"Open this bloody door! Sarah, if you're in there shagging some low-life wanker in my bed - !"
The metal slab jerked again violently, rattling the screwdriver against it. Steam hissed from the burning kettle.
"Merde," Delphine breathed hotly onto Sarah's chest, her legs still loose and limp on the cold floor.
Sarah, to her own surprise, did not move right away. Instead, she placed her hand on Delphine's cheek and helped to wipe the tears away from her eyes. Delphine looked up at her. Something about Sarah's face was still soft with empathy, open and wanting more of whatever it had just witnessed.
They created one final moment of heat between them, only to be interrupted by Felix's continued exclamations from outside.
Delphine leaned into Sarah for strength to stand. Once on their feet, they shook each other off, dispelling from their joint center of energy, like two similar magnets that some curious child tried to force together.
Sarah, still sporting nothing but a large tank top and underwear, leaped to switch off the stove and relieve Felix of his frustration.
Delphine ran up to the bed and quickly slipped on her pants and shirt. She turned her back to the loft's entrance and wiped her eyes multiple times, only making them redder and more irritated.
Sarah put her weight into the handle and slid the door open, revealing a pissed-off Felix, who barged in and demanded, "Okay, where is he?"
"There's no guy, Felix," Sarah said, exasperated, partially because she hadn't been able to make it work with a man in God knows how long, but more importantly because Felix had interrupted something with Delphine.
Sarah turned into the apartment and felt her heart lurch as she watched Delphine's back expand and contract quickly, the staggered breaths attempting to even themselves from the sobbing. She swallowed a lump in her throat each time Delphine touched her eyes, assuming she was buying time to come up with an excuse for why they were watering.
Sarah tried to think of some bullshit reason, too, but she was distracted by the tears that hadn't yet dried on the collar of her shirt and the way Delphine's body had shaken against hers while she was crying, and even before that…as they tangled together and rose and fell and rose and fell, giving each other permission to push buttons, discover the source of the pain.
Does this hurt? Yes, Doctor. Does this hurt? Yes, Doctor. How about now? Worse. And now? That hurts more. And this? More. More. More.
She was frightened by how protective she'd come to feel of Delphine in such a brief amount of time. How Felix's obvious willingness to hate Cosima's monitor brought out some animalistic need to defend her, to lock her up and keep her safe forever. Anything, she would give, to go back to holding her on the floor and letting her weep sorrows onto her skin.
Sarah was good at wanting what she couldn't have and failing to nurture something precious when it was there for the taking, begging to be loved. Like Kira.
The foster siblings watched Delphine's head rise slowly, her body twist around quickly, as she glided down to meet them on their level.
Felix smirked when he saw her blotchy face. "What'd you do to her?" he scoffed at Sarah. Delphine didn't take her eyes off of Felix, not daring to give into temptation.
"We were talking about Cosima." Delphine shrugged her shoulders, her eyebrows twitching in attempt to fight back the pressure of tears. "It's still hard, you know? It'll always be hard."
"That was mine," Sarah thought, her ears reddening with anger. "That was my confession. That was for me and she just went and wasted it on Felix." What she would do to kick her foster brother out of his own place. To have never gotten up and removed the screwdriver. To have stayed entangled with Delphine on the ground, hushing her with caresses, pretending for as long as they could that they were not there. That Cosima's ghost had turned on the kettle.
Sarah knew Felix would sooner believe that than he would the real story.
She glanced at him, observing his reaction to Delphine's emotional admission, which wasn't at all a lie. They had been talking about Cosima. Cosima was the third person in the room and they had danced for her, twisting in and out of fantasy and reality, letting her join in for certain moments and discarding her as they pleased. Now, with Felix here, four was nothing but a crowd.
Felix looked Delphine up and down and pursed his lips, preventing himself from saying anything too nasty.
The truth was, he didn't much mind Delphine. She was important to Cosima, and Felix had always had a soft spot for the hippie science geek of the bunch. He was primarily such a bitch to her was for Sarah's sake. Sarah had advised Cosima to stay away from her and she hadn't listened, which ended up blowing this whole thing up into an even bigger mess. He felt for his sister. And anyone who threatened to get in the way of her safety, even a little bit, was someone he could waste his energy scowling at.
Little did he know, his sheets were rumpled and damp with the heat of Sarah and Delphine's lovemaking.
Thankfully for the ladies, the messy bed was no surprise to Felix, since he rarely tidied it up anyway. But there was something a bit strange that he did notice. Aside from the fact that Sarah's legs were bare, Delphine's shirt was most definitely inside-out, the seams glaring at him and the tag flapping behind her neck. Sarah saw it, too, but failed to grab Delphine's attention with Felix watching on.
Felix squinted in an attempt to inspect any other signs of oddness. Unable to find anything, he asked, "Want a cuppa?"
Delphine smiled and took another breath, but before she could answer, Sarah chimed in.
"Oh, kettle's already hot," she said, following Felix into the kitchen area. "We were just making it when you came."
"Yeah, you were, were you?" Felix took out the mugs and tea bags. "And there's no man hiding under the bed or in the closet or anything?"
Once Felix's back was turned towards them, Sarah hastily signaled to Delphine about the wardrobe malfunction. It took Delphine a few attempts to understand just what Sarah was trying to communicate.
"You think I'd be doin' that with Delphine here, yeah?" She shot her response back at Felix.
"I don't know if you like it freaky or what."
"Shut up, Fee. You're sick."
"No, we were just making tea," Delphine said, quickly lifting her top and slipping it back on correctly.
Sarah felt a shiver go through her as she caught a glimpse of Delphine's naked chest again, like a school girl holding her crush's hand for the first time.
"Making tea to calm my nerves since we were talking about her," Delphine continued. She didn't want to say, "Cosima," again. Once before was enough.
"And you need to lock the door to talk about her?" Felix asked, turning around to place the smoking mugs on the table.
Oh. Delphine hadn't tried to think of an excuse for that. But Sarah was quick on the uptake.
"There was some commotion outside. Some nut jobs who live across the way. I don't know, something was going down. They can do whatever they want, but I wasn't gonna have them barging in here and messing shit up."
"Just to be safe," Delphine added. "I asked her to close it."
"Well, how nice of you," Felix said to Sarah.
"But now, I really have to go," Delphine said, moving to grab her bag.
"Oh, so soon," Felix said sarcastically
"Yeah, so soon?" Sarah asked, trying to conceal the pain in her voice.
"I can't stay," Delphine said to Sarah. "It's been a long - I should really get back."
Sarah could barely swallow the hot liquid, a jealous flame already burning its way through her. She wanted nothing more than for Delphine to stay, to just be with her again. The pain of looking at her and not being able to touch her while Felix was there was too much to handle. She felt her body ache all over. She hated the way that Delphine seemed to be handling this situation so well. She needed more of her and she needed it now.
Delphine saw the anguish in Sarah's face. So, she improvised. "Oh, but, I don't know anything about the buses here. Is it buses? Taxis? Sarah said she'd help me find my way back."
"Yeah," Sarah said weakly. She didn't give a damn if it was a lame excuse. She just needed to get out with Delphine.
"Okay…" Felix said, enjoying the fact that it felt so weird, itching to uncover the subtext.
Sarah followed Delphine to the door.
"But I think you'll need these," Felix said.
"Huh?" Sarah turned around and was hit in the face with a pair of her own pants.
"Unless you want to pick up some extra bills on the street."
"Oh, yeah," Sarah said. "Thanks."
She slid her pants on and pushed Delphine into the hall, slamming the door closed behind her. Sarah didn't make it to the stairs before she reached out her arm to grab Delphine and turn her around. Delphine was ready for it, spinning into the warmth of Sarah's presence.
"Can I touch you?" Sarah's voice quivered as the felt the heat pulse between her legs. All moisture on her lips had dried up.
"Here?" Delphine asked.
"Everywhere. Anywhere."
"No, I mean, here?" She lifted her arm to point. "Your brother's right in - "
Sarah leaned in and wetted her lips on Delphine's, a lost desert-dweller satisfying herself with water from a well. Sarah's eyelids fluttered with relief as Delphine's tongue slipped into her mouth.
"Yes, you can touch me," Delphine said.
"Here?" Sarah asked.
"Everywhere," Delphine said.
Sarah pressed herself up against Delphine, leaving only enough room to slip her hand down the front of the blonde's pants and thrust upwards. Delphine let out a moan that could've been heard by the whole building and maybe the next one over. Sarah placed her other hand on Delphine's mouth. Delphine bit down on the flesh.
Sarah's eyes popped open as she heard Felix walk to his door to check on the noise. Still wrapped up together, they continued to search for each other's lips as they stumbled down the stairs and pushed themselves into a hidden, darkened corner on the landing.
It was dirty and it was wrong but so were they.
Sarah's hand kept Delphine quiet as she continued work inside of her. It wouldn't take long. All of the angst and anticipation that Delphine had so neatly kept hidden in the loft was now pulsing in her body, needing very little stimulation for release.
They heard Felix shut his door and they knew were alone again, safe.
Sarah did what she had done before, for no other reason than that it had seemed to work. She pulsed in and out, in and out, pressing Delphine against the wall until she was just about to come, and then, Sarah relinquished and moved away.
Before, she'd waited longer as Delphine had cursed at her in a foreign tongue, and she enjoyed watching the pain flare in Delphine's eyes. But now, it was Sarah who couldn't take the anticipation. She needed Delphine to feel that ecstasy again. She needed to be the one to make her feel it.
Sarah knelt down. She pulled Delphine onto her knee and rocked her there, hugging her close, feeling the space between the blonde's thighs throb against her and dampen her leg.
As the tension expelled from her muscles, Delphine felt sick to her stomach from all the adrenaline. Her body shook against Sarah's with groans that she tried her hardest to keep hushed.
"Delphine…" Sarah said into the cloud of blonde hair, addressing her as the person she was. Not the doctor. Not Cosima's girlfriend. Not Cosima's executioner. Just this woman, all her own here.
"Sarah…" Delphine breathed into the musky hallway.
Now they were just embracing, sharing a moment, maybe saying goodbye. To a passing stranger, they could've been friends reunited after a long while, or sisters emotional over the loss of a dear relative. But it was futile, that dreaming. Neither bothered with those fabrications anyway.
They only cared about one thing after that: seeing each other again, continuing to feed ache with ache, and devising new ways to throw fire into an already destructive flame.