I'm thinking over Maggie's proposal for a good few months, knowing never to reveal what she said to me not even to Silk, "How'd you like it?" Silk had asked as I'd left the dressing room.
"I'll sleep on it" I tell her as I return the jumper to the rail. How was I to know if it was a ruse, a trap, a cruel prank they'd play on new victors?
I slept again on the short train ride home, laid out on one of the couches in the drinks car, I'd dreamt about the games again but this time instead of the faces of my fellow tributes I just kept running into Maggie as she swung her fishing line, the survival technique and deadly weapon she'd used to win the games, in my face. "Think about it Diamond" she taunted "think about how you'll be free"
That was what Maggie offered, freedom from the life I'd only recently been plunged into, give me little chance to think for myself, take a scared new victor and force her to decide, the capitol or them. She offered so many things in that short meeting, leaving one word unspoken not once referring to what she truly spoke of, rebellion.
Over the next few days I avoid human contact as much as possible but eventually I feel the need to keep my promise to meet with Jewel once I'd returned home and as expected she's full of questions, she starts to try and ask me about the games;
"But what's it really like in there? I need to know everything"
"No, no you don't" I reply "if you knew, if you only knew you'd never look at me the same again"
She remained quiet for a moment before speaking again "The Capitol then, what's it really like?"
I snort with laughter "it's even scarier than the games" I pause thinking "but then again it's exciting and thrilling and different, so many things"
"I'd love to go one day" she sighs "see the sights, the fashion, the people. I'd die happy then"
Yeah as the tribute from district two slices your limbs off one by one to give them a good show I think cynically, that's the only way Jewel will see the Capitol and she's no Silk, I have a feeling if she went into the games next year there's no way she'd come back home.
Instead I shoot her a smile, "Maybe I'll see if I can bring you back a present, next time I go"
"That would be amaze-a-balls" she grins "I bet you can't wait to go back"
Mid-October the year of the 39th games:
The Capitol is a familiar but terrifying sight as I exit the train Demica is waiting for me, clip board in hand. She looked just as irritated at my presence as she had the other five times I'd visited the Capitol after my first time. She doesn't like to see the clients unhappy and I'm getting awfully good at that.
"Hello Diamond" she doesn't like me, not at all. I pull a pill out of my bag and take it in front of her, I love to see the shock on her face.
"Hello Demi" I reply with a smirk, she just rolls her eyes and points me to a room.
The capitol have some strange tastes, I discovered this the second time they brought me here to pleasure its citizens, that time I was here two nights, the first night I'd met the twins from my party again, Castor and Polux, they'd given me some pills which made me all giddy and happy, I'd been taking them ever since. I'd found when I was on them there was no need for the sleeping ones, Vita had been very impressed with my improvement. The twins liked to share me; sometimes they'd both have me at once, other times they took turns. My second night had been Bernard again and again I'd fought him, but I'd let him catch me giggling at his touch, the twins pills coursing through my body.
I'd had more trips to the capitol, more nights with Bernard and the twins and other, even one with the husband and wife with the baby I'd met at my party, they'd called her Diamond he'd told me as he'd watched me and his wife together. Yes the Capitol has some strange tastes.
I never know whose going to walk through the door once I changed into my outfit and took a couple of the twins pills, trying to stifle my giggles as I waited.
I don't get back to Maggie about her proposal and neither she nor Silk mention that day in the mall. Maybe it was all a test, a test I'd guessed I'd passed.
Yes I was beginning to enjoy this victor lark.
Late November year of the 39th games:
This time I'm prepared for them, I did my nails myself last night and wake up good and early to wash my hair and take a couple of my 'chill pills' as I'd dubbed them. I'm letting my hair air dry when they burst through the door and look almost disappointed that they didn't have a chance to wake me up.
"So what's the plan for today" I ask my stylists with a grin, feeling the familiar drugs flow through my body giving everything a calming feeling.
"Clothes first, then on to the train to twelve" Starr formally known as blonde two tells me, I made a point to ask Silk their names at some point in the last few months and made sure I remembered them.
"Tigris is waiting on the train, we just need to get you into something for the cameras and then we have a long journey ahead of us" adds Lush
"Perfect" I reply dropping the towel I had wrapped round me on the floor and giving them a view of my naked body, I walk over to my draws and pull out a matching set of underwear which I wriggle on as the three of them search through my wardrobe finally deciding on one of the dresses I'd brought back from the capitol after my birthday party.
"Wasn't that a present?" I ask them, my wardrobe is beginning to overflow with clothes I only wear when I'm visiting the capitol or being paraded out in front of cameras. Usually I just wear trousers and shirts, with the odd jumper if it's cold.
"Don't you like it" asks Lilac and for a split second I'm not sure if she got it me.
"No its lovely, I think I'll wear it today add a bit of brightness to the gray sky"
I slip the striped turquoise and royal blue dress on and a pair of blue slip on shoes; "All done" I say with a smile "shall we go?"
I remember to grab my handbag which holds nothing but my pills and my toothbrush and say a quick goodbye to dad as I step out to greet my adoring public. After only a few months of capitol visits I'm getting the hang of this. Today will be different though, I'm not heading straight to the capitol I'm going via the districts.
My victory tour has begun.
District Twelve is the first stop, after a night of travelling at top speed we pull up into the small gritty station and I step out in my coal black, lace dress to see the crowd staring back up at me. Twelve have only had one victor Troy, everyone knows his story, the whole nation watched as they chopped off his head. I, Daphne and Silk are greeted by their mayor and led into a car. We rumble down a rough dirt path which I take to be their excuse for a road and pull up outside their town hall. Architecturally it's the same as in one but it looks less cared for, in the years it's been standing I can tell it's not been repainted and the inside is pretty out of date, thought still nicer than outside.
I'd always assumed the lives of the coal miners weren't much different to mine and my father's, but stood on the stage looking down at the tired faces and skinny children of the miners of the district and the families of the two dead tributes with their weeping children, I realise that couldn't be further from the truth, the moment we leave twelve is a relief.
Over the next few days I become very aware of the privileges I've had growing up in one, not just in the games but in everyday life too. We pass through the thickly wired compound of district eleven and spend our time there surrounded by guards to protect us. In ten and nine the large expanses of farm land separate the citizens and they seem to lead lonely lives in amongst their animals and grains. Eight is a large expanse of factory buildings and apartment complexes yet seven is a maze of wood land and small wood cabins.
In six I can't help but notice the large cranes that load and unload the many trains in its expansive rail yard, we've passed through six several times on our way around Panem and I'm nervous to finally stop. Standing down in the crowd on the usual podiums are the families of the tributes; the boys family are a typical looking lot with a Mom, Dad and two little girls tightly holding onto each other and looking up at me as if I were about to slaughter them both. But it is Aston's family who haunt me, a woman stood next to a man in a wheel chair, she grips onto his shoulder tightly as he glares up at me.
"Your tributes fought well" I speak the speech that was given to me "I and the capitol thank your families for their sacrifices" The words are so ingrained in me already that I don't have to think only speak them. I'm sorry your daughter's life ended because of me I think staring down at the couple, my gaze to them probably appears threatening or boastful but I'm too scared to move it.
As the crowd applaud carefully, Silk steps up behind me and places her hands on my shoulders "come on dear" she whispers into my ear as I'm led off the stage making sure to take a pill as I do. I spend the rest of the evening in the mayors house, trying to make small talk with their only victor Casey.
District five flies by without incident but in four I'm forced to come face to face with my fellow victor Ula, Ermin's mother. She is hard to miss being pretty darn pregnant and all, she's stood talking to some other victors who are mingling at the event;
"I'm sorry about your son" I mutter to her though I had no part in his death,
"Not your fault dear" she sighs "not your fault".
District three and two were also uneventful, district two seemed happy enough to see me though I'd bested Ryker at the end.
"The best woman won" chortled their mayor as he'd slapped me on the back as the crowd roared, at the party I caught Silk and Rock sneaking off to a back room arm in arm. I didn't ask.
As the train pulls back into one I take another pill, not many left, I hope I'll get to meet up with the twins again once I'm in the capitol, they always have plenty for me.
They've stood them all on the same platform as no-one is sure of the etiquette. Mother and Daddy are separated by Clos' father. He looks so mad I keep myself alert as I make my victory speech to the cheering crowd and express how brave and strong my half-brother was in the arena.
By the time the train rolls into the Capitol and I'm greeted by the cheering crowds I'm exhausted. I'm given little time to relax before being ushered to my next engagement.
Three days later I finally return home, I'm exhausted and feel dirty after more nights spent with strangers. But the look of glee on Jewels face as I pass her the gift I bought her seems to instantly cheer me up;
"I love it" she grins as she holds out the glittery teal dress, it's decorated with black lines giving the appearance of broken glass.
"It's all the rage in the Capitol at the moment" I tell her "They say the broken glass looks like Diamonds"
"It's alright for some" she chuckles, "I think I'll wear it for the reaping this year, so I can be fashionable for the cameras"
Some people never listen.
A/N: I'd just like to say thanks to anyone whose read this far, this story is a bit of an indulgence of mine and I know it may seem a bit slow or confusing at the moment but I really want it to be perfect and don't want to rush out a quick story line. Also doubly thanks to anyone whose reviewed, faved or followed seeing those notification emails in my inbox really make my day.