Late September the year of the 39th games:
After the hustle and bustle of my moving in day I was mostly left alone by the people of one and the press of the capitol. They had all jumped on the first train home after I'd finally shut my front door on them providing the perfect shot to end their 'coming home special' with.
So I let myself fall into a routine, no one has asked me to find a talent or hobby yet though Silk has often mentioned hers is of an entertainment nature. After a week or so of sleepless nights and waking from nightmares a small package arrived in the mail.
'Till they decide if they like you' was written on the side of the box in a simple block capitol handwritten font, almost as if the sender was trying to hide their identity. It's Rock of course but maybe he only wants me to know he sent them. Inside the box was a small pack of pills fifty in total, not enough to keep me sleeping until the victory tour but hopefully enough till I can fix myself enough to be able to sleep again.
That night despite the pill I dreamt again, this time it was Clos, technically I suppose it wasn't a nightmare we simply ran through the vineyards of the district. I trying to catch him up whilst he just ran faster and faster until he was gone from me by the time I woke up, leaving me with a feeling of guilt that lasted a week.
Months passed and I fell into a schedule, sometimes I write or draw the arena but I'm not good at either, I spend time with Silk or the other victors yet I'm never invited to the training centre. They tell me it's because I'm still to raw from the arena, but it's not that, I'm just not one of them, I'm a poor miners girl. But most of the time I just sit in my house waiting for meal times when I can help dad cook or bed time where I can take a tablet and sleep for a few hours.
It's late September that my pills finally run out, I awake early from what would be my last nightmare free night to find my prep team watching me sleep, "what on earth" I mumble as my sheets are pulled away from me.
"Happy Birthday Diamond" they scream in unison beginning to sing they words to 'for she's a jolly good fellow' together in varying tunes that seem to blend into one.
I never learnt to tell the three apart in the capitol, just referring to them in my head as blonde one, two and three, it would seem rude to ask them their names now as after all we've seen so much of each other or should that be they've seen so much of me. They're staring at me again and I'm suddenly very aware that I slept topless last night as the late September heat was keeping me awake even in the thinnest of tops.
"Oh aren't they gorgeous" blonde one tells me and I wrap one arm around my body grabbing the top I'd thrown on my nightstand with the other and sliding it on.
"Why are you guys here?" I asked them "the victory tours not for another month or two" I hadn't really been keeping track of my schedule.
"Birthday celebrations of course" blonde three tells me, she's the one with the nose piercing I remind myself "and the victory tour is November".
"We're here to get you ready for your meal in the capitol tonight"
Meal capitol, vague memories of Silk telling me there would be some kind of celebration for my seventeenth but she didn't specify. Either way I'm being dragged to the bathroom that leads from my bedroom which is the largest in the house. I'd tried to give it to Dad but he told me I deserved it more than he did.
After I'm scrubbed and prepped Tigris appears in my bedroom and embraces me saying how excited she is to see me again, her job now she tells me is to get me to the stage where I can dress myself appropriately for the capitol crowds as she'll be needed for the new tributes from the next games onwards.
"Silk will be a great help of course, she picked it all up very quickly"
She heads over to my wardrobe which is an awful mess, neither my dad nor I ever used to have time for laundry or ironing and now I seem to have all the time in the world I discovered that I don't care for it.
"Are they're no laundresses in this district" Tigris tuts at me extracting some of the dresses Daphne packed for me, "ah these ones are lovely yet unworn. I guess Daphne picked them out"
I nod as she turns to look at me as the three blondes trim my hair back down to its usual style and fix my nails that I've recently started to chew out of boredom.
"Always had a lovely style she has" Tigris continues "yes I think we can work with some of these, you will need more of course but we can get some over the next few days. Yes a shopping trip is certainly in order I think"
And on and on she went discussing every item in my wardrobe while throwing some of my oldest items in a pile to throw out and others in a pile to be laundered. I have no sentimental attachment to any of the clothes in there all hand-me-downs from neighbours or items bought cheap from the market.
It was around midmorning that she stopped, I had been pruned and primped and was ready to go as I stood up from my bed my stomach growled at me reminding me I hadn't had any food yet today. There's no time to eat now I'm told as I'm bundled out of my house and into a car to take me to the station before I realise I hadn't even seen my dad yet that morning.
There's a small crowd of press at the train station all here to snap photos of me as I leave for my birthday party as I board the train I notice quite a few of the other victors are here too, there's Silk and myself, Shimma who won the games at fifteen ten years ago. I could mistake her for Silks twin if it wasn't for the orange, yellow and pink streaks in her hair and Brandi a tall dark woman who comes around to my house occasionally with baked goods and a number of nosey questions about how I'm getting on. We are the only females but then three of the male victors are here too Caliax, Hale and Paris all of a similar age and all close friends as they train future tributes in the centre together. But no Hermes or any of the other older victors such as Daria my neighbour in the village.
"Let's get the party started" yells Calix he's well known around the district for his partying ways and proves it now as he takes a bottle from the table and pops the cork into the air, it bounces off the ceiling and into a lamp.
"Ten points" laughs Silk as she takes a glass and lets him fill it, she passes it to me and fills another for herself.
"Drink it Diamond" she tells me, "You're a grown up now after all"
"I'm only turning seventeen" I mumble, is this such as good idea. Silk has already turned away and is in conversation with Shimma and Brandi.
I feel an arm drape around my shoulder "congratulations my dear" laughs Hale, he must have been drinking all morning as I can already smell it on his breath "Bet you never thought you'd make seventeen right love" he laughs in my ear and ruffles my new hair cut with his hand "drink kid" he tells me "trust me you'll need to be drunk to make it through the night" he laughs again and slaps me on the back before refilling his glass from the bottle.
I begin to sip from the glass quite enjoying the feeling of the bubbles on my tongue, I wonder if the champagne came from Clos' vineyard from my Moms vineyard. The more I drink the less the difficult questions worry me, Calix and Silk are always at hand to fill up my glass and the conversation has turned to the party tonight.
Apparently it will be held at the president mansion this evening and will be a grand affair with all the best of Panem's society attending including according to a select number of Victors from other districts.
"Probably just two and four mind you" Silk adds as she sees the worry on my face, she however is gleaming, I guess that means Rock will be there.
As a group we get through five bottles of bubbly before the train reaches the capitol. I still haven't eaten so it has had an interesting effect on me, my head felt heavy and the whole world seemed to be slightly off balance.
"I think she's drunk" giggles Shimma offering her hand to me to keep my steady, "let's get you somewhere to eat something" she smiles. The eight of us including Daphne all fit into a really long car which she refers to as a 'limo'. As we drive another glass of bubbly is passed to me which again I drink as we toast the capitol and the glory of winning the games much to the delight of Daphne.
"Oh I love all you guys so much" she squeals "you are all wonderful people"
"No we're no" replies Paris speaking for the first time since I'd met him that morning "we're all murdering scum" he laughs coldly and I notice the others glaring at him.
"You can go straight to the hotel, thank you" Hale speaks "I don't want you at Diamonds birthday meal, we'll see you tonight"
"Screw your meal then" replies Paris as the car pulls to a stop, the mood has sunk as we all but Paris climb out of the car, as we stand on the pavement outside a large glass building it drives of taking him with it.
"What a mood killer" sighs Silk linking her arm with mine "he always gets like that when he's drunk, come on lets continue the party without him"
After lunch my fellow victors disappeared off to visit friends in the capitol of go to various meetings although no one was very specific as to where leaving me alone with Daphne who waved into the street and a yellow car pulled to a stop.
"you have a couple of appointments today" she tells me "before the party tonight we need to chat to someone at the tribute centre and then Tigris will meet us at the mall to help pick out some of your new outfits"
"Tribute centre please" she speaks to the man in the car, is he another Avox?
"Course Miss Daphne" replies the driver, obviously not then.
"Cooper is that you?" she asks
"Sure is Miss Daphne" replies our driver
"You've had a hair cut" she chuckles "didn't recognise you at first"
"Still look the same up front" Cooper replies and looks up into the mirror above his head giving me a full view of his face, he doesn't look as done up as some of the other capitol men I've seen today.
"Pleasure to drive you too Miss Diamond" he says "I was rooting for you from the start". They all say that.
"Diamond bested one of yours didn't she?" asks Daphne, one of his what?
"Yeah Aston, I know her Dad"
Aston, the girl in the tree the one with the stick, I can see her terrified face now as I slice into it with my knife.
"You're from six?" I exclaim
"Course" he chuckles "all us cab drivers are"
"Best drivers around" adds Daphne as the car pulls to a stop,
"Six dollars please" asks Cooper as Daphne swipes her card on a machine in front of her causing the cab doors to open.
"See you around" yells Cooper as he drives off.
"I didn't think district people could come to the capitol" I say
"But then who would drive us anywhere" she laughs "I wouldn't trust an Avox within three feet of a car they could drive"
She leads me back into the tribute centre with its eerily empty corridors and we head through some doors I've never noticed before, passing empty offices and locked meeting rooms till we find a room marked 'after-care'. The room is small with a desk covered in papers and a small computer, behind the desk sits a small lady in a purple wig, the name badge clipped to her white blouse reads 'Vita Yates – After-Care Specialist'
"What's aftercare?" I ask the two of them.
"It's simple dear" answers Vita "we just want to see how you're getting on post games, so we know how to progress you from here"
"It's all confidential" adds Daphne "I'll be outside when you finish and then we can go shopping" she squeezes my shoulder reassuringly and leaves me alone with Vita.
"Take a seat dear" says Vita pointing to the seat opposite her desk she clicks around on the computer for a moment before looking at me again.
"Tell me how you feel you're doing?"
How am I doing, I'm in a constant state of confusion, I'm scared because I'm out of sleeping drugs and everyone seems to be in on some big secret that I'm not being told.
"Alright I suppose, I keep having nightmares though" I need to convince them to give me my own supply of Rocks pills.
"What kind of nightmares?"
I nibble my lip trying to look like I'm remembering, while I make some up "about the others, the dead tributes. I relive the moment they died and I kill them."
"Even the ones you weren't responsible for?"
"yes sometimes, I've watched the games a few times over the last month and now I can't remember what I actually saw and what I've seen since" I'm suddenly honest with the woman, her calming presence is messing with my head.
She nods and types on her computer "that feeling will go after time" she tells me "but we can fix the dreams"
"Silk tells me there are pills" I lie, not wanting to mention Rock.
"Yes there are, they might be a bit strong for you though"
I shake my head "no I'm good, I need them to be strong, the dreams are so strong you see" I beg her.
She types something else on her computer "I'll see about getting you some then"
"Thank you"
"How about physically, do you feel fit and healthy"
I nod "yes, dads been making sure I eat well and I've been going for walks"
"Are any of the capitol alterations causing you problems?" why does the conversation always come back to my boobs "no need to be shy" she adds, as I realise I'm blushing like a silly child.
"They're fine" I tell her "I just don't get why I got them"
She smiles "think of them as a gift"
"Okay"
"You mentioned your father is keeping you fed, how are things with other family members?"
"There isn't anyone else."
"Your mother"
"Wants nothing to do with me" I mumble "she never did, I was stupid to share her secret with Clos and the world. I was angry and scared in the arena"
"Have the two of you spoke?"
"No"
"I see" she continues to type
"What are you writing" I ask leaning forward to try and see
"Just making notes, for my personal file, so we can track your progress"
"Okay" I wriggle on my seat "are we nearly done then?"
"Do you want to be done?"
"Well I was promised a shopping trip" I plaster on my best bimbo grin "and I need to get ready for my party"
She looks at me for a moment before nodding "sure we can be done for today" she tells me "I'll see what can be done about you're nightmares"
"Thank you" I reply as I stand and open the door to leave "It was lovely to meet you"
I step out of the room and find Daphne sitting on a chair that wasn't there when we first went in, she's focussing on a touch screen pad in her hands, I cough to get her attention.
"That was fast" she comments
"Wasn't much to say" I smile back "although she says I could get some sleeping tablets, for the dreams" I realise I sound far too happy at the idea so put my miserable face back on for a moment.
"Come on lets go to the mall" she says and I smile again, being a victor is hard work.