Well I appear to have made a bit of a silly mistake as pointed out by . , I've muddled up Diamonds surname given at the start of LD&AM (Hart) with her dads first name (Gray). So opps about that, I'll try to keep it straight for future chapters but please don't hesitate to point out other mistakes I've made trying to keep track of all these characters.
Two weeks later:
The first night at home after my party was the worst, I was out of pills and had what Caliax had told me was a hangover. He also told me there was a pill to stop them but refused to give me one, I'd asked Silk and Shimma for one but they also refused on the grounds that they rarely give them out to victors so they had to save their own small supplies. The second night at home was better than the first in terms of my hangover but that was the night the nightmares re-appeared. Omri again at first, then Ryker, Ermin, Aston and other tributes I'd never met all killing me. Avenging their deaths one by one or sometimes several at a time.
Tonight, I dreamt that Aston and Cooper the cab driver are in my house, but Cooper is her father now. They lean over my bed and Cooper laughs as Aston slices into my face with one of the knives I used on her.
"Look at me daddy" she cried out "look at me I'm winning the games"
I wake up and scream, my dad runs into the room as he often does after I wake up screaming.
"Oh baby" he says holding my head to his chest, "this never happened before, what did they do to you in the capitol"
"Nothing" I reply truthfully, "I'm just out of sleeping pills" It's the first time I've mentioned them to him; my sleepy state had me forget this.
"They had you on drugs!?" he seems much more shocked than I thought he'd be.
"I asked for them, well I mentioned the nightmares to one Mentor and he sent me some"
"Who was it, Paris, Caliax, I never trusted those men" He stands up "I'll go see to them"
"No dad no don't. Its wasn't them" I sigh "It was Rock"
"Rock? That victor from two!"
"Yes, we spoke the morning after my interview when I'd woken up from a bad nightmare"
"And why dare I ask was he in the district one rooms" he sounds annoyed now.
"Probably seeing Silk" I begin to shout "I don't know what they were doing and I didn't ask she's a grown ass woman after all"
"Don't use that language with me" he scolds and I roll my eyes
"I'm not a little girl anymore dad, I'm a victor" I shudder "I've killed so many people, all so you can yell at me for saying ass!"
"Six Diamond you killed six" his voice is soft and he almost sounds scared.
"Six?" I repeat confused, of course he knows the number exactly, but it feels like so many more.
"So you could get home" he adds "so you could come back to me baby girl"
"So I could struggle through the nightmares"
He nods, as if he only just understands my dilemma, "You're out of these pills then?"
I nod "the night before my birthday was the last dreamless one"
He doesn't reply just sits back on my bed and takes hold of me again, I too remain silent, knowing now that he understands how much I need to get my pills back. I'll ring Vita maybe, her number must be written down somewhere.
After a while the sun begins to rise as I notice dad had drifted back off to sleep on my large bed. I climb out and leave him there as I start to make some kind of breakfast. Usually my favourite meal of the day as it means the dreams will be gone for the most time, today I'm not in the mood for anything extravagant. A mug of coffee and a chocolate infused bun later and I'm good for the morning. Not wanting to wake dad I decide to leave the house for a while, go see Silk, we need to have a talk anyway.
She opens the door still in her nightgown, a dishevelled bun of hair and no makeup. "Diamond its six am, what's wrong?"
"Oh is it still that early, I couldn't sleep" I tell her inviting myself into her house "anyway I want to talk about what you told me at my birthday party" I'd left it two weeks now and I had decided she was avoiding me since the party, she can't avoid me at six am though, hence the early morning visit.
"What did I tell you?" she asks quietly closing the door behind me.
"The truth, at the end of the evening. I don't remember much about that night but I'll never forget you telling me I'm to be the capitols whore."
Silk puts her hands up to her face and rubs her eyes before running them across the top of her head in an exasperated manner, "have a seat" she sighs, "you want a coffee or something?"
I shake my head "no thanks just the truth" I sit on a couch and she sits opposite me in a large arm chair, he leans forward and places her hands on her knee as she studies me for a moment.
"The truth is what I told you that night." She says eventually "Those men are probably now in the middle of a bidding war to be your first, the president will reap the monetary rewards of course"
"What will I get?"
"The knowledge that your father's life is safe, that you will continue to be a favoured victor of the capitol"
"What's dad got to do with it?" I ask, not sure I want to hear her answer
"He'll be their bargaining tool, they'll use his life to control yours. Why do you think so few of us have families like you?"
"You said no?"
"I didn't, I never really had any problem with it" she says with a dismissive shrug, she still lives alone though I think, where are her family? "Brandi did though, three years ago then there was that explosion at the factory" she continues
"The explosion, that guard?" I remember it well, one of the perfume bottling plants blew up three years ago, and the only casualty was the night guard.
"Her brother"
"Oh my gosh. So Father?"
"Mining's such a dangerous job anyway" she says calmly and without a hint of threat, I nod, there's always the fear that rocks could come loose or machines could fall or explosives not work right, there's always a chance that dad wouldn't come home to me at an evening.
"So I'll have to do this, when?"
"When they want you to, could be tonight, tomorrow, a week, even a month from now, but it'll be soon. You just have to behave"
"It's that word again, everyone keeps telling me to behave" I reply feeling exasperated.
"The capitols still afraid of you Diamond" I almost grin at the thought despite the serious tone of the conversation but Silk scowls at me "that isn't a good thing; they'll be watching you more closely than if you'd been less of a high profile victor"
I nod, the capitol will be watching my every move, I knew that though, I may have been ignoring it but I think I've been aware that they were watching me for a while now.
"I'll have to do what they want then" I decide
"I'm sorry Diamond but yes you will" Silk says bringing me in for a hug which I return.
"Dad will be wondering where I am" I tell her "Can we talk about ... erm ... what they'll expect ... of me?" my stomach turns at the thought, I've never had a boyfriend or wanted one for that matter, life is too busy to deal with relationships beyond immediate family I've always thought. But now I seem to have a lot of time on my hands and a fair number of suitors that father keeps turning away from the door.
"Any time Diamond" replies Silk wrapping her arms around me before letting me out of the front door.
I walk home slowly and decide that I have to be clever about this, give the capitol enough so they'll supply me with my pills but not enough so that I loose myself. I can feel myself going aready i'm becoming weak and needy and I don't want that. If I could just have my pills then I could sleep and then I could be me again.
Dads already gone by the time I get back, probably to the mine, I hate the idea of him going still my winnings are enough to support the two of us but rules are rules and he needs to have a job. Mining's all he's ever known so it's not like he can suddenly go develop perfumes or shine jewellery, still my earnings means he can give up more over time work to his more needy work mates and is away from the mine a little more than usual.
In the barely used study of our victors house I find a pile of paper letters that mostly lie unopened, under the illusion that I'm looking for Vita's phone number I begin to open them but I soon get off track.
I have about fifteen fan letters from boys asking to marry me, to girls wanting to be me and of course the creepy people wanting to do unspeakable things to me, all from the capitol of course. I throw these all in the bare fireplace deciding to light them later, maybe make a big deal out of it when dad gets home, I'll see. Next I come across some letters from 'The Bank of Panem' telling me that my first payments are in, I have over 15,000pn in the bank, so much money I'd barely know what to do with it. I place that letter to the side to deal with later and pick up the next one. It's a magazine titled 'Victors Periodical' full of interviews and gossip and the like all from Victors around Panem, I'm on the cover. I throw it in the fireplace without opening it, I don't want to know. The next letter is the one I'm looking for, it tells me that I've been prescribed six months of sleep medication with a review to be scheduled for when it runs out. I smile in gladness that I've not been made to prove myself or whatever Silk said, maybe she was being paranoid. But still I should ring and see how long they'll be.
The last letter looks official and as I slice it open I find a rail pass baring my name and picture valid for five years of payment free travel to the capitol with the pass is a note.
'Diamond congratulations on your victory. Please grace us with your presence in the capitol on Friday morning. A car will arrive for you at 06:00' There is no signature. So soon?
The next morning I awake from a nightmare in which Clos chases me down and kills me several times over. For a change it doesn't scare me too much I just feel deflated in the thought that there's nothing I can do now to change my predicament, I'll spend the rest of my life trapped in a cycle of drug fuelled sleeps or nightmares of the games when my pills run out.
It's still early and I'm not really hungry yet so I decide to flick through the channels on the television, a bad idea. The main feed is replaying my games again, I watch myself begin to chase down Clos and quickly change over the channel. Most houses only get the main feed but as a victor I'm privilege to some of the other channels that they get in the capitol.
They're playing a repeat of an interview with the new district six mentor on two, some woman by the name of Ophelia-Sunshine, she's flirting with Caesar and generally being far too happy with her new job. Something clicks in my brain as I watch the woman witter on about how she got her hair done just for the occasion, six, Aston, the pill. The whole thing must have been the mentors fault; why else would they replace him? But where is he now, something tells me he's not sitting at home with his wife and kids, if he's lucky he'll be spending some time in a capitol prison, I don't think he's lucky though.
I shudder at the thought and change over to the third and final channel where I find myself watching a capitol show that seems to be about a young capitol girl going through adolescence and struggling with very important things like finding a boyfriend and not falling out with her many friends. Unlike the other channels it doesn't seem to relate directly to the games beyond the odd mention of the latest victor crush, so I let myself become drawn in by its ridiculousness.
Seemingly Miss Perfect had been invited to a party but her ex-boyfriend and crush would be there, for about fifteen minutes she and a friend discussed various tactics to distract the ex so she could get a new boyfriend. Though once she got to the party it seemed that her enemy had begun to flirt with her crush and this caused all sorts of drama until it led to the most ridiculous scene ever in which one girl pushed another and she ended up falling into a swimming pool much to my delight, I begin to laugh at the stupid show.
"I haven't heard you laugh like that in years" I turn to see my dad standing behind me smiling
"How long have you been there?" my face turns hard again.
"Since the purple haired one called the girl in the bikini a 'boyfriend stealing skunk'" not long then I think.
The show is over now and the credits have begun to roll, I turn the tele off.
"Breakfast?" I ask him
"Why don't you do that?" dad says
"What?"
"Act, for your talent, by the looks of things it's not too hard and from the way you act in the capitol your good at it"
"I'll ask about it sure" I agree, I'm sure if it's not actually possible it would make a good cover for dad and the districts as I'm sharing my body around the capitol, I shudder again at the thought and again fail to see a way out of it.
We make a big breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs and dad asks me my plans for the day, "I was thinking of going to talk to Silk again" I say.
"Isn't the poor woman getting sick of you?" he asks with a smile, I return it with a frown,
"It's her job" I snap and anyway I think I haven't got anyone else to talk to.
Silk isn't in and I don't want to go home so I begin the short walk into town instead. Arriving in town it's getting busy as the day is in full swing for the average district one citizen, market stall holders shout to me as I pass them.
"A new coat Diamond" "Come see my store Diamond" "Anything you want for free" I walk up to a few stores and insist on paying for some sweets. I munch them as I continue to browse market stalls, as the stall holders continue to yell at me. In the first weeks after I returned home I found myself buying so much unneeded stuff in the hopes that it'd help the store holders and share some of my wealth but I've slowed down now, no matter what the Capitol may think, you can have too much stuff.
"Diamond is that you" I hear a yell, oh brilliant another adoring fan I suppose, they'll want an interview or an autograph, I decide to be mean Diamond for a bit.
"What do you want" I snap spinning round to come face to face with Jewel, she is or was in the year above me at school but we have the same birthday as far as I remember which means she must have just turned eighteen.
How long has it been since I saw her I wonder, I used to watch her daily through the chain fence at the training centre, to be honest watching Jewel gave me some of my best moves. Her hair was longer then though, now it's been cut short in an attempt to copy mine which in its own way is weird. But we'd never talked before, beyond the odd excuse me in the small classrooms. You'd have no idea now though as she's wrapped her arms around me and hugged me like a long lost family member.
"How are you darling?" she purrs into my ear, still holding me close.
I wriggle out of her embrace "fine thanks" I reply cooly "how can I help you?"
"Oh" she looks annoyed that her pretence has been ignored "I was just wanting to say hello"
"So you could be seen hanging out with a victor, or because you want some pointless advice on how to win the games" I couldn't be dealing with fake people at home, there's so many of them in the capitol.
She folds her arms in a huff "To be honest Diamond, you looked lonely and I wanted to say hello. It's strange not seeing you watching us at training anymore"
"You knew about that?"
"We're trained to be observant as well as brutal, plus you we're kind of obvious about it. Why didn't you ever join us?"
"Couldn't afford it" I tell her, for once unashamed of my previous poverty.
"Gosh" the training academy isn't much, just a small monthly fee to encourage parents to feel like their little tribute darlings are getting the best training. I hear other districts train you for free, but that's one for you, everything has to be exclusive.
"Look" she says "I'm running some errands for Mom today but seriously I want to hang out"
"Okay" I reply shocked at my own response "I'm going to the capitol for a few days but after that?"
"Oh exciting" she squeaks having no idea of how I was feeling about anything that would come 'after'.
I don't sleep the next night, my mind couldn't stop thinking over what Jewel had said, did she really want to hang out with me or just be seen with me. Obviously thinking over my trip to the capitol the next day and what that could mean for me dominated my thoughts. I'd have to be strong I think, stronger than I'd been in the games even.
The train ride felt quicker and lonelier than it had ever been before and I was met by a stout lady called Decima who rushed me from the station before I could be recognised. She showed me into a small prep room and I almost felt relieved to be met by my usual three blondes. They chatter away as usual as they shave and wax every corner of my body, puff up my hair and do my make up until.
"Ouch" a needle is jabbed into my arm "What's that for?"
"Oh silly me" the blonde chuckles "I always forget you girls out in the districts don't usually get these, it's your birth control, every capitol girl gets her first shot at sixteen."
"Only one year late won't matter though" adds another reassuringly.
"So what does it do?" I ask
"Oh I couldn't tell you the science stuff, only that there will be no little surprises afterwards" she smiles again, I'm not sure if the three of them really are so clueless or if they are trying to reassure me. Maybe they just hate me, can't wait till I'm used and degraded.
They leave and I'm trapped in the prep room wearing nothing but a paper gown, it's all so clinical and I'm so scared. Before the games I was cocky and over confident, I didn't understand the seriousness of it all. In less than a year I've been dragged into this reality and with no guidance I'm scared I'll do something stupid and they'll hurt dad.
Demica walks into the room about twenty minutes after the blondes had gone, she looked me up and down with judgemental brown eyes adorned with some of the longest lashes I've ever seen.
"You will do as instructed and behave in a way that does not embarrass yourself and your district, do you understand?"
I gulp and nod
"Follow me"
I'm directed into a large bedroom within which is situated a large circle bed, on the bed lays a small piece of fabric with a matching bra. Demica looks me up and down again before leaving.
"Am I supposed to wear this?" I ask the Avox standing in the corner of the room, he nods, before lowering his eyes again, is he going to wait there, watching me. I wriggle into the tiny thong under the paper gown and throw it on the bed before clipping on the bra. The Avox shuffles over and takes the gown from the bed before standing and waiting for something.
"What?" I ask knowing he can't really reply he just lowers his head again, waiting. My stomach turns as I look around the room, is he waiting for him? After a moment there are two chimes like a clock and the Avox vanishes.
I see my soon to be rapist stepping into the room, its Bernard Wellington Masters.