Chapter Eighteen

Shit, I thought. It can't be. How could I let this happen? Why didn't I think to cast a spell or take a potion...

I was walking up to the hospital wing and was beating myself up. How could I be so careless. If I was right, and I had a strange feeling that I was, then I would be screwed. I did not even have a better way to describe it. I was simply...screwed.

Unconsciously, I laid a hand over my stomach. There could not be something there. Right? There just could not be.

I probably should have gone back to class after I had thrown up but I figured that finding out the truth was much more important then learning an alternate to calculus.

Shit. I could not think anything else. There was just that one word echoing around in my head. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I reached the doors and put my hand on the door knob. I hesitated, not wanting my suspicion to be confirmed. What if I was right? What would I do? What would Tom say?

I shook my head to stop the questions and I put on a brave face and entered the room.

The hospital wing was luckily empty and I scanned the room for Madame Hooch. She was organizing a cabinet of potions and I walked over to her.

I cleared my throat and she turned around. "Oh, Ms. Grendell, how are you?"

I shifted nervously. "I'm not sure, Madame Hooch."

She gave me a questioning look and I continued. "I need you to...check something for me."

She asked what and I told her my theory. After getting over her sudden disbelief, she took out her wand and moved it in a circular motion, muttering unfamiliar words under her breath.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the result.

"Oh my."

I opened my eyes to see that there was a feint pink glow around my stomach and I gasped.

I could not believe my eyes. "I'm pregnant," I whispered.

I think that Madame Hooch was in the same shock that I was. All she could manage to say was, "Oh my."

I could not wrap my head around the idea. "I'm pregnant," I repeated, still in a whisper. "With a baby girl."

We stood there for a moment in silence before the mediwitch broke it.

"Ms. Grendell, I think we should notify the father," she said.

I had a strong suspicion that she was only suggesting this to find out his identity, she seemed like that kind of person, and I responded quickly. "No thank you, I think it would be better if I told him myself."

Before she could say anything else, I walked out of the hospital wing and headed into my common room.

When I got there, I collapsed on one of the couches and closed my eyes. Taking deep breaths, I tried to collect my thoughts and failed. They were too mixed together, still in shock over this new realization.

I heard a tapping on the window and my head snapped up. I was looking straight at a beautiful owl that was unlike I had ever seen. I did not even know if it was a real breed, never before had I seen a jet black owl.

I walked over and let it in the room. Immediately, it held out his leg and hooted at me.

I obeyed and took untied the letter and watched as the owl flew off again. I shut the window and turned back to the piece of paper in my hand. It was from Dumbledore.

Ms. Grendell -

You always have a choice.

Underneath, he had signed it and wrote down the incantation of a spell. My mouth opened in disbelief, it was the counter-spell that was the opposite of the one I had used to send myself to this time. How does he know? I asked myself.

I suddenly felt week and could not hold myself up anymore. I collapsed onto the nearest chair and cradled my head in my hand.

I had too much on my mind and I simply sat in the chair. After a few moments, I looked up and checked the time, class was just about ending.

Needing some time to myself, I wrote a quick note to Tom and sent it, telling him to not worry about me and that I had ended up going to the Hospital Wing. I lied and told him that Madame Hooch said that it was just a virus and that I should just skip the next to classes and go down for dinner. I told him to go to class and get the notes for me.

I sunk back onto the couch after I sent the note to him.

I closed my eyes.

No baby should be brought up like this. I thought. Although I love him, my relationship with Tom is full of so many lies.

Dumbledore was right. I did have a choice. And after realizing that in eight months, I would have a baby, I needed to think about what my decision would be.

There was the initial question, would I keep the baby? I knew the answer automatically. Yes. No matter the circumstances she had been conceived in, I would still love the baby with all my heart.

Making that decision brought up thousands of more questions. I ignored them though, as I could only think of one thing.

Tom.

That was where my worries were. How would Tom handle the baby? How would he react? What if he thought I should get rid of her? Would he make a good father?

Then there were other thoughts that raced through my head, ones I was hoping I would never have to face.

One question shone clear through out all the others.

Had I really changed him?

That right there, was the million dollar question. Had Tom changed? There was the part of me that was thinking, "Of course Hermione. How can you doubt him?" Then there was another side of me that thought, "Of course not, Hermione. You can't change the way someone is. He is capable of killing hundreds of people, torturing thousands, and ruining the lives of millions. Nothing can erase that potential, and nothing can erase where that potential comes from - his heart."

I thought of both sides, giving as much support as I could to both. As much as I hated it, I had to think of whether Tom could really stay good for so long, long enough to have and raise a child. I had more doubts then I was comfortable with.

What happens if he becomes his old self and the baby and I are stuck with him? What if something happens to me and the two of them are left all alone? Can Tom be the father that a child needs?

The other side argued. He could be the best father ever, knowing what not to do because of his childhood. He may turn out to be nurturing and compassionate.

The internal battle went on for another hour. I sat there and thought of everything, of all my possibilities and all the possible sinarios that could happen.

I had an hour before Tom returned when I made my decision.

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Tom could not help but whistle as he walked back to the common room. At that moment, he was thinking of how well life was going. He had Hermione, he had great grades, he was popular - the real thing he cared about though, was Hermione.

How did I ever get so lucky? he wondered. What did I do to deserve her? He shook his head. I have no idea, but I will do everything I can to make sure I never lose her.

Tom said the password and walked though the portrait hole.

"Hermione?" he called out. There was no response. He frowned and called out for her once again.

Silence met his call. Slightly concerned, he walked over to her room to see if she was inside. Maybe she was taking a nap.

He opened the door and saw that the room was empty. Not just of Hermione though, the bookshelves were bare and the clothes were gone. All the possessions that marked the room as Hermione's were missing.

He scanned the room and saw that there was an envelope on the bed.

He frowned. She didn't...right? He could not even bring himself to think of the possibility.

He walked over to it and saw that it was addressed to him. Carefully, he opened it up and pulled the parchment out.

Tom,

Now, it's my turn to apologize in a letter. I wish I could do it in person, but it would break my heart. If I said everything I have to say in person, I would never be able to get through. So, even though I can feel my heart shattering, I have to say this in a letter.

I'm leaving, Tom.

I don't want to, at all, but it is what I have to do. After I ran out of the classroom and thrown up, I went to the Hospital Wing. An idea had struck me and I had to know if it was true. I wished that it weren't true but it is, Madame Hooch confirmed my fears.

Earlier today, I learned that I was pregnant and because of this, I have to leave you.

Please understand that I it's killing me to do this. I have to do what's best, though, for the baby.

One day, you will understand the full reason. In fifty years, I want you to think about where you are in life and think about the way you are now. Then you'll know why I have to do this.

I'm sorry, I know that none of this makes sense. But one day it will and although you will not like it, you will at least understand.

Just know that I'm sorry. Know that every time I look at our little girl, I will think of you. Know that I wish things could be different. Know that I love you.

This is good bye then, Tom. You must hate me right now, I understand. I hate myself. I wish that the two of us could grow old together, that we would be able to own a little house and laugh as our children run around in the yard. but this can't be. We can't be.

As much as it hurts me to say it, the two of us together was never meant to be. You are meant to go down a different path, as am I. I wish I could have realized this before, it would have saved us a lot of heart break. But then again, if I had realized this, we would never have been able to have been together.

I was faced with a choice and my decision, no matter what, will lead to hurt.

I have to end this letter now, my courage is running out and I need every bit of it if I am really leaving. Before I change my mind, I have to say good bye.

If only we lived in another world, then you and me could have been together for always. But for now, I just need you to know that I love you, and that I always will.

Our daughter will grow up hearing stories about her wonderful father and I know that my heart will regret this decision every time I tell her of you.

Good bye, Tom.

Hermione

Tom just stared at the letter. It may have been tear-stained in a few places but every word was clear. Then how come he did not understand what was going on?

She's gone. Hermione has left me.

The letter fell from Tom's hands and landed on the ground with a soft noise. He did not notice.

All he could think about was her and how she had left.

Hermione left. She even left school so that she would not have to see me. What would make her want this to happen? She left me. The realization hit Tom fully then. Hermione left me, and she took my child with her.

When he realized this, he hurt turned to anger. How could she? How could she do this to him? He realized with disgust that tears had fallen down his face and he wiped them away angrily.

That bitch.

Tom was furious. He suddenly remembered a conversation of theirs when they had stayed up late talking one night.

"You are incredible, you know that?" he had said. She had smiled at him.

"I don't think I can even compare with you," she had responded.

"What would I ever do without you?"

Her face had become serious. "I will never leave you. I promise that nothing could make me ever part from you."

His expression darkened. Even after she had promised, she'd left. Tom wanted nothing more than revenge. How can I make her understand? he wondered.

Then the thought hit him.

"Promise that you'll stay this way, good, forever."

If she could break her promise, then he would break his. He would become Lord Voldemort.

He smirked evilly. He would show her. He would show her how betrayal felt.

A small voice in his head objected. This was the part of him that wanted to cry over Hermione. A part of him that wanted to keep her promise and to find her and make everything better

He pushed this part as far back in his mind as he could, viewing it as weakness.

I will make her pay, he told himself. I will make Hermione understand how this feels. I will find her, and I will make her regret ever leaving me.

A/N: AHHHHH! I don't know about you but I loved that chapter. It was so sad and depressing. I always think that it's impossible to have Tom Riddle not become Voldemort, if you actually think about it, it's impossible for Hermione to change the past/future. If she had gone back in time, then it has already happened. Going back would mean that she was there from the beginning and that everything she does, has already happened.

get it? ... you don't really have to.

Anyway, I know that a lot of you wanted them to be happy and fall in love and live happily ever after. So what do you think of the story going this way? It's not over yet, by the way. I still have a few more chapters.

review?