odin," Hogun reminded them, saying what no one else wanted to put into words. "A master of magic could bring three Jotuns into Asgard,"

Fandral waved them all off, done with such heavy talk. "Loki has always been one for mischief but you are speaking of something else entirely,"

Then who was a suspect?

Schona's spectral form frowned as she thought on such things.

What King Laufey said to them while in Jotunheim had been meant to draw a reaction. It was meant to make them doubt without reason when they should be trusting. However, Loki was a viable possibility. Everything she knew about Loki's magical capabilities told Schona that he was one of the best suspects for what had occurred earlier that day. Loki was also devious enough to be about to convince Thor to go to Jotunheim and then get into trouble with the Allfather. But even if Loki had played his tricks on Thor, Schona had to admit that it was not for the worse. She knew without a doubt that Thor would not have made a good king. A king must be a king both in peace times and war times. Thor was a warrior, not a diplomat and would not listen to anyone to help him. Thor would lead have led Asgard into war within his first season of ruling… And he made a questionable leader in battle at the best of times. The fact that the entire Asgardian group had survive despite his decisions were not attributed to his ability to protect them on the field.

Even if Sif's suspicions were right, Schona did not find fault in them.

Schoan left the room, her thoughts hanging just as heavily on her as her aches and pains with each moment she was a world away from her crushed body. She had to keep her mind away from Loki at least until she could get to him to speak with him. He'd then tell her the truth of his plans and she would no longer had to worry about the questions she had. However, as she moved silently down the halls, she could hear the distinct sound of ice crystals forming on the walls and floor in her wake.

She just needed to stay calm and speak with Loki.

"She is in Jotunheim with her mother,"

Schona tilted her head, letting the pull of Heimdall's voice take her to the edge of the Bifrost where both he and Loki stood.

"The ice and the cold will heal her quickly. She will be well soon," the guardian continued without having to be asked. He then stopped, seeming to debate on what he should say next, turning his eyes to the youngest Odinson. "… She has asked for you,"

Schona might have blushed had she been in her body, silently cursing Heimdall for revealing that bit of information to the God of Mischeif. However, this seemed to put Loki at some ease as he turned to the guardian with a grateful look.

"Thank you, great Heimdall,"

She moved through the palace silently, keeping her distance from Loki. She didn't want him to know she was with him yet, if he didn't know already. She watched his determined trek deeper and deeper into the palace, following him to the Weapon's Vault where he bid the guards to leave him before he went in. She moved through the closed doors like a ghost from Hela's realm, materializing at the top of the stairs, watching Loki's back as he stood on the other side of the Vault.

Loki's heart skipped a beat as he felt her magic behind him. No matter what- her illusions filling his mind's eye, the chill of it across his skin, the buzz from across a battlefield- Loki would always recognize the caress of her magic. The feel of it made him straightened though he showed no other signs of having been taken by surprise. Instead he stood with his back to her for a long moment, his hands at his sides.

"You're alive?"

Silence.

"Go away, Schona,"

He had hoped that she would listen to him this one time. He wanted nothing more than to be alone when he touched the Casket. He couldn't stand the thought of his worst nightmares coming to fruition with her by his side. He couldn't see the fear in her eyes if he was right. The last thing he needed was to lose the love his best friend had for him, to lose her entirely for what was happening to him.

The ripple of her magic warmed his back but it felt more like a burn. She was behind him now, her stubborn nature making Loki's frustration grow. Of course she would not leave him when he asked it of her. In the years that she'd known him, he'd never needed her but she'd always been there anyway. Now was no different.

"I said leave,"

"Loki-"

Finally rage boiled up in him; a disastrous mix of his frustration at not being able to get her to leave him in peace, fear of what was happening to him, pain over the thought of losing her. He couldn't keep his emotions bottled up and for the first time, he took his anger out on her.

"Schona! Go!"

He could practically feel the shock and fear rolling off of her, could practically feel the emotions crashing like waves against his back. Schona didn't frighten easily and she had never been frightened of him. But she was now. The knowledge almost made Loki turn around to take her into his arms and ward off the fear he'd caused. He almost wanted to take back everything and allow her to stay with him when he touched the Casket to find out his fate. Almost. He didn't because he knew that she'd forgive for yelling at her… but he couldn't take back whatever she witnessed of him.

"No,"

Loki growled at her, clenching his hands into fists at his eyes, keeping his back to her. "Fine! Remain in my presence at your own risk, you imbecile!"

Without a second thought, he reached out and took up the Casket. There was a moment of silence that surrounded him, his hands clenched on the cold metal as the painful bite of ice and magic touched his hands. The pain of the cold almost gave him relief until the pain began to die away into a cool caress of blue that began to crawl up his fingers, over his hands and up his arms.

It was an expertly done illusion if he could say so, something that he'd never noticed about himself even after so many millennia. Even as a babe he'd been a lie, the title of the God of Lies only being that. He'd been lied to, his skin a black lie for years, his parents two figures that had always been there to reinforce it. Not only had he been a black sheep in the family for years, but he'd been a monster among gods.

"Tell me, Schona… do you remember the stories that Odin used to tell us late at night? The stories with monsters that crept from the dark?"

Schona frowned in confusion until Loki finally turned to face her. The man that stood before her no longer had the appearance that she'd grown used to over the many centuries that they had known each other. No longer was he the impish child with clever green eyes, no longer the man with silky ink black hair and a devilish smirk. The normally ashen color of his skin had changed to a frosty blue that she tried not to recognize, contrasting dangerously to what she knew. His very skin had changed, the smooth contours now lines with thick tattoo-like scars along his chin and forehead in a fashion that she'd seen before. All of this she might have forgiven except that his beautiful, clever, green eyes she knew so well were suddenly gone, replaced with ones that were not the eyes of her friend. Blood red orbs shined out from the blue face, small black pupils looked down at her carefully, watching her every move.

Schona felt her magic shutter at her shock and fear. Her normally calm, serene face was overcome with a sudden look of shock at seeing his new appearance. She couldn't hide what she was feeling from him now any more than she could in any other time in her long life. She could tell that it hurt him even as his expression stayed dangerously neutral.

"Will you say nothing?" he snapped at her in a voice so quiet only Schona could have heard. "Is the Goddess of Silence to proud to speak to one such as me? A cursed god? A monster?"

Schona felt tears come to her eyes, feeling his pain pulling at her own heart. Over the many centuries that she'd known Loki, he rarely showed his true emotions to anyone. It was only with her and his mother than he gave the privilege and curse to. Now she couldn't help it as she stepped toward him, reaching out to touch him, to comfort him. Her hand breezed past the skin of his cheek and continued through, much to their shock until they remembered that she wasn't actually there with him. She frowned at him, her eyes glistening with tears that matched his own.

"Am I cursed?" he whispered to her, desperate for her answer.

She shook her head. "No,"

The way her voice held no question, how she'd given him her answer without hesitation… it almost hurt him more than her revulsion would have been because this reaction gave him hope.

"Then what am I, Schona?" he asked her, as if she had all of the answers that he needed. "I am the monster parents tell their children about at night, a wolf in black sheep's clothing. My father has lied to me for years, chosen Thor over me time and time again. I've never been good enough! Now that I can finally put a name to the reason… it is the single worst thing that could occur,"

When she said nothing he turned away from her, glaring down at the Casket of Ancient Winters, hating the artifact with his entire being. It was the bane of his existence, the proof he'd needed to know the truth and now he hated it for the lie it had exposed. He hated it because she had been here with him to see the hideous truth; he was the hated race that he and Thor had once vowed to destroy.

They were so similar; the Casket and Schona. Both had the power to end him and both remained so painfully silent while watching him unravel.

"I AM A FROST GIANT!" Loki roared as he wheeled on her again, his magic ripping around him like a deadly cloak. Schona's frame visibly shuttered against it, her eyes closing with a wince before she looked up at him again with no fear. He hated that. "I am a Frost Giant, Schona. Why deny this fact?"

"I do not deny it,"

He frowned at her, watching as she stepped towards him again, keeping his gaze.

"You are a Frost Giant… but you are also Loki, God of Mischief and Chaos," She looked upon his face, a soft smile gracing his face that made his stomach turn with a fluttering. Her eyes met his again, the palest blue meeting the green that his hand been for a millennia. "You have not changed,"

"What is this?"

The booming voice forced the two apart to look up to the entrance of the Weapons Vault where a lone figure stood. Odin frowned at them, knowing full well what he had not been able to keep his son from learning about himself. There was nothing the Allfather could do to make Loki unseen what was happen before his eyes.

The Allfather sighed, deeply tired, knowing that he would have to answer for his lies. He turned his eyes to the woman who was not truly there with a strained smile. "Leave us, Schona, please-"

"No!" Loki roared, stepping towards his father, putting himself between him and her. "She will stay and you will answer my questions-"

"Loki,"

He looked back at the woman with a frown, seeing her discomfort as she looked between his so-called father and himself. He knew then that she didn't want to be here any longer, that she wanted to listen to the Allfather and fade away from him. He couldn't allow that when he needed her so much.

"Don't go," he begged quietly, reaching a hand toward her. "… I want you to stay,"

"This is between you and your father," she told him softly, stepping away from him with her eyes lowered. "I will return to you,"

With that promise, her form dissolved into a cloud of ice crystals and mist, touching his skin before fading from the room completely.

Loki's eyes turned from their soft gaze to look up at the Allfather with a look of anger. "The Casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?"